“Do what?” She knew what he meant but didn’t want to discuss it.
“Bypass you? Look away? Ignore you?”
“Not always, but some people do react that way. They see the chair and I’m not sure what they assume. I handle it. I know the chair makes them uncomfortable. If they’d understand that the chair is to me as legs are to you, maybe they would relax.”
“I never thought about that.”
She hesitated, then answered. “Because you didn’t have to think about it. Neither did I until I became the person in this chair. I remember my first experience at an appointment. I was sitting in the waiting room and this guy walks by, and I guess he wanted something behind me. Instead of the normal ‘Excuse me, can I get in here?’ he said, ‘I’m just going to move you over here.’ Move me? As if I couldn’t move myself. Would you do that to an able-bodied person? ‘Hey lady, I’m going to pick you up and move you.’ No, you wouldn’t.”
The words poured out and she realized that she’d grown louder than she intended. “Oops.”
“Don’t apologize,” Ethan told her. “I needed to know this. I want you to never be afraid to tell me things. And if I mess up, tell me.”
“You never have to worry about that.”
“I know I don’t.” He reached for the clipboard. “Want me to take that up to her?”
“Nope.”
She took the paperwork back to the receptionist, thanked her and returned to Ethan and Tori. He’d given the baby a cracker and she was happily gumming the treat while watching a movie on the TV hanging from the wall.
“I’m worried,” Eve admitted.
“So am I. But I’ve been doing research and I know that whatever we find today, she’ll be okay.”
Yes, they would be okay. And Tori would be okay. Eve thought back a month, when it was just her living a life with no one really counting on her. What a difference a few short weeks could make in a person’s life.
Never in her wildest imagination would she have pictured herself here with Ethan, with Tori, sharing this moment.
Thirty minutes they were sitting in the doctor’s office as he explained Tori’s heart defect and tests he wanted to do. Eve listened as he explained a balloon procedure that could be used to stretch the valve if necessary.
“At this point, I’m hopeful that we won’t need to worry about that. But we’ll do regular checkups. If she ever has surgery or dental work done, make sure your pediatrician gives antibiotics prior to the procedures.”
Eve sat back, swamped with relief and a need to hold Tori. She held her arms out and Ethan handed her over. She settled the baby girl on her lap, holding her close. As if she could hold her close enough to protect her from all harm.
“You may push,” she told Ethan as they left the office. “Right now I just need to hold her.”
“I know.”
Did his voice sound a little choked? She looked back at him. They were at the elevator and she realized she wanted to reach for his hand. She wanted his strength. She wanted his touch. As he pushed her through the elevator doors, she reached for him. He smiled, disarming her completely.
“We survived our first real parenting crisis.” He gave her hand a light squeeze as the elevator doors opened. “I need to show you something.”
“What?”
“It’s a surprise.”
She allowed him to push her across the parking lot to his truck. He took Tori and buckled her into her car seat, then lifted Eve from her chair and placed her in the passenger seat.
“I don’t like surprises,” she told him.
He stood in the door of the truck, close. His scent surrounded her, outdoorsy and fresh. He’d left his hat in the truck for the doctor’s appointment and there was the slightest indention in his hair where the hat had been. She reached out, touching his dark auburn hair. It was more brown than red, straight and fine to the touch. She slid her fingers to the back of his head and pulled him close, kissing him.
He pulled back from her. “Eve, you have to stop doing that. I’m supposed to be the one surprising you.”
“I do my best to keep you guessing,” she told him, smiling.
“I’m going to close the door now because if I don’t, I’m going to kiss you again.”
“Chicken,” she called out as he closed the door.
Five minutes later, they were navigating Tulsa traffic and heading northeast toward Hope. Tori jabbered for a bit, then fell asleep. Eve could think of dozens of things to say but she remained quiet, needing time to think, to get her thoughts straight.
They were outside Vinita when he took a right-hand turn south, in the wrong direction. She let him go for a few miles because far be it for a woman to interfere with a man’s driving skills.
“You know you’re going the wrong direction, right?”
“Yep,” he answered. “Actually, I’m going in the right direction for where we’re headed.”
“Do I need to remind you that I don’t like surprises?”
“I think you’ll like this one.”
He made a left turn onto a paved driveway. She was surprised when he hit a button on his visor and the gates at the end of the driveway swung open. In response, her stomach tightened because a man wouldn’t be able to activate a gate if he didn’t have the power to do so.
The drive was a quarter of a mile, lined on both sides by white vinyl fencing. In the distance she could see a tree-dotted lawn and glimpses of a home. Eventually it came into view, a brick ranch-style home, large and sprawling with a wide, covered front porch, manicured lawn and well-maintained flower gardens.
“What’s going on?” Her heart was beating fast, and she hated the feeling of being trapped.
She couldn’t escape this situation. She couldn’t get out and walk away. She had no power. He hadn’t intentionally taken it, but he had it nonetheless. She was trapped in this truck with no way out.
The anxiety pounded at her until it hurt to breathe. She hadn’t experienced a panic attack in so long. This shouldn’t cause one. It was a surprise, nothing more. It was a house. Just a house. But she didn’t like surprises. Or helplessness.
“I know, you already told me that,” he responded.
She must have said it out loud. She put her hand on the window control and took a deep breath as fresh air blew through the cab of the truck. Breathe, she told herself. Just breathe.
She closed her eyes and images flashed through her mind, of being on the side of a dirt road in Afghanistan, unable to move, unable to call for help or to get to the men and woman who had been in the vehicle with her. Scattered pieces of metal littered the surrounding area. She could hear someone call for help. She couldn’t move.
“Eve?” Ethan’s voice, loud, too loud.
She opened her eyes, shaking her head as she did. She didn’t want him to talk. Not right now. She needed a minute to be calm, to pray. God would give her victory over the fear. She’d told herself that numerous times. Her brain told her that God could. Her heart sometimes didn’t agree.
She prayed for peace. She prayed for him to take the fear—the sense of helplessness—away.
“I’m fine,” she whispered. More to herself than to him.
“Are you?” he asked.
She shook her head. “I just need a minute. I don’t want to be here. I want to go back to Hope. I do not want to be stranded out here, in your truck, unable to get to where I want to be.”
It was irrational, she knew that. But fear couldn’t always be rationalized. It just was. And fear wasn’t of God. Fear was a reaction and not always relative to a situation. She wanted to explain that to him. It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t about the surprise. It was that moment, when she felt she couldn’t escape. For some reason the fear convinced her there was no escape, that she was trapped.
“It isn’t your fault,” she
whispered, hoping he understood.
Kylie had told her to memorize Psalm 34:4. I sought the Lord and He heard me, and delivered me from all of my fears. She repeated it in her mind as she took deep breaths, and eventually her heart returned to its normal rhythm.
“You don’t like surprises,” he repeated. His expression, when she looked at him, was troubled.
“No, I don’t.” She could trust him with her fears. She knew that. “I don’t like to feel stuck, as if I can’t get away.” She took another deep breath. “It’s because of the accident. No, it wasn’t an accident. It was an attack. And I couldn’t get away. I was conscious, unable to move, unable to escape or to help my friends.”
“Helpless,” he said. “I am so sorry, Eve.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it isn’t. It isn’t okay that it happened to you. It isn’t okay that I didn’t know or understand.”
She put a hand up to stop his apologies. “These attacks seldom happen and when they do, there’s no predicting or understanding. But I know how to fight my way out so they don’t totally consume me.”
“Okay, but from now on, I’ll pay more attention,” he said as his hand moved to cover hers.
“So what is the surprise?”
“Can we get out?” he asked.
“Sure, of course.” She waited as he got out.
He opened her door and she allowed him to lift her out of the truck and set her in her chair. She positioned her feet and released the brake while he got Tori out of her seat.
The lawn was flat and smooth and easily navigated. As they got closer, she could see that a ramp led to the wide, concrete front porch. The front door was wide and had no step. The house was obviously handicap accessible. Ethan unlocked the door and opened it for her.
She wasn’t surprised that he had a key. Before going in, she glanced out at the fields, empty of livestock.
Ethan waited. She gave her wheels a push and entered the home. The floor plan was open, with floor-to-ceiling windows, wide doors, a handicap-accessible kitchen. The back patio was accessible by a ramp.
If she had planned a house, it would look like this one.
“What’s going on?”
“I bought it.” His tone said this was the most perfect idea in the world.
“Oh, good. You’ll be living close to Hope.”
He frowned at that.
She ignored his frown and went out the back door to the patio.
* * *
Ethan looked from Eve to Tori. “Women are complicated creatures.”
Tori smiled and wiped her nose on his shoulder.
“Exactly,” he told the baby. “You act like you’re going to cuddle, but instead you use me for a tissue. I kiss her and she acts as if this is exactly what was meant to be, and now this.”
He stood for a moment watching as she headed for a chicken coop that needed chickens and then he headed that way, needing to find a way to put this to rights.
“I’ve messed up, haven’t I?” he asked the baby.
Tori obviously didn’t answer. Her head rested on his chest and he snuggled her close. “Let’s go see if there’s any hope.”
He met her on her way back to the house. She pushed the wheels with all of her might and he pictured her as a teenager, stomping away from him when he’d said something stupid.
“What do you think?” he asked.
She eyed him suspiciously for a moment, then stopped. “It’s a beautiful place.”
He sat down on the glider bench so they could talk at eye level. But then he didn’t know what to say. He’d had it all planned. He knew what he wanted to say and how. He’d thought this would be the perfect place. He had convinced himself that if he showed her this place that she would want to be a part of his life, of Tori’s. Permanently.
“I bought this house because I thought it made sense for us, for Tori.”
Her eyes widened. “Is this a proposal?”
He shrugged. “I guess so. But now I’m thinking I had this all wrong. I want to marry you, Eve. I’ve always wanted to marry you. This isn’t just about providing a family for Tori, it’s about us, our dreams and the plans we had for our future.”
“But we’re not doing the six kids or the horse training. And I’m not leaving Hope. It’s my home. My friends are there. My life is there.”
“This house is less than thirty miles from Hope,” he offered.
“But this isn’t my home. Tori is ours. There’s no doubt about that. And we can come up with a solution together.” She moved a little closer. “Together. Not you making decisions for us that you think are best.”
He left the ring in his pocket.
She was right, he didn’t know her as well as he once had. He didn’t understand her life. He’d brought her here to surprise her and instead he’d caused a panic attack.
He didn’t know what to say now that she’d shared her feelings with him. He’d bought a house, planned a life together that she didn’t want.
“It’s always going to be about that horse, isn’t it?” he asked. “If I’d known how that would change everything, I would have kept out of it.”
“But you couldn’t know. Neither could I. If I hadn’t gone in the army. If I hadn’t gotten injured. The horse wouldn’t have mattered. It would have been a chapter but not the turning point. If everything hadn’t changed, I would have looked at this home and fallen more in love with you. But the person I am today, I need to be involved in decisions.”
“If it makes a difference,” he said. “I’m sorry. And I love you.”
Tori shifted in his arms, reaching for a butterfly that flitted past. After a minute he stood, knowing that retreat was sometimes a sound strategy.
“We should go.”
She touched his hand. “I’m sorry.”
“Me, too.”
Chapter Fourteen
For a week, Ethan gave Eve the space she seemed to need. Or maybe he was just afraid of what she would tell him if they sat down to talk. They still shared responsibility for Tori, but Eve had made up a schedule. His days, her days. She gave him time for trips to Tulsa. He gave her time to work with the dogs and to do her job as a translator.
Thursday morning he took Tori to the apartment. Abby, the newest resident of Mercy Ranch, opened the door. Abby’s eye had healed, the swelling had gone down and the bruises had faded. But she still wore the wary look of a woman who had been badly beaten.
“Eve’s at the stable,” she told him.
“Oh, okay.” He shifted Tori to his left side. “I’ll go down there to talk to her.”
She smiled at him then, a half gesture that brought a brighter light to her gray-blue eyes.
“Give her time. That’s all. Just time.” She shrugged. “Do you want me to watch the little one? I’m not doing anything. Jack is a big believer in time. And I seem to have a lot of it on my hands these days. Other than an appointment with Kylie this afternoon, I’m at loose ends.”
Leave Tori with a woman who was basically a stranger? He wasn’t sure about that.
“I can take her up to the house where Jack and Maria are, if that helps. I can watch her there, under close supervision.” She laughed a little. “I’m not saying you should blindly hand a child over to a stranger. I do understand that you don’t know me very well.”
“If you would go up to the house, I’d appreciate it if you would watch her. She has bottles, food and toys in her bag.”
Abby took Tori from him and held her close. “Oh, you are a sweetheart. No wonder everyone on this ranch loves you.”
“Thank you for watching her.”
“No problem.” She stepped out the door and closed it behind her. “I told Maria I’d help her with tonight’s dinner. I have to do something. Watching Tori and cooking will keep me sane.”
They w
alked together until the sidewalk forked toward the house and the stables. Ethan watched Abby as she entered the house. Once they were safely inside, he headed in the direction of the stable. In the distance he could see men moving a small herd of cattle toward a dry lot near an older barn. A cow broke free from the herd and one of the men brought her back, whooping so loudly Ethan could hear them even from a distance.
Farther off he could hear the steady drone of a tractor. He guessed someone was trying to cut grass while the weather was decent. Cutting grass was like washing a car—it never failed to rain afterward. Hopefully Jack’s crew could get the hay baled before the rains forecasted for the weekend.
He walked through the open doors of the stable and stopped. Eve’s horse was cross-tied in the middle aisle. He liked the setup for Jack’s stable. Stalls on one side, office, take and feed on the other side, as well as open windows that looked out over the attached indoor arena.
Eve appeared, holding a bucket with brushes. She spotted him and stopped. “Where’s Tori?”
“Abby took her to the main house to watch her. She said she thought we would be more comfortable with Jack and Maria overseeing her.”
“I’ve spent time with her. She’s a good person.” She set the bucket on the ground and pulled out a comb.
Ethan watched as she eased up to Twister, patting him and talking to him as she started to comb his tail. He remained to the side, easily viewable by the horse but out of the way.
Eve moved efficiently and with practiced ease, combing the horse, then brushing. He even allowed her to check his hooves. But it was Eve who impressed him, not the horse. Eve with her dark hair pulled up in a bun with a few strands hanging loose. Eve with her dark eyes and expressive mouth.
“I wanted to apologize,” he told her. “I overstepped. I took control and made decisions for you without discussing them with you first. That was wrong of me.”
She untied the horse and led the animal to his stall, turning him back in and then closing the stall door. Twister leaned over, waiting for a rub of affection on his jaw. She gave it to him, leaning close to kiss his nose and tell him in a soft whisper that he was the best.
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