When I turn into the low-lit room, his back is to me. His shoulders are wound tight, a crystal glass in his hand as he stares at a piece of art hanging on the wall. “I’m sorry. It was out of my control. Violet—”
I stop mid-sentence when he turns, his eyes smoldering with discontent. “You’re late.” His words carry so much meaning, my legs weaken. I fall to the ground, my knees slamming into the marble floor, and bow my head.
“I’m sorry. We left late. Violet wasn’t feeling well, and we hit traffic.”
Gabriel eats up the space between us until the tips of his shoes are touching my knees. The tips of his fingers graze my cheek, and I lean into his palm, aching for his touch. He walks around me, the heat of his body at my back.
“You know I don’t wait, pet.”
I shiver with anticipation. I will be punished for breaking a rule. “Ga—”
A leather whip slashes across my lower back. “Who, pet?”
“Master. I’m sorry, Master.”
He bends forward, his warm breath skating along my earlobe, his deep baritone creating a storm inside my belly. “That’s better, sweet girl. Spread yourself wide for me. I want to see my beautiful cunt.”
My legs shake as I widen my stance. The warmth of his breath disappears as he moves back around me. I look up at him and make eye contact, breaking the same rule every time. I can’t help it. I’ve missed him and need to bask in his beauty.
“Always so defiant.” He reaches forward, caressing my cheek. “Sometimes, I feel like you want me to punish you.”
I try to fight my smirk, but my lips win over, and he laughs at my mischievous glance. “I’m never opposed to it.” I smile, knowing he won’t be able to deny my playful disobedience.
“And if I deny you my touch? Will you still not be opposed?”
His threat doesn’t scare me. It entices me to challenge him more. Gabriel is a man who craves control. Eats, sleeps, and breathes it. But ever since we started, I’ve learned he desires something else more: me.
“Then I guess I’ll sit here, my pussy aching for you until you realize how much I’ve missed you and need you. I’ll think about you touching me, violating me, your fingers deep inside my pussy, my arousal coating your tongue. And while you continue to deny me, I’ll think about the ways that I’ve fantasized taking your cock—”
A feral growl echoes across the room, and he lifts me, throwing me over his shoulder. I hide my smile and yelp as he tosses me onto the bed. With one rip, my thong is gone. My head arches back as he disappears between my thighs, ruthlessly licking at my wet slit. My hands travel into his thick hair just as a palm makes contact with my ass.
“Always so fucking rebellious.” Two fingers disappear inside me. “You think you can taunt me?” A third finger. “Tease me?” He bites my thigh, and my eyes roll to the back of my head. “I’m the one in charge. Not you. Not this pussy. Fuck.” He doesn’t say anything else. He’s so lost in devouring me, he can’t even finish his threats.
I ride the wave of his mouth until my legs start to shake. I tug hard on his hair, knowing he will pull away just as I’m about to fly over the edge. But he never moves. Instead, his finger finds my back entrance, and he slides it inside me. My back leaves the bed, and I explode in ecstasy. My body quakes. Gabriel doesn’t let up. He doesn’t allow me time to reset. This is my punishment. This is how he takes back his control.
He grabs my hips and flips me, my stomach hitting the mattress. He allows no time for me to catch my breath, only the time it takes for him to remove his pants. He finds my still pulsating sex and drives into me, causing me to jerk upward. Gripping my hips to keep me in place, he pulls out and slides back in. “Don’t expect to breathe or walk all break, pet. I told you I have plans for you. I’m going to completely break you. This pussy is mine. Every single orgasm you have belongs to me. I own you. My cock owns you. Soon, I’ll take your ass and own that too.” He pauses, as his cock hits my womb. “And when I’m done with you, I’m keeping you in my little cage. You. Belong. To. Me.” His thrusts become so powerful, he no longer attempts to warn me. Threaten me. Use words that only excite me more. His hidden message is clear. He’s claiming me, and I’m signing every dotted line.
My moans and his feral grunts combine, filling the room with a symphony of pleasure until I feel him grow wider inside me. His fingers dig deep into my sides, and I lose myself once again to another earthshattering orgasm. Gabriel is right behind me, his deep growl echoing throughout the room as he fills me with his heat.
His body falls over mine, and I relish in the feel of his heavy heartbeat against me. Kisses rain up my back as his lips capture his favorite spot and latch onto my shoulder blade. “You’re going to pay for that,” he hums against my skin, gliding his tongue up my neck and capturing my earlobe.
“I hope so,” I reply between trying to catch my breath.
He sucks on my earlobe, his hands working up my side until his fingers graze into my hair. He pulls my head back and fuses his lips to mine. “Glad you’re home.”
His words take flight in my head, and I fight not to put too much meaning to them. In a perfect world, where judgment and scrutiny aren’t always on the frontlines of debate, I imagine this as my home—being free of all the scorn and the taboo spotlight. We definitely wouldn’t be the only couple in the world with an age gap. There’s at least one other couple. I laugh to myself, thinking about Dad and Violet. God, how fucked up are we all?
“What are you thinking about?” He releases me and climbs off the bed. I don’t answer him until we’re cleaned up, and he’s wrapping me in a silk robe.
“Do you ever think about Dad and Violet?” I ask.
He throws a shirt over his head, cocking his head to the side. “Am I thinking of your father and your roommate while fucking you? Not particularly.”
“Gabriel, that’s not what I mean. Their relationship. Do you ever wish we had that?”
He steps into a pair of shorts and turns to address me. The strain in his eyes makes me wish I didn’t bring it up.
“Hazel, we’ve talked about this.”
“Have we? We’ve talked about me being yours. And continuing what we’re doing. But is that all we are? A sexual relationship?”
“You know that’s not the case.”
“Do I?”
He huffs and leaves the room. I should have kept my mouth shut. But how long can I keep these concerns to myself? I want more, but deep down, I wonder if I’d actually walk away from him or suffer through settling until he let me go.
“Gabriel, wait. Just hear me out. I’m just saying we should talk about it. My dad may understand. Ever since Violet—”
He whips around, his carefree smile gone. “Hazel, we’ve gone over this. Things are different with us.”
“They don’t have to be.”
“They do have to be. I have a lot riding on this. I want you. God knows I do, but that doesn’t mean I’m in a spot to risk everything for it.”
He might as well take a knife and stab me in the heart for the pain his words inflict. I flinch and step back. “You know that’s not what I mean.” He comes back for me, but I slap his hand away when he tries to reach for me.
“No, I know exactly what you’re saying. I’m not good enough for you. I’m not important enough. I’m not worth it.”
“Hazel—”
“Screw you, Gabriel.”
Anger spreads across his face, his jaw wound tight. “Watch it, love. You may be able to play with me in the bedroom, but I won’t tolerate your mouth outside of it.”
His warning slides off me. I’m not fazed by his building temper. “And maybe I don’t give a shit.” He takes another threatening step toward me just as fast as I retreat. “Do you know what I think about at night when I’m not with you? What I would give up to be next to you? How I would sacrifice parts of myself just to be near you? To be yours. Fully. I dream about us being real. Not this dirty little secret. A secret that seems to be enough f
or you. But you know what? That’s just not enough for me anymore. Being yours means more than just being yours in the bedroom. And I can’t—I can’t be just that anymore.”
He wants to say something, but he remains silent, and it makes my heart break even more. Fight for me, Gabriel. Fight for us. Still, after the first tear falls, he remains silent.
“And you wanna know the saddest part in all this? For so long, I was okay with that. I was willing to stay. To be yours. Take any part of you I could get. Even if it killed me inside not to have all of you. I thought I was going to come here and confess the biggest secret of all. That I’m in love with you. But silly me.”
He stiffens at my confession as if I slapped him with my words. My heart slices in two. Maybe he’s been right the whole time. Maybe this fairytale isn’t meant for me, but I refuse to walk out of here until he knows every single secret I’ve kept hidden about the life I long for.
I inhale deeply, exhaling a staggered breath. “And the silly part of me thought maybe…” I hiccup, choking on my emotions, “just maybe, once I confessed how I felt, you would reciprocate. Ease my worries and tell me you loved me too. That our nights together were more than just sex for you. But I guess I was wrong.”
He still doesn’t move, and my sadness morphs into anger. “Fucking say something, dammit!” I yell, unable to take his silence any longer. “Be a man. Tell me you want me or set me loose. Stop being a fucking coward!”
He advances, and before I have time to react, he grabs hold of my bicep. There’s an angry storm brewing behind his dark eyes. He pushes me back against the wall, his threatening stare cold and rigid, momentarily making me regret my words. “You think this is a game, Hazel? That I just confess my love, and we ride off into the sunset? You think this ends with us happy?” he hisses, his breath hitting my face. “That’s where you’re wrong. Where you’re ignorant in thinking this is your happily ever after. This is our ending.”
I barely see him through the tears pouring down my face. “Answer me,” he growls. I try, but my words are lodged in my throat. He shakes me, demanding, “Answer me! How do you possibly think this ends when I tell your father about us? How. Does. This. End?” His voice is raised. I fight to catch my breath as I cry—for the way he’s speaking to me, and the way he talks down to me as if I’m nothing to him—as if I didn’t just confess I’m in love with him.
“Let me go,” I cry.
“No. Answer me.” He shakes me again. “Answer me! Dammit, answer me! Stop being so damn foolish, Hazel! You want something that cannot happen. We’re done if Heath finds out. End of story. So, you choose.” A raging sea of anger brews in his smoldering gaze as he waits for me to answer. My chest pounds. My tears fall. My heart shatters. I love him with everything inside me. But I deserve better. I deserve to be noticed. I deserve to not be someone’s secret.
He must sense the resolution in my eyes because he suddenly releases me and steps away.
I inhale deeply until I find the courage buried under the wreckage of my emotions. “You’re right. I understand now.” I wipe at my tears, finding solace in my decision. “Goodbye, Gabriel.”
His eyes shine with shock. Maybe mine do as well. This wasn’t where I saw this going. I can’t imagine him no longer in my life, but I can’t be what he wants. If I am, it will end up killing me when he gets bored of me and sets me free. He doesn’t say another word, guarding his emotions with a blank stare.
I slide away from the wall and walk back to the room. Gathering my clothes, I redress and walk out of his house, and his life, leaving my heart in a massacred pile at his feet.
Hazel
I never planned on falling in love with a man like Gabriel Walker. A man who could never be mine. The fairytales always have a way of making you feel like it all works out in the end. Love is love. It’s an infinite resolution as long as you believe. If two people really are bound to one another, anything is possible. From the start, all the odds were against us. We were an obstacle not meant to be conquered. Gabriel let me walk out of his house that night. He didn’t come after me and make me stay and work it out. He didn’t bother to call me in hopes of reconciling our dispute. He didn’t call to confess that he felt the same way and would do what it took to be with me. He just let me leave.
The drive back home was a blur.
The explanation I gave Violet and my dad was barely believable. I showed up at my nanny position no longer needed. Which wasn’t entirely a lie. I broke down, blaming my emotions on needing the money, even though my dad is filthy rich and I will never want for anything. I asked to be alone and spent the rest of the night drowning in my own tears.
The rest of the break was just as foggy, and I numbly worked my way through each day. My dad looked worried, and Violet was even more suspicious. She knew something was going on. She recognized heartache after going through this with my dad. I ached to tell her and finally have someone to confide in. But why bother now? He doesn’t want anything more from me.
Therefore, I’m done.
After an argument with my dad, he finally let me go back to school a few days early. Violet tried to go with me, but he wasn’t having that. I needed to be away from him. And the farther away I was, the easier it would be for me to heal. That’s what I told myself anyway.
The coming weeks hurt like hell. When I was alone, I cried. Violet was too consumed with her own life to take much notice in mine falling apart, and for that, I was thankful. Each day got harder, and I missed him more with every second that passed. My heart was in shambles. I feared I would never feel whole again. But I had to stay strong. I needed to stay on course, and that meant forgetting anything and everything Gabriel.
At first, I was naive and convinced myself he would call. I gave him a deadline. I told myself I would give him one week to realize what I already knew. When those seven days came and went, I knew we were done. He ruined us. Or maybe it was me and my stupid heart. Either way, I continued to repeat the same mantra to keep myself from going to him. I was worth more than a dirty little secret. I deserved more.
To make matters worse, my grades continued to drop. If it weren’t for Violet, I’d be failing psychology, and I don’t even want to discuss physics.
“Hazel?” I snap out of my thoughts and lift my head up from my book to see Violet, her usual concerned expression spread across her face. I didn’t even hear her come in. “Seriously, what’s wrong? Please open up to me. You don’t look healthy. You’re not eating. Have you even left the room today?”
“I told you, nothing. I have a ton of studying to do.” I shove my face back down, re-reading the same sentence for the millionth time.
She huffs and throws her backpack on her bed. Please let it go. Please let it go. “Haze, something’s off. You’re upset about something. I’m not an idiot. Why can’t you just tell me? We’re best friends. I won’t judge you, whatever it is.”
I’m thankful I have my back to her so she doesn’t see me squeezing my eyes closed, fighting back the tears—tears I didn’t think I had left to shed.
“I’m super tired and stressed. School sucks.” I taste copper in my mouth and release the inside of my cheek. I can’t break down. I refuse to. “Honestly. I’m fine.”
I’m far from fine.
I’m ruined. I’m devastated. I’m broken.
I take a deep breath, hoping she doesn’t question my tears. “I swear—all good. Just need to get through this week. I’ll be fine.” I force a smile, which she pretends she accepts.
“Okay. Well…I don’t really believe you, but—”
I twist in my chair. “I’m fine,” I say, my voice stern.
She fights me in our stare down, then thankfully drops it.
“There’s this study group for psych I’m headed to. Why don’t you come with me? I know we both need it.”
“I still don’t know why they don’t automatically pass you. What’s that rule called? Like some sort of felony murder rule. You get straight A’s. And me too s
ince I’m your roommate. Seems only fair.”
She rolls her eyes and grabs water out of our mini-fridge. “First off, that’s an urban legend. Second, not funny.”
I’m an asshole. I shouldn’t even be joking about something so messed up. “You’re right. Sorry.”
“Make it up to me. Come.”
Her soft plea makes me feel like a jerk for blowing her off the last couple of weeks. It wouldn’t be the worst thing to shower and finally leave my dorm room. “Fine. I’ll go.”
Shocked that I actually agreed, she wraps her arms around me, squeezing me tight. “Thank you.” I relish in her comfort. Missing it. Missing him. I take a deep breath, fighting not to cry. She senses it too and pulls away. “Whatever is going on, just know I love you. I’m sure everything will be okay.” Little does she know, nothing will be okay.
I don’t find out until it’s too late that the study group is at Grayson’s, coincidently, Evan’s roommate’s apartment. Not that I’m avoiding Evan. He’s a really great guy; I’m just not in the right mindset to make friendly conversation or pretend everything is hunky-dory.
“Wow, you came!” Evan walks up to me the second we get through the door and goes in for a hug. I feel like a jerk when I step back, denying his advance. “Sorry, I’m just not feeling well and don’t want to get you sick.”
He shrugs it off. “No worries. I’m as healthy as a bull. Hey, want something to drink? I’ve got everything under the sun.”
The last thing I need is to be mixing alcohol with my roller coaster of emotions. But I feel bad for rejecting his simple gesture of affection, so I give in. “Sure, why not? You have any scotch?”
He smiles, nodding. “You’ve got it. Be right back.” He disappears into the kitchen, and I find Violet sitting with another girl from class, pulling out their psychology notes. I do the same, grabbing my notebook, not even sure where to start. I’m weeks behind in this class. My mood slumps lower. I debate throwing up a white flag, dropping the course, and just dealing with my dad later.
Sweet Little Lies Page 12
