by Samantha Bee
At the same time, the front door is thrown wide open and I instantly feel my eyes drawn that way. I’m incapable of looking away as I lock eyes with coal black eyes, searing in their intensity. The smile on his face falls off as he sees me standing there against the wall. Everything in me craves to run into the fire that is Luca Cole, not caring if he burns me alive, but every muscle freezes as he brands me with his gaze. I’m stuck in his trap, not able to move or fight against him, not even wanting to anymore. Not having Luca after so many years with him always at my side felt like trying to live without a limb. I can’t deny him, can’t fight against him, us anymore. If only he is willing to take me back.
I sink my teeth into my lower lip trying to keep in the broken whimper that wants to be released at the swirling emotions I see in his eyes. Something about that move sets him off and he’s on me faster than I can blink.
Luca uses his hulking frame to push me up against the wall, gripping my arms to hold me into place as his lips crash into mine with no warning. He kisses me like he needs me to breathe, like he craves me and wants to punish me, consume me whole. This kiss doesn’t settle a single one of my worries, as right as it feels to be back in Luca's arms, as hot as it makes me to feel his lips devour me and his tongue to tangle with mine, it’s not enough. There’s hate and rage in the brashness and harshness of this kiss. He sinks his teeth into my lip until I taste copper on my tongue. He pulls away and fire tingles along my skin as his eyes run over me.
“Your ass is ours now. If you think we are ever letting you go, after this bullshit, you’re fucking delusional.”
Joe’s boisterous laughter fills the room, taking me by surprise. “I guess you’re forgiven, girlie.”
“Not even close,” Noah says. My eyes leave Luca’s scruffy face and move past to see the other guys still standing in the doorway. Shock fills me at seeing all four of them together. Noah’s eyes narrow in my direction. I’ve never seen my sweet Noah look quite so pissed. In this moment, I can see exactly how he fits into our merry band of psychos, they all look like they’ve been friends for as long as they’ve been alive. An easy casualness in the way they walked in together and trade looks, clearly having a silent conversation right in front of me. Noah looks every bit as deranged as the rest of them and unfortunately all of his ire is pointed directly at me.
I’m still frozen and gaping after Luca’s unexpected kiss, his hands still tightly wrapped around my upper arms, just slightly squeezing, keeping me in place. The look in Noah’s blue eyes though has me swallowing. He looks like he wants to simultaneously wring my neck and bend me over the closest surface to fuck the defiance out of me.
The fucked up organ in my chest twists as pang after pang of uncomfortable emotions vibrate through my body. I feel the panic swelling through my body as every breath becomes more and more labored. I had no fucking idea how they were going to react to seeing me or how I was to them.
My heart feels like it’s cracking open, like every ounce of emotion that I’ve denied myself over the last eight years is being wrung out of me in this one single instant. The anger, desire, hurt I see in all their eyes is fucking killing me, amplifying my own guilt, my doubts, and insecurities.
It gets harder to breathe as the rage in Kade’s eyes and the desolation in Ryder’s grips my heart and squeezes. I did that. I put those emotions there. All four guys look like shit and yet they are still the hottest men I have ever seen. I’m drowning in confused emotions, relief, desire, fear, guilt, so much fucking guilt. I don’t know how to break the surface and catch my breath.
I swing my eyes away from the men I’ve tried so hard to deny as mine but can’t seem to do anymore and seek out the blue eyes that have been my safe space the last two months. Declan’s eyes are so soft, a gray-blue so different from the clear piercing blue of Noah’s. Somehow, he’s become my center of control, there every time I’ve fallen apart without my guys. He’s the only one here who knows just how fucking overwhelmed I am right now, the only one who knows how much these men mean to me, knows just how much I’m letting myself feel for the first time in eight years.
The guys all follow where my eyes shift, and I can see Kade tense out of the corner of my eye at the same time that Noah’s body sags. Luca’s hold on me weakens as he moves his head to stare at Declan too. Declan remains poised and collected even as every eye in the room swings his way, his eyes stay locked on mine. More guilt berates me, knowing I’m fucking all of this up.
He gives me a subtle nod, encouraging me to tell the guys all the things I had never told them before. I open my mouth, ready to apologize, to tell them how miserable I’ve been without them, how wrong I was and how fucked up my head and heart are. Instead, all that comes out is a choking noise as emotions so strong wells up, it suffocates me. I want to say so many things to them that nothing comes out.
So I do probably the worst thing I could possibly do in this moment. I run. Again.
I hear a scoff as I rip out of Luca’s grip and flee the room. At least this time I just hide in the guest room down the hall rather than disappearing without a trace or so much as a goodbye. I just need a minute to get myself back under control.
I lean against the wall and try to keep the tears at bay. I focus on my breathing until the door is slowly pushed open. Relief quickly fills me as I catch sight of Declan. I’m not ready to face the others quite yet. I immediately run into his arms and press my face against his chest. “Why the fuck is this so hard?”
He stroked his hand down my hair, gently soothing me. “You still aren’t used to all the emotions running through you.”
He helps me run through my breathing tactics, settling the trembling of my hands, and slowing the rapid pace of my heart. His low voice washes over me and continues to settle me as we run through everything again. Slowly putting my fractured pieces back together so I’m once again strong enough to face the guys. I haven't doubted my strength in recent years but I’m realizing that being open to your emotions is a whole different type. Owning up to your mistakes and being vulnerable with others is on a whole other level, a level I’ve never even considered pushing myself to before them.
Chapter Eleven
She ran. Of fucking course she did. I squeeze my fists together as I watch the blonde stranger wince before following after her. Kade stares after him with venom in his eyes as he storms off in the opposite direction.
Joe shakes his head as his eyes follow after my angry friend. “Charlene is bringing the kids back in about an hour. Guests will start showing up after that, you have until then to sort your shit out.” His eyes settle on each one of us before meeting my eyes. “Fucking fix this.”
I nod my head, signaling my agreement. Not many people could get away with taking that tone with me, especially being an employee, but Joe has always been so much more than that. Even more recently since they’ve taken Roe in. It may have been the little girl they adopted, but they’ve become Scar’s surrogate parents as well. Joe has always been fatherly towards her and Charlene is motherly to every person she meets. They’ve both always taken her in as their own but now they are much more open with it.
I lock eyes with Noah and gesture to Ryder. He’s barely been okay enough to be left alone and I worry about him after seeing Scar again. Kade is just angry, he has been since she left. He doesn’t need anyone to hold his head up so he doesn’t drown in a bottle or choke on his own vomit after passing out somewhere.
At his nod I turn to follow the other two down the hall. I find them in the guest room, the door is cracked open so I can easily hear them. They’re standing just inside of the ajar door, but I can see their reflection in the closet mirror.
The stranger slightly pulls away from her and gently strokes her cheek as he stares down at her. It’s such a tender and sweet moment that I would never expect from Scar, it feels like a knife to the gut. Anger and jealousy burn through my veins, pushing me to tear them apart and beat this dude until he can’t even flinch, but I force myself
to stay still and listen to their exchange.
I might have felt bad about eavesdropping, but he has his hands on my girl. Mine. And she has the most open and vulnerable look on her face that I’ve ever seen her with. I don’t care if I have to steal this moment to get it, I need it to survive. To understand how she could leave.
“Remember what we talked about,” he murmurs to her as he continues to stroke her cheek. Is she crying with him? Or does he just like to have his hands on her? If she would let me, I would always have a hand on her. Always.
She nods and he lets out a long exasperated sigh when she says nothing more. Yeah, welcome to the party dude. Getting Scar to talk about her emotions is like trying to pull a tooth out with no Novocain.
“Your regrets and guilt have been slowly eating away at you, pretty girl. You need to talk to them.” He pushes her and I can see the way she grips his shirt and nods again. Is she feeling guilty for leaving us or because she doesn’t want to come back to us? Has she already moved on? Found her happiness in this fucking douche? I don’t think I would be able to let him leave alive if that were the case.
I wasn’t kidding when I told her we weren't letting her go. I don’t care if I have to go full cavemen, throw her hot ass over my shoulder and handcuff her to my bed. That bitch is coming home with us tonight and we are locking her ass up and throwing away the key, with or without her permission.
They say if you love something let it go? Yeah well, fuck that noise. I claimed her. We claimed her. I don’t care how barbaric it is, either. She’s ours whether she wants to admit it or not. She wants to be mad about it? That’s just fucking fine. We’re pissed the fuck off at her. She’s still ours. She can learn to forgive us the same way I already know we are all going to forgive her for abandoning us. Kidnapping and abandonment are probably on the same level of fucked up, right?
“Scarlett, tell me what we talked about,” he demands, and his voice drops lower. I watch as she tightens her grip even more on his shirt, but he stays silent as he looks down at her, waiting for her to break.
I’m surprised when she does, but neither of them seem to be. “Start with I’m sorry,” she sighs. He nods and pats her back as he continues to nudge her. “What if they don’t want to forgive me? What if they hate me now?” I can hear the emotion in her voice, my chest tightens as I ache to rush in there and pull her into my arms. Soothe her fears myself. How could she ever be worried that any of us could hate her? I’m pretty sure she could take any one of the pretty daggers that I’ve bought for her and plunge it straight into my chest and I would still be on her side, supporting her with every last drop of life I had left to give her.
He starts rubbing circles on her back and a part of me wants to break his fingers even as he defends us. “Trust me, Scarlett.” Why the fuck does he keep calling her that? “I saw the men in there, they’ve been as miserable without you as you have been without them.”
He grabs her chin in his hand and forces her to look up at him before demanding, “Tell me, what was your first mistake?”
“Running away,” she whispers but he cuts her off. “No. Running away was your last mistake. Give me more.”
She pulls away and starts banging her head on his chest and I can see the corner of his mouth lift up in a little smile at her antics, like they’re used to this conversation. Like he’s forced many truths out of her in the short time they’ve had together. My heart beats rapidly in my chest as I wait to hear what she regrets most of all. If it’s not running away, then what is it? Ever getting involved with any of us? If she says that, what would I do?
Probably still kidnap her. She was happy with us once, even if she refused to see it. We could make her happy again. We will make her happy again. She doesn’t get a choice this time.
Her answers guts me in an entirely different way. “Not letting myself heal, not trusting them, not letting them in.”
“So how do we fix that?” he prods. She hits her head against his chest again like she knows the answer and fucking loathes it. “Having the strength and courage to be vulnerable with them.”
My heart fucking stops. It seizes in my chest as the words pass her lips like a memorized poem, repeated often. She wants to let us in. She wants to open up to us. It’s been eight fucking years of living with a solid wall between Letty and I and she’s finally willing to tear it down.
I simultaneously want to fucking skin this dude for being able to handle my girl better than anyone I have ever seen and kiss his fucking feet for pushing her back to us. She wants to fucking try. For us, she’s willing to heal.
He continues to ask her questions and silently waits for responses even when she doesn’t answer right away. He stays silent and stoic, waiting on her. When she answers, he gives her affectionate touches, like a well behaved puppy. This fucker may have actually tamed her.
“What do we do when we get scared?”
She fake gags. “Talk.” He chuckles as he pets her hair.
“When we feel overwhelmed?”
She sighs. “Well, I’m not supposed to hide.” He chuckles again and pulls her face up to stare into her eyes. “It’s okay to let your emotions overwhelm you. It’s okay to need a moment to yourself. Isn’t it better than the cold, biting numbness?”
She gives him a small smile and nods. “Even the pain of wanting them and missing them was better than that.”
He kisses her forehead. “Good, then fight for them. I know you can.”
They stand there with his arms wrapped around her for several more moments and I’m conflicted with what I should do next. I want to talk to Scar, have her being that vulnerable in my arms, need to kiss the worries and her fears away. We will always be here. Living without her was fucking excruciating. I’ve never gone that long without seeing her, not since the day we met.
Before I can make up my mind about leaving the hall and waiting for her to come to me or barging into that room and ripping her out of his arms, her soft voice breaks the silence.
“What if they are all better off without me? I am chaos personified, destroying everything I touch.”
No. Fuck no. She doesn’t get to make that decision for us. We don’t have any room for more doubts and hesitations. If I have to tattoo my name across her forehead to get my goddamn point across, I fucking will.
He twirls a strand of her hair around his finger as he answers her. “Maybe they’re begging to be destroyed.” Fuck. If that isn’t the perfect answer to her bullshit, I don’t know what is. We are a bunch of fools for that girl and by the knowing tone in his voice and that fucking gleam in his eye, I think this guy is too. He looks like he’s craving Scar’s brand of destruction and I don’t know how the fuck to feel about that.
“What if I don’t want to be their downfall?”
He laughs. “How would you feel if one of them tried to tell you what was best for you?”
She pulls away from him and scrunches up her nose in disgust before replying, “Stabby.”
His laughter fills the hallway and thankfully covers the small sound I made as I almost laughed too.
“So how do you think they would feel if they knew you were trying to decide what was best for them?”
She rolls her eyes and grumbles, “Stabby.”
He squeezes her to his chest. “It’s their choice. Trust and respect them enough to let them make it.” She just nods and squeezes him back.
Fuck. I like this guy. I really want to hate him, punch his pretty face in but as much as I want to deny it, I can see exactly how he would fit into our dynamic. He already has Scar on her best fucking behavior. I love the wild and untamed force that she is, but I won’t lie and say I can’t appreciate this side of her too. I want every piece of her soul, every facet of who she is. I want to see it all, experience it all, love her for all of it. Even when she makes me want to rip my own heart out of my chest so the ache will just fucking stop.
He pats her back. “You should start with the angry one outside.” That must b
e Kade he’s talking about.
She nods and squeezes one more time, I’ve never seen her be so affectionate. “Thank you, Declan,” she whispers.
Declan. That’s this fucker’s name. Can I just hate him for today and accept him tomorrow?
I’m not blind or foolish. I know Scar better than almost anyone and I know she needs him. Whoever he has become to her in the last two months since we’ve seen her, he’s vital to her happiness now. In what capacity? I’m not quite sure yet. I know we will all have to accept him into our little family but what’s the harm in giving him a hard time at first?
Ah, but fuck. It’s clear he has feelings for her and still pushed her towards us. Fuck me. I’m too grateful to him to be that much of a dick. Huh. Kade doesn’t know that yet though. Maybe I let Kade be the asshole for once. Yupp I like that idea.
I just have to do something first.
As soon as I hear the glass door that leads to the back yard close, I push into the room. He’s leaning against the wall staring out into the backyard, but we can’t see Scar or Kade any longer.
I wrap my hand around his throat and hold him to the wall. “If you are using her, manipulating her, or hurt her in any fucking way, I will slowly and meticulously chop off body parts and feed them to you until you pass out and choke.”
Defiance and amusement shine in his eyes as he stares me down. I relax my grip enough that he can bite out, “That’s rich coming from one of the guys that asked her for more than she was ready for.”
I’m surprised by the vehemence in his voice after the way he pushed Scar to own her mistakes and make things right with us. He must see my confusion and I already know he’s aware I was eavesdropping. I don’t give a fuck. She’s mine and that means all her words are mine too.
