by Megan Hart
“It is!” His grin got impossibly wider. “We can really do this. We’ll run Sugarland until the end of the season and start checking into the renovations right away. And I have an appointment with a Realtor about the property next door. She said she’s keeping an eye open for any other stores looking to sell, too. Then it’s just a matter of getting it all ready to go by the end of May.”
“That’s less than a year away.” Bess drank some wine, trying to process it all. “It’s really going to happen!”
“It’s really going to happen,” Eddie said.
They toasted again. Bess brought up a few of her ideas for menu items, and he listened to every one. Even the most ridiculous. Dinner was served and they ate as they talked more about what sorts of hours they could both put in. Whether they wanted uniforms, or a logo.
“So much to think about,” Bess said as they walked back to the car. “It was just a silly idea a couple months ago, and now…”
“Now it’s the real thing.” Eddied stopped with his hand on the passenger side door.
They were standing very close. The day that had been so stiflingly hot had turned to a chilly evening, but that wasn’t why Bess shivered. It wasn’t the wine, either, though she’d had her share.
“Have I told you lately,” Eddie said, “how glad I am you came back to town?”
“Me, too.” She stared up and up into his eyes, the twinkling blue behind his glasses that had become so familiar. “How come I never noticed what nice eyes you have?”
Eddie’s mouth curved upward. “All the better to see you with.”
Bess laughed, but wasn’t sorry she’d said it. “We should get going.”
He looked down the street, then back at her. “I thought maybe we could go down to the Bottle and Cork. There’s live music tonight.”
“I haven’t been out in a long time,” Bess said. “To a bar?”
“You have your ID, don’t you?” He winked.
“Oh, as if that will be a problem.” Bess scoffed, but followed where Eddie’s gaze had gone before. She’d never been to the Bottle and Cork, but had heard it advertised on the radio. “Who’s playing?”
“Does that really matter?” Eddie held out a hand in such away it would have looked ridiculous for her not to take it. “C’mon. It’ll be fun.”
Still she hesitated. Nick was at home, waiting for her. With a start, she realized she hadn’t thought of him in hours. Hours without his face in front of her eyes.
“Robbie and Kara can close up the shop, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Eddie tugged at her hand.
“No.”
“Are you feeling weird again?” His grin faded, replaced by a look of such genuine concern that guilt plagued her. “No, I’m okay. A little tired.” Bess shrugged and looked again with longing toward the invisible but alluring Bottle and Cork.
She hadn’t been out in ages. So long, in fact, she couldn’t recall exactly when it had been. The taste of beer, smell of smoke and heavy bass beat of “Rump Shaker” were her last memories of club hopping, for her cousin Angela’s bridal shower. Angie’d gotten married what, twelve years ago?
“We can go home, then.” Eddie popped the lock with his key-ring remote. “If you’re tired.”
“No,” Bess said firmly. “I’m okay. And I don’t really have to get up early or anything.”
“Ha.” He pointed a finger. “Yes, you do. You have to take all the paperwork to the copy place and get it out to the bank on time. Partner.”
She laughed. “Fine. I do have to get up early. Even so, it’s not that late. Sure, let’s go.”
Eddie clicked his key remote again, beep-beeping the car lock. He offered Bess his arm and she took it. The Bottle and Cork was as crowded as she’d expected for a Thursday night in prime beach season, but that didn’t matter. The opening band was a rip-roaring hootenanny playing everything from washtubs to wooden blocks shoved in the front of one of the members’ pants. It wasn’t the sort of music Bess normally liked, but with Eddie beside her clapping and whistling, she felt no self-consciousness about doing the same.
She didn’t need alcohol to feel slightly drunk, either. Not with the crowd moving like one solid entity and Eddie beside her with an arm around her shoulder to keep her from being jostled. Not with the sheer pleasure of being out with someone who made her laugh, doing something she enjoyed.
Last call took her entirely by surprise, since she hadn’t been drinking more than a couple of sodas. Last call was pretty serious business, though, because the crowd around them eased as people swarmed to the bar to get the last drinks of the night. The band had finished playing an hour or so before, replaced by a DJ who spun an odd assortment of country and western and heavy-metal tunes.
“Want to head out before the crowd does?” Eddie had to lean in close to holler over the rumble of bass and shrieking guitars.
Bess nodded. The walk back to the car took longer than she’d thought, but that could have been because she was measuring each step and thinking how much she didn’t want to take the next.
“I had a great time,” she said in the car.
“My ears are still ringing.” Eddie laughed. “But it was a lot of fun. Thanks for going out with me.”
“Thanks for asking me.”
The conversation lagged more on the way home than it had earlier. Bess knew it was her fault. Eddie’s jokes still earned her laughter, but she didn’t offer any anecdotes of her own. She stared out her window a lot, at the hotels and motels and restaurants, and then at the long, dark stretch of highway bordered by nothing but dunes and grass. They’d just passed the tall concrete tower that had been used in World War II when she noticed that Eddie had stopped talking.
Once Bess realized he’d gone silent, it seemed too awkward to say something. The longer they went without speaking, the more awkward she felt, so that by the time he pulled into her driveway, her palms had begun to sweat.
Eddie turned off the car, but made no move to get out or to open her door for her this time. He turned in his seat, though, and reached to touch her shoulder. Her hair had fallen out of its ponytail so often during the night she’d finally given up, and Eddie’s fingers twisted the ends a little.
“Something on your mind?” he asked quietly.
“I had a really great time tonight,” Bess said. She hadn’t turned to face him, and that felt awkward, too.
Through the windshield she could see the small, high square window of Nick’s room. Uncovered by a blind or a curtain, it gleamed like a dark, staring eye from the shadows of the carport.
Eddie leaned forward to peer through the glass. “Either Robbie’s not home, or he’s already asleep.”
Bess looked to the single light showing faintly through the kitchen windows. It came from the lamp in the living room, the one she’d left on. “What time is it?”
“Late.” Eddie put a hand over the numbers on the radio. “But he works the late shift tomorrow, so maybe he went out with some friends.”
“Maybe.” For the first time in her son’s life, Bess wasn’t worried about where he was or what he was doing. “He’s fine, I’m sure.”
Eddie’s hand hadn’t moved from her shoulder. Now it slipped a little down her arm. His fingers brushed the small bump of her T-shirt sleeve under the soft knit of her sweater, then further down to the scalloped hem of the sleeve. His fingers loosely curled around her hand and turned it palm upward so his fingers could find the steady throb of her pulse on her wrist.
“Your heart’s beating too fast again,” he said.
Bess couldn’t lie and pretend she was surprised when Eddie kissed her. Her instant immobility had nothing to do with surprise and everything to do with the sudden hot flash of emotion rippling through her.
And lust, she couldn’t forget that or pretend not to feel it.
Eddie’s lips were warm and soft on hers. He didn’t push or try to get her to open her mouth, and when she didn’t kiss him in return he pulled away with a s
mall smile.
“I’d be lying if I said I was sorry I did that,” he murmured. “But I am sorry if you didn’t want me to.”
“It’s not that, Eddie.” Her voice was hoarser than she’d anticipated, and Bess paused to clear her throat.
Whatever he heard in her tone made him sit back in his seat. “You don’t have to explain, Bess. It’s okay.”
“I’m just not…ready…for anything like this, that’s all.” She looked at him.
“It took me twenty years to get this far,” he said. “I think I can wait a little while longer.”
“Oh, Eddie.” Bess stared down at her hands, linked in her lap. “We’re going to be partners. I don’t think—”
“Don’t.” She looked at him. He was smiling, but serious, too. Eddie shook his head. “I know you have reservations, and I don’t blame you. And maybe I shouldn’t have kissed you. But don’t try to think of an excuse not to give this a chance, Bess. If it’s not something you want, just tell me flat out.”
It was something she’d have wanted, under any other circumstances, but when she opened her mouth to tell him so, something dark and vaguely man-shaped moved in the shadows of the carport, and she drew back.
“I’m sorry, Eddie, but this isn’t something I want.”
The lie was surprisingly easy, made easier by the way she made sure not to be looking at his face when she said it. She heard his intake of breath, though, and the soft sound of his mouth clamping.
“I’m sorry,” Bess repeated, and got out of the car.
There was nothing in the carport, nobody waiting for her, but she felt Nick’s presence there just the same. The air smelled like him. Bess didn’t turn to wave goodbye to Eddie when he pulled out of the driveway.
She didn’t go inside, either. Instead she went around the house, over the dunes and onto the beach, where she could let the ocean air push away the smell and taste of everything else.
CHAPTER 40
Then
“I didn’t want it to end this way.”
It was the last thing Andy had said to her, spoken as he slid behind the wheel of his car and prepared to leave. They’d talked and talked until the sun came up and it was time for her to go to work again. It was the first time she’d ever called to say she wouldn’t be in, and Bess didn’t even bother saying she was sick. Being a model employee had been good for something, because Mr. Swarovsky didn’t question her.
She and Andy had argued. Laughed. Both of them had cried. He didn’t try to kiss her or anything, which was good because she wouldn’t have let him.
“You still love me,” he insisted.
“Why do you still love me?” she asked. “When you know I’ve been with Nick all summer?”
“Does he love you?” Andy murmured, and to that, Bess had to say no.
He hadn’t asked her if she loved Nick.
“You don’t want to break up with me,” Andy said. “If you did, you’d have done it instead of just letting it slide.”
That only proved he didn’t know her as well as he thought he did, and Bess, this new Bess, the one who propositioned boys, told him so.
“So let me get to know you all over again.” This suggestion came with an expression so sincere she didn’t have the heart to tell him it was too late.
Because, in the end, it really wasn’t.
She’d thought she loved Andy. She knew, now, without hesitation, that she loved Nick. Neither felt the same, not in depth or width or breadth, yet neither could be denied or dismissed. Bess had thought there could be room in her heart for only one man at a time, room for something this all-encompassing just once. She’d never thought to feel it twice, or at the same time for two different people, in two different ways.
Love couldn’t be turned on and off like a light switch. Couldn’t be shrugged out of like a jacket that had grown too heavy. Love was complicated and deeper, something Bess had always believed she understood until the day she stood with Andy at his car and watched him drive away from her. The day he told her he’d be waiting for her to change her mind.
All at once, she no longer knew what love was. Did loving someone mean doing what he wanted and she didn’t, because it would make him happy? What was the point of love if she made herself unhappy so she could bring him joy? Was that love? Or was there something else, some secret, a trick to it that made it all work?
Bess had three weeks left in the summer. Andy would be waiting for her when she went back to Pennsylvania, to school. Nick hadn’t waited at all. He’d made the choice easy for her, and still she couldn’t decide. She hadn’t said yes to Andy, but Nick hadn’t given her the chance to say yes to him.
Good news spreads fast, and bad news faster. Bess shouldn’t have been surprised to hear about Nick’s parties. As summer drew to a close, it was tradition for the pace to increase. Hookups, breakups, drinking, smoking. Relationships that would have taken a full month to begin and end now were encapsulated into a week. It was end-of-season desperation, even for the townies. Bess shouldn’t have been surprised by what Missy told her, but as it turned out, she was.
“You’ll never guess who I did it with.” Missy’s eyes gleamed as she leaned over the counter. “Right on the kitchen table.”
Sugarland was empty for the moment, though Bess had no doubts it would fill shortly. The tourists had end-of-season desperation, too, and had been consuming twice as much popcorn and ice cream, as though their aching bellies could hold on to summer and chase away the inevitable winter.
The question was, who didn’t Missy “do it” with? Bess thought uncharitably, but not without reason. She swiped at the counter with her wet cloth, forcing Missy to leap back or risk getting her elbows soaked with soapy water. “Darth Vader.”
Missy snorted. Since she’d barely spoken to Bess for the past month and a half, this must be news of the highest importance. “Don’t be a bitch.”
Bess slapped her cloth into the small sink by the soda machine and turned, hands on her hips. “You know something? I’m getting fucking tired of being called a bitch.”
Brian, who’d been set to work refilling the slushy machine, and was making quite a mess of it, laughed. “Amen, sister.”
Missy raised overtweezed brows in an expression that made Bess really feel like a bitch. “Sorrry.”
“Just tell her you fucked him, Missy,” Brian said. “Everyone else knows about it, and it’s not like she won’t figure it out.”
The color seeped out of the world, little by little. Missy smirked. Bess heard a ringing buzz in her ears and had to remember to take a breath.
“You didn’t,” she said. “He wouldn’t.”
Missy’s smirk became a full-on, cat’s-got-the-cream grin. “Me and Ryan broke up.”
Nick wouldn’t have, anyway. Not with Missy. Would he? Bess put a hand on her stomach, where a sharp pain had suddenly lodged.
“Go away, Missy,” Brian said, stepping between Bess and the counter. “You know you’re being a bitch.”
Missy gave a pretty pout, maybe thinking she’d provoke Bess into a confrontation. Maybe just being Missy. “C’mon, Brian, Bess doesn’t care. I mean, it’s not like they were really together.”
The “really” tipped it, finally, for Bess. They hadn’t “really” been together. It had only been fake, a sham, something to pass the time. A joke. Was he even now laughing about her the way he’d laughed about the others?
“Missy, you are such a cunt,” she heard Brian say behind her, but Missy’s outraged squawk did nothing to soothe her.
The concrete steps at the shop’s back door were rough but sun-warmed on her bare thighs, and Bess welcomed the heat because it meant she might be able to stop shivering. She didn’t even try to fight the tears, as if they’d be fought with any hope of winning, anyway. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed, not caring who might hear or who might make fun. She didn’t care anymore.
She had no right to feel betrayed. Maybe she deserved to be. Maybe this was pun
ishment for her weakness, her lying, her unfaithfulness.
Missy’s smirk rose in her mind and she sobbed again, not wanting to believe two people she’d thought were friends could both be so deliberately cruel—or worse, care so little for her that she hadn’t even factored into the equation. Except she knew that wasn’t true; Missy might have had her eye on Nick for a while, but it was the fact he’d been with Bess instead of her that had made her pursue him so strongly. But why had he done it with Missy?
Bess didn’t want to know. Couldn’t let herself think about it, or else she’d hate him, and she didn’t want to hate him.
The back door opened. Eddie sat down quietly next to her. Bess didn’t move, her face still buried in her hands against the bony knobs of her knees. Her shoulders hitched with a fresh flurry of sobs. Her tears had already soaked the hems of her shorts and splashed onto the concrete steps.
Eddie put his arm around her.
He didn’t remind her she was getting what she deserved, or say he’d told her so. He didn’t tell her Nick was a prick and Missy a slut, or make her feel stupid. Eddie made no commentary on the situation at all.
He simply wrapped his arm around her and stroked her hair while she sobbed onto his shoulder, and when she’d gone on for so long she eventually had to stop, he gave her a handful of tissues and a cold drink of water with ice, just the way she liked it, and he left her alone on the back steps to compose herself before she went back to work.
And eventually, she did.
CHAPTER 41
Now
They had the house to themselves again, but the quiet had become too much. They shared the couch, Nick buried inside one of the books she’d brought home from Bethany Magick and Bess working on some ideas for Just A Bite. It seemed like a natural enough progression, that the constant sexual tension should of course fade. That they should, in time, become like every other couple, settled into individual tasks.
She hated it.
“Hey.” Bess closed the laptop and put it on the coffee table, then tugged the book from Nick’s hands to set that down, too. “Robbie won’t be home for a few hours.”
