Forever

by Karen Ann Hopkins

  I took a step closer to stop her from leaving and said, “Then what’s the big deal?”

  “You’ve robbed her of the chance to do it on her own.”

  Summer was quickly through the door and strutting down the stone walkway. With only a second of thought, I ran out of the house in my bare feet and grabbed her arm to stop her.

  “Come on, Summer, please don’t be upset with me about this. I was only doing what I thought was best for my sister.”

  Summer sighed and softly shook her head. “When are you going to learn that some things aren’t up to you to decide?”

  When I shrugged and put on the sorriest-looking face I could manage, she relented beneath my fingers and said in defeat, “I guess it doesn’t really matter, anyway. She’s already made up her mind about her future.”

  “What’s she going to do?”

  Summer smiled and lifted an eyebrow, saying, “You’ll have to wait to find that out yourself. Unlike you, Sam, I can keep a secret.”

  25

  Noah

  Darkness was almost complete when I rode up the driveway on Maisy. After I’d left Rose, I’d immediately saddled up the horse and headed to the fields across the road. I needed time by myself to think and make plans—and deal with the fact that I was going to be a father.

  Before, when I’d thought about the chance of Rose being with child, I hadn’t been too worried about it, but now that it was a reality, my head was spinning. The fact that we weren’t married was at the forefront of my troubled thoughts. My folks knew of the possibility, but how would the community take the news? I figured it wouldn’t be well received, especially with all the problems Elijah Schwartz was already stirring up among the church members.

  After spending hours riding through the plowed fields and along the hedgerows, I was certain of one thing—no matter what Father, Mother or my community said, Rose and I would begin our lives together, even if it meant moving away to do so.

  Peter and Isaac running toward me caught my attention and I reined the old mare to a stop.

  Peter blurted out, “Better not go in the house if you know what’s good for you.”

  A tingling sensation of worry ran along my arms as I asked, “Why?”

  “Father told us to go to the Yoders for the evening—we’re heading that way now,” Peter said.

  Looking up, I spotted Rachel leaving the house with little Naomi’s hand in hers. Daniel wasn’t far behind them.

  “He asked all of you to leave?”

  “Except for Sarah,” Peter replied.

  When the others reached us, Peter nudged Daniel with his hand, and the two raced away down the driveway with Isaac running after them, struggling to keep from falling too far behind.

  Rachel slowed, and I looked at her questioningly.

  “Sarah’s gone and gotten herself into trouble with that Micah boy,” Rachel said with her usual tone of judgment.

  The sound of her voice instantly angered me. Not that I wished it on her, but I was willing to bet that someday the girl would have her own heartache to deal with, and then she wouldn’t be so smug.

  I ignored Rachel’s frowning face and spurred Maisy into a canter to cover the distance to the barn quickly. Rachel had the fine features to be far prettier than Sarah, but her personality dampened her beauty. Whereas Sarah’s kind ways made her shine more brightly than most of the other girls in the community. It was a shame that Rachel hadn’t been born with a gentler spirit. She’d have the pick of the boys in the community if she wasn’t so surly all the time.

  Once Maisy was back in the pasture, I walked in the dark to the house. The last thing Father and Mother needed was confirmation of Rose’s pregnancy on top of Sarah’s issues, but I had no choice. There wasn’t any time to lose.

  Pushing the door open, I quietly took my boots off in the mudroom and went to the kitchen. I wasn’t surprised to find the three of them seated at the table beneath the gas lamp that let off a duller light than the electric lamps that the English used.

  The room became quiet while I washed my hands. Only when I was drying them did I turn around and risk looking directly at Father. He sat in his chair with a slight slump that was uncharacteristic of the strong man. He appeared defeated, even before I’d given him my own troubling news.

  “Noah, you need to leave for a while, maybe go visit Timothy for the evening,” Mother said softly.

  “No, Rebecca. I believe Noah should be here for this discussion. After all, Sarah’s problem stems directly from his actions.”

  I cringed at his words but took the seat beside him nonetheless.

  Sarah’s sniff into a tissue brought my gaze up, and I smiled reassuringly at her tearful face. These kitchen table conversations with Father and Mother were nothing new to me, but if I had to guess, I’d say it was her first. Father could sure be intimidating when he was riled up over something.

  “It isn’t Noah’s fault. The blame should be on that horrible man, Elijah Schwartz,” Sarah said as she wiped another tear from her eye.

  Father nodded in agreement but said, “That may be the right of it, but Noah does play a part in this mess.”

  “I’m already paying the consequences.” Pushing aside my own problems I glanced between Father and Sarah and added, “What’s happened to cause Sarah to be crying and the both of you to be looking at her with dread?”

  Father sighed loudly and said, “Elijah caught Sarah and Micah kissing in the Yoders’ barn this evening after the youth gathering.”

  The words boomed in my head for a few seconds before I accepted them as truth. The world really was upside down if good-girl Sarah was doing such a thing, but the fact that Father was as calm as he was even more surprising.

  Sarah sucked in a gulp of air and cried out, “It was the first time. I promise it was.”

  “That’s neither here nor there at this juncture.” Father looked steadily at Sarah and continued, “I know you’re a respectable young woman and that that you’ve learned from this incident. As God says in 2 Timothy 2:22, ‘So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.’”

  Mother reached over and patted Sarah’s hand, saying, “If Micah has pure intentions, he will be patient and wait for you.”

  Father’s eyes strayed to me, and I glanced away. This was not a good night to tell him that Rose was pregnant.

  “But his father will never allow us to be together. It’s hopeless.” Sarah began to cry in earnest and was quickly pulled into Mother’s embrace.

  Father’s hand came down hard on the table, and he said, “Elijah has no good reason to keep the two of you from courting. The members of the church will not allow him to bully you both out of a relationship that would be God’s will.”

  “He’s caused so much mischief already, Amos. Some of the women in the quilting group hardly even speak to me now,” Mother said, her voice slightly muffled as her mouth was against Sarah’s cap.

  Anger tightened my insides. Even Mother was suffering from Elijah’s hatred of me.

  “Ach, that’s trivial business. I have faith that it will work out for the better good of the young ones and the community. We must be cautious in all that we do for a time as not to give Elijah more fuel for the fire he’s created.”

  He turned to me and said, “That’s where you have a part to play, Noah. You and Rose must be patient.”

  Carefully, I asked, “What exactly do you mean, Father?”

  “Regardless of your wishes in the matter, you still will have to contend with David Cameron. So, waiting until autumn when Rose turns eighteen and can make a decision on her own about becoming one of us is the only way. You’ll have to wait.”

  Remembering Rose’s quivering lips and fearful eyes, my heart quiete
d, and I became brave. Facing Father, I said, “Rose’s family is not your only concern.”

  Father shook his head lightly and replied, “No, it isn’t. The community will not accept an engagement between the two of you at this point. Elijah has made sure to darken our people’s hearts and cause them to question bringing an English girl into our community.” Father leveled a hard stare at me and continued, “He can cause all kinds of grief for us if we aren’t careful.”

  After silently asking God for strength, I said, “Rose is pregnant.”

  His eyes widened for an instant before his hand pounded the table. Mother’s sharp intake of breath was the only sound in the kitchen. I only glanced at her and Sarah long enough to see their shocked faces before turning back to Father, who seemed to have regained his composure somewhat when he asked, “Are you certain?”

  “Yes, she’s definitely pregnant.”

  “Oh, Lord, help us through this troubling time,” Father implored.

  “We need your help…and support, more than ever now,” I said softly.

  “Son, you’ve made a great many mistakes this past year, and your impetuous behavior has affected us all. But regardless of all of that, your mother and I will be there for you and Rose one hundred percent. You must take responsibility for your actions and marry her as soon as possible.”

  “What about Elijah?” I suddenly felt as if a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders. As long as I had help from my family, all would be well in the end.

  Father shrugged and looked to Mother, who nodded her head reassuringly. Sarah still gaped, and I felt sorry that she’d been dragged into my problem and was suffering because of it.

  “We will keep word of the pregnancy secret for now.” He looked at Sarah, speaking to her, “You will not mention this to Katie, Rachel and especially not Micah.”

  “What about David? He’ll have to go along with the wedding, won’t he?”

  Father’s gaze met mine, and my stomach rolled when he shook his head with tight lips.

  “What are his feelings about it?” Father asked.

  “He doesn’t know yet. Rose was afraid to tell him.”

  “There’s no telling how the doctor will react to the news, Noah. By English law, I believe he still has a say in the matter. He may present more of a battle for you and Rose than Elijah Schwartz and his followers combined.”

  Just as I was about to respond, the loud rapping on the door turned all our heads. Father raised his eyebrows before he rose. I was surprised to see the bishop, Abram Lambright, come through the door.

  “I’m sorry to arrive so late without notice, but there is a matter that I need to discuss with you, Amos. It’s of utmost importance.”

  Father didn’t seem surprised as he lifted his coat from the peg and picked up his hat to leave. I imagined they’d be in the dark barn within minutes.

  As I followed Mother and Sarah out of the kitchen, Abram called out, “You best be coming with us, Noah. This pertains to you.”

  I stopped, my heart sinking.

  Had Abram somehow found out about Rose’s pregnancy?

  26

  Rose

  A small part of me was glad that I didn’t have to say the words myself. Of course, I’d never let Sam know it.

  Once I sat down at the kitchen table, there were a few excruciating minutes of silence, with the exception of the distant, muffled noise coming from the TV in the family room and the rhythmic dripping of the faucet in the sink.

  I focused on the sound of the drops hitting the porcelain as Dad stared at me grimly. What could he do? Ground me or scream at me, none of it mattered in the least. I was pregnant and that was that. For once in his life, Dad couldn’t fix it.

  Determined not to speak first, I gazed back at him, waiting. A strange sense of calmness passed over me. Having Noah’s arms around me earlier had given me strength. I wasn’t alone in this.

  Finally, Dad cleared his throat and said, “Why didn’t you tell me, Rosie?”

  His voice was quiet and hurt. I caught my breath and found that I couldn’t speak. The tears that I’d hidden from him for the past couple of weeks began to fall. It would have been much easier if he’d gone on a rant. Instead, his calm acceptance of the news made me feel awful that I hadn’t trusted him in the first place.

  In my blur of tears, Dad moved around the table and grasped my shoulders, pulling me up against him.

  “It’s all right, honey. I’m not angry. Disappointed and worried, yes, but never angry with you.”

  “I didn’t mean for it to happen. I was stupid…just dumb.”

  Dad sat me back down and pulled his chair up close. He leaned in and said, “You made a bad decision and the odds fell against you, but it certainly isn’t the end of the world. You have choices.”

  As usual, his voice was soothing and practical, and I found myself mesmerized by his words.

  “Choices?” I whispered, suddenly very worried about what he was implying.

  He nodded his head briskly and said, “Yes, of course. You made a mistake, but it doesn’t have to affect your future. Have you thought at all about your options?”

  I stared at him, suddenly afraid of what he was about to say.

  “It’s still very early. The pregnancy could be eliminated.”

  The words played over in my head a few times, and then my belly heaved. I jumped to the sink and threw up. The awful feeling of vomiting was welcomed. It woke me from the trance I’d been in since Dad had begun speaking.

  Dad held my hair back with one hand as his other reached for the towel.

  I snatched it from him and shouted, “I’m not having an abortion. You can just forget about that.”

  “Rosie, I didn’t mean to upset you. Of course, it’s your decision, but you need to know and understand all of your options. At this point the fetus is only the size of a thumbnail.”

  “I can’t believe you’d suggest such a thing. This is my baby with Noah. It’s your grandchild,” I cried out, slapping his hand away as he tried to calm me.

  “I won’t apologize for telling you there’s an alternative to you going through with this pregnancy. Dammit, your future is what’s important to me. Why can’t you see that?” he shouted.

  I shook my head in defiance. “Nothing you say will change my mind, so don’t waste your time.”

  Dad took a breath and said in a softer tone, “Have you considered adoption, then?”

  It suddenly dawned on me that Dad didn’t want this pregnancy to change me. If he had his way, nine months from now, the baby would be somewhere else, and I’d be graduating from high school and going away to college. Maybe I could take some classes at the local community college, but the university experience that Dad wanted for all his kids was impossible for me now.

  Remembering that Noah had been happy at the news caused me to stand up taller and say, “We’re keeping our baby.”

  “We’re— Is that your plan, then? To marry Noah and become Amish, to throw everything away?”

  Dad’s voice finally rose to the level that I’d expected from the beginning. He was more upset about me becoming Amish than the pregnancy itself.

  “You can’t stop me.”

  “We’ll see about that,” Dad said. His blue eyes challenged me.

  “Whoa, guys. I thought you were going to be discussing this reasonably,” Sam said in his usual arrogant tone as he walked into the room.

  Summer was with him, and when her gaze met mine, she crossed the room in front of Dad and stood beside me. Her hand grasped mine, and I realized that even if I didn’t have Noah, I still wouldn’t be alone.

  Justin strolled casually in and took the seat I’d vacated. He leaned back in the chair and smiled crookedly at me. He was with me also.

  “This is
n’t your concern, Sam, nor you or you.” Dad pointed at Summer and Justin in turn.

  “It certainly is. That baby is my nephew,” Sam said.

  “Mine, too.” Justin spoke more quietly, but with no less certainty.

  My emotions were suddenly calm, and relief washed over me. Noah and I weren’t alone. We might not have Dad’s support, but I knew that my brothers and best friend would be there for us no matter what.

  Dad knew he was outnumbered. He leaned against the sink and ran his hand through his hair, agitated.

  “Just because you’re pregnant doesn’t mean you have to join that religious cult. You can keep the baby. We’ll help you. I’m sure Aunt Debbie will be thrilled once the shock wears off.”

  “What are you saying?” I asked with hesitancy, expecting a trick.

  “If you are adamant about keeping the baby, you can do it as a single woman. You can still go to college. I’ll help you with the arrangements for child care. Your life doesn’t have to end with this pregnancy. You don’t have to become Amish.”

  I was still processing what Dad was saying when Sam put his two cents in.

  “Why would you want her to do it alone when the father wants to take care of her and the baby?”

  “Sam, you know as well as I do that, after a few years of living the primitive lifestyle, Rose will be miserable, but she won’t be able to escape. By then, she’ll probably have several children, and with no college education, she’ll be trapped.”

  Sam shrugged and said, “Maybe so, but it’s her choice. You can’t protect her forever, Dad.”

  They were both right.

  “Dad, I love you and you’ve spoken about some of the same doubts that I have about becoming Amish, but it is my choice.”

  “There is another way…” Summer whispered under her breath, but I heard her loud and clear.

  I knew what Summer meant, and the time had finally come to talk to Noah about it.