by Samantha Bee
“I want what’s best for her,” he admits, but there’s still venom in his words. “She was fading right before my eyes as sadness, guilt and regrets hung around her like an ever present weight on her shoulders.” He pushes my arm away from his throat before stabbing his finger into my chest. “She may have fucked up, but you all pushed her into a corner. You have just as much to make up to her as she does to you.”
Without a backward glance, he stalks out of the room. Fuck, he’s making it really hard to hate him.
Chapter Twelve
I leave Declan in the guestroom as I venture outside to find where Kade wandered off to. In a lot of ways, I know that he will be my toughest guy to crack. Not that he doesn’t have plenty of reasons to be angry. I’ve been an absolute bitch since we reconnected.
I may have been upfront from the start about what I wanted and what I was willing to give and he pushed me past that, but Kade deserved better from me. He was always more than just a casual hookup. I should have respected our past relationship more than I did. I shouldn’t have disregarded it so easily, even if we only had a few months together with Luca before I disappeared. During that time, he was vital to my existence and I treated it like nothing. All because I wanted to finally taste him. Because I was deluded enough to believe that was all it would be.
I fucked up on so many levels and I really do want to make it right. Even if the prospect terrifies me.
I find him pacing in the trees behind the pool. Joe and Charlene have a nice house on a big piece of land. Not a massive amount of acreage but enough that allows for privacy and enough space to go on a nice walk around the property. Or to disappear into the trees and not be visible from the house.
Nerves crawl through my body as I inch closer to where Kade paces. He hasn’t noticed me yet as he clenches and unclenches his fists. As soon as I get close enough for him to hear me without me yelling, I open my mouth. There are so many goddamn things I want to tell him. So many emotions and regrets I want to express to him. But before I can let myself get overwhelmed and choke again, I remember what Declan has drilled into my head when we talk about this.
“I’m fucking sorry,” is the first thing to come out of my mouth. In a lot of ways, it’s the most important. I had to start somewhere and acknowledging I fucked up is the first step.
His head snaps up at the sound of my voice. His warm green eyes eagerly eat up my body. He doesn’t respond to my apology, instead snapping out, “Are you fucking him?”
“Who?” I ask in a moment in confusion as I stumble over the shift in where I thought this conversation was going to go. “Declan?” I ask as I realize that’s the only person he could possibly mean. His cold stare and silent accusation is enough to confirm my thoughts. I lightly laugh in my awkwardness before answering, “No, he’s just been my friend.”
“Bullshit,” he scoffs. “That man is so goddamn gorgeous I think I would fuck him.”
My mouth drops open as images of Kade bending Declan over fills my mind. So not the fucking time Scar. But holy fuck, that’s a hot image. I gape like a fish, trying to clear the images from my mind and get this conversation back on track.
“Cat got your tongue, Scar?” he taunts as he stalks closer to me, forcing me to push back against a tree.
I take a deep breath. “Please don’t talk about fucking Declan,” I grit out, trying really hard to focus on what I swore I was going to do today. Be vulnerable, open up, have emotions, not focus on fucking sex. But this bastard is making that hard by putting those kinds of images in my head. The wild and reckless Kade dominating the reserved and posh Declan. Fuck. Goddamn it, Scar. Get it together.
Kade’s chuckle is as dark as the last time I saw him, and disappointment fills me. I miss my fucking golden boy. “That turns you on, does it?” He drags his fingers up my thighs as he continues, “I spent months memorizing your responses.” He pulls his fingers away only to barely brush his knuckle against my tightened nipple. “I can read your body like a fucking book, Scar.” I hate that he keeps calling me Scar and not Ladybug. “Do you want me to fuck you right up against this tree?” he taunts. “So hard you’ll spend the next week picking splinters out of your ass? But so damn good and deep, letting that piercing drag along your every sensitive spot, you’ll still be back to beg for more?”
Fuck him and his dirty words. “I didn’t come here for sex,” I say through clenched teeth before taking a deep breath. “That’s not what I want from you.”
He lets loose another one of his hollow and cold chuckles, it shakes me to my core to see just how far we’ve fallen. Just how far I pushed us. “Then what is it you want?”
I swallow. Scared in the face of his anger. Worried about the rejection that I’m almost positive is coming. But Declan’s voice fills my head. Fight for them because they’ve earned it. Because they’re worth it. “Everything,” I whisper. “I want your everything.”
He doesn’t laugh or jeer. He stares down at me and his gaze narrows, locking me in his sights and I can’t help but hold my breath as I wait for the final blow. He leans down and whispers in my ear, “I don’t fucking believe you.” Before turning and stalking away. Not even giving me the chance to call him back before he disappears.
I swallow back the emotions before reminding myself that Declan tells me to allow myself to feel them. I take a shuddering breath and one single tear traces down the side of my face. Will I ever be enough to heal the wounds I caused?
"What's happened to us, sweet girl?" I swiftly turn around to find Luca walking towards me. I meet his dark eyes, filled with nothing but love and sympathy. Fuck. I don't deserve that. I don't deserve his kindness and understanding right now.
He reaches out and gently brushes the tear off of my face. "What if I'm not strong enough to fix what I broke?" I whisper.
He pulls me against his chest and my shoulders shake in relief at the familiar scent of Luca. Smoke, leather, and cloves. It comforts me in a way that not much else is capable of doing. "You have the advantage, we are all hopelessly obsessed with you, Letty." His words make my body shake harder as I let all of the emotions his words evoke in me course through my system. I caused so much fucking damage, but this is the first time I've really felt like just maybe I might be able to fix it.
"Aren't you mad at me too?" I ask him as I pull back and look up at him.
He chuckles and the familiar throaty sound sends shivers down my spine. "I have been, and I still am," he hesitates, rubbing his hands down his face. "But you also had every right to be pissed at us."
I step back, my shock clear on my face. He pulls me back against him. "Don't be so surprised. I promised to go to war for you and got cold feet when the time came. I just hope you know it was only because I'm terrified of losing you.”
I nod against his chest and just enjoy feeling his heat envelope me. We stay silent for several moments before he speaks again. "Please never leave again. I can't lose you, Letty."
"I promise," I whisper, and I know I mean it with every inch of my soul. No matter what happens after this, no matter how ugly things get, I'll never run from them again.
We stay there for a few minutes. When I finally feel a little more settled and my emotions don't feel quite as volatile, I pull back again. I peer up at him with a cocky little grin on my face. "You kissed me," I tease.
He throws his head back and laughs. He looks back down at me with a lascivious grin before backing me up into a tree. "I plan on doing a hell of a lot more than kissing you, sweet girl." He presses into me so I can feel him as he grows hard for me. "I don't care if we burn the whole world down, nothing is keeping me away from you this time. Not even you," he whispers darkly in my ear before capturing my lips in a searing kiss.
This kiss has none of the harshness of his earlier kiss but all of the passion and claiming. He's taking me as his and he no longer cares why it's not a good idea. As his fire infuses my soul and splits me wide open, I can't remember why we'd be a bad idea either.
&
nbsp; His kiss brands me, forever stealing a piece of my soul that I never want back. With every sweep of his tongue he takes me higher, further from the agonizing lows of the last two months. Declan has helped me open myself back up to the source of my pain, we've let my demons out to play, started the excruciating process of healing. Luca feels like the first tendrils of happiness as I begin to rebuild all that I've torn down.
Chapter Thirteen
I leave the bossy one behind and storm back down the hall in search of the whiskey I put down. Scar warned me that this was going to be an intense meeting but honestly, I would expect nothing less from the brazen beauty I’ve been getting to know.
It’s no surprise she caught my eye, hell, she caught every red-blooded male’s eyes, that first night she showed up at Jordy’s Bar. It’s just down the street from the hospital that I work at and it’s never without some of our staff there. It is the most common place to find any one of my coworkers after a hard shift.
I still don’t know what made her wander into that hole in the wall bar that day, but I’ll never forget it. She moved with a stealthy grace that belied her rough attitude. She was fierce, a predator among prey, stalking through them with easy movements that denoted her confidence, even as sadness was etched into her every movement. She was easily the most beautiful and most savage woman I have ever laid my eyes on.
I couldn’t help but be curious about this woman of so many contradictions. How could she be so little yet give off vibes of an incredible strength? Seem so poised and so harsh at the same time? So fiery in her intensity and still look moments away from fading into nothing, letting the sadness that surrounds her consume her whole?
I watched as she drank more than someone her size should be capable of throwing back, but she did it with ease. I could tell she was trying to drown out her misery as so many others do but the alcohol almost seemed like it didn’t even touch her. She moved through the crowd, dancing in the center of the small dance floor, begged with her body for the touch of strangers, and allowed man after man to lay his hands on her.
I was fucking entranced by her. Sucked into her orbit and before I even realized it, I spent the entire night sitting back and observing her. The sway of her hips, the way she kept her eyes closed and even the way she flinched every time someone new touched her, even as she pulled them tighter to her body. As carefree and wild as she appeared, I could see the desperation in the undertone of all her actions. Desperate to distract. Desperate to forget. Desperate to move on. Just what was this pretty girl running from?
The man dancing with her now is someone I know well. He works in the X-ray department at the hospital and while he’s not a bad guy, he’s also not someone that I would set my sister up with. A fuck boy through and through. Only ever around long enough to fulfill his needs and then he’s out. Is that what the pretty girl wants? There’s nothing wrong with that, if it is, but it seems like a waste to me. A cheap distraction only works for as long as it can last and from what the nurses tell me, Danny doesn’t last all that long.
I watch as he leans down to whisper in her ear, she finally opens her eyes to look up at him. Her smile seems forced as she starts to nod but hesitates and shakes head instead, before excusing herself. She grabs another shot before heading back out the door.
Night after night, the same pattern repeated, every night the desperation seemed just a little bit more keen. All the way up until I finally caved and bought her a drink. I still don’t know why I was so fixated on this woman, but I couldn’t deny the way I was frequenting the bar more often than I normally do, or the way my eyes constantly roved over the place, hoping to catch sight of her, or the rage that filled me when I heard men at the hospital talking about her in such degrading ways.
I love my job and even enjoy most of my coworkers, but when the bets started about who could take the raven-haired beauty to bed first, I wanted to start using my scalpel to carve the eyes out of those fuckers’ heads. So many of them had no sense of decorum or respect, especially respect for a lady. It was honestly disgusting.
I couldn’t deny my interest in her, but the more I observed her, the less I wanted to bed her and the more I just wanted to help her, get to know her, find out just what had made the desolation in her eyes so vivid, it drowned out the fierceness there.
When I offered to be her friend, I had no idea how deep our bond would grow in such a short amount of time. I know there are still a lot of things she hasn’t opened up to me about, a lot of pieces she’s keeping to herself, but that’s okay. I can tell just how hard it was for her to open up to me about these men in her life, the way they affect her and just how far they’ve managed to crawl under her skin. Every time she opened that pretty little mouth and told me one of her truths felt like a fucking gift. Every time she allowed me to hold her together and she broke apart was an honor. There isn’t another place I would rather be than by her side.
Even if that means I have to put up with the mentioned men who have her heart. I’ve never been a jealous or petty person, willing to achieve things on my own merit, but I can’t help but hate these men a little bit. Not only do they have what I’ve found myself wishing for, they treated her heart so carelessly, without regard for her true feelings or needs.
Most people would look at the situation and say Scarlett was in the wrong for running away, and I can see where they would be coming from. I never voiced my disapproval for the guys’ actions to her because she needed to make things right for her own wellbeing. I didn’t want to give her a weapon of denial that running away from her emotions was a sound method of dealing with her demons.
These men who claim to care for her, have let her hide and run from every disastrous thing that has happened to her thus far. Why would they expect her to react any differently when they tried to force their feelings on to her? Feelings she wasn’t ready to confront?
Fucking idiots, the lot of them.
Yet here I am, helping the woman I may just be falling for, back into the arms’ of said idiots. I guess I must be an idiot too. But I can see the way she needs them, like pieces of her very soul are missing without them. I want her to be stronger, unformidable to whatever is coming her way next.
She hasn’t told me the whole story, but I know how to spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing and Scarlett is no ordinary woman. I can see the demons in her eyes, the cravings of her soul, the training in the way she moves. When you observe her as much as I do, it’s impossible to not recognize the predator she is. My own past dripping in blood recognizes hers.
I didn’t need to see the bloody clothes to know what she is, who she is. I can see it in her every movement, the way her body thrashes in the midst of a nightmare, the faraway look her eye gets when I sometimes come over. Like she needs a moment after a kill to settle back into being, just Scarlett, the woman she is with me.
I recognize a killer when I see one because my past is riddled with them. I know Scarlett is involved in some messed up shit and it took me one glance to know these men are steeped in it. Even the nice looking one. His darkness is hidden much better than any of the others, including hers, but I can still see the faint traces of it, heard it in his voice when he refused to forgive her.
He’s been watching me ever since I stepped back into the room, clearly debating with himself if he should talk to me or not. I imagine Scarlett will need more than a minute with the bossy one and the angry one. Bastards both of them. If the angry one leaves her in such a state of distress again, I swear I may just call upon my own darkness. I don’t care how long ago I buried that side of myself or that I became a surgeon to escape that part of my past. For Scarlett, I would become a monster all over again, but this time, I would love every second of ripping apart my foes, all because they dared to hurt her.
“So I guess you’re our replacement then?”
The nice one finally got enough courage to make his way over and ask me what was clearly eating away at him. God, these men are stupid. Why was I pushing Scarlett b
ack to them again?
Oh, right, because the way she talks about them. Every time she spoke of them, I swear it was like watching her broken pieces come back together again. If they could just get their heads out of their asses and realize it’s at least half their fault she ran.
I eye the nice one up and down, fighting back the urge to roll my eyes. “Do you really think any one man would be enough for that girl?”
He sighs as he rubs the back of his neck. “I never did,” then mutters, “then again, I never thought she’d run from us either.”
I can’t help but cock my brow at him. “Really? You didn’t?” Apparently the nice one is also the stupid one. I had higher hopes for this lot, the way Scarlett spoke of them but quite frankly, so far, I can’t see the appeal.
The look of surprise on his face is enough to make me scoff. “I don’t understand why Scarlett speaks so highly of you jackasses.”
His whole face brightens. “She talks about us?”
I don’t bother holding back the eye roll this time, but I nod. “Fuck knows why,” I mutter under my breath, silently debating myself. I came here to support Scarlett, to help her repair the relationships she broke, I just didn’t expect how much their attitudes were going to rub me the wrong way. She may have broken them, but they were the ones that put the cracks there.
I sigh, remembering my promise to her. I push aside my irritation and throw the nice one a bone. “She missed you. All four of you.” His eyes move up from their place on the floor to meet mine, he shifts where he stands and can’t seem to stop the small movements he makes. The look of hope in his eyes is enough for me to not completely write this one off. “She’s regretted her choice to run since the first day I met her. Her guilt and loneliness were slowly sucking the life out of her, the regrets enough to push her into becoming a ghost of herself.”
