Forever

by Karen Ann Hopkins

  I hugged her and said, “Thank God, you’re alive. You girls had me worried for a time.”

  Her body stiffened against me, and I held my breath.

  “They’re not with me… Haven’t you found them? Sarah didn’t make it to the basement. She was looking for Naomi. You know how she likes to hide….” Rachel burst into tears, and I held her sobbing body as I looked over her head at Elijah and Mervin.

  Mervin took his hat off and wiped his brow with the side of his hand, while Elijah looked around at that wreckage.

  “Where is she— Where’s Sarah?” Micah’s voice cracked, and I avoided his demanding gaze.

  “Son, you must calm yourself. You’ll be no good to anyone if you become emotional. We need to be ever more careful…there’s always hope.”

  Paul patted his brother’s back and then followed Mervin as they began to walk gingerly across the pile of sticks that had been my home.

  I guided Rachel to a spot where the ground was clear. She didn’t protest when I left her, instead continuing to cry as she grasped her knees to her chin and rocked back and forth.

  My heart felt hollow and weak as my eyes wandered over the broken boards, shards of glass and sharp pieces of metal. Matthew was already clutching a bleeding hand, and Raybon had called out in pain several times.

  There was no way they could be alive if they weren’t in the basement—it was impossible.

  Shifting my eyes again toward the Camerons’ property, I took a breath and felt my nerves quiet. Being higher up, I could see the toppled trees in the yard and the roof and side of the barn missing…but the great old brick house was still standing.

  I told myself again that Rose must be all right. Losing Sarah and Naomi would be very difficult, but as long as Rose survived, I’d survive.

  In the distance hooves could be heard on the pavement, and I knew that more help would arrive in minutes. Father and Jacob were at the worksite, but Mr. Denton would have them on their way home soon enough.

  Thankfully, Mother and the little boys were at the Hershbergers’.

  At that moment I spotted Maisy with saddle still on. She was grazing in the field between our farm and the Camerons’, alongside Rose’s gray mare.

  Matthew’s voice rang out.

  “I heard something…over here. It sounded like a child crying.”

  We all ran to the spot and stopped moving, with ears tilted to where Matthew was pointing.

  The sniffling sound couldn’t be denied, and I was the first to begin picking through the rubble where the noise had come from.

  “Careful, Noah, don’t rush now,” Elijah warned.

  I stopped to listen again and moved a few feet over.

  “She’s under the tin,” I said.

  Matthew and Micah grasped the edges of the large piece of roofing, and together we lifted it away.

  I kneeled beside Sarah’s body and touched her.

  Her lavender dress was unsoiled and shining brightly in the sunshine. Her cap was still pinned neatly to her bun, and her eyes were closed as if she were in a deep sleep. Cradled in her arms was little Naomi. Sarah had shielded my youngest sister from the storm.

  When Naomi saw me, she said my name and held out her tiny arms.

  Carefully, I disengaged Sarah’s hands from the child and lifted her into my lap. Her dress matched Sarah’s, and for a moment I felt as if I were looking into Sarah’s face, only she was a small child and I was running beside her in the pasture trying to catch the pony. I remembered her laughing as she begged me to run faster.

  “You’re as fast as old Smoky, Noah. Please catch him for me.”

  Tears dripped down my cheeks at the memory.

  “No, it can’t be. Father, please tell me she’s all right,” Micah cried out, but his voice sounded hazy and distant to my ears, even though he stood only a few steps away.

  Elijah bent his head to Sarah’s chest and then looked up at me.

  When he slowly shook his head, I gripped Naomi tighter and began to cry.

  37

  Rose

  When we reached the road and were about to turn out, Dad pulled up, blocking us. He jumped from his SUV and ran to the truck with Tina right behind him.

  “Thank God, you kids are all right.”

  “The old brick house stood up to the storm, but I’m afraid the Millers weren’t so lucky,” Sam said.

  “Oh, no,” Father said as he pivoted and called over his shoulder, “Follow me.”

  The SUV and truck made it over the crumbled pavement but not the full-grown trees that littered the Millers’ driveway. We parked in the road and sprinted up the hill toward the place where Noah’s picture-perfect farm house had once stood. Only a giant pile of sticks remained.

  Many of the Amish people were already there, gathered in small groups. Their faces wet with tears. I recognized Mr. Weaver, who stood beside the tall, slender man I’d guessed to be Constance’s father at the auction. Matthew sat on the ground with his head in his hands, and another young man I didn’t recognize stared off into space. A few more feet up the hill was Rachel—she stood like a statue, every few seconds sucking in a wet breath and blowing out again.

  Suddenly, the fear became too much, and I stopped.

  Noah was on the edge of the wreckage with little Naomi in his arms. His head was bent to hers, and his body rocked in silent sobs. Lying beside him was someone in a lavender dress….

  Summer gazed at me with eyes full of tears before she turned and pressed herself against Sam’s chest. He put his arms around her and looked over her head, his mouth gaping in disbelief. Justin hung back with Tina, who’d placed her hand on his arm to stop him from coming closer while Dad approached the scene slowly, bending down when he reached Noah.

  Frozen in shock, I watched as Dad murmured quiet words to Noah and then to his little sister. His experienced hand gently picked up Sarah’s wrist. My heart beat faster when he placed it carefully on the ground.

  My vision began to haze over with wetness when Dad held out his arms to Naomi, and after encouragement from Noah she let him lift her. Tina passed by me and whispered to Dad and then pulled out her cell phone and made a call.

  With steps that felt like walking in deep snow, I went to Noah and placed my hand softly on his shoulder. Without looking up, his hand closed over mine, and I knelt beside him. His gaze met mine, and brown eyes reflected the same grief I felt.

  For a second his eyes roamed over my face, as if he were seeing me for the first time, and then he grasped me and pressed his head against my breast. I held on to him for dear life, wishing I could take away his pain and make everything all right.

  But I couldn’t. No one could.

  38

  Noah

  I stared out the window at the pouring rain, thinking God was weeping along with the rest of us. The four coffins were in a line at the back of the Hersherbergers’ shop, and I’d been working hard for the past couple of hours not to look at them. Seeing the pine boxes made the pain worse. I could still barely believe that Sarah was lying dead in one of them.

  Marcus Bontrager, his eleven-year-old son, Kevin, and Mary Katherine Hershberger filled the remaining coffins. Marcus and his son had been shutting the door to their welding shop when the tornado struck, bringing the wall down on them. A tree falling on Mary Katherine’s buggy as she made her way home from visiting Emilene and her twin baby cousins had taken her life.

  Amazingly, even though there was a mile-long swath of destruction through the heart of the Meadowview community, only four lives had been taken in the storm. Still, all the Amish were mourning. Every family was affected in one way or another, and they were all making their way in and out of the metal building to pay their last respects.

  For a second I watched Martha embrace Ruth, who h
ad tears in her eyes. Sarah had told me that the two women had been at odds about Rose coming back to the community. Now, after this tragedy, they’d put their differences aside in mutual sadness. It was one of the things that I loved about being Amish—in the end, the community was one family.

  Glancing at Elijah Schwartz, I pondered his reaction to the deaths, especially my sister’s. He sat quietly and alone in the far corner of the building, twisting a few strands of his black beard between his fingertips. He’d already offered his condolences to Father and Mother, which they readily accepted. I wasn’t sure if his contriteness was from genuine sympathy for my family or a reaction to his own son’s distress.

  I’d been told that Micah hadn’t spoken since the discovery of Sarah’s lifeless body, although I’d seen Rachel approach him right after the church service. She’d whispered a few words to him, not mindful of the inappropriateness of their contact, before she’d left him to sit with the Miller family beside Sarah’s casket.

  I’d walked toward Micah after he’d visited my sister’s coffin, but after a second of our eyes meeting, he’d sprinted away into the rain. I had no idea where he was now, but my heart went out to him. I don’t know what I’d do if death took Rose away from me.

  Ever present in my mind was the pregnancy, although it felt bittersweet now. Just as the knowledge and excitement of new life in the family had taken hold of my parents and me, one was taken away. It wasn’t fair.

  “I’m so sorry, Noah. Is there anything we can do?”

  The soft voice at my side startled me, and I turned, focusing my damp eyes. Suzanna’s own eyes were red-rimmed and as wet as my own. Miranda stood slightly behind her, holding a kerchief to her nose and sniffling into it. Timmy and Matthew were there also, but they were trying to hold their emotions in. Matthew’s bloodshot gaze was the only indication that he’d been crying, and Timmy’s quick intake of breath and the shifting between his feet told me he was extremely upset also.

  I had to clear my throat to speak. “There’s nothing any of you can do.”

  Suzanna nodded her head in silence and moved to stand beside me. The others followed suit, although no one spoke a word. I knew it was their way of supporting me the only way they could.

  The steady stream of people passing by blurred in my mind the same as the rain dripping down the windows obscured the world outside. Everyone stopped to shake my hand or hug me, depending on their gender, and whisper words of encouragement.

  Ruth’s squeeze was extrahard and her words affected me more than most of the others when she said, “‘Let the little children come to me and not hinder them, for such belongs the kingdom of heaven.’ Jesus told us this in Matthew, Noah. We must always trust in the Lord.”

  “Thank you, Ruth.” Her words reminded me that Sarah was in a better place than any of us here, taking some of the sting from my heart.

  “Be strong, child, be strong for your family,” she added before she shuffled away into the dark-clad crowd.

  Suzanna’s hand pressed into my arm, and when I glanced down at her, she pointed toward the doorway.

  My heart skipped for an instant and then calmed. Seeing Rose entering the building along with her father, Tina, Summer and her brothers immediately lifted my spirit a fraction. She was alive, and our child grew inside of her. There was light in the darkness.

  I watched her walk with Summer, between Sam and Justin, as they followed David and Tina to the caskets. She wore a knee-length black skirt and a short black jacket that matched the skirt perfectly, following the curves of her body in the modern style. She still wasn’t showing, which was expected, but my gaze strayed to her stomach several times with fascination, anyway.

  They moved past the three first caskets at a slow walk and then stopped beside Sarah’s. Rose began to shake, and David placed his arm around her. She pressed into his body, putting her face against his chest.

  I wanted desperately to go to her, but I remained rooted in place. My warring insides left me nearly breathless. I couldn’t approach her in such a public place. It wouldn’t be fitting for me to go to her and put my arms around her. I wasn’t allowed to comfort my girl…or let her warm spirit take care of me. Even now, at my sister’s funeral, there were rules that couldn’t be broken.

  When Rose’s head lifted, and she peeked around her father’s arm catching sight of me, I saw the devastation in her gaze and something inside of me snapped.

  To hell with the rules—I was finished with them all.

  39

  Rose

  My heartbeat slowed when I saw Noah striding toward me. Suzanna, Miranda, Timmy and Matthew followed close behind, and, judging from their equally distressed expressions, they were as surprised as me.

  As we stepped away from Sarah, the tears were still wet in my eyes, and my body quivered, but now it wasn’t as much from sadness as fear. Noah was about to do something very stupid, and I couldn’t help shooting Sam a pleading look before Noah arrived.

  Sam’s eyes widened, and he followed the direction of my gaze.

  I heard him mutter, “Oh, great,” before all hell broke loose.

  Noah stopped a few inches from me, and the distress was clear on his face. In a fluid motion, his arms shot out, and he pulled me into a hug. The feel of his arms around me was glorious, but the thudding of my heart at the sight of so many Amish heads turning our way wasn’t.

  Noah mumbled into my ear, “I love you, Rose. With all my heart I love you.”

  “What are you doing—? Everyone is watching us,” I spoke into his black shirt.

  “I don’t care anymore. I will do what I want from now on.”

  There was a strange note to his voice that raised the hair on my arms, and I leaned back to look up at him. He smiled at me with confidence just before the bishop appeared beside us.

  “What’s the meaning of this, Noah?”

  “Rose is my girl, and I won’t hide it any longer.”

  “This is not the place or the time for such declarations. Release her, this instant, before you upset your parents further,” the bishop said in a low, threatening voice.

  Noah seemed to become taller against me as he gazed at the man who’d always inspired such fear in me. He didn’t loosen his hold on me, either.

  “This is what Sarah would have wanted. She’d be happy for us.”

  “That may or may not be correct, but what is definite is that your behavior is unacceptable. I understand that you are mourning the loss of your sister, but Rose can’t take that pain away from you…only the Lord can. As spoken in Psalm 34:18, ‘The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.’ You are treading dangerously here.”

  It seemed everyone in the building stopped breathing. Not even the children stirred, nor did the babies whimper in their mothers’ arms. The Amish community was entranced with the scene.

  I feared what Noah was doing. Suzanna’s and Miranda’s eyes were wide with shock, and their boyfriends looked the same. Here, at this moment, Noah was making a stand against the entire premise of the Amish culture. A part of me gave a silent “hurray” that he was standing up to the bishop, but a bigger part was cringing that he’d picked his sister’s funeral to do such a thing.

  Dad must have felt the same way and came to the rescue when he placed his hand on Noah’s shoulder and whispered into his ear, “Why don’t you come over to our place for a while…before you say something you’re going to regret later.”

  By this time Amos and Rebecca were standing close by, and my heart went out to Sarah’s mother when she looked at me with a stricken face.

  Noah nodded his head to Dad before turning to his parents and saying, “I love you both, and I’m weeping for Sarah as you are, but I can’t go on like this. I should have been with Rose a long time ago. After almost losing her in the storm that killed my sis
ter and nearly took my own life, I realize where I should be.”

  “What are you saying, son?” Amos’s voice was quiet, yet it held a force that reached out and gripped my soul.

  Noah took a breath and looked between the bishop and his dad.

  When his eyes settled back on Amos, he said, “I’m going English.”

  The words that I’d yearned to hear for so long hit me like a physical blow…and that’s when the world began spinning.

  The last thing I remembered was the feel of Noah’s arms tightening around me as the room went dark.

  40

  Sam

  “Is it just me, or is this a bit sudden?” I asked the group gathered in the kitchen.

  Dad shot me the “shut up” look, and I turned away. As I gazed out the opening that used to have a glass pane, I realized the darkness was nearly complete. Strangely, with the heavy rain falling all day, it had felt like nighttime hours ago.

  Tina sat beside Dad at the table, and I briefly wondered why she was privy to such an important family discussion. After all, she wasn’t my stepmother yet.

  Before she spoke, she took a quick sip of her glass of cola and then cleared her voice. “Are you sure this is what you want to do, Noah? I’m not trying to change your mind, but I feel that you might be making a hasty decision because of your sister’s death.”

  Dad nodded in agreement, while Noah shook his head vehemently.

  “I’ve been thinking about this for a long time.” When he saw the doubtful looks on their faces, he said in a rush, “No, seriously, I have. There’ve been problems in the community these past weeks that have made me question whether the Amish life is for me.”

  “Did Rose have anything to do with these problems?” Dad asked.

  “Yes, in a way. When I broke off the engagement to Constance, it angered her family, especially her father. They weren’t making it easy on us—that’s for sure. But there were other things that have been bothering me lately, stuff that never really did before.”