My heart is in my throat as I walk down the low-lit hallway and stop inside the doorway of Violet’s hospital room. Seeing all the tubes, bandages, and the beeping of machines drains the color from my face and my stomach drops. I find my dad slumped over the bed, holding Violet’s hand. He stirs and turns at my presence, and my heart sinks even lower at his red and swollen eyes.
“How is she?” my voice cracks.
“Stable. Hasn’t woken up yet, though.” I enter the room, feeling like I don’t belong here. Acting like her friend when I treated her so poorly. I lower myself into the open seat next to my dad, taking in all her wounds. She’s pale. Bruised and swollen. Her arm and leg are in a cast, and I can’t stomach the sound of the machine helping her breathe. Tears fall like waves down my cheeks.
Dad grabs my hand. “Hey, it’s going to be okay. She’s going to be okay.”
My chest constricts, and a painful sob forces its way out. He’s trying to comfort me, but I know him. He’s not sure he believes his own words. “Dad, I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. I should have picked up her call.”
He wraps his arm around me and snuggles me into his chest. It reminds me of when I was little, and he would comfort me on the nights when mom would say something hurtful or drink too much and “accidentally” hit me. “Shhh…baby girl, this is not your fault. It’s mine. I shouldn’t have let her leave. We all should have talked it out. I should have been truthful from the beginning.”
I cry on his shoulder, the guilt overwhelming me. When the sobs begin to subside, I pull away, and he reaches out to wipe at my wet cheeks. “I’m sorry, baby girl. I should have told you.”
“Why? Why her?” I need to know. I need to understand.
He sighs, looking more tired than I’ve ever seen him. “Because she has this aura. From the moment I saw her, it wrapped around me and took hold of me. I knew right away I was done for. I didn’t plan for it. Neither did she. It wasn’t something that happened instantly. Or without caution and regret. But the chemistry was too intense to deny. Don’t hate her. Hate me. She wanted to tell you. I wouldn’t allow it. That’s what we were fighting about when you came home. She couldn’t lie to you anymore. She was ending it.”
His confession sits heavy on my conscience. Tell him. Confess your own sins and be free of the guilt. “Do you love her?” I ask, needing to know. If he does, then it’s my chance. He will have to understand.
He doesn’t have to say the words for me to see it. The pain and torture of wanting something so wrong, it can only be right. A love so forbidden, nothing else matters. “I do,” he responds, and I know it’s time. I need to come clean.
I hug him, needing his comfort to get through this. “I’m sorry. I handled this wrong. I was just caught off guard by it all.”
“I know. And for that, I’m sorry. It’s over. I won’t—”
I pull back. “Dad, I’ve never seen or heard you show any proper emotion toward another woman since mom. And to hear you admit you love Violet, as weird and crazy as it is, I could never take that away from you.”
“What are you saying?”
That I’m just as guilty of being in love with a man I’m not allowed to be. And just like you, I would do anything to have a future with him. But the way he’s looking at me has me stalling my own confession. Gabriel’s words ring loud and clear inside my head. What do you think your father will do? Accept us? Shit, what am I doing? Dad watches me, waiting for my reply. I blink, staring back at him, realizing my error in judgment. Now, not only is it not the time for a confession, but Gabriel is right; he won’t take this news lightly.
Shaking off my insanity, I reroute my thoughts. “I’m saying it may take some time—and be fucking weird since my roommate and best friend is your girlfriend—but if you love her and she loves you, you have my blessing.” Accept them now, confess later. I can’t expect him to approve of my sins if I’m not willing to be open to his.
“Thank you.” He hugs me tight, and I bask in the familiar smell of my dad, missing these small moments. I wonder if Violet appreciates him. Knows just how amazing he is. How broody he can be. How, when I was little, I used to refer to him as the gentle giant. His large hands were always too big to maneuver around tiny Band-Aids, so I would have to help him. I pull back, feeling more guilt and regret at his unshed tears. He truly does love her.
I kiss him goodbye, telling him I’m going to go find an officer and give them the evidence in hopes they can use it. I’m glad our lunatic professor is dead and can no longer hurt anyone else. I walk out of the room, but not before seeing my dad whisper sweet words to Violet and kiss the inside of her wrist. A ping of jealousy forms in my chest at what they have. They are over the biggest hurdle. I wish beyond anything Gabriel and I make it to that.
Hazel
Two weeks later…
Life works in mysterious ways. Forgiveness has more significant power over regret. Violet is going to be okay. Not without a lot of therapy and healing, but she will pull through. When I finally got to be alone with her, so many tears were shed, I might be cried out for eternity.
I felt like she was taking the words right out of my mouth when she explained how she and my dad came to be. I thought about telling her why I understood and fully accepted them, but I wasn’t ready to confess my own sins. I gave her my blessing even though I know it’s going to be super weird. He’s my dad, and she’s my roommate. But how much more awkward can it be when I attempt to explain that my dad’s best friend is my person?
Dad stepped up and took control of all of Violet’s medical care and finances. Her mother is a massive cunt and refused to help her, which caused my dad’s ruthless side to come out. He threatened if she ever came near Violet again, he’d slap a restraining order on her. It was actually kind of cute to see him so wrapped up in something other than work or myself. It’s been a long time since my dad has shown this kind of affection, and I admire that. As strange as it was at first, the weirdness faded just as quickly when I saw them together and really understood how much they genuinely love each other.
I can’t deny there is still some lingering jealousy. They can finally be open with their relationship, which makes me want to come clean so I don’t have to hide behind my own lies. After how I acted with my dad, a part of me feels like I’m betraying him with this secret. That the longer I wait, the worse it will be. Some days I wish I could rewind time and go back to the hospital and fess up.
I just want what they have: an open, free relationship. Not that it’s all bells and whistles. A taboo relationship has its downfalls. It doesn’t sit well with some people, one being Violet’s mother. That bitch dared to try to throw herself at my dad and take him away from Violet. I laugh every time she tells me the story, but deep inside, envy burns at the thought of anybody trying to take Gabriel from me.
Speaking of Gabriel, it was easy to sneak away and spend nights with him since my dad was preoccupied with all things Violet. But that quickly came to an end, and unlike Violet, who got leeway with her instructors, if I had any chance of keeping up my grades, I had to go back to school.
Since then, we’ve stuck to his rules. Twice a week, he takes my body to a whole new level of pleasure, and on the weekends, I drown in his gentle affection. The days I’m not with him suck—especially when Violet was still at home with Dad, and I was back at school alone.
I am starting to run out of excuses about why I disappear for periods of time. Why I’m never around when dad calls. The small pit I had in my stomach has grown into a boulder. Heavy guilt resonates deep inside my chest. One of these days, we’ll make a mistake, and we won’t be a secret anymore.
And I’m not sure if that’s a good thing.
Part of me thinks there’s a light at the other end of the tunnel. The other part feels that it’s just the hazard lights blaring because it would be the end of us. Gabriel doesn’t seem fazed. His solution to just follow his rules, and we will be okay, is wearing on me.
The bigger
problem is that Violet is starting to get curious, and my dad is beginning to question me. I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be able to lie without getting caught.
Hazel
One week later…
“I can’t believe this semester is almost over.” Violet hobbles out of our psychology class, her boot becoming a big pain in the ass. We have a new instructor who’s older than dirt and slower than molasses when he talks, but he’s not a psycho trying to kidnap my bestie, so he’ll do.
“Seriously, I can’t wait for fall break. I’m definitely in need of it,” I reply. “Hey, listen, I need to get out of here on time today. Can you make sure to get back to the room and be ready to go by five?” I ask.
“Yeah, sure. After Math, I just have to head over to the registration office real quick. I’ll see you shortly.” We high-five because that’s how excited we both are to finally be on break and go our separate ways. Gabriel has been very specific on what he has in store for me while I’m home. It’s only for a week, but I plan on making every minute count. A shiver of excitement runs through me at the thought of being able to spend all seven days with him, locked up in his castle, being ravaged by my king.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and a cheesy grin appears at Gabriel’s name.
“Thought you were in meetings all day?” My smile widens.
“I do have meetings all day. And they are hellish. I told them I had to step away and make an important phone call.”
His little praises will never get old. Each one, whether endearing or filthy, creates a tornado of butterflies. “Oh yeah? And how’s that important call going?” I tease him.
“About to get really good, once you tell me what you’re wearing.” I laugh. There’s nothing sexy about my leggings and oversized sweater.
“Oh, you know, the usual college attire. See-through lace, a thong, and a smile.” My belly tightens at the sound of his low, dominating growl.
“You better fucking not be.”
“What if I told you I have on a baggy sweater and old leggings covering my lace get-up?”
“I would tell you to find a secluded place and video call me so you can show me my beautiful girl.”
I tuck my head down as I make my way across campus, trying to hide the rush of color feathering across my cheeks. This is how it’s been since the night at the club. I love him. So damn much. And tonight, I plan on telling him. I’ve been preparing myself for him not to return the sentiment. I know it’s a lot, but I can’t deny how I feel any longer. Not that he doesn’t know in the way I show him physically.
Do I think he loves me back? The way he shows me? Yes. But we have yet to discuss where we go from here. We’ve agreed we belong to each other, but from there, I’m still in the dark. I’m hoping that things will progress during fall break, and we can come up with a plan to come out. I’m rooting that it’s not the same way my dad and Violet did. More like pizza and trying to keep each of us alive.
At least I know I’ll have Violet on my side. If anyone will understand, it’s her.
“Wish I could, but I have to talk to my physics professor about a paper, then I have to hurry home. I have this controlling man who doesn’t allow for tardiness. If I slip into a room and give you a peepshow, it may put me off course, and I don’t want to be on his bad side. Even though, sometimes, I kind of like it.”
His low moan is so sexy. I love knowing how much I affect him. “I’m hanging up. Get your ass here. I have plans for you tonight. If you’re late, I will make sure you don’t come until morning. And you have no idea what I have in store for you. Don’t. Be. Late.”
Then he hangs up.
Every nerve ending comes alive with anticipation. It’s only been three days since I last saw him, but it feels like an eternity. I can’t wait to be back in his arms. I’ve already lined up my pile of lies to feed my dad and Violet, claiming some fall break job—a nanny position that requires overnights and the weekend. It’s perfect.
I race to the science building to beg and plead with my physics instructor to give me an additional assignment to raise my grade. I’ve missed a few classes and really need the extra credit. Part of our arrangement was that school didn’t become affected. I kept it to myself that I was too tired and sore to attempt to walk to class on some days, so I spent the day recovering in bed. But now, I really need to sweet talk my way into not failing, so my dad doesn’t kill me.
I make it through the doors, up the stairs, and down the hallway. When I open the door to my physics class, I slam into a body.
“Oh shit,” I squeak. “Sorry—” I cut myself off when I realize I’m in Evan’s arms.
“I’m not sorry.” He grins wide, not releasing me. “Were you coming to talk to me? Maybe a last-minute coffee before we leave for break?” I pull away from him, adjusting my sweater that’s fallen down my shoulder, exposing too much of my bra.
“Hey. No, actually, I need to talk to Professor Geller. More like beg him to give me some extra credit. I’m worried I’m gonna fail.”
“Yeah, it helps to show up to class.” He eyes me playfully, pointing out my absences.
“Yeah, I’ve just been overwhelmed. Definitely need to re-evaluate my schedule for next semester. No more early classes,” I laugh. I’ve run into Evan here and there, and he never misses the opportunity to ask me out. I feel terrible for making excuses each time, and I don’t know why I just don’t come out and tell him I’m not interested. He’s super nice and has offered to send me his notes for every class I missed. It makes me feel bad to accept them, knowing I will always reject his advances.
“So, want me to wait? We can grab a coffee? You can tell me about your break plans. And maybe I can help you with some physics.” He wiggles his brows, and guilt washes over me as I conjure up another excuse.
“Sorry, I totally would, but I’m on a time schedule. I really need to get home. My dad has this big thing planned, and we have to leave so we don’t hit traffic.”
As always, he hides his disappointment with a half-smile, then shrugs and steps back. “No worries. Next time. Have a great break. Hey, why don’t I get your number? For real, I’d love to help you with physics. No pressure or strings attached. This is my second round. I should know it pretty well by now.”
I hesitate at first but figure there’s no harm. It’s for platonic reasons, and I may actually need his help.
“Yeah, sure,” I agree, and we swap numbers. He gives me a hug goodbye that lasts longer than necessary, and we go our separate ways. After speaking with Professor Gellar, he throws me a bone and assigns me extra work. I scan my phone for the time and realize I’m twenty minutes behind schedule.
Shit.
I race back to our dorm, only to find Violet not here. “Oh, come on…” I call her cell, and it rings in our room. She walks in seconds later, wiping at her face. “Hey, what’s wrong? You ready?”
She throws her hair into a ponytail. “Yeah, sorry. My stomach is suddenly upset. That cafeteria breakfast must not be—” She throws her finger up and races back out of the room toward the bathrooms.
Shit. Shit!
I scramble around our room getting all my things together, continuously checking our clock. Every time the minute hand moves, my anxiety kicks up a notch. “Jesus, what’s taking her so long?”
I’m about to grab her out of the bathroom when she returns. “Wow, sorry about that.”
“You’re not pregnant, are you? I swear to God, I’m not ready to call you Mommy yet.”
She slaps me playfully on the shoulder as she walks by. “God, no. You’d make an awful stepdaughter. Honestly, it was just something I ate.”
I give her a quick once over. “Okay. Are you ready? We really need to go.” I don’t explain why I’m in such a hurry, but she thankfully doesn’t pry.
“Yeah, I’m anxious to get home too.”
It’s still strange to hear her say that. Home. Technically it’s my house, but now we live together at school and at home.
She’s in a better place with us, and I couldn’t be happier for her.
We get on the road, and I waste no time speeding down the highway. I debate on texting Gabriel that I will be late, but I don’t want Violet to pry.
The ride home is tense. I’m pretty sure Violet is catching on to my frayed nerves, but I keep the music loud so she doesn’t ask any questions. By the time we pull up into my driveway, I’m almost an hour late.
“Yeah…so, hey, just head in. I gotta go run an errand. Tell Dad I’ll be late, ’kay?”
She eyes me suspiciously, confirming what she already knows. There’s something up with me, and the next time we talk, she’s definitely not letting it go.
Without another glance, I take off down my driveway back onto the main road.
Dammit, I’m so late.
I’m not allowed to be late.
Timeliness and compliance. Two of his rules. I’m breaking one of them. My heart hammers inside my chest. There will be consequences. Maybe he’ll understand. It was out of my control. I tried to hurry Violet. She couldn’t possibly understand the turmoil I would succumb to by her making us late.
And now, I’m going to pay. He’s going to make sure of it, and I don’t know whether it scares me or excites me.
I speed through the streets to his large estate hidden on the outskirts of the busy city. When I enter the passcode, the gates open, and I race up the winding driveway. His house comes into view, a single light shining through the front window. I’m already removing my jacket as I park and run into the house. A shudder of fear mixed with arousal ripples down my spine when I’m not met by his large frame. He’s already downstairs waiting for me. My breath hitches at the low sound of music as I near the stairs. Andrea Bocelli is playing. His favorite melody when he’s upset. My nipples pebble as I take the steps two at a time, almost tumbling down the stairs. He will understand. It was out of my control. I remove my sweater and leggings, leaving me bare except for my white lace bra and underwear.
Sweet Little Lies Page 11
