He was jealous of a horse. It stung, that realization.
“You’re forgiven,” she said as she backed away from the stall and turned to face him. “Please sit down. I hate getting a crick in my neck.”
He sat on a nearby stool. “Better?”
“Yeah, better. You don’t need to apologize, I do. This is more about me than it is about you. That’s what I’m starting to realize. I’ve spent four years trying to control everything around me. You’re not doing anything that any other man wouldn’t do. It’s my reaction to the situations that are out of control. It was just easier to blame you.”
She gave him a rueful look and he grinned. “I’m glad to hear that. But still, I messed up.”
“Oh, you did.” She moved a little closer and he saw dark smudges under her eyes, a sign she hadn’t been sleeping well. “I have a life here, Ethan. This life makes me feel safe. Whole. And then all of a sudden here you are with Tori and everything is thrown into chaos. There are going to be changes, neither of us can avoid that reality. But I can’t handle this many changes. I think that’s why I had the panic attack. It’s just so much all at once.”
“I know. And so here I go with another layer, and I hope you understand that this is beyond my control.” He pulled out the letter he’d gotten from his lawyer. “I got this the other day and I need to share it with you. Basically it tells us we need a plan before we go before the judge. If we can’t convince him we are going to give her a stable environment, he might very well put her in a foster home until we convince him we’re suitable parents.”
“What do we tell a judge to convince him we love her and we will give her a stable and loving home?”
“I don’t know. But we have until the middle of June. The problem is, I can’t stay. The dealership here is on schedule and I have good people who’ll get it finished. My parents need my help at home.”
“So you’re leaving?” She seemed shocked by that. Had she thought he would stay forever?
“I am.”
“What about the house you bought?”
“I’m keeping it for now. I need a place to live when I’m here because I can’t expect Jack to give me a room on the ranch indefinitely. Eve, we have Tori. I know you didn’t plan on raising a child but what are we going to do, abandon her to the system and let her take her chances?”
Her face paled. “Ethan, no. That isn’t at all what I want. When you showed up here, I was shocked. But I can do this. I can be the person she needs. It wasn’t what I planned. It wasn’t what either of us planned. But I won’t let her go.”
“Then what’s our plan? What do we tell the judge?”
She toyed with the lead rope she still held. “I wish I knew the answer to that. How do we convince a judge that we’re the best option for a six-month-old little girl? What if he sees me as a detriment to raising her?”
“You’re not a detriment. But as for the plan, I know what I want to tell him.”
Her gaze dropped to the ground and he found it hard not to pull her close and hug her. He wanted to reassure her that they could do this. Together. But he’d learned his lesson the day he’d taken her to the house, wanting to surprise her.
She coiled the lead rope in her hand and lifted her gaze to meet his. Her eyes were soft, sad and her expression apologetic. “I think we tell him that we’re committed to raising her together. We share custody, both of us equally invested in her upbringing and her life. Explain that James and Hanna named us as guardians, we’re not married, but we love this little girl.”
It wasn’t what he wanted and he was sure it wasn’t what a judge would want to hear. But it was all they had.
“I’ll write that down and give it to my lawyer. I’ll tell him that I’ve bought a house thirty minutes from Mercy Ranch so that we can be in the same area and work together on a schedule that will give her stability.”
“It doesn’t sound like enough.”
“It’ll have to be.” He wanted to say more. But the time wasn’t right. “I’m going to leave in the morning. I’m taking Tori with me.”
Her eyes closed briefly but she nodded, agreeing with the plan.
“It’s better that she ride to Texas with you,” she conceded. “I’ll drive down in the next week or two but it would be difficult for me to do that with Tori.”
“I understand.”
“When I come into that courtroom, is he going to see this chair and think that I can’t handle being a mother to that little girl? Will he see a disability and ignore my abilities?”
“No, because I won’t let him. No matter what, we’re in this together. Right?”
“Right. Together.”
He stood. “I’ll bring Tori to you this afternoon so you can spend time with her before we leave.”
“Thank you.” She reached for his hand. “We are not going to lose her.”
“I hope not. The last thing I want is for a judge to give custody to strangers.”
He pulled his hand from hers. He had to walk away or he was going to do or say something that he shouldn’t.
That was the last thing they both needed right now.
* * *
Twenty-four hours after their conversation, Eve found herself alone with her dogs. April, mom of the latest litter of puppies, sat next to her as Eve played with the puppies, socializing them, naming them, loving and crying over them. Soon they would go to individuals on the ranch and in the community who would commit to working with them for the next year. It was a long process and she would miss the puppies. But in the end they would be ready for homes where they would make a difference in the lives of their owners.
Tex had been one of those dogs. Unfortunately he’d failed the program. She’d gotten used to the fact that not all of her dogs would make it as service animals. But Tex, with time in her care and her home, would grow. He’d failed the program but he was exactly what Eve needed. He knew basic tasks and commands. More than anything, he was her friend.
“What’s up?”
Eve smiled at Kylie. She wasn’t surprised to see her friend lurking around.
“Oh, nothing. What’s up with you?” Eve asked. She bent down to scoop up a puppy and put it in the kennel. When she pointed, April went back in the fenced-in area. The rest of the puppies followed.
“You’ve had a tough week,” Kylie said. “First with Tori being sick. And then Ethan and Tori left.”
Eve smiled. When she decided to get involved, Kylie wasn’t one to give up. Eve knew she’d keep asking little questions until Eve caved.
“Yes, I’ve had a tough week. But I’m surviving it.”
“I know you are.” Kylie sat down on the bench.
Eve backed up and spun her chair to face her friend. “I’m okay. Really.”
Kylie pulled a tissue out of her purse and held it out.
“What’s this for?” Eve asked, even as she took the tissue. Just in case. “You think I should cry?”
“No, I don’t think you have to cry. Are you going to cry?”
“I’m good. Would you stop trying to make me cry? He’s gone but I’m heading down next week. I’ll stay with my parents until the court date.”
“You’re going alone?” Kylie sounded shocked.
“I can do that, you know. It’s less than ten hours.”
“I know how far it is.”
“It’s a long drive, but I can do it.”
“Keep telling yourself that.” Kylie smiled as she said it. “Glory said she’d go with you.”
“I might take her up on that. I know I can do this but I’ll admit to you and no one else, I’m scared. Last week Ethan decided to surprise me. He bought a house, a handicap-accessible house, about thirty miles from here. He didn’t ask. He didn’t plan this with me. He made a decision, thinking I should just accept it.”
Kylie’s eyes wi
dened. “Uh-oh.”
“And instead of being excited, I had a panic attack. My chair was in the back of his truck and he was planning our future and the only thing I could think of was, ‘I’m stuck with no way to get out, no way to escape,’ and it scared me. I live here. This is my home and my life.”
Kylie didn’t respond. Eve waited a full minute, wanting her friend to say something, to agree with her, to commiserate. Nothing happened.
“Say something,” Eve prodded.
“No way.”
“Kylie, I need for you to say something.”
Kylie laughed. “No, you want me to agree with you that he did something horrible. And maybe he was wrong. A ranch is an awfully big thing to surprise someone with. And the assumption that you should live there with him. I’m guessing this was a bad attempt at a proposal?”
“Yes.” She buried her face in her hands. “Oh, wow. He was proposing and I turned into a hot mess right there in his truck.”
“Do you want my real thoughts on the matter?”
Eve uncovered her eyes and nodded. “Yeah, go for it.”
“Mercy Ranch is safe. It’s a known and you’re afraid of the unknown. Everyone knows you here. You go to the same places every week, talk to the same people and you feel safe. But sometimes life isn’t safe. When we step out of the boat and take chances, life can be messy, it can be frightening, and we can’t control every situation.”
Eve looked up at the clear blue sky. It was late May now and the weather had warmed considerably. Bees covered the lawn, going from clover to clover. She turned her attention to the green fields where cattle and horses grazed. It had been a good spring, plenty of rain, the temperatures hadn’t gotten too hot too soon.
She thought about Texas and suddenly, for the first time in a long time, she missed it. She missed her parents, overwhelming as they might be.
“For all my talk of being strong and independent, I’ve hidden myself away on this ranch.”
“I wouldn’t say you’ve hidden yourself away.” Kylie reached for a puppy. “Okay, maybe a little. But maybe you needed this place and the safety net it provided. No one can tell you when to leave the safety of Mercy Ranch. You know more about how you feel than anyone else. I do think maybe it’s time to consider the possibility of leaving. If not permanently, at least take this journey to Texas and see what happens.”
“What if the judge doesn’t give us custody?”
Kylie’s expression softened. “I don’t see how he couldn’t. But I also don’t know the mind of a judge. I know the goal would definitely be a loving, stable home environment with people who love and care for Tori.”
“I’m the holdout,” Eve said after a few minutes. “Because I don’t know if I can be the person Ethan expects me to be. I loved him once. I think I still love him. But his need to make decisions for me is infuriating. And it isn’t something new. I think if we’d gotten married, I would have resented that and it would have hurt our relationship.”
“The thing I’ve learned about marriage is that we do things to irritate each other. There are habits, personality traits and moments that can either break us or cause us to grow. If you want a relationship that lasts, one that endures those moments, you learn to communicate.”
“If we’re going to raise Tori together, he has to learn that I am fully capable of making my own decisions. I know what is safe and what isn’t. I know what I want and I don’t want him to decide that for me.”
“Tell him, not me,” Kylie said as she put the puppy back in the kennel. “I’ll take that one to raise.”
“Because I know which one that is? You’ll have to remember.” Eve switched the conversation back to Ethan. “If we get joint custody of Tori, will it be okay to stay here until I can find a place of my own?”
Kylie rolled her eyes, clearly exasperated. “Of course you can stay here. You don’t have to find another place to live, Eve.”
“Maybe not right away, but I think it’s time. I have used this as my safety net. But I think Tori and I need a place of our own.”
“What about Ethan?”
Good question. Eve shrugged. “We’ll work it out. He bought that ranch so he can be close to Hope and close to Tulsa. Life has a way of changing things up on us. This isn’t what I expected but it feels right and I think God has been preparing me, getting me ready for the next step of my journey.”
Kylie leaned down and hugged her. “I’m so glad we’re friends.”
“Me, too, more than I can say. And if you don’t mind, I’ll borrow Glory. If she doesn’t mind being away from Cara.”
“She offered, so I would take her up on it. She’ll keep you entertained and the drive won’t be so boring.”
“Will she get Cara back?”
Kylie’s eyes filled with tears. “Yes, she will. And that’s the way it should be. We’re hoping she can start classes and get her teaching degree. We’ll help her as much as we can.”
“They both need you, Kylie.”
“I think we need them, too.”
They put the rest of the puppies back in the kennel and started toward the house. There was an emptiness here now, with Ethan and Tori gone. She’d been so happy here before they came, before she realized how much she’d missed Ethan and before she knew the sweetness of Tori.
It seemed as if there shouldn’t be a problem, as if this, as if they were meant to be. If she was a person looking at her life from the distance she would see only blessings and no obstacles. But the obstacle was hers and it was hidden and painful.
She loved Ethan. She had always loved him. But nothing had changed. She wanted to be cared for, not taken care of.
She didn’t want to be his problem to solve.
Chapter Fifteen
The lawyer’s office was paneled, lit only with lamps and smelled of lemon oil. The only magazines were either outdoors magazines or entertainment gossip magazines. Ethan hadn’t come here to read.
But he had expected Eve to at least show up. He’d called and they’d talked for five minutes, going over the meeting with the lawyer and the court date and time. She’d agreed that they would present a united front.
And yet, she hadn’t shown.
The lawyer, Guy Channing, came to the inner door and motioned him to follow. Ethan glanced out the window and didn’t see Eve. He followed Guy down a darkly paneled hallway to an office that fit the rest of the building. Dark paneling, bookcases, a heavy oak desk. Guy sat behind the desk. Ethan took a seat in one of the leather-upholstered chairs on the opposite side.
“How’s Tori?” Guy asked. “Adjusting?”
Ethan’s gaze landed on the photos on the wall, of Guy, his wife and their three children. A happy family.
“Yes, she is. I mean, she’s six months old. As long as she eats and smiles, I assume she’s happy. But if she isn’t, if she’s sad and wants her parents, how do I know? She can’t exactly tell me.” Ethan sat back, brushing a hand through his hair. The words had poured out of him, pushed by his fear for the future and for Tori. How was he supposed to know if she was happy?
“I’m sorry,” Guy said. “I wish there were easy answers. She’s young, I guess would be the best thing to say. She will grow up knowing she’s loved. When she’s older you’ll tell her about her parents and how much they loved her.”
“Right. I get that. But they’re gone. And there are times I’m really angry that she doesn’t have them. Instead she’s stuck with me.”
“And Eve Vincent?”
Ethan looked around, making his point.
“Maybe something happened.” Benefit of the doubt. Nice.
“Yeah, maybe. But now I have to go before a judge and try to convince him that I can be a single dad. That I can raise Tori by myself.”
“Is that what you want?” Guy asked. “I’m asking because we have to go before this judge
on Monday and we have to convince him that you are a suitable guardian for this child. I have background checks, personal testimonies. But the judge is going to want to know that you want to do this and that you can do it. If you can’t convince him, I’m afraid Tori will be taken into state custody.”
“I can and will raise her. I want to raise her.”
The lawyer turned to his computer. “Okay, then tell me the plan. You need to go in there with more than a simple, ‘I can do this.’ How can you do it? Do you have family support?”
“Yes, my parents and my sister, Bethany.”
“Bethany suffers from depression.” The lawyer didn’t say it to pick a fight but it raised Ethan’s hackles.
“Yes, she does. But she’s in counseling and she has the right medication that she takes daily. She isn’t raising the child. You asked if I have family support. I do.”
“Ethan, I’m not trying to upset you. I’m going over all of the points of the case.”
“Okay.” Ethan took a deep breath. “Yes, I have family support.”
“But you’ve decided to move and take the child out of state. What about support in your new home?”
“Eve Vincent lives less than thirty miles from my new home. I’m sure we will come up with a plan. I can also hire a nanny.”
“You think Eve will agree to help?”
“I know she will.”
Guy stopped typing. “Weren’t you engaged to her at one point?”
“Yes, I was. She ended the relationship.”
“Because?”
“She was in an accident in Afghanistan that left her paralyzed from the waist down. She didn’t want to keep me in a relationship because she didn’t want my pity or resentment.”
“Ah.”
Ethan was over this conversation and ready to move on. But his own words forced him to rethink things. Would he have pitied or resented Eve? He didn’t think so. He couldn’t imagine that ever happening. He admired her. He wanted to share a life with her.
He had really messed things up. Because he didn’t pity her but she probably thought that he saw her as someone who needed to be taken care of. He probably had treated her like someone who needed to be taken care of. What he hadn’t shown her was that he knew she was strong and independent. She could and had been taking care of herself without his help.
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