The Secrets We Share

by Emma Hannigan

  Clara hung up feeling desolate.

  By six o’clock that evening, the rain was pelting down outside. Clara had got Nathalie’s cell number from Ava and left several messages begging her to get in touch.

  By eight o’clock, she was frantic. Ava looked equally worried. Gone were the soothing scenarios of Nathalie blowing off steam. By now, both women were worried sick.

  ‘What exactly did you say that might have driven her away?’

  ‘Lots of things,’ Clara said as tears slid down her cheeks. ‘Oh Ava, my past is never going to stop haunting me, is it? I’ve carried a secret in my heart for years. Your brother found out … That’s why he left … I know I sound like I’m talking in riddles right now. But I promise I’ll explain things once I know where Nathalie is and that she’s safe.’

  ‘OK,’ Ava said tightly.

  ‘I thought that by hiding things I’d make it all easier on all of us,’ Clara said mournfully. ‘But I was wrong, Ava.’

  ‘Secrets have a way of coming back to bite you, no matter how many years go by.’

  ‘Should we call the police again?’ Clara said.

  A knock at the door sent them both running.

  ‘Hi,’ said a tall, broad-shouldered guy. ‘I’m Conor Murphy, I was meant to meet Nathalie earlier but she didn’t show. I know I’m probably making a fool of myself, but could I see her for a minute?’

  ‘Ah, hello, Conor, you’re Brea’s boy,’ Clara said.

  ‘Yeah, the very one,’ he confessed, grinning.

  ‘I haven’t seen you for quite a while. You’ve turned into a wonderful young man.’

  ‘Thanks, Mrs Conway. I know I’m probably going to feel like a total eejit in a minute, but I was wondering why Nathalie didn’t show up for the gig tonight. I thought she wanted to come.’

  Clara brought him in and introduced him to Ava, then explained the situation.

  ‘Wow,’ said Conor. ‘So you haven’t seen her since lunch time.’

  The two women looked at one another, shaking their heads miserably.

  ‘I’ll go back down the seafront and have a look in the bar. She may turn up there.’

  They swapped phone numbers and promised to keep in touch.

  ‘I’ll call if I see or hear anything,’ Conor said. ‘I’m sure she’ll turn up, Mrs Conway. If it helps at all, she told me how cool you both were. She seemed really pleased about being here and getting to know you all.’

  ‘Thanks, Conor,’ Ava said. ‘That helps a lot. Let’s hope she turns up safely soon.’

  ‘Yes, and I know she was thrilled about meeting you too, Conor,’ Clara assured him. ‘So please know that the reason she didn’t show up this evening has nothing to do with how she feels about you.’

  ‘Thanks, Mrs Conway. Catch you later,’ he said moving off.

  By midnight, both women were beside themselves. Conor had texted twice to say she hadn’t appeared.

  ‘What do you think we should do now?’ Ava asked.

  ‘I think you should go home to your apartment. If young Nathalie decides to go anywhere, I’m guessing it’ll be to you. You understand her and you’re closer to her age. Besides, you’re a neutral party in this family war. You’ve done nothing to hurt her and you most certainly haven’t lied to her.’

  Ava agreed to do as her mother wished. Not only had she sobered up, she had a thumping headache. She walked as far as the town and got a cab the rest of the way. Knowing she wasn’t going to sleep a wink, she pulled on a comfy tracksuit and lay in bed with both her landline and her mobile phone poised at her side.

  Clara made a pot of coffee. She knew she ought to go to bed and try to rest. But until Nathalie turned up safely, she wasn’t going to so much as lie down.

  Years of being brave and attempting to make the best of things seemed to have taken their toll. Tears soaked her face as she prayed that tragedy wasn’t going to strike her family yet again.

  ‘Generations have endured pain. If you can hear me, Gus, please help. Bring Nathalie home safely. For the first time in my life, I don’t think I can do this any more.’

  Chapter 21

  Nathalie had had no idea of where to go. She’d contemplated walking along the seafront and dancing about waving her arms in the hope that Conor would spot her from his living room window and come out. But she knew that his family had connections with the Conways and she didn’t want to leave a trail to her whereabouts. Coming to Ireland had been a mistake. Her father was right. This place was cursed. It hadn’t helped with her issues; it had added to them.

  The only places she’d been were the waterfall and the Italian restaurant with Ava. If the waterfall wasn’t so far away, she’d gladly go there and jump in. She could picture the newspapers’ glee at the thought of publishing photos of the suicide spot. But there’d probably be a ton of tourists hanging out there, watching the cascading water mixing with the rain. It was so damn cold in this country when it rained. All she had on was a long-sleeved T-shirt and jeans, and she was shivering. She needed to be someplace with privacy so she could lock herself away and try to get her head around this complete disaster that was her family.

  Her mother had drilled into her head from a young age that she was to approach a police officer if she found herself alone or in trouble. But she guessed that didn’t cover asking for help because her family had turned out to be like some crazy screwed-up version of a daytime talk show.

  Shell-shocked, she checked into a hotel. She’d taken money from an ATM as she hadn’t wanted her father to trace her credit card transactions. It would be just his style to get on to Amex and have them find her that way. The anger she felt towards him and Oma was almost choking her. Let them worry themselves sick. They deserved it.

  Why hadn’t Oma told her the moment she’d landed why the family had become estranged? It was all so messed up. No wonder her dad wanted nothing to do with Ireland. Momentarily her heart went out to him as she thought of how betrayed he must’ve felt all those years ago.

  But anger soon took over again. He should have told her the truth. How had he allowed her to come here knowing what he did? How had he let her live with Oma while realising the truth would come out and break her heart?

  Nathalie longed to know the answers to the countless questions that were zooming about in her brain right now. The small voice of reason that was lurking in the back of her mind was whispering that there must be a rational explanation for what had gone on. But she was too hurt and confused to make sense of it.

  She needed to reach a point where she was prepared to listen and find the whole truth for once and for all.

  That time certainly wasn’t right now.

  She knew she was probably causing widespread panic, and a part of her was pleased that they would all be looking for her and wondering where she had gone. It would teach them a lesson, she thought bitterly.

  Her thoughts were so mixed up. Her allegiance flew from her father to Oma. She liked Oma. In spite of what she’d heard her saying this morning, she’d fallen in love with her. She was quirky, cool and so intriguing. A part of Nathalie felt that by running away today and hurting her father, she would give him a taste of his own medicine. Oma must’ve been totally freaked when he took off all those years ago.

  Once she’d checked into the hotel and ordered two bottles of wine, she wasn’t sure what she should do. She drank one of the bottles and realised it made her feel worse. So she filled the bath with the intention of relaxing.

  The voice of reason was almost winning over the anger and resentment when a thought struck her. She grabbed her washbag and rustled around. The sound of the painkillers rattling inside the plastic bottle pleased her. The hospital had given them to her after the crash. She hadn’t bothered taking them. She’d been so numbed by losing Mackenzie, she wouldn’t have noticed if someone had cut her legs off.

  Now, however, she needed all the relief she could find.

  Stepping out of her clothes, she balanced the wine glass on the side of
the tub and climbed in. Lowering herself into the steaming hot water, she relished the burning sensation as her skin turned red and prickly.

  ‘Liars …’ she said as she swallowed the painkillers with four large gulps of wine. She knew she’d probably vomit, but right at that moment she didn’t care. If she slid into the bath and drowned she wouldn’t care either. All she wanted was for the pain to stop.

  The heat along with the sudden rush of alcohol and drugs made her woozy. The feeling was wonderful. All her troubles melted like lemon drops. Just like Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, she was floating and zooming to a beautiful place.

  Faces, names and scenes zoomed in and out of her focus, a mixture of emotions trying to take centre stage in her mind. First she was relaxed and happy. Then a feeling of terror would engulf her and she’d cry out. Next she’d hear her father, then Oma; all they were saying was ‘blah, blah, blah’ but she knew it was lies all the same. Then the images stopped and peace engulfed her.

  Max heard the phone ringing in his dreams. Used to being woken by his bleeper, he sat up instantly and looked around. The rock-hard doctor-on-call beds at the hospital were fine for the odd hour of sleep, but this was his second full night here.

  Amber had made it very clear that she needed time and wasn’t ready to enter into any conversations with him. She’d called him a liar and a cheat and refused to allow him to speak.

  ‘You’ve done enough lying and I can’t cope with any more.’

  So Max did what he was best at and ran away from it all.

  The phone rang a second time. He picked it up and looked at the number. It was an Irish one, and not the one Nathalie had called him from before.

  ‘Hello?’

  ‘Is that Mr Conway?’ a strange woman’s voice asked.

  ‘Yes,’ he said, sitting up. ‘This is Max Conway.’

  ‘Hello, sorry to disturb you, I’m not sure what time it is there, but this is Lochlann Hospital calling. I believe we have your daughter Nathalie with us.’

  ‘Pardon? Why? What’s going on?’

  ‘Mr Conway, your daughter was pulled from a full bath by a hotel chambermaid several hours ago. She’d consumed a large quantity of alcohol along with a substantial number of painkillers. She’s lucky to be alive.’

  Stunned, Max took the details and said he’d be on the next available flight to Ireland. Then he grabbed his clothes and ran to his car, calling Amber as he went.

  ‘What do you mean, the hospital called?’ she shrieked, bursting into tears. ‘Max, if anything happens to her …’

  ‘I know,’ he said. ‘We need to get to Ireland. I’m on my way home. Can you call the airport and book flights?’

  Amber had already hung up.

  As Max pulled into the driveway, he had never been as scared in his entire life. Nathalie was his world. She was the one perfect thing he’d created. He couldn’t carry on if she died.

  He found a white-faced Amber throwing things into a suitcase. Without looking round, she told him she’d booked flights and they needed to leave for the airport immediately if they were going to make it.

  ‘I’ve notified the airline desk that our daughter is in hospital fighting for her life and they’ve assured me we’ll be escorted to the plane with minimal delay.’

  ‘Well done,’ he said, grabbing a few extra bits and zipping the case shut.

  ‘Anything we’ve forgotten can be bought,’ she said. ‘Let’s go.’

  ‘Amber, I—’

  ‘Not now, Max,’ she said wearily. ‘Everything else can wait. Nathalie needs us.’

  Max drove as fast as he could, praying that this was going to have a happy outcome. From the moment he’d heard Mackenzie had died, he’d been so aware of how lucky they’d been that Nathalie had survived. It would be cruel of fate to snatch her away after all. Surely that couldn’t possibly happen …

  Chapter 22

  Mercifully the flight landed on time. With the eight-hour time difference between Dublin and Los Angeles, it meant they were hitting the Emerald Isle at midday.

  On the way to the hospital, Max called Sean.

  ‘Hey, buddy.’

  ‘Max! How are you?’

  ‘I’ve been better. I’m in Ireland.’

  ‘What? Are you serious?’

  ‘Nathalie is here. Amber and my mother arranged a trip and now she’s in hospital. It seems she tried to take her own life. We don’t know if she’s going to survive.’

  ‘Jeez, Max, I don’t know what to say.’

  ‘There’s nothing you can say. I just thought I’d keep you in the loop.’

  ‘Cheers. I’ll be thinking of you all. Oh, and Max?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Sorry … Nothing. I was going to say something but it’s hardly appropriate right now … Good luck …’

  ‘Spit it out, Sean,’ Max said.

  ‘If you see Ava … would you tell her I asked after her?’

  ‘Yeah, that’ll go down well after twenty years. But I’ll tell her.’

  ‘Sorry, mate, you have more than enough stuff wrecking your head.’

  ‘Hey, no worries. You’ve always said the wrong things at the wrong time. Why stop now,’ Max said.

  ‘Sorry,’ Sean said. ‘Stay safe, and I hope Nathalie is gonna be OK.’

  ‘Me too. Catch you soon, buddy.’

  Max hung up and shook his head. Between him and Sean, they’d made a right cock-up of things. He didn’t feel angry with him for asking him to send his regards to Ava, however. He was hardly in a position to take a higher stance on behaviour towards his family. People in glass houses and all that, Max mused.

  Clara was making a chocolate cake when Ava arrived.

  ‘It’s hardly the time to start baking.’

  ‘Ava, I haven’t slept and there’s nothing else I can do. I couldn’t have idle hands.’

  ‘I know, I’m sorry.’ Ava hugged her. ‘We need to find Nathalie,’ she whispered.

  ‘I know. How about I phone the hospital? If I ask for that nice Dr Francis, he might have a look at the records for me. Your father was very good to him when he was an intern.’

  Clara found it odd dialling the hospital number once more. She was relieved when Dr Francis came on the line a short time later, but when he told her gently that Nathalie had been admitted the previous night, tears ran down her cheeks.

  ‘Thank you, dear. You’ve been very helpful,’ she managed before hanging up.

  ‘What is it?’ Ava asked.

  ‘She’s there. It seems she was taken in last night. He said he can’t divulge the details but that her parents have just arrived from Los Angeles.’

  ‘What? Max is here?’ Clara nodded.

  ‘Ava, what will we do? Should we go to the hospital and see them?’

  ‘Absolutely,’ Ava said. ‘Turn the oven off and leave the baking. I’ll drive.’

  Just as they were about to leave, however, the landline rang.

  ‘Hello?’ Clara said frantically.

  ‘Oma?’

  ‘Nathalie.’ Clara burst into tears. ‘Liebling, are you all right?’

  ‘I’ve been better,’ she said weakly. ‘But I’m gonna be fine. Mom and Dad are here and I want to get out of this place. Can I come home?’

  ‘Of course you can, my darling sweet child. I’m so relieved. Will I send Ava to collect you?’

  ‘No, Dad has a cab.’

  ‘OK, Liebling. See you shortly.’

  Clara hung up. ‘She’s on her way home.’

  ‘Thank God.’

  ‘With Max and Amber …’

  ‘What?’ The colour drained from Ava’s face. ‘Max is here? He’s coming to this house right now?’ Clara nodded. ‘Holy shit.’

  ‘Um, precisely,’ Clara said, sitting down. She stood up again abruptly. ‘The cake. It’s Max’s favourite. I’ll finish it.’

  ‘Mama, nobody gives a fiddler’s about cakes right now.’

  ‘I do.’ Clara’s face was stern as she whipped the in
gredients into a creamy batter and scraped it into a tin.

  As she wiped her hands, a taxi drew up outside.

  ‘They’re here,’ Ava shouted, running to open the front door.

  Clara peered out the window and saw a glamorous woman with chestnut hair climb out of the cab. She was helping a very wobbly-looking Nathalie. Then Max came into view. Her Max. Her son and the light of her life for so long. A sob escaped Clara’s lips as he turned around. Age suited him. He was so like his father it was almost scary.

  Taking a deep breath and squaring her shoulders, she followed Ava.

  Outside, Ava was hugging Nathalie and telling her how much she loved her. She led her inside and Clara hugged her on the way past. Amber held her hand out and shook Clara’s.

  ‘It’s lovely to meet you, Mrs Conway.’

  ‘It’s wonderful to meet you too, dear. I wish it could be under less stressful circumstances, but you are most welcome. Please come inside.’

  Amber nodded and followed Ava and Nathalie, leaving Max to face Clara. He looked directly into her eyes before dropping his gaze.

  ‘Hello, Max.’

  He kept looking at the ground as a sob escaped his lips. Clara walked slowly towards him. She lifted one hand and placed it gently on his shoulder. He didn’t flinch or move backwards. Raising the other hand, she pulled him into her arms and rocked him from side to side, feeling as if she could die of heartache.

  ‘Welcome home, my son.’

  ‘Thanks, Mama.’

  They stayed there for what felt like an age, before Clara coughed and took his hand, leading him inside wordlessly.

  Nathalie was sitting on the edge of a chair in the kitchen. Her frail body shivered as she wrapped her thin arms around herself.

  Clara approached and knelt down in front of her. ‘We’re all so glad you’re safe, Liebling. We love you so much.’

  Sobbing, Nathalie threw her arms around her neck.

  ‘It’s OK, child.’

  ‘I need to lie down,’ Nathalie said, looking from one face to another. Her haunted eyes made each one of them nod in agreement.