Deadly Chaos (Steel Roses Book 2)

by Samantha Bee

  He nods, his tongue darting out to moisten his lips. “You make the chaos make sense.”

  My heart skips a beat at his words, to hear I do the same thing for him that they all do for me. I feel the water spring to my eyes, but I try to choke it back. Determined to not spill any more tears tonight. Or ever. “Exactly.” My voice comes out hoarse as I fight back the emotions ripping through me. Ryder grins and I feel myself chuckling again.

  I get up off my knees and walk back over to Declan. Sitting next to him and leaning my head against his shoulder. “Leaving shattered me when I thought I had nothing left to break. I was so very wrong. About that. About all of you, all of us. Even myself.” I look around at all these men, so steadfast in their love and loyalty to me. I clear my throat, taking a moment to just appreciate them.

  “I think I needed to shatter to come back stronger. I needed to fall so low so that I realized how wrong I was about everything.” I meet Declan’s eyes as I sigh. “I had to hurt so that I could heal. I had to be cast adrift so that I could find my anchor and realize just how badly I needed you in my life.”

  Mother fucker. These tears are going to be the actual death of me. I cut myself off to avoid them spilling over even as my vision starts to blur as they gather in my eyes.

  I tilt my head back and blink furiously to push them back.

  I hear them all chuckling but I’m just focusing on taking deep breaths.

  Declan pokes me in the side. “You can cry.”

  “I no wanna,” I whine. Somehow, the scoffs that sound from five directions settle the last of my emotional overflow.

  I slowly tilt my head back down and give them a soft smile, my best version of an innocent smile. Noah breaks first. “You still have a shit innocent face, baby girl.”

  I shrug. A girl can try. Innocent really isn’t my forte. Never will be.

  “But really,” I pause, bringing the tone of the room to a more serious note so I can get this off my chest. “I can’t imagine my life without the five of you. I don’t want to even try. I fell lower than I ever have before, but I am stronger because of it. You all make me stronger. Braver. Unbreakable.”

  The adoration is clear on all of their faces. The relief is too. I feel my body start to collapse forward as my own relief floods through me. I didn’t realize how heavily the possibility of this conversation was weighing on me.

  No more long sleeves. No more fidgeting and trying to hide the scars from them. No more feeling dread and panic every time I think one of them might have seen them.

  I no longer have to stress about them treating me like I was one step from breaking. We can finally move forward from all the mistakes we’ve made.

  Kade moves from off of the wall and stalks over to me, gripping my chin in his hand. Our eyes lock as he speaks, slowly, enunciating every word like he’s trying to drill the importance of them into my head. “The six of us? We are family.” He looks around at all the guys, ensuring they’re all on the same page as well, before focusing back on me.

  “We may have the inner circle. And fuck, they’re really like an extended family too. But right here. Us six? This is the core of our family. And you, Scar, are our very center. We don’t exist without you.”

  I nod as I sense movement from all over the room. Before I know it, I’m being surrounded by the five of them, pressing in on me from all sides.

  “We’re yours, pretty girl,” Declan murmurs from behind me.

  “We need you as much as you need us.” Ryder squeezes my hand, and I can feel the truth of his words sink into me.

  “You’re ours.” The possessive growl in Luca’s voice doesn’t surprise me even a little bit.

  “We belong together, baby girl.”

  I grin as I think of Mikey’s words from earlier tonight. “We fit together. Like the most fucked up puzzle ever made.”

  Kade grins in front of me, “One messy, crazy, fucking perfect family of psychos.”

   Chapter Twenty-Seven

  I'm the first to pull away from the group but I catch Scar's hand in mine and pull her towards me. I'm stealing her before any of the others have a chance to. Not that the Declan or Ryder necessarily would, but Luca and Noah definitely would try.

  I catch the way Noah rolls his eyes as he looks down to where our hands are. I know he won't do shit though. I don't have anything against sharing her again with him, just not tonight. I need her to myself for a little bit longer. Need to drown in her and hear those three magic fucking words again and I know she won’t utter them with anyone else present. It’s just for us for now.

  She laughs as her hand hits my chest, but I don't give her the chance to argue against anything or even to say goodnight to the others. I wind my arm around her waist and throw her over my shoulder. I slap my free hand down on her ass and laugh as she shrieks my name. "That's right, Ladybug. Scream my name."

  The other guys all chuckle as they settle back into their spots around the living room and I carry her out of the room and towards my bedroom. I feel the way she lifts her head up and assume she waves goodbye to them. It's not like any of them don't know what we are about to do.

  "Have fun, pretty girl," Declan calls out as we reach the hallway.

  I can hear the amusement in his voice and feel the way her body shakes as she laughs. It’s kind of nice that he's finally starting to relax some of his guard around us. I think the tattoo might have just endeared him to me, at least a little bit.

  Not that I can exactly blame him for his ire directed at me. He wasn’t wrong with anything he said. It's why I hated him so thoroughly. There’s nothing worse than having to face your mistakes constantly, and that's exactly what he was making me do. Forcing me to own up to my part in this.

  Turns out I'm kind of grateful for the douche. He protected our girl when the rest of us weren't able to. As far as I'm concerned, that's a life debt I'll never be able to repay.

  I don't think she's caught on yet, but our little speech in there wasn't just for her. It was for him and Ryder too. Noah, Luca, and I have all talked about it and we know it's only a matter of time before the other two admit their feelings for her. That was us giving her the okay even if she hasn't wholly realized what they are to her either.

  Bunch of clueless fuckers.

  It's kind of cute.

  I move my hand back to her ass and squeeze. She laughs again and I can't keep the grin off my face. I push in through the door and carry her in, quickly slamming it shut behind me.

  I pull her off of my shoulder, ensuring she slides down my body, feeling how hard I already am for her. I keep her pulled right up against me even as her feet touch the ground and her eyes drift up to meet mine.

  She stares at my lips for a long moment and I see the twinkle in her eye that tells me I'm wearing my signature dopey grin that she loves so much. "Hi, Ladybug," I whisper, hearing the desire thick in my voice.

  "Hi, Stranger." Her desire just as evident.

  "I had to steal you away again," I admit, and a mischievous glint enters her eye.

  She nods. "I noticed that." She doesn't take her eyes off of me, not even to look around the room that has become mine. Something primal in me is thrilled at the idea of her being here. My prey locked in my domain. No escape from all the wicked things I have planned for her.

  "Is that okay?" I ask.

  Her head cocks to the side the way it does when she's enjoying whatever little inner monologue she has going on in that head of hers. "What would you do if I said no?" There's no anger or resentment in her words. Nope. Only a vast amount of amusement.

  I narrow my eyes, debating where she's trying to get me to go with this. "I'd have to give you a reason to change your mind."

  "Oh yeah?" she asks, slightly breathless. Her fingers run down my chest to the waistband of my jeans. She fingers the button teasingly. "How do you plan on doing that?"

  I grin, sweeping her feet out from under her and carrying her bridal style to my bed. "Let me show you." I toss her o
nto the bed and follow her down. I cut off her laughter by stealing her lips for a kiss.

  She sighs and leans into me like this is what she was waiting for. Her body relaxes and she melts into my touch, drawing us even closer together. Two broken and lost souls finally finding their way home once more. No more anger, lies, or secrets between us. We are finally at a good, an actual healthy starting place to be, everything that I have always wanted for us.

  Scar and I have shared a lot of kisses since we reconnected. They’ve been playful, passionate, sinful, all fucking consuming. We’ve always enjoyed pushing each other, using our bodies to taunt and tease the other. Since she’s been back and we started dating for real this time, we've shared only a few. They’ve been full of a different type of emotion. Showing just how different we both are now than when we were ten months ago. Our kisses have been used to show each other the depth of our desires and feelings, even when neither of us could put it into words.

  I slip my hands under her shirt and gently tug up, breaking our kiss so that I'm able to ease it over her head, mindful of her fresh tattoo. I catch the way she's staring at the plastic wrapping the same way I am. She breathes out a little laugh when she catches me staring at it. "I really love it so much, Kade."

  I cradle her face in my hands, drawing her eyes back to me. "I do too, Letty. I can't wait for the others to see it." I look down at the way her breasts swell out of her white lace bra. I growl as I lean down and lick the curves, giving a small nip to the fullness. She throws her head back, giving me more access to them. "Tomorrow. They can see it tomorrow."

  She briefly nods even as my hand moves behind her and deftly unclips her bra, freeing her entire breasts for my viewing pleasure. I groan as I bring my hands back around to cup her. I watch intently at the way her chest rises and falls as she pants. I brush my thumbs over her dusty rose nipples, loving the way they harden at my touch.

  Fuck. I've missed her tits.

  They're flawless.

  I hum with happiness as I lift them in my hands, gently squeezing and pushing them together. I lean down and take one of her nipples in my mouth. Taking my time to lavish it with attention, gently flicking it with the tip of my tongue before pulling away to trace circles around it.

  I kiss my way to the other one, still caressing them in my hands. All of a sudden, she starts cracking up, drawing me out of my trance. I crinkle my brows as I look up at her to find her grinning.

  "If you even think about motorboating me, I will kick you out of this bed and let one of my other boyfriends finish what you started," she threatens.

  I cock my head back. I wasn't thinking about motorboating her. Before. But now I sure as hell am. I look down at her tits in my hands and feel my lips twitching into a smile.

  "Kade," she warns. She knows exactly where my mind just went. It's really her own fault that this is happening. She brought it up. I was just missing them.

  Before she has a chance to say anything else, I place my face in between her breasts and nuzzle into them, causing them to shake and bounce. I can't help but grin even as she squeals and cackles. She punches me in the shoulder pushing me away from her.

  "That's not sexy, you bastard."

  I smirk. "Speak for yourself. Top five moments of my life."

  She groans, falling back on the bed, covering her face with her hands. "You're the worst." There's no annoyance or irritation in her voice though. As always, I know she's entertained by my antics. Scar needs the levity I am always so eager to supply. Especially, after so much of our recent life has been overflowing with emotions and hard topics. As far as we’ve all come, we still have a tangled web to unravel.

  Our journey has only started, and we are nowhere near done with sorting out the hard shit. This is heading to war. We are all going to have to continue to face our worst nightmares, be our most vicious selves, come to terms with some hard fucking truths before this is over.

  I jump on the bed next to her, laying on my side as I reach towards her hands and pull them away from her face. “You never have to hide from me, Ladybug. Never.” So many of our problems started with that. The simple act of just hiding from each other. Keeping secrets and hidden intentions.

  She peeks at me and I can see the hesitancy in her eyes. “You don’t have to hide from any of us.” I know how much it’s killing her to not be honest with Declan and Noah. I see how much they’ve both started to mean to her.

  I would love to tell her to just show them all of her. Every damaged, broken, beautiful, fucked up piece of her soul. She wears her scars like badges of honor. She’s turned her trauma into her greatest asset. There isn’t a thing about her that they would not be grateful for her. Even her ice cold demeanor and violent tendencies.

  I know those men. Maybe not Declan as well as I could but one thing is clear. They love her. They would both burn down the world for her and I know when they learn all of her secrets, that feeling will only grow. They’ll take her burdens on as their own. The same way we all have. Scar’s vendetta has become a mission for all of us, even if we lost our way for a bit.

  I can tell she wants to bury her face in the pillow, but I don’t give her the chance to, gripping her chin between my thumb and forefinger. “Tell me,” I demand. She’s already opened up so much and I know she needs to voice this truth too. She needs to get it off of her chest so we can look at it together and pick it apart like she does with any of her problems. Until we find a solution. Together.

  She will never be alone again.

  She leans more into my hand, studying my expression carefully. Whatever she finds there must be enough to convince her to give in to my demand. “Noah and Declan are,” she hesitates, flopping onto her back and away from my touch as she tries to find the right words.

  I can understand the need for a little distance. I don’t let her have much though. I move closer to her, drawing one of her legs in between mine before propping myself up on my elbow as I wait for her to continue.

  “Light.” She finally lands on. “They’re whole. What’s good in this world.” I keep my expression neutral even though I disagree with her. Totally wholesome people wouldn’t be drawn to Scar the way those two are. She just doesn’t realize it about herself, but she picks strays as she lives her life.

  She attracts the lost, the damaged, the broken. She gives them hope to find their own inner strength the way she was forced to. Scar captivates all sorts of people but the ones with their own chaos, their own demons, and monsters? They gravitate towards Scar and want to live in her orbit because she’s doing what we all wish we could do.

  She’s embraced her darkness and turned it into the very thing that makes the world fall at her feet. And trust me, the whole world will be under her heel by the time she’s done. Scar is a force of nature that will never be stopped.

  She lives and loves in the shades of gray and she picks up all the other battered souls that have had havoc wreaked on them. The people who find peace in her chaos, like we all do, aren’t whole or pure light, or whatever it is Scar thinks Declan and Noah are.

  “I don’t want to drag them down. Tarnish them with all of this hell we are involved in. But I don’t want to lose them either, Kade. I can’t lose any of you. What if they learn all my secrets and realize I'm not who they thought I was? What if this world is too much? Too dark, too bloody, too fucking dangerous? How do I learn to live without them?”

  They are just as broken and lost as the rest of us. Just as seeped in darkness, maybe a different shade, a different brand of crazy, a different type of damage. But like recognizes like and I recognize their monsters and I know they recognize mine too. More importantly, they recognize hers.

  “Ladybug.” I look into her deep green eyes, making sure she’s listening and listening well. It isn’t my place to tell her their backgrounds. Or at least my assumptions about them. That’s something that needs to be between them. But I can give her this. “I don’t think you’re giving them enough credit.” I run my fingers throu
gh her hair and keep my hand planted at the back of her neck. I draw slow circles at the back of her neck, ensuring she knows my next words are not an insult in the least. “Your darkness bleeds out of you. Your inner violence leaks out in relentless waves of energy that sweep all of us up into your chaos.”

  I tighten my grip on her hair and kiss the corner of her mouth, flicking my tongue out to trace her bottom lip. “It’s just like you said, baby. You’re a storm.” I bite down on her lip and suck it into my mouth before releasing it. “You’re a storm and we’re all absolutely lost in you.” I lock my eyes with hers and tap my nose against hers. “They may not know all the details, but I promise you, those two know exactly who you are.”

  I can see the words sinking into her, easing some of her doubts. But her insecurities are buried deep, and they won’t be dismissed that easily. I don’t think it’s something she will ever truly accept until she sees it with her own two eyes. I guess I can’t begrudge her that.

  I pull her under me as I flip over her, nuzzling my face into her neck. “Ease them into it if you’re worried.”

  Her breathing picks up as she tilts her head to the side, giving me more room to lay kisses. I trail my tongue up alongside her neck until I reach her earlobe, taking it between my teeth. I give it a little tug before releasing it. I push myself up on my arms so I can look down at her. “Like you told Mikey and Ronan. Tell them about the fights. Bring them with us to training. Let down one of the walls between us and them.”

  She nods as she thinks about it. I scoff as I can see her trying to come up with an argument against it. It’s not like she can actually go against her own advice. She made it seem so simple when she was giving Mikey and Ronan a hard time. I’m not above using her own words against her now.

  She must see it in my eyes because she rolls hers and goes for her favorite method of avoidance, deflection. “Shut up and kiss me, big guy.”

  I grin, I’ve pushed her hard enough for today on this. I can see the seeds I laid are working their way into her mind. It’s something she will think about more on her own and we can talk about it in the morning.