by Megan Hart
Nick looked at her. “Yeah?”
He didn’t reach for her, and Bess stayed her hand from reaching for him. “Yes.”
“Let me guess. You want to get busy.” Nick’s quirking smile shot relief through her.
“I thought we could,” Bess said.
He didn’t move, so she leaned forward to brush her lips against his. He opened his mouth for her at once and, encouraged, she slid onto his lap to tip his head back. She cupped his face as she kissed him. She took her time. She kissed him deeply and slowly, until his hands tightened on her hips and his crotch bulged beneath her.
“That’s better,” she whispered against his mouth as she pushed her body down on his erection.
“I aim to please,” he murmured, his hands sliding under her shirt to press her bare back.
It wasn’t the first time he’d allowed her to take charge, but it was the first time it felt he was merely going through the motions rather than enthusiastically participating. He was inside her. His hands were on her. His mouth beneath hers moved, his tongue stroked. He whispered her name, and he shuddered as she rode him. When she came with a low cry, Nick held her close.
But when she looked into his face, he was gazing out through the glass, toward the sea.
He said nothing as she untangled herself from him and got off the couch, or when she rearranged her clothes. He got up after a minute and zipped his pants, ran his hands through his hair. He was still looking out and not at her.
“Where are you going?” She didn’t like her own petulant tone, but Nick didn’t seem to notice.
“For a walk.”
“Want me to come with you?” She was already beside him, reaching for his hand.
He looked down at their linked fingers, then at her face. “No. Not really.”
It took her a second, but Bess dropped his hand. Nick, not smiling, not frowning, turned his gaze back toward the glass. He walked slowly toward it, pushed the handle of the door, stepped through.
She followed him. “Nick.”
He paused at the top of the stairs, but said nothing. Bess stayed in the doorway. After a moment he started down the stairs toward the sand.
“Nick, wait!”
“I’m just taking a walk,” he snapped, turning at last to glare at her. “Fuck, is that okay? Can I do that?”
“I just thought…” But she didn’t know what she thought. Or what to say.
Once again, she’d begun to doubt.
“What? You thought you’d check up on me? Or what? You know I can’t fucking go anywhere.”
His voice was too loud and Bess glanced automatically toward the houses on either side. Nick saw the look and spat into the sand.
“You don’t have to worry about me,” he said in a voice thick with derision. “I’ll be back to service your every desire in a while.”
Bess drew back at the tone. “That’s not what I was going to say.”
She went down the stairs, but he drew away from her at the bottom, and she didn’t touch him. Nick turned his face, jaw clenched, and Bess struggled to keep her voice from shaking. “What’s the matter, Nick?”
“Nothing.”
“Something is wrong. I can see it.” She moved forward. He stepped back.
“I just want to take a walk, by myself. I just want to be alone for a little while, without you hanging all over me.”
“I thought you liked me hanging all over you.” Her sad attempt at humor didn’t bring a smile from him, and her stomach turned over in dismay.
“Yeah, well,” Nick said. “Do I have any other choice?”
She recognized the look he gave her. She’d seen it before, a long time ago. Knowing he was pushing her away on purpose didn’t make it any easier to bear. She licked her lips, and for once his gaze didn’t flicker to the motion of her tongue.
The breeze lifted his hair from his forehead. It brought the sound of the ocean to them both, but it was Bess this time who turned to face the water.
“Go then, if you want,” she said. “Don’t let me keep you.”
He made a disgusted gesture and turned. Bess watched him, but she didn’t follow.
CHAPTER 42
Then
It wasn’t the last party of the summer, but it was the last one Bess would attend. She’d already packed her car. The beach house had been cleaned and stood silent, empty of the stream of relatives who’d spent their summer vacations there. Tomorrow she’d be back in Pennsylvania, in the small, ugly apartment she’d rented instead of staying in a dormitory. Tomorrow everything that had happened here would finally be over.
Eddie, who never came to parties, but had asked her to come to this one, shadowed her. He wasn’t so bold as to try to hold her hand, but Bess would have let him, if he had. She hadn’t forgotten the comfort of his arm around her shoulder, or the way he’d stroked her hair without saying anything when silence had been exactly what she’d needed.
Brian’s apartment was nearly bare in preparation for his own departure on the morrow, which was why he was having a party tonight. Nothing to break or stain, he’d told her earlier during their last shift together. And with charging everyone a two-dollar keg fee, he might actually make enough money to pay for his gas back to New Jersey. Bess admired his ingenuity.
She had a beer in her hand when Missy pranced across her line of sight, and to give her credit, Bess didn’t throw it. Missy pretended she didn’t see her, and that was just fine. Bess wasn’t there to fight.
She wasn’t sure why she was there until she saw Nick. He stood against the far wall of Brian’s miniscule apartment, his baseball cap pulled low over his eyes. It was almost exactly the same way he’d looked the first time she’d seen him.
She still wanted to get on her knees for him, wanted him so much it made her shake. More now, even, then the first time she’d seen him, because now she knew just how good it would feel. Like a junkie, she wanted him even though she knew it was bad for her. It seemed she’d risk anything for that few moments of high.
“You okay?” Eddie touched her elbow, his gaze following hers. “Do you want to leave?”
“No. Not unless you want to.” Bess smiled at him and was glad to see he didn’t duck his face away or blush the way he always had.
Eddie shook his head, his gaze steady. “No. But if you want to leave, just let me know.”
He was protecting her, and Bess wanted to hug him for it even though she didn’t feel she needed protecting. “I’m okay, Eddie. Really.”
He nodded solemnly. “Okay.”
The party swelled, the music got louder. The beer flowed. Eddie disappeared into the crowd to get her another drink, and didn’t come back right away. Bess spotted him in a circle of girls in the kitchenette. Younger girls, too young to be drinking, and too drunk to care. To them, Eddie must have seemed quite a catch, not that Bess any longer disagreed, and so when he didn’t come back after another five minutes she took it upon herself to grab another beer.
She hated the taste and smell of it, but drank it anyway. It left fur on her tongue and the back of her throat, and made her wish for some water. Getting a drink of water meant fighting the crowd, and she didn’t feel like doing it. Cool air might do the trick, as well, and she sought it on Brian’s back deck. It didn’t quite overlook the ocean, but if you hung over the railing and strained your neck around the corner and knew just where to look, you could catch a glimpse of the beach. At least you could in the daytime.
Nick was there, of course, because that was how the universe worked. Bess saw him right away, knew him by the slope of his shoulders and the smell of the smoke, even though she couldn’t see his face.
Two beers hadn’t made her drunk, but allowed her to fake confidence. When she put her hands on the railing next to him, Nick didn’t startle. He turned to face her, and though she wanted to see something on his face other than impassivity, all she saw was the cherry, glowing tip of his Swisher Sweet.
“You’re leaving tomorrow.” He wasn
’t asking.
“Yes.”
He drew in a drag and tossed the butt into the can of sand Brian had put on the back deck for smokers. It smoldered there briefly and winked out. Watching the ember die, Bess didn’t look up when Nick spoke again.
“Back to your boyfriend, huh? Bet he’ll be glad to see you.”
Bess didn’t reply, understanding from experience the power of saying nothing and the helplessness of being granted silence.
“Because he loooves you.”
She didn’t have to see his face to hear the sneer.
They battled with silence while the music from the party drifted out to them, punctuated by the hum and buzz of conversation and the occasional hint of the ocean’s roar.
“Don’t you know that love’s a bunch of shit?” Nick asked finally, the first to break.
Bess had thought victory would taste sweeter. “Keep on telling yourself that.”
She looked at him, and he looked back.
“Good luck with it,” Nick said, not meaning it.
“Good luck with Missy,” Bess said, not meaning it, either.
“Missy? What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”
At last he wasn’t staring from a face of stone. He actually looked shocked, a sight that gave Bess too much pleasure. She shrugged.
“She told me about you two.”
Nick shook his head, then took off his hat and shoved it in his back pocket so he could run his hands through his hair. Agitated, he pulled his package of smokes from his shirt pocket, but didn’t light one.
“Seriously, Bess, what the hell? Told you what?”
“She says you did it on the kitchen table.” Bess kept her voice even, as if she didn’t care.
Nick scowled. “She’s lying.”
“Really?” Bess crossed her arms. “Usually when Missy tells me she fucked somebody, she’s telling the truth.”
“Not this time.” He put the small cigars away.
Bess kept her spine straight and her gaze steady. “She says you did.”
“I say we didn’t.” He turned and gripped the railing hard enough to shake it. “Christ, Bess. You know I wouldn’t—”
“She broke up with Ryan.” That fact had been confirmed without a doubt by beach gossip.
“I don’t care.” Nick looked at her over his shoulder. “If she says I fucked her—”
“On the kitchen table,” Bess interrupted.
He whirled and grabbed her by the upper arms. “She’s a lying bitch, Bess, and you know it.”
“I don’t know it!” she cried, and he stepped back. “She says you did! And you know what, Nick? It doesn’t really matter!”
“It should!” he half shouted.
“Well,” Bess said after a moment. “It doesn’t. Because you’re both supposed to be my friends, and either way, one of you is lying to me.”
“It’s not me.” He could only go two steps in either direction, but he paced anyway.
“It doesn’t matter,” she repeated, lying. “I don’t care.”
They faced each other, and he was the first to look away. His voice stopped her at the door.
“I can’t believe you’re going back to that asshole.”
Bess turned to look at him. “Not that it’s any of your business, and not that you care, but I haven’t decided that yet.”
“So it’s him by default?” Nick’s laughter pricked her like a dozen thorns. “I bet he’d be thrilled to hear that.”
“Don’t flatter yourself,” she said. “If I decide to get back with Andy it will be because I want to give things with him another chance.”
Through the sliding-glass door Bess could see people milling around in Brian’s bedroom. They’d want to come out on the deck in a minute, and there wasn’t space for all of them. She gripped the door handle but didn’t pull it open.
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“I thought you didn’t feel anything, one way or the other!” Bess snapped.
Nick’s laugh sounded shaky, or perhaps it was her wishful imagination. “What do you want me to say?”
“I don’t care what you say,” she said, “but give me a choice. Give me a reason to decide, one way or the other.”
She waited a minute, then another, expecting and receiving his silence.
“Yeah,” Bess said. “I thought so.”
She didn’t wait any longer for him to speak or for her heart to break. It was too late for either event to make any sort of difference to her.
CHAPTER 43
Now
“Bess?” Bess looked up to see Eddie in the carport, gazing at her with concern. He glanced past her, his eyes narrowing, then back at her. “Are you all right?”
“Fine.” She didn’t look back at Nick, but Eddie stared past her with the same assessing expression.
“You sure you’re okay? I heard shouting.”
Bess lifted her chin. “I said I was fine.”
He’d heard them, she knew he had. Maybe not the entire conversation, but enough. She saw concern in his eyes, not censure, but she felt guilty just the same.
“I came by to see if you wanted to have dinner with me. Talk about the shop.”
Bess opened her mouth, but no words came out. After the last time? He’d kissed her and she’d told him she didn’t want something like that from him, yet he was still interested?
“Just to talk,” Eddie said, as though he’d read her mind. He gave her a broad, warm smile. “Honest.”
Bess glanced over her shoulder, but the dunes blocked her view. Not that it mattered. Nick was right. He couldn’t go far, even if he wanted to. She looked back at Eddie, and made a choice.
“Yes, okay. That would be great.”
He didn’t take her someplace fancy, but that was fine. The small, blues-themed barbecue place smelled like heaven and was casual enough for Bess to convince herself this wasn’t any sort of date. She’d expected things with Eddie to feel awkward or strained, but he opened the door for her the way he always had. And still she felt compelled to apologize.
“Don’t be sorry,” he told her as they sifted through piles of paperwork.
“It’s not that I don’t like you, Eddie—”
He held up a hand to stop her. “Bess. Don’t make it worse.”
She laughed self-consciously. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” Eddie insisted, laughing with her.
“I just…”
“I know,” he said, with the same easiness with which he’d put an arm around her shoulders so long ago. “It’s okay. Robbie told me you were seeing someone. I guess I just didn’t want to believe it.”
“Eddie…”
His gaze shifted a little bit. “Bess, it’s not my business. I didn’t know he was back in town, that’s all. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”
Bess swallowed hard. “Robbie told you who it was?”
“Nick Hamilton,” Eddie said, too casually. “Guess he didn’t fall off the face of the earth, after all.”
“Did Robbie say anything else?” Her chair seemed to tilt, or perhaps the entire floor did, and Bess gripped the table to force away the sudden vertigo.
“Not really.” Eddie’s expression shifted once more to concern. “Are you okay?”
She nodded and drank some water. Forced a smile. “I just want us to be okay, Eddie. That’s all.”
“Can I tell you honestly that I’d rather be in your life as your friend than as nothing at all?” he asked her, and Bess sat for a long, long moment before she could reply. Nobody had ever said such a thing to her.
“Yes,” she answered. “You can say that.”
“Good.” Eddie nodded and bent back over the pile of forms and documents they needed to sign to get Just A Bite off the ground. “Because it’s true.”
CHAPTER 44
Then
When the phone rang in the middle of the night, Bess knew who would be on the other end before she even lifted the handset f
rom its cradle.
“Did you decide?”
She had, weeks ago. “Yes, Nick. I did.”
She expected silence, but this time didn’t get it.
“I can’t stop thinking about you.”
She’d been wrong, before, when she thought she’d finished with him. When she thought her heart had broken, irreparably. It broke again now.
“It’s too late,” she said through tears. Darkness made it easier to do so.
“Don’t say that, Bess.”
“I already did.”
“Shit,” Nick said. “But you didn’t mean it.”
“No,” she agreed, an answer also made easier by darkness. “No, I didn’t.”
“I miss you,” he stated. “A lot.”
“Don’t sound so surprised,” Bess told him. “It’s annoying.”
Nick laughed. She hadn’t forgotten how much she liked to hear him laugh, given that he wasn’t prone to it. “I’m sorry. For a lot of things. I told you, I’m a prick.”
“You don’t have to be so proud of it, you know.”
“I’m not proud of it.”
She believed him, against her better judgment. “Why are you calling me at two in the morning?”
“I couldn’t sleep.”
In the background she heard a sudden flare of giggling and the bass thump of music. “Right. Do you usually sleep at parties?”
“Only if they’re boring. How’d you know it was a party?”
“I can hear it,” she said.
They were both quiet for a minute.
“Are you…happy?” he asked, and broke her heart all over again.
“I’m not with Andy, Nick,” she said, unable for one minute longer to make him think she was. “And, no. I’m not happy.”
“I can be there in three hours.”
“You don’t know where I live.”
“Brian gave me your phone number. You think he wouldn’t tell me where you live, too?”
“He doesn’t know my address.”
“Bess,” Nick said, so seriously there was no question of her not believing him, “I’ll find you.”
