Deadly Chaos (Steel Roses Book 2)

by Samantha Bee

  In through my mouth, out through my nose.

  In through my mouth, out through my nose.

  Again. And again. And again.

  I can’t stop. Putting all of my attention on just this. Breathing.

  I calm the erratic racing of my heart, silence the demons screaming in my ear, find that place inside of myself where I can escape. Detach. I need to have the cool head and steady hand I’m known for to get Noah back. I can’t afford to be anything other than the ice queen they all tease me about being.

  I feel the electricity burning in me, the whirling winds lashing in my chest. I find the calm in the chaos, the center of the storm I plan to unleash on these bastards. I gain control of all the damage done to me and turn it into the perfect way.

  The same way I have done every damn day since I decided on the path of revenge.

  We pull up to an old warehouse just as I feel my walls snap back into place. I’m glad I’ve learned how to feel again, but emotions have no place here. Not when I need to be my most wicked, my most ruthless, my most savage self to get him back.

  I gesture for Luca to continue driving and park half a block down. My eyes survey the surroundings. We are out of the city now, on the outskirts of the old warehouse district. The buildings are more spread out here but there are still plenty of places that people could be hiding if they were wanting to ambush me.

  I signal to Mikey to drive around as far as he can to get on the other side of the building. I motion for the rest of the guys to stay put in the car. Kade’s hand lands on my arm as he softly calls my name.

  “No,” I cut him off. “Don’t start with me, Kade.” I shake his hand off my arm and reach for the door again. I can feel Luca reaching for me, but I send a scathing look back his way. “I refuse to do anything that puts him or any of you at risk. Sit the fuck down and let me assess the situation we are in.”

  They all settle back down in their seats, even if they aren’t happy about it. No one in this car can deny I have the strongest skill set necessary for this. None of them can touch my expertise in this area.

  I slide out of the car, gently closing the door without letting it close all the way. I creep to the side of the building next to the one we need and break out in a jog. I go all the way around the building, never straying too close to where they should be.

  My eyes scan the buildings surrounding us, but I don’t see any signs of a sniper. I don’t see signs of anyone at all. I get a nagging feeling in my gut that something is wrong.

  I don’t know what exactly gives it away, but there’s a shift in the air as I continue to scan. I move closer to the address Noah gave me. I stick close to the edges of the building and low to the ground as I make my way to where I can get a better look.

  As I reach the entrance, I find several pairs of tire tracks. No vehicles in sight. None of this makes sense.

  The nagging sensation grows in my stomach until it feels like I’m going to be sick. With every step and no sign of Noah or who took him, my stomach drops lower. I make it all the way around the perimeter and back to where I’m in the guys’ line of sight.

  I straighten up and wait a moment, surveying the area once more, but the clawing sensation of my gut is telling me we are alone.

  I wave to them and they move as one, all four doors open, and they jog to meet me. As soon as they reach me, we split up and surround the building. Getting ready to enter at all exit points. I nod to myself and give the go ahead, thankful we all had the foresight to put in our earpieces before arriving here.

  We all rush into the room and I feel my heart seize in my chest.

  Mother fucker.

  The guys work together as a team, just the way I taught them, to clear the room and make sure all threats are neutralized before letting their guards down. I can’t though.

  I’m frozen in place as my eyes are locked on the single metal chair in the middle of the room. The only other piece of furniture is a cheap, fold up table. It sits just to the side of the chair.

  I’m barely aware of the way my feet drag me forward to that fucking chair. I react without even a full thought. The panic so thick, I can barely hear anything other than the buzzing of white noise in my ears.

  My throat tightens and I know I’m panting as if I’m out of breath. I come to a stop in front of the chair and feel the useless organ in my chest stop beating entirely as the beast inside of me rises to the surface.

  My rage becomes its own entity as I stare down at the smashed phone I know once belonged to Noah. I see the guys making their way towards me, their postures more relaxed than when we first arrived. I see them but I can’t focus on them. Can’t bring myself to think about the reason why they would be relaxing.

  All I can see is the broken phone and the drops of blood next to it. The anger that is always buzzing in my veins explodes out of me as a scream is torn from my throat. A desperate, agonizing plea for my eyes to be deceiving me.

  I kick out, sending the chair flying across the room, hardly aware of what I’m doing. A pain and fear so sharp strikes through me, it lights me up in a way I never thought would be possible before this moment. Why is it that having these men in my life keeps proving just how wrong I was about everything I thought I knew?

  I thought I couldn’t break more. I thought I had experienced pain. Thought I knew what fear was.

  None of it quite matches the feeling that is burning in my veins as the reality of my situation dawns on me.

  Noah is gone.

  Gone without a trace. And I can’t calm myself enough to do anything about it.

  I feel the presence as the guys move in closer to me. But I don’t want their comfort. I don’t deserve it. I can’t stand to lean into them, to take any sense of relief from them, no matter how small. I don’t want it. Not until Noah is back with me. His hands on my body. His eyes locked on mine. His voice calling me baby girl. Reaching that part of me that only he can.

  I can tell one of them is reaching out to me from behind. Trying to offer me some form of comfort to bring me out of the haze of my damage. I don’t want it.

  I pull away before they even have the chance to touch me. I move to the table, staring down at it as it taunts me with all the possibilities of what could have been lying on its surface.

  Whatever pain they wrought on Noah, I will pay back tenfold. They stole my peace, for that I will ensure they never know a moment of peace again.

  Another scream rips from my already raw throat. A sound I don’t even recognize and doesn’t even sound wholly human. A snarl from a feral beast made up of grief and violence. My rage taking on a life of its own.

  The table goes flying across the room before I even process my body moving to flip it over in my frustration.

  I can’t get the sight of Noah’s shattered phone and the blood splatter out of my mind. That damn fucking blood. Red is quickly becoming my least favorite color.

  Pain shoots through my knees as my vision blurs. Arms slide around my body and I feel myself go weightless as I’m pressed against a warm, hard body. I suck in a ragged breath and smell bergamot and baby powder. I press my face more firmly into Kade’s chest as it feels like my entire body is being ripped into two.

  “Shh, Letty. I’ve got you.”

  His words don’t bring me any comfort though. They make the ache in my chest expand. I don’t think anything can help the gaping hole in my chest until I can feel Noah’s skin on mine once more.

  “He’s gone.” I barely manage to get the words out. My throat feels bruised and raw. I get the feeling I let out a lot more than just the two screams that I was conscious of.

  Kade gently wipes moisture from my face and I realize I must be crying. That must be why everything seems so goddamn blurry.

  I don’t want to cry. I’m so fucking tired of crying. Of these goddamn, never ending tears streaming down my face. I’m tired of feeling like I’m going to have permanent wet marks staining my cheeks, evidence of all the pain and heartache I’ve put
myself through.

  How the fuck could Noah be gone?

  It doesn’t make any sense to me.

  What the fuck do I do now?

  Black surrounds me. I can feel my body being jostled but I can’t see why I’m moving. I can’t even feel the heat of Kade even though I can still feel where his arms are banded around me, holding me up.

  “Scar, babe. Please listen to me.” Kade’s gentle voice calls to me, trying to bring me back up to the surface of the emotions that are drowning me. I can hear the fear in his voice. The plea and the desperation.

  I so want to give him what he needs but I don’t think I’m capable of it. My peace was stolen from me.

  “We are going to get Noah back.” Noah. The name echoes in my head. I so badly want to pull myself out of this black hole I’ve found myself in, but I can’t seem to figure out which way is up.

  “Scar, baby. I need you to come back to us.” That’s not Kade’s voice. Luca.

  I’m scared. I’m scared that if I open my eyes and find him not here, I’m going to lose it. My mind is on the brink of snapping. I know I’m not the sanest person on a good day, I’m scared of what I will do without my peace. I’m scared I’m going to start stabbing and not stop until I see Noah’s baby blue eyes. Safe. Whole. With me.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  I make my way through my office one last time, making sure everything is turned off. I sent the nurses home early, knowing that I could handle the rest, and happy for the peace and quiet.

  Only one other doctor was here today but she's been gone for hours. Wednesdays are her short days. I guess all of my days have become short days. I've even stopped picking up shifts at the hospital, except for what is required in order to keep my privileges there.

  It's not that I don't love my job, I always have. The surgical room has always been my way to escape. I just don't feel the need to escape anymore. Not when my reality has become filled with Scarlett. And the idiots too, I guess. Turns out they kind of grow on you. Even the angry one.

  I don't think anyone was more surprised by that than I was. But it's clear how much he cares for Scarlett and at the end of the day, that's the only thing that really matters to me.

  When I first met her, she reminded me so much of... no. Don't go there. Sometimes the past is better off left in the past. It doesn't help to dwell on things that cannot be changed. As much as I wish it weren't so, there's nothing I can do now. It's been a long time since I left that life.

  I turn the lights off in my office as I grab my stuff to head out. There was a time where I would have practically spent the night here. Only ever going between here and the hospital, occasionally stopping by my house to sleep. Even that wasn't done on a regular schedule though.

  The only thing I cared about was work, at least here I could help people. Could get lost in my own mind of trying to solve complicated problems, fix people's physical damage. The wounds you can heal.

  Spending time with Scarlett made me feel like I didn't have to escape as often. I slowly stopped picking up the extra shifts, so that I could spend more time with her. Be there for her and support her when she had almost no one else.

  Even when she did go back to Luca's, I just couldn't bring myself to go back to working the extra hours. I know that my absence has been noted, wondered about. It's part of why I sent the nurses away and said I would close up on my own. I don't want to have to answer questions about what, or who, has ensnared my attention so thoroughly that I'm no longer the workaholic that they've come to know.

  I know most of my coworkers are speculating it being because of a woman. Hospital staff are a gossipy bunch and many there know of the friendship I started with Scarlett. Even if they don't know her name, only know her as the elusive black haired beauty that shot so many of them down. That piece hasn't quite trickled into the office yet though. I'm sure it'll happen eventually. I just don't want to share her.

  I'm on good terms with all the people I work with...Most of the people I work with. But at least everyone here. I can't say that I'm close with any of them though. I never felt the need for a friendship, not until Scarlett. She heals an ache that I wasn't even fully aware of anymore. I had long since grown used to never feeling whole. I didn't realize just how much I was still hurting until she started to ease that pain. Just by being her. By being around me. By letting me anchor her and be there for her.

  My phone rings just as I lock the door to the office. I turn towards my car as I answer the call, not even bothering to look to see who it is. Not many people call this line, so I'm assuming it must be the woman I can't seem to stop thinking about.

  Before I even have a chance to say anything though, I hear Luca's panicked voice through the phone. "Declan." My own fear runs rampant, my heart rate accelerates, and my breathing becomes staggered. "Scar needs you."

  My whole world freezes in that one moment. Everything in me settles, hardens, knowing I need to be at my absolute best to help her through whatever is happening now. I can hear in his tone that whatever it is, it's bad.

  "Where?" My voice comes out hard, clipped. I recognize it as the same tone that I use in the OR. No emotion, no nonsense. When I have to put all my energy and focus into the act of cutting to the root of the problem so I can save a life.

  I need to be in that same mindset to help Scarlett. I need to be able to turn my own emotions off so that she is free to feel everything that she needs to feel. So unlike she normally does. She needs someone who can be her logic when she needs to be emotional. Needs an anchor when she needs to float adrift.

  "The house."

  I don't bother to respond before hanging up. He already knows that I will be there. By the sound of it, they aren't even there yet. I waste no time in throwing my car into drive and pulling onto the busy roads, desperate to get to my girl and find out just what has even Luca so rattled.

  He's a hot head, quick to anger, but he usually is able to conceal what he's feeling with the best of them. Not today though. I heard every trace of fear and panic that was there. I press my foot down harder on the gas pedal, my need to see Scarlett growing with every second it takes me to reach them.

  I pull up Luca's long drive and see they must have just gotten here. Luca rushes to the front door, Ryder following him, but what stops me in my tracks is the sight of Kade carrying Scarlett. She's curled up in his arms, looking like a small child.

  Terror consumes me as I stride to them. "Is she hurt?" I demand. Kade's head turns sharply to me. He gives it a shake but the fear and concern on all of their faces doesn't ease the knot in my gut.

  We move inside the house as one. My eyes trail over Scarlett, trying to find any sign of injury but I see none. No blood, no ripped clothing, no bruises. She isn't holding herself anywhere. Kade is being gentle with her as he carries her into the house, but he isn't paying any special attention to a certain part of her. Not cradling an arm or being mindful of bruised ribs. Just being tender.

  What the fuck is going on?

  Come on, pretty girl. Let me see your face. Let me see that you're okay. She keeps her face pressed into Kade's chest and I can see just the smallest amount of trembles shaking through her body. Not even really shaking, almost more like she's vibrating with an overpowering amount of energy. Or emotion. What is fueling her right now?

  Kade sits on the couch and holds her tightly against his chest. He murmurs sweet nothings into her ear, so quietly I can't even catch most of what he's saying. I just know that he's begging her to open her eyes, promising everything is going to be okay.

  "What the fuck is going on?" I turn to pin Luca with the deadliest glare I have. If I don't start getting answers about what the fuck is going on with her, I am going to lose my mind. Lose the control that I hold so tightly to my chest. I was once a reckless and ruthless wild card. I've tamed myself a lot since then, and while I have no desire to go back to that state, I know I won't be able to control it if something is wrong with Scarlett and I can't help her.

>   Stress is worn into every inch of Luca's face and posture. I know how much he wants to be the cool headed leader right now, but his anxiety over Scarlett is as potent as my own. Shredding his sanity and control just as surely as it is mine.

  It's clear that without her, we will all descend into madness. A different brand of chaos that we may not wholly survive.

  "I don't have time to hold your hand through this," Luca snaps out. I don't take offense to his tone, I appreciate the bluntness. I don't need my fucking hand held. "I can't answer all the questions you're gonna have either, so just accept what I can give you for now. We can get more into it another day."

  I give him a quick nod. “I don't need to know all the details.” I can only assume the fights barely scratch the surface of the world they belong to. Even I know that those fights they run are the central point for all criminal activity in this area. You don't run from the life I left behind without realizing the importance of knowing the local players.

  As soon as I decided to settle in St Graves, I dug up all the darkest secrets of this town. I knew exactly who Luca was the first time I met him. I don't know all that they are involved in, all that they have done, and all that they are capable of doing, but I can make some pretty good guesses. The fact I found nothing on Scarlett before knowing her proves the extent of their resources.

  "A man named Romano, former ally turned enemy, kidnapped Noah today." He runs his fingers through his hair, frustration in every movement. Panic travels through my system as his words register in my mind. Noah's been kidnapped. Understanding dawns on me why Scarlett is in the state that she's in. She's in shock.

  His eyes flick to where she is, still unresponsive even as the pleading in Kade's voice becomes more and more apparent. "I think it may have been a ploy to get Scar isolated, but when we all went with her, they moved him. She's been like this since we got there and found nothing, but some blood left behind."

  "How much blood?"

  He shakes his head, once again looking for her reaction. When there is none he sighs and answers my question. "Not a lot. Enough for a nosebleed maybe?"