Kiss the Stars

by Jackson, A. L.

The man had become my mayhem.

  A chaos that sprang into the hot, hot air.

  I barely peeked back at the doorway where he came in carrying a stack of dirty dishes from the lasagna we’d just had for dinner. “Need some help?”

  He approached. Caution in every step.

  I just wished I had a little bit of that caution for myself.

  Nope.

  The only thing I could sense was the need that sprouted like invasive roots. Unnatural and rampant and overgrowing everything.

  I swallowed hard as I took him in.

  The man wore jeans when it was almost a hundred out. Black ones this time that were ripped at the knees, another one of those tees stretched so thin across the rippling strength of his chest that the threads threatened to bust.

  Desire streaked.

  Torrid and red-hot.

  “You can just set them on the counter. I’m almost finished here.”

  He came closer. “I can help, Mia. According to Brendon, I don’t have anything better to do.” He attempted a joke that stalled out in the tension in the air.

  Every cell in my body shivered.

  I tried to pretend as if he didn’t affect me at all.

  That I wasn’t tangled up in a knot of this man.

  My nights had become filled with thoughts and dreams of him. What it would be like to really be touched by him. To be loved by him.

  “I haven’t been doing a whole lot myself, if I’m being honest.”

  He edged up beside me, barely knocking into my shoulder with his, a coy smile on his mouth. “I always want your honest.”

  The air rushed from my lungs, and I let go of a choppy laugh as I scrubbed down a pot, slanting a look at the man who was undoing everything. “I don’t think I believe you. It seems to me you like hiding from the truth.”

  He chuckled, and he was shoving his hands into the sudsy water, rinsing the plates that he’d carried in. “Easier that way, isn’t it?”

  My head shook. “Easier? Maybe. Better? No.”

  “And what truth am I hiding from?” He seemed reluctant to ask it.

  I knocked him back with my shoulder. “That you’re a good guy.”

  His laughter was scraping. “You think because I’m doing a few dishes it makes me a good guy?”

  “I think I have good intuition.” I fought for easiness, and this time I knocked him with my hip. “Just like my son.”

  Could see the smile playing around his sexy mouth. God, it was getting harder and harder not to just . . . kiss him.

  He shifted a fraction, the man so close to me his nose nearly brushed my cheek. Tingles flashed. “Bet my intuition is better, Angel, and I don’t think you could handle what I would do to you.”

  “Yo!”

  The dish I was holding slipped out of my hand and clanked into the sink when Brendon’s shout batted from behind.

  “We’re all going to the park. Game time, baby. I’m about to show you all who’s really a badass.”

  Leif shifted around, a smirk pulling to those lips, the man playing off casual way too easily when my heart was thundering out of my chest. “You better not let your parents hear you talking like that,” Leif told him.

  Penny popped her head in. “Mom, we want to go to the park! Come on!”

  I glanced at Leif.

  Timid but sure. “You should come,” I said.

  He cringed but those eyes were doing that tender thing again. “Not sure that’s a good idea.”

  Maybe I was a fool, but I was beginning to think he was a very, very good idea.

  Worth the risk.

  Worth the pain.

  Because he was so much more than the surface he showed. The best parts of him begging to be exposed. Pared away and revealed.

  I grabbed a hand towel and dried my hands, cutting him a glance as I started for the kids.

  A clear invitation.

  “Yes, let’s do it!” Brendon pumped a fist in the air when I headed their way, Penny smiling soft, my girl so sweet. I returned one to her, all my pride and love and affection, and I followed the two of them back out into the fading day.

  My attention moved to my son who was still floating in the pool, his Auntie Tamar and Shea watching over him, the child smiling one of his adorable smiles, splashing like crazy as Adia came gliding through the water toward him riding on her battery-powered unicorn.

  Laughing maniacally, she pushed the button that made a thin stream of water shoot out of the horn, hitting her cousin square in the face.

  “You gots unicorned, Greyson,” she sang as she rounded him like she was a barrel racer, leaning into the turn like she was trying to gain momentum.

  “I get you! I get you!” he sang in return, kicking his feet as fast as he could under the water, spluttering and squeezing his eyes shut against the assault.

  I guessed maybe he was getting some of his own medicine.

  “All right, you two, out you go! Let’s take this party to the park,” Tamar said as she stood on the top step and helped Greyson out of his float.

  “Yo, drummer dude. Let’s roll,” Brendon hollered from about five feet in front of me.

  “Comin’.” The low rumble caught up to me from behind, the sound of it skittering across my skin. My heart stalled out. My pulse completely missing for about five beats.

  Anxious anticipation.

  Dreaded desperation.

  Because I’d felt it.

  A shift.

  As if maybe he couldn’t go on denying this any more than I could.

  My mouth was still tingling with the remnants of his kiss that I was afraid was never going to fade or evaporate. Fingers twitching with the need to touch.

  “I call Leif,” Brendon shouted.

  “What?!” Ash demanded. “How could you, Brendon? And here I thought I was your favorite.”

  I bit back a laugh.

  Boys.

  Lyrik held open the gate as our entire family filed through and climbed down the back steps that led onto the sidewalk. We made a right toward the main road that cut through the neighborhood.

  All of Sunder were in the front.

  Lyrik carried Adia, Ash carried Colton, and Austin carried Sadie, nothing but a train of hot daddies and their babies. If it were a busy road, I was pretty sure we would have been stopping traffic.

  Connor raced up ahead with Brendon.

  Willow, Shea, Tamar, Edie, and I had gathered in a small group, all of us chatting, Greyson spouting his gibberish as he shouted at the rest of the kids who raced ahead. “Go, Momma, go. Wet's get 'em.”

  “But we can’t leave our Penny-Pie behind can we?” I told him, planting a kiss on his cheek.

  Penny and Kallie had their arms linked at the elbows and their heads pressed together about ten feet behind us, confiding more of their secrets.

  Sweet, sweet dreams.

  Innocent hopes and grateful tomorrows.

  Leif took up the rear, trailing the girls by about ten feet. Barely peeking at me. But it didn’t matter—I could feel him, anyway.

  “Hurry up, slow pokes,” Brendon shouted from under the cover of the trees that extended over the sidewalk.

  At the intersection, we paused to check that it was clear, and Shea shouted at the girls, “Be careful crossin’.”

  Kallie moaned. “Mom, we’re eleven. Stop being so embarrassing.”

  I held the laughter that wanted to get loose.

  When I made it to the other side, my gaze slipped back to Leif, his attention locked on the ground, agitation in his stride, like he thought it was his duty to question his reasoning for coming with us.

  Those walls there, but shaky.

  The man an outsider.

  A beautiful, terrifying refugee who I hoped one day would find his home.

  His place.

  The same way as I was looking for mine.

  My insides curled, nothing but foolishness when I thought I wished that place could be me.

  Kallie suddenly started to run towa
rd us, bubbling with excitement.

  Clearly, she and Penny had been hatching a plan. “Hey, Momma, is it okay if Penny comes to spend the night tonight after we get finished at the park? We want to make a fort in the back and sleep out under the stars.”

  Penny slowed her stride as she crossed the street. My sweet girl always got shy when the attention turned to her. Not wanting to be standing there or in the way if Shea said no.

  In the distance, thunder rolled.

  Just the quiet intonation of a building storm.

  Summer getting ready to show off its bold, bold beauty.

  Then all the peace in my heart dropped to the ground when I heard the sudden roar of an engine. An engine that came from out of nowhere.

  From right up the street.

  Straight from hell.

  I didn’t know.

  I just knew I was too far away.

  Too far.

  Dread streaked down my spine.

  Tires squealed as an accelerator was floored.

  My heart stopped working and my knees went weak.

  “Penny!” I screamed.

  Penny’s eyes went round as her head snapped to the right in shock. Terror took to her expression, my baby girl frozen in the middle of the crosswalk.

  Like her feet were glued to the spot.

  Horror clutched my soul in a bloody fist, knowing there was no chance I could get to her in time. Knowing there was no way for her to get out of the way.

  “Penny!” I was still screaming. The plea echoing in my ears.

  The car screamed. Almost as loud as me.

  Her tiny body suddenly lurched forward.

  Flailing.

  Arms and legs and black, black hair.

  Toppling and tumbling as the blur of a car raced through the small intersection, skidding and swerving.

  Not slowing for the stop sign but speeding up as it blew through.

  “No! Oh my God, Penny, no!”

  I clutched Greyson tighter to my chest, my hand on the back of his head like I could shield him from witnessing this. Like I could shield myself.

  Screams and shouts rolled. A clatter of feet that raced and rushed.

  Lyrik flew passed, the rest of the guys on his tail. “Fuck. Oh God. Penny.”

  But all I could see was the pile on the ground.

  My mind racing, blurred, trying to make sense of the scene.

  My baby girl in a ball.

  Curled against him.

  The man steel where he was wrapped around her.

  A shield.

  A destructive force.

  Everything finally gave, and I dropped to my knees.

  Twenty

  Leif

  Screams pierced my brain.

  Spikes of agony.

  Blades of desperation.

  My pulse roared, deafening, the world spinning and spinning and spinning. Tipped on its axis. Falling into an endless abyss.

  Adrenaline blurred the edges of my sight. Burned through my veins. Sloshing and destroying and stoking the rage.

  Everything was a void. A black hole. All except for one singular focus.

  The girl.

  The little girl with the black hair who was balled against my chest. My arms steel bands around her, my body a fortress willing to take the blow to protect the treasure that was inside.

  Covering her whole.

  Pain splintered through my side, but I just curled myself tighter around her as the horror spread over us. The dust and debris and terror.

  “Fuck. Oh God. Penny.” Lyrik’s voice cut through the dense, ominous air, but the only thing I could really hear were the screams that Mia had released.

  Lyrik tried to pry my arm away.

  I hung on tighter, clutching her in my hold, my mouth murmuring into the wisps of her hair that smelled like chlorine and sun and exhaust. “Are you hurt? Penny, are you hurt? Can you hear me?”

  The fragile body tucked against me began to shake.

  Vibrating.

  Shivering.

  Trembling.

  Alive.

  Relief tore through me with the force of a volcanic eruption, an explosion that I was certain would leave the deepest crater in the middle of me. Blowing something open that shouldn’t have been released.

  “Penny,” I muttered, slowly shifting so all my weight wasn’t on her while keeping her still to make sure I didn’t injure her more. “Penny. Tell me if you’re injured. Where it hurts. Please.”

  A sob ripped from her, a reverberation that ricocheted through my chest, her shaking body turning into an all-out earthquake. Her fingers curled into my shirt. Desperation as she cried out.

  The sticky heat of blood seeped into my jeans.

  Fear clamored. Hatred rushed.

  “It’s okay, Penny. I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”

  I eased onto my butt, still clinging to her, refusing to let her move a bone or a muscle or a cell. Arms aching with the need to keep her whole.

  Real and intact.

  Lyrik hovered over us, freaking the fuck out, a feeling I totally respected and got. “Penny. Are you okay? Tell me if you’re hurt? Oh, God, oh God.” He shot back upright. “Someone call an ambulance,” he shouted, his roar of agony banging through the air.

  Could feel the disordered energy whipping around us. Whirring and twisting and gaining speed.

  But the only call I could feel was the woman.

  The angel in the attic. I hugged her child, unable to let go even though I knew I had to.

  That she wasn’t mine.

  That she never could be.

  My face lifted just a fraction, just enough so that my gaze could crawl through the dust and debris to the woman who was on her hands and knees. Tamar had taken Greyson from her, trying to calm down the toddler who was wailing.

  Or maybe it was the sound of his mother coming apart.

  Torment clutched my spirit, my arms locked around Penny as I met the affliction in Mia’s eyes. An affliction I knew too well. One that I could understand in a way that I wanted to scrape from my consciousness.

  Mia crawled toward us, like she no longer had the capacity to stand, her spirit rushing out ahead of her.

  Slamming me.

  Soul first.

  She was sobbing out loud by the time she made it to us, the woman a hurricane, a tornado that blew and screamed and howled. Her fingers searched, digging through the shield that I had made, her voice a desperate chant.

  “Penny. Penny. Penny.”

  The little girl cried more, an outburst of fear at the sound of her mother’s voice.

  “Penny, oh my God, my baby girl. Penny.” Mia crawled the rest of the way into the well of my lap, wrapping her arms around Penny just as tight. She buried her face in my arm, tears soaking my skin. “Penny.”

  A siren screamed from where it had pulled out from the station just a quarter of a mile up the street.

  Took only a minute or two before the ground vibrated with the pound of heavy footsteps. Voices warbled as they broke through the atmosphere.

  The child was pried from my arms, and I fumbled back, no longer able to breathe.

  I sat in the middle of the street.

  Knocked on my ass.

  Watching the frantic scene.

  Praying I hadn’t been too late.

  Please, God, don’t let me have been too late.

  I couldn’t handle it this time. Not if I failed again.

  * * *

  Muttered, distorted voices filtered from the room and out into the darkened hall. Tufts of thready, yellowed light seeped out through the crack in the door, casting shadows onto the wall of glass behind me.

  Night pressed in, as fierce as the storm that built overhead.

  Foreboding clouds rumbled where they slowly crept over the house. Branches on the trees whipping like mad.

  Angry. Crying their outrage.

  I scrubbed my palms over my face, praying it would stand the chance to break up the disorder.

 
; Tearing me to shreds.

  Cutting me to pieces.

  Tatters getting caught up in the destructive gusts of wind.

  Memories too close and too clear and coming at me too fast.

  “I will never let anyone hurt you. Do you understand? I will die first.”

  “Please, let’s just . . . go. Get away from here.”

  I set both hands on her cheeks. “Soon, Maddie, soon.”

  Sickness clawed across my flesh, sprouting from the pebbles of pavement that had embedded in my skin.

  Soft cries bled through the cracks of the door. Fear patent. Terror real.

  Penny had just been released from the emergency room with no real injuries other than a few scrapes and bruises.

  It was close.

  Too fucking close.

  I tried to suffocate the rage that blistered.

  The monster freed.

  I pulled my phone out of my pocket when it finally buzzed back, anxiety mauling me while I’d waited for Braxton to get back to me after I’d texted him an hour before.

  Braxton: You sure you were singled out?

  I huffed out the frustration, tapped a response.

  Me: No. Not one-hundred percent. But I think the chances are pretty damned likely, don’t you?

  Braxton: But why the kid? She doesn’t have a thing to do with you. Doesn’t add, man. Think it might’ve been random.

  Fury raced. Didn’t mean to be pissed at him, but this wasn’t the time to sit back and see how things played out. My fingers were shaking with hatred as I responded.

  Me: And you think these bastards would think twice about a kid who got in the way?

  Braxton: Fuck man. I know. I know. I’m sorry.

  Braxton: I pressed Ridge like I told you I would. He didn’t know much. Only thing we got is your mom’s been asking around again.

  Anger squeezed my ribs with so much force I didn’t know how I didn’t implode.

  Me: And?

  Braxton: Said she’s worried.

  She was worried? That was fucking priceless.

  Me: Worried they didn’t finish the job the first time around?