Forever

by Karen Ann Hopkins

  “I’ll leave this place with you, but not as an Amish woman.”

  Her words boomed in my head, and I said, “You want me to go English?”

  She nodded. “Just think of it, Noah, it will be so much easier for us. No rules about every little thing we do. We can be free to make our life together…and our child will be free, too.”

  I pushed a few stray locks of her brown hair off her face and whispered, “I can’t do it, Rose. I’m sorry, but I can’t do it.”

  28

  Sarah

  The clouds to the west pushed over the farm, quickly darkening the sky. The wind whipped the clothes on the line, and I hurried to pull them down, afraid that the storms Father had warned about earlier in the day were close to arriving.

  As I pressed the boys’ pants down into the basket, my mind raced back to the night before when Noah had said that Rose was pregnant. I was still in shock about it. A week ago I’d never have understood why they would have lain together before they were married, but after the kiss I’d received from Micah, I was able to imagine how such a thing might happen.

  Rose was the same age as me, though, and I worried about how she was handling the pregnancy. As an Amish girl, I expected to be married by the time I was nineteen or twenty, but I knew that most English girls waited longer, finishing college and establishing a career before they became mothers. Rose seemed even younger than her seventeen years. Although I loved her dearly, she was spoiled and used to getting her way. Her life would change dramatically with a baby in tow, and I worried if she’d even know what to do with an infant. Of course, she’d have Mother, Katie and me to show her the way, and she’d spent some time with Emilene’s twin boys, which was promising.

  With the last of the clothes off the line, I picked the basket up, bending my head away from the hard wind that stung my face. Before I reached the door to the house, I heard the fast-falling clip-clops on the driveway. Setting the basket down, I jogged to the side of the house to see who it was.

  Sucking in a breath, I clutched my hands to my chest. It was Micah.

  Only Rachel and Naomi were at the farm, and if I was very lucky, they were busy enough cleaning the upstairs that they hadn’t noticed the horse and rider. I said a silent prayer that the wind had muffled the sound of the hoofbeats on the driveway as I ran out to meet Micah.

  When Micah saw me, he reined his Appaloosa gelding toward me and met me in the front yard.

  “What are you doing here?” I spoke loudly to be heard over the gusting wind.

  Micah grinned and said, “I thought you’d be happy to see me.”

  My face heated, but I suddenly felt lighthearted, and I shook my head and laughed.

  “You’re very sure of yourself, Micah Schwartz.”

  In a blink of an eye, he’d hopped off his horse and was standing beside me. I quickly looked at the windows of the house, wondering if Rachel was watching and whether I could trust her to keep a secret if she was.

  “Are you crazy? Get back on your horse,” I demanded.

  “I won’t get you into trouble again, I promise. I’m on my way to the Yoders’ and saw you in the yard. I wanted to say hello, is all.”

  He wore a black knitted hat that covered most of his hair, but some of it curled out at his neck, and I absently thought that I should cut it for him.

  “What are you thinking?” Micah asked.

  His green eyes were curious, and again, I found myself laughing. “After your father caught us the other day kissing, I’d have thought you’d stay far away from me.”

  “No way—we just have to be more careful about our relationship.”

  I swallowed the butterflies down and met his gaze. His face was serious for a change. The look made my belly do a flip-flop.

  “Relationship—is that what you’re calling this?” I made a sweep of my hands.

  “Absolutely, Sarah—you’re my girl now, and everyone knows it.”

  He looked so sure of himself that the breath caught in my throat. Before I became lost in the emotions, a burst of wind nearly took my cap off, and I grabbed hold of it, repositioning the pin to secure it more tightly.

  When I glanced back at him, standing in a position to block some of the wind from me, I realized that I wasn’t so afraid anymore. Something about his confidence gave me hope.

  “Is it true? Are people talking?”

  He nodded, and the crooked smile returned.

  “Your father will never allow it—especially not now.”

  “I overheard him and Ma talking last night. They were whispering, but I held my breath and risked leaning my head into their dark bedroom. Da said that he reckoned if I was as stubborn about you as I was with everything else, it was inevitable that the Schwartz and Miller families would be tied together in the end.”

  I couldn’t believe my ears. Clasping his hand, I exclaimed, “He’ll allow you to court me?”

  “Eventually, yes, he’ll give his blessing. But he’s not there yet. We’ll have to be patient.”

  “Oh, that’s wonderful news. Noah will be free to…” I stopped abruptly and caught myself.

  “I tell you that we’ll be together someday, and you’re thinking about your brother?” Micah raised an eyebrow.

  Quickly, I tried to cover my slip by saying, “Of course I’m happy for us, but my entire family has been affected by your father’s anger. If he can get past what Noah did to Constance, it’s best for the community.”

  He frowned, and my excitement quickly dampened.

  “It isn’t all good news, is it?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

  “Even if Da grudgingly accepts you, his bad feelings toward your brother and father may never disappear. He’s just that way about things. Once he’s been crossed, it takes an act of God to undo him.”

  “That’s not very Christian-like if you ask me,” I reprimanded, unable to keep my voice from rising. “My father would never hold such a grudge.”

  Another gust brought many of the new leaves from the maple tree we stood beneath down upon us in a pelting fury. Micah pulled me against him to shield me from the weather, and said into my ear, “Have faith, dear Sarah. We’ll be together soon enough.”

  The quick brush of his lips on mine startled me, and I pulled out of his grasp.

  “Micah Schwartz, we aren’t courting yet, and I’ll have none of that business until you’ve made a commitment to me.”

  “I expect no less from you.”

  His horse had been well mannered, standing quietly up until that point, but the last blast of wind had frightened him. Micah held the quivering gelding firmly as it tried to pull away.

  “I best be going before it starts to rain.” He mounted in a fluid motion and held the jumpy horse in check while he said, “Be careful…the sky looks awful dark. I think we’re going to have us quite a storm.”

  I nodded and waved to him. For a few seconds he stared at me while the horse pranced in place, then he grinned and turned toward the road. Over the sound of the angry wind, I heard the cantering hooves pounding on the roadway as I made my way back to the house.

  Grasping the door in both hands, I struggled to get it shut. The roar of the storm muffled my gasp as the screen door snapped away from my hands, hitting the side of the house and then lifting into the air.

  Rachel screamed behind me, and I turned to see her face as white as a sheet. Naomi was clutching Rachel’s leg, and when her light brown eyes met mine, I saw my own fear reflected in them.

  I hurried over and scooped the four-year-old into my arms.

  “Hush, little one. It’s all right, just a storm is all.”

  “I’ll get the horses into the barn,” Rachel yelled above the noise, but I grabbed her arm and held her close.

  “No, we should go to the ba
sement. This storm is dangerous. I can feel it in my bones.”

  As we ran to the stairs leading under the house, Naomi cried, “I want Mama, where’s Mama?”

  Cradling her head against my chest I said, “Mama went to the Hershbergers to help with Ruth’s garden. She’ll be fine there and home soon enough.”

  I grabbed the kerosene lamp off the hook as we went into the darkness of the basement and hoped that my little brothers were still at Katie and Jacob’s house and hadn’t left for home yet. I guessed that Father was safe in Mr. Denton’s truck somewhere, but with a fearful stab at my heart, I remembered that Noah had left on Maisy a while ago, and I had no idea where he was.

  Once the lamp was lit and giving off a dull glow, I put my arms around my sisters and hugged them close.

  The rumble of the storm was growing louder, and with each crash and bang from the upstairs my pulse quickened. After several minutes of soothing words didn’t stop Naomi from crying, I fell silent and just held her close. Rachel mumbled incoherently, but I knew she was praying.

  I said my own silent prayer for the Lord to watch over my family…and keep Micah safe.

  Even though I was afraid, I smiled into Naomi’s soft brown hair.

  Micah and I had a chance, after all.

  29

  Rose

  The blast of wind spooked Lady, and she bolted sideways. I clung with my thighs and tugged on the reins until I had her trotting in a straight line again. Glancing up at the darkening sky, I wished I’d listened to Sam about the strong possibility of storms that afternoon.

  I probably would have taken his advice if he hadn’t been so bossy about it. In typical Sam fashion, he told me how stupid I was to go riding while pregnant. He even threatened to phone Dad at the hospital if I went, but I’d called his bluff and galloped away, anyway.

  He’d shouted after me about tornado warnings in the area, but I’d ignored him, more intent on getting away to think than to worry about the weather. It had been several weeks since I’d been on my gray Arabian’s back and at first the feel of the colder air hitting my face had been exhilarating. For a little while, I even forgot about the pregnancy, enjoying the freedom that riding a horse gave me.

  But now, with Lady shaking beneath me, ready to bolt again, and the wind picking up even more, I started becoming afraid. To make matters more nerve-wracking, I worried that the fearful tightness in my body would fuel Lady’s nervousness.

  Of course I wouldn’t even be out in the storm if it hadn’t been for Noah. The way he’d shot down my suggestion that he go English was not really unexpected, but it still stung. I didn’t want to be Amish in some faraway community. I’d have enough trouble surviving the lifestyle in Meadowview. At least here, I knew people, and my family lived just up the road. Even if I wasn’t allowed to visit with them much, they would still be there—waiting for me.

  I didn’t want to leave Summer, either. She was my best friend and probably the only person who could keep me sane in the days to come. Her words of warning were also heavy on my mind.

  “You know, Rose, if it’s a girl, she’ll be stuck living her life in the shadows of men. At least you made the decision to throw away your freedom…she won’t have a choice.”

  Another thing that had been on my mind was wondering what Mom would have said if she’d been sitting at the table this morning with the rest of them. It was a dumb thought. If Mom was still alive, I wouldn’t be pregnant. We’d never have moved to Meadowview and Dad wouldn’t be dating Tina.

  And, I wouldn’t be in danger of being thrown into the mud of the newly plowed corn field in the middle of Ohio nowhere.

  The flash of lightning was so close that it blinded me for an instant, but it was the boom of thunder directly overhead that caused Lady’s legs to spread low to the ground before she gathered her muscles and took off.

  My body was thrown back, but I held on, righting myself in the saddle. Once I felt fairly certain that the mare wasn’t going to buck, I began pulling on the reins to slow her down.

  We reached the end of the field quickly, and I managed to turn Lady before we crashed into the darkness of the forest. The violent wind was pushing the trees downward, and all the leaves were flipped over. As Lady slowed to a trot, I heard wood splintering, and broken branches flying through the air bombarded me.

  Lady snorted and tossed her head at the onslaught while I clung to her for dear life. I considered dismounting and leading her home, but was afraid I’d never be able to hold her. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if my horse broke away and was injured in a mad dash to get back to the barn.

  The rain began to fall lightly at first, but by the time I had Lady turned and heading back the way we’d come, the force of the drops had escalated to a heavy downpour.

  Gripping the reins tightly, I rode through the driving rain, thinking about Noah and how upset he’d be if he knew what a foolish thing I’d done. I also thought about Sam and Justin and hoped that they were in the grimy basement of the old house waiting out the storm in safety. But mostly I thought about Mom, wishing that she were alive and waiting for me at home.

  The force of the wind was nearly pushing me off the saddle, and I hunkered down lower over the horn. I said encouraging words to Lady as we approached the gap that led between a small stand of trees that separated the corn and hay fields.

  There was a slight lull in the storm when we were about to leave the trees, and I exhaled in relief that I only had one more field to cover to reach the road. I might make it home before the worst of it hit, after all.

  Suddenly a gale came up that was greater than any of the others so far. I braced myself in the saddle, fearing the worst, when the sky brightened with light once again and the air groaned around me.

  I caught sight of the oak tree’s large trunk bending abnormally, and then I heard the creaking and splintering of wood. The wind carried the treetop down in a blasting crash that landed only feet from where Lady and I were.

  Even a nonspooky, well-trained horse would flip out over this, I told myself, as my mare leaped away, saving us from the heavy branches that were still falling. Her sideways movement was too much for me, and my tired muscles loosened. I lost my balance, and as her haunches dug in a second time, I separated from her body.

  It seemed I was in the air an unbearable amount of time before the ground rose up, catching me with a hard jolt. I rolled once or twice, finally stopping in a clump of wet grass. Even though the world was spinning around me, I lifted my head a fraction to see Lady running at a full gallop through the hay field toward home.

  I dropped my head back against the ground and looked up at the purple-and-gray clouds. The rain was lighter now, and I could almost count individual drops as they fell on my face. With effort, I moved my hand to my belly and began to cry.

  My vision was fading, but I noticed how fast the clouds were moving and I watched them in a hazy, dreamlike state until the blackness began to spread in my mind.

  My last thought was of Noah…and how sorry I was that I’d ruined everything.

  30

  Sam

  This is insane, I thought as I jerked the window down, stopping the beating wind that had already blown one of Mom’s favorite paintings off the wall.

  Hearing Hope’s frantic barking, I yelled, “Justin, let Hope in! She’s on the front porch.”

  I continued to shut the windows and met Summer at the bottom of the stairs. She gave me the thumbs-up and said, “The upstairs is in lockdown.”

  “I’ve never seen wind like this before. Damn, we might have a tornado, after all,” I said as I looked out the old-fashioned pane of glass on the side of the door.

  Only an hour earlier, it had been sunny with a few ominous clouds on the horizon. Now, with the blackened sky and driving wind, it appeared that the end of the world was
near.

  “What about Rose— You said she’d be back by now?”

  Summer’s voice was high-pitched, and I saw the fear in her eyes. I knew how she felt, but up until that point I’d figured my sister was smart enough to not get caught in the storm. I’d been expecting her to come through the door at any moment. The tightening of dread gripped my insides as I ran to the front of the house and searched out the window for any sign of her.

  “Dad just called. He said we need to go to the basement. A tornado was on the ground just east of town.” Justin had Hope by the collar as he began unplugging his Xbox and throwing his games into a duffel bag.

  “You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re worried about your game system when there might be a tornado heading for us?”

  “This house has been around for about two hundred years. I’m sure it’s seen worse storms than this. I’m not too worried about it blowing down—but there might be water damage,” Justin said as he tossed his remotes into the bag and looked back at me with only mild concern on his face.

  The look must have bugged Summer. She shouted, “Rose is out there, you little turd.”

  Justin’s eyes widened, and he glanced between the two of us, before he said, “Whatever for?”

  I shook my head at his disconnect with the world around him. “When I got home from work, and you were in your gamer haze, she was freaked out about the powwow between Dad and Noah’s parents. I guess it didn’t go very well. She told me she was going for a ride to think.”

  “How could you let her leave—? She’s pregnant and upset and there was a storm coming,” Summer demanded with hands on her hips.

  “Yeah, you idiot, why didn’t you stop her?” Justin put in.

  “I did try to stop her, but, unfortunately, even though I’m quite the athlete, I don’t have the ability to outrun a damn horse.”

  The house creaked as the wind beat against it. Summer jumped at the sound and ran to me, throwing her arms around my waist.

  “Oh, my God, the house just moved,” she squealed into my shirt.