by Shelly Crane
I nuzzled my way into her neck, kissing and nibbling. "We've got to get up, beautiful."
The giggle. Oh, my good Lord, help me. "Why? It's warm under here."
"You want to see a baby, don't you?"
"Did they call?" she asked, sitting up excitedly. Her hair was swept over half her face.
I smirked. "No. Not yet."
"Then that baby apparently doesn't want to see us." She plopped back down on her side, away from me.
"You're forcing me to use extreme measures."
"Don't do anything you'll regret."
"Last chance."
"Milo!"
"Here goes." I pulled her over to face me, her giggling the whole time, and started kissing her neck and sucking dramatically. When she started squealing, I knew I'd won.
"Um, excuse me, Milo?" we heard at the door.
We looked at each other and laughed like we'd been caught. "Uh, yes?"
"Your mamma says to bring out that giggling girl she can hear you done brought home with you right now and come have some dinner with her."
"Ohp!" Maya said and pressed her lips together. "It feels like high school all over again."
I smiled but knew our little fun morning-slash-afternoon was coming to a halt. She was about to meet my mom; my mom who wouldn't remember her twenty minutes later. I'm sure she would love that. And to know I had completely left my family when they needed me most—spazzed and did nothing but care about myself and ran away—that was really going to make her just fall head over heels for me.
"Hey," she said softly, her cool hand pulling me from my memories. "I'm not going anywhere, remember?"
"Yeah," I said, but didn't know if I meant it.
"Come on." She tugged on my arm. "I want to meet your mom."
I didn't know if I should warn her or not. A part of me wanted to let her be ambushed with it, that way she'd be angry about it. That way she'd have something to want to leave me over, but I had already seen what the future looked like with her in it, and I was done with pushing her away and running from my past. "Okay, but, uh, one thing."
"Okay."
"Without going into too much family history, my mom was in an accident a few years ago."
"Okay," she said softer, more sympathy seeping through.
"Her…short-term memory doesn’t work anymore. She remembers me and her life and everything, but she can't remember anything after the accident." Maya looked confused, but took my hand in between hers. She had no pity in her eyes though. That was a first. Usually, the few people I had told—because I had to tell—they looked at me like I was a kicked puppy. "So she'll remember you when she meets you, but only for a few minutes. And she only remembers me from when I was a teenager."
"I'm so sorry."
"She's doing well. Mason takes good care of her."
I waited for it, for her to break her promise and bombard me with a million questions. At this point, I wouldn't blame her, but she didn't. I could tell she wanted to, but she didn't.
"Okay. Let me get my clothes on and my hair finger-combed, all right? Thanks for letting me wear these." She fingered the collar of my shirt she was wearing.
"Of course. I'll borrow some clothes from Mason."
She leaned up and kissed my forehead as she stood. "Don't peek," she whispered as she went behind me and I heard the rustling of her clothes.
Good. Night.
"Mamma?"
She turned and smiled, but it quickly changed. It was practically a carbon copy of the reaction I had gotten last time - so happy to see me and then so confused at what she saw.
"Milo…"
"It's okay, Mamma." I bent down on my haunches in front of her and took her hand in mine. "It was an accident. It messed with your memory. I'm a little older; you just don't remember." I looked back at Maya and she knelt on the floor next to me. "This is Maya. She wanted to meet you."
"Oh, my gosh," Maya whispered under her breath. "The fact that you actually call her Mamma makes me fall in love with you a little bit."
I stared, slack-jawed and amazed. She straightened and smiled at my mother as she proceeded to charm the smiles right out of her and the nurse, too. Before I knew it, they were all drinking hot tea and eating cookies. Maya had explained who she was several times with the patience of someone way beyond her years and I was falling in love more than a little bit.
That should have scared me, but I got a freeing sensation from it. I'd never seen binding yourself to someone as being freeing before, but that's what it felt like. With her, just us, together, it felt like we might could take on the hard road of addiction and not knowing what the future held for us.
After lunch, I asked if I should take Mom to the hospital, but the nurse thought she should stay and see the baby at home. Maya and I headed back. We hadn't heard from Mason, so I didn't think we'd missed anything.
And we hadn't. When we arrived, Mason looked like hell warmed over. The bags under his eyes were dark and he was so tired. The doctor had told him the first babies sometimes fought hard, and this one was taking his sweet time, but at least Emma was almost ready now. She had almost fully "dilated" overnight, whatever that meant.
Emma's parents weren't there yet since they went home to get some things and showers, so Mason wanted us to go in and see Emma while we could. I didn't really want to, to be honest. Emma was this angel that had been stuck between Mason and me while he had rescued me. She had seen me at my absolute worst, literally seen me with track marks in my arms and a girl having her way with me, called me on my crap, brought my brother back from his self-loathing that I inflicted on him, and was now giving him the only thing that he really ever wanted. And she was this weird copy of our mom, too, with her memories gone.
She was too good for the likes of me.
So was Maya for that matter.
This whole thing was bringing up all this stuff that I knew it would, but it physically hurt to feel. It hurt to know that Maya was better off without me. That I didn't deserve to be within twenty feet of her, let alone be with her. And Mason. God…how did he forgive me so easily? Maybe he hadn't. Maybe he hadn't had time to think about it yet. Maybe he didn't want to fight at the hospital. Maybe he didn't want to fight at all, but would always hold a grudge. Could I blame him? Of course not.
"Milo?"
I looked up to find Mason and Maya looking at me. Both looked pretty worried. "Yeah?" I said, not surprised by how gruff my voice was.
"What's up, man?" Mason tried.
I shook my head. "Nothing."
He stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. "I've been trying to get your attention for over a minute."
"Nothing." I pushed, but he pushed harder. I was kind of shocked by how strong he had gotten the past couple of years. Apparently, I wasn't the only one. "Mason, I'm fine."
"Milo," he pleaded. He looked back at Maya who seemed to know there was something going on and wasn't going to let me get out of it.
She had inched back a good bit and hooked her finger over her shoulder. "I'm going to go get sodas. Be back in a few minutes."
I looked back at Mason's face and knew there was no getting out of it. He didn't say anything else, so I didn't beat around the bush any longer. "Why, Mase?"
He knew exactly what I was talking about. Why did he forgive me so easily without so much as a fight or discussion? He just hugged me when I walked through that door after more than two years and that was it.
He smiled a half-smile, the way he used to do when we were teenagers when he was about to tell me something he had learned about life that Mom would never tell me that should have been my father's job. "Because you're my brother, Milo. I love you, and all I ever wanted was to be there for you. I screwed everything up, and then all I wanted to do was make everything up to you."
"Mason, you didn't screw anything up. It wasn't your fault," I said and realized I believed it. I actually, for the first time in my life, believed it wasn't Mason's fault Mom was in that accident.
"I was a stupid kid, Mase. I wanted to blame someone and you were the only one there. And then, like a coward, I ran. There's…" I gulped. "There's so much more I want to say to you, but right now, I just can't. I hope that's okay for now. There are a few things I still need to work on first, but I'm trying."
"Milo, you're here," he said happily and hugged me to him, patting my back hard. "For now, that's all that matters." He leaned back. "It's pretty daggum obvious you're working your butt off to get your life together. I can't ask for any more than that right now. Thank you for coming. To be honest, I didn't think you would. Even after you said you would."
"I know. I deserve that."
"But you look pretty good, bro."
"Thanks." I rubbed my head. "Working out and working a full-time job helps…keep busy and not want and think about…things."
He nodded, like he knew exactly what I was talking about. He could never know what being an addict was like, but I appreciate that he tried. "And this girl…" He shook his head. "Wow, dude." He whistled.
"Well, thanks, Wright boys."
We both turned at the sound of her voice to find her adorably biting her smiling bottom lip. She held three cans of soda between her hands as she walked toward us. She handed one to each of us. I thought my brother would be red-faced embarrassed, but he wasn't.
He smiled down at my girl, who was even shorter than him. "So, Maya, got any tattoos?"
"No," I scoffed.
"Yes," she corrected and smirked at me.
"You do?" I heard the growly tone of it.
"Easy, bro," Mason laughed and reached a hand out to me. He looked back at her. "Well, I own a shop here. If either of you ever want some new ink, come see me."
He looked at me. "Did you ever get any?"
I shook my head. "Nah." I couldn't admit that it felt like I was betraying him to get it done by someone else. "Not yet."
He nodded once. "Where's yours?" he asked Maya with a jut of his chin. "Or can only Milo see?" He cut his eyes to the side at me and winked.
Her neck turned a little pink as she laughed, bumping his arm with her elbow.
"Here." Her eyes met mine as she pulled the shoulder of her shirt down to reveal the yellow and black butterfly on her shoulder. Her gaze sizzled into mine. "This is what teenage rebellion looks like."
Mason leaned close and took her arm in his hand. "Huh, really clean lines. Nice shading, too."
"Okay, Mase," I tried.
He brushed his thumb over the wing. "Good symmetry."
"All right." I pushed his hand away, putting myself between them, and pulled up her sleeve. She smiled up at me coyly from under her lashes. I took her hand in mine and turned to Mason. "Let's go see Emma."
He smiled. "Great." He ticked his head toward the hall. "She missed you."
I scoff-laughed. "She doesn't really know me."
"She knows you enough to miss you."
We followed him up floors and elevators. He stopped at the door and turned to us. "She's been pregnant and doing great, but also miserable for over nine months. She says she's totally fine, but she really just wants to hit you."
I snorted and Maya may have, too. "Okay, we got it," I assured him.
"She'll burst into tears at some point during the visit, too. It is inevitable. Don't take it personally."
"Okay. No problem."
He eased the door open. "Baby," he called and the old me, the pre-hate-Mason me would have ragged on him to no end for being so whipped. He sounded so incredibly in love with the girl in that bed. When he went in and bent down to kiss her forehead, speaking softly to tell her we were there, there was no doubt that he absolutely was.
I had always known that he was, from the first time I saw them together, but this, with her being so fragile and needing him like this, it was different than before. Before, he was the one who needed her so much because when he came to find me at those parties, he was more wrecked than I was.
It was strangely beautiful to see the tables turned.
"I finally dragged his sorry behind here for you, sweetheart."
"I told you he would come."
He kissed her on the mouth and her pale fingers gripped his hair. He leaned back and shielded her eyes as he turned on the overhead lights. I was awed at how not just whipped or sweet but just…thoughtful he was. I looked over at Maya and swallowed down anything that might have come up at that moment. This wasn't about us.
I rubbed her fingers with my thumb and she looked over at me. Her smile was easy. She didn't seem uncomfortable or uneasy. It was another thing I loved about her. She could be in any situation, whether or not it was about her, it didn't have to be, and she was still comfortable with that. She didn't need to be the center of attention, and she didn't need to be the wallflower. She was a go-with-the-flow kind of girl. My kind of girl.
"Milo," Emma breathed.
Maya let my hand go and I went, not sure what to expect from the girl who, for whatever reason, seemed to think I was worth her affection. "Hey, Mrs. Wright."
She smiled so big. "Hey."
I reached back, beckoning Maya to me. Within seconds, her hand was in mine. "Maya, this is Mason's wife, Emma. She's about to make me an uncle."
They both laughed. Emma leaned up a little to shake her hand, but you could tell she was beat. The kind of beat like you'd run a marathon with low blood sugar. It seemed like such a strange thing for something that was supposed to make you so happy to be making you so miserable.
Mason shifted down to Emma's legs, pushing up the blanket, and pulled one of her legs up to rest her heel on his stomach as her massaged her calf. She groaned in thanks, and as they looked at each other, I was once again feeling as though I was basking the glow of something I wasn't worthy of. Emma and Mason were the only love that I was ever really privy to, except the mechanic shop owner and his wife, but they didn't really count. Even back when I was a punk runaway and wanted nothing to do with Mason, I still saw it then.
And now it was still there, wrapped around them like pretty tissue paper for all to see.
We talked about nothing for a few minutes while Mason continued with everything in him to make his wife feel better. That was Mason—always trying to take care of everyone. But as much as he tried, it wasn't helping. She kept shifting, and the doctor came in and said she was close, but no cigar. It was almost time; just keep waiting.
I thought Emma was going to actually hit him, just like Mason had said. Instead she pushed a fake smile and then burst into tears as soon as he left, just as Mason predicted.
I looked at Maya and wondered if this was something she would ever want. Good night. This made me want to vow never, ever to impregnate her.
This was female torture at its finest.
Emma calmed and apologized, and Mason went back to his rubbing. She was laughing about how one side of her body would go numb if she stayed on that side too long.
"Maya, when you have a baby one day and that handsome doctor comes in and says he's going to give you something that will make you feel no pain and you'll be dilating all day in peace?" She smirked, maybe a little evilly. "He's a big fat liar! Don't listen to him. His perfect little coif of chestnut hair may have gotten him through medical school, but it cannot charm a baby from a womb and certainly doesn't make the pain go away."
As we laughed, Maya went to stand by Mason. "My brother is…well, he's sick. I know this thing. Well, I saw it on YouTube." Everyone chuckled. I watched in absolute wonder as she pushed her fear away and told my family about her brother. I knew that was hard for her. It had taken her a long time to tell even me about it. "May I?" she asked. Mason looked at Emma and she nodded. He looked at Maya gratefully and scooted over a bit to give her room. She took Emma's socked foot in her hand and started to gently dig her thumb into spots on the sole.
Emma groaned and grabbed the rail of the bed. "Oh, my gosh."
"What, babe?" Mason rushed.
/>
"Ah!" she groaned again. "Oh, my gosh."
"Babe?"
"Dump this guy. Marry me, Maya!"
I laughed in a snort and slapped Mason on the back. "Dude, we're cooked."
Maya kept working, a little pleased smile on her face as she looked at Emma's feet.
Emma groaned again, and though I knew it was because she was in so much pain and it was helping and all, it started to sound a little…
Emma moaned again. "Where did you learn this?"
"YouTube."
"They need a medal."
Maya laughed. "It's reflexology."
"Oh…my gosh," Emma groaned.
Mason leaned down near her face. "Baby, you gotta stop that."
She looked over to see him close. "What?" She must have seen something. She giggled, embarrassed. "Oh. I'm sorry, baby." She snapped her face back to Maya and pointed at her foot, groaning again. "There. Oh, my gosh. Baby."
"Yeah?" Mason answered.
"No, no." She pointed to her stomach. "Baby. Contractions. Finally! Contractions! Baby!"
We were shooed from the room and within thirty-five minutes, were passing around a sleeping baby boy. Emma was in and out of sleep from the medicines they'd given her. I hated to go, but I knew Maya needed to get home to her brother.
I'd never held such a small living thing before in my arms. His little breaths were so tiny, but his grip was so strong, like he trusted me without a doubt. I looked up from his face to find Mason watching me with his son.
I knew the exact same thought was running through his head that was running through mine.
The men in this little guy's life were not running out on him like our father had. No, we were going to be there. We were all we had left. I handed him to Maya because I knew leaving Mason was going to be hard. Even though I'd be back, this was hard. We really hadn't gotten to talk about anything. I still felt guilty as hell. So many things felt unresolved, yet I knew things were headed in the right direction.
As soon as she had the baby, Mason snatched me into a tight hug. "You better come back, you hear? You better come visit, and you better bring that girl with you again because I think Emma fell in love with her a little bit."
