Exodus

by Stewart , Kate

  “And then I showed up.”

  He dips his chin.

  “By the time you came back, we had hundreds of members in all combined chapters, and we were growing by the day. Dom had graduated MIT and made it his mission to eradicate future money problems by stealing chunks at a time from white-collar thieves that I hand-fed him, all the while stocking our arsenal and recruiting more brothers. It was only a matter of time with Roman, but when you got here, and Sean and Dominic discovered you, they moved in thinking they had you under control.”

  I nod, knowing that story all too well.

  “Now you know I was searching for my birth father, which is why I was distracted in France.”

  I nod.

  “By the time I got to him, he was too far gone. I’ll never really know who he was.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s fine.” His eyes drop, and I know it’s anything but fine. “I just couldn’t leave him the way I found him.”

  “You did a good thing.”

  “Did I?” He swallows. “I don’t know. The way my mother spoke about him.” He shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

  “He’s being cared for, that’s a good thing.”

  He runs his teeth over his lip and eyes me, and I know that part of the conversation is over.

  “When I found out what was happening, of how they were hiding you, I flew home to handle it. And fuck,” he runs his hands through his hair, and it’s all I can do to keep from touching him. His guilty eyes roll over me, and he darts them away.

  “Their punishment wasn’t just about you. I had to remind them of why we started this in the first place. I sent them to live with one of the partners I trusted in France. He kept them focused, let them in on everything I’d been building while I refocused on our original plan. I was one move and a handshake away from taking over when you and I struck our deal.”

  I’ll still never be able to place how I should feel about the betrayal on all sides, nor the guilt of being Roman’s heir.

  Tobias sighs, setting the book on the lounger and clasping his hands together between his thighs. “I understood your need to care for her, Cecelia. And you had been through enough already. And I railroaded you out of anger when I returned. You were never supposed to be a part of this for good reason.”

  “You keep saying that, but that’s not the way it played out.”

  “No, because I allowed myself to get lost in you the way they had.”

  I bite my lip, eyes stinging.

  “I found myself wanting so much to protect you from it all because you were so innocent. The first time I saw you, you were just some kid that had no idea her father was crooked, and that’s the way I always pictured you until the day I came to you at the pool.”

  Everything changed the minute our lives collided.

  He keeps his eyes lowered, his dark lashes blinking the snow away. “You were the most terrifying thing I’d ever seen in my life. You went from the awkward bratty kid to the most beautiful, most vivacious, fucking temptation I’ve ever come across. I was so mad they discovered you and hid you from me. And then I was run over when I walked up and was confronted by the most infuriating damned woman,” he shakes his head. “but it felt like a punch to the gut knowing…”

  “Knowing I was with them.”

  He nods solemnly, his voice bittering with every word. “I kept my distance and kept watch over you. I had no intention of anything happening. But when you came out in that clearing calling their names, wearing that necklace, I got angry all over again. Mostly because I’d kept you safe and away from us for all those years and you went headfirst into a trap that was never supposed to be set. Sean thought he was doing the right thing by bringing you in. Dominic was so hardcore, he didn’t give a shit if you got hurt, at first.”

  “They warned me. They tried, but I didn’t care,” I admit freely.

  “I knew you weren’t built for this back then,” he whispers heatedly. “Even though you told me you knew what you were getting into, you didn’t. I saw the reality set in on you the night Dominic died in your arms. I don’t know,” he exhales. “Maybe I didn’t give you enough credit then,” he says, “but that was a lesson I never wanted you to learn, and now, you…” his voice breaks with more resentment. “You were never supposed to be a soldier in a war I declared.”

  “They made me one. And how could I not step up with you as an opponent? You are just as guilty.”

  We share a sad smile.

  “Please tell me what happened that night.”

  His expression dims as his eyes again dip.

  “That afternoon, I received a tip that Andre and Matteo had accepted a bid and were coming for Roman,” his eyes lift to mine, “that tip came from your father.”

  I gape at him.

  “He knew about you?”

  He slowly nods. “Shortly after he called me, we met in his office in Charlotte. I knew Matteo and Andre well. Andre was one of my first recruits. And when they made a hit, they made it personal. I knew they would strike Roman at home either here or in Charlotte. As soon as I found out, I had to make a fast decision to play my hand and plan an extermination. There was already a divide in Florida, a loyalty struggle, and it came to a head and presented itself at the perfect time. So, Roman and I struck a deal. In exchange for your dad’s pull with the local police and media, I told him I would eradicate the threat to him and his daughter and clean up the mess if he kept it quiet.”

  “He knew about you the whole time?”

  “I’m not sure when he caught on, but I underestimated him. But he didn’t get to where he was by being oblivious. It took me a while to figure out he’d been onto us for some time. It occurred to me after the first few weeks of staying here that he’d all but pulled back completely on security. Why would a man worth so much leave his only heir so vulnerable? After years of keeping eagle eyes on you, which he did, suddenly he was leaving you in his mansion, alone? It didn’t make sense.”

  “He knew about my involvement with you?”

  Tobias nods. “Not only that, he was aware of our plans for him. But you were the middle ground, and he’d already made plans to hand the keys over to you.”

  “Why would he agree to any of this, trust you, knowing who you were and your intentions?”

  His eyes bore into mine. “Because that day, I told him I was in love with his daughter.”

  I barely have a second to absorb it when he speaks again.

  “When he discovered our weakness was his only daughter, he allowed us in, and knew that it would stall my plans if not rid me of them entirely.”

  “He used me as bait to save his company?”

  “He didn’t have to.” The implication of that hits hard. “It happened naturally. Sean leapt the minute he discovered you. All Roman had to do was sit back and watch. It was a little of a gamble on Roman’s part, but he knew how valuable you were and that you were protected by us. It was a stroke of genius, really.”

  Snow covers me, and I brush it off, ignoring the chill seeping into my bones. Tobias stands and shrugs off his jacket.

  “I’m fine,” I say in irritation, but he wraps it around me anyway. He resumes his seat.

  “But you’re wrong if you think his company was the only thing he was set on saving.”

  “Don’t bother,” I say, burrowing into his jacket.

  “He was fucking terrified that day, Cecelia. Terrified enough to call me in. He didn’t have enough security to protect both places. He was asking for help.”

  I look up where he hovers and see pity.

  “I don’t give a damn about Roman.” I ignore the concern in his eyes. “Just tell me what happened.”

  He runs a hand through his dampening hair and nods. “Though we knew Florida was coming, I had no idea they were coming in hot like that. I didn’t have enough intel, and neither did Roman. So, I put out an all points to the brotherhood and fucking flew back from Charlotte scared out of my goddamn mind because yo
u had gone off the rails when you discovered you were marked.”

  The garage. The night I’d enabled them. I’d sabotaged my own safety with that stunt by slashing their tires and cutting off all communication with them. I’d thought about it long before now but didn’t realize the gravity of just how bad I fucked up by declaring war on the people determined to protect me.

  “Everyone was searching for you, everyone. And Dominic and I met at your house. We only had a small crew with us because of the search and sent them to border the property. Dom kept you distracted in your bedroom while I watched Miami pull up ten cars deep. I put in a call to Sean to get everyone back here, but we were too late.”

  “Andre and Matteo were already in the house,” I say.

  Tobias swallows, sorrow etched in his eyes. “I’ve gone over it and over it, and the only conclusion I can draw was that they were in the garage. That’s the only place I didn’t check after driving Roman’s car home.”

  “That’s why it was here.”

  “I was trying to lure them in.” Sorrow filled eyes lift to mine. “I assured Roman his daughter was safe. We had millions in the bank, unlimited man-power, and still, we weren’t ready for a bunch of fucking thugs from Florida.”

  It was my fault. I’d flattened all their tires in my tirade and then sent them on a wild goose chase to find me. It was my fault they were scattered out in the mountains that night looking for me, in an attempt to save me. I was the cause of the loss of those precious seconds needed to save Dominic.

  “I’m so sorry,” I cry out hoarsely, and he shakes his head, grabbing my hand in his and rubbing a soothing thumb over the back of it.

  “Sorry? About which part?” He asks, before dropping my hand. “About the fact that you were used on both sides as a bargaining chip between the men you loved and trusted? About the fact that you had no idea who you were giving your trust to, and that you could never have anticipated the chess moves being made all around you? About the fact Dominic lost his life because he was too fucking stubborn to think critically before he acted out as the hero?”

  The ache in my chest grows unbearable as he shakes his head in anger.

  “Hear me. Really hear me. I don’t blame you for Dominic’s death. I blame him. And I blame myself for putting all of this into motion. You’re right. I wanted my fucking way. I wanted your dad to suffer, and it cost me my brother—what was left of my family. The only one I will never fully be able to forgive is myself.”

  “Tobias, you can’t live like that.”

  “Those motherfuckers turned their back because of money. Money, of all things, Cecelia. And I’m the one who let them into our ranks because they were a necessary evil.”

  “You aren’t responsible.”

  He shakes his head. “We got too confident. Dominic got too heavy-handed with power. I got too wrapped up in the business end, in searching for my father, and…” He gives me a pointed look.

  “In me.”

  He moves to kneel in front of me.

  “You know, you were right in a way. We were a bunch of kids who built a fort together, but we didn’t know how to use it. We weren’t ready.”

  And there it is, all of it, the truth. The truth I’ve been begging for, the truth I’ve blindly been living alongside him. The truth that sets him free and liberates him from me.

  And it’s crippling. This knowledge. He studies me for a solid minute as I take it all in.

  “Thank you.” I reach for him, and he jerks away, stands, and looks down at me expectantly. He held up his end of the deal. Though he’s not saying it, I know he wants me to hold up mine.

  “Is this really what you want? You want me to leave? You want me out of your life?”

  “Did you hear a word I said?”

  “Every single one.”

  “Then you shouldn’t be fighting to stay. You should be running.”

  “I would, except you left the best part out of your story.”

  He draws his brows and shakes his head. “Don’t.”

  “Us. That’s the best part. Our part.” I move toward him, and he steps out of reach. “Tell me what to say, what to do.”

  His voice is gravel when he speaks. “Give me my brother back.”

  I sniff, my fight building even as he delivers precision blows. “That’s the one thing I can’t do.”

  “Then keep your word and leave.”

  “You do blame me.”

  “No, Cecelia, I don’t. But I won’t make the same mistakes again.”

  “It wasn’t a mistake.”

  “It was, and you know it.”

  “Tobias, I’ve been with you the whole time. None of my life from the time I left to this moment has been real. This is the most I’ve lived since that night. This moment, where I tell you I still love you and you tell me I’m a mistake. But I don’t believe you mean that.” I lift my chin. “I’m not running away because I know you don’t believe it, either. I’ll take any life with you over the one I have. Don’t throw me away. Don’t turn me away. Don’t do it again.”

  He begins to pace in front of me as I call his bluff.

  “I heard every word you spoke last night. You still love me.”

  “Tu me rends tellement fou!” You make me so goddamn crazy!

  He thrusts his hands into his hair and then cranes his neck to glare at me. “And just how do you see this playing out? You think I’ll what…marry you?!” He shakes his head as if it’s a ridiculous notion. His cruelty knows no bounds. “You think we’re just going to ride off into the sunset, that we both can forget? Too much has happened, you shouldn’t forgive me. You won’t forget the things I have done to you. I can’t forget the things I have done to you, and to my brothers. Everything got too fucked up, and everything has changed.” He takes a menacing step forward and looks down at me with resignation. “We don’t get a happy ending, Cecelia. We just get an ending.”

  “And why does it have to be this one? We can—”

  “You’re still fool hearted enough to think that love and sex are some sort of fucking answer. That’s your problem. You yourself said you were never objective enough to distinguish truth from the fiction in your head. Love and sex don’t help anything. My brother loved you. Was in love with you when he died to protect you, and so was Sean. What exactly did that help? Nothing. It solves nothing. It fixes nothing. It causes problems and complications. You’re blind if you think otherwise.”

  “No, you are. Because they knew I loved them back. And I can love them for who they were to me and what we shared, just like any other woman with a past lover and friend. But time didn’t grant me the gift of separation. I got my experiences, my education, all at once. And it wrecked me. But I won’t regret it. I won’t regret any of it. I won’t apologize for it. Because it’s not nothing. And you’ll just have to fucking accept it. But that all fell away the first time you touched what wasn’t yours to touch, and you knew damn well what it was then and what it is now. And it’s not nothing!”

  Snow begins to pour heavily from the sky as I fight for his stare and win.

  “It’s everything, Tobias. It’s everything that’s important. If I’m hanging onto something, then it’s that. You taught me the difference between truth and fiction, and you made damn sure I knew where your place was.” I beat my chest with my fist. “No matter how we came to be, we were and still are. You stole my heart, and you let me love you with it, and you made damn sure I knew where its home was. You want to play innocent now, paint me the whore who got in the way, well that’s you being a coward, and really too fucking convenient of an excuse. You lying bastard, you knew exactly what you were doing.”

  “I didn’t know! I didn’t know! I didn’t know! I didn’t know seeing you a foot away from them the minute they came back would fucking destroy me the way it did. I hated knowing…” he slams his hands against the side table and roars before flipping it over, his eyes wild with jealousy and fear. Fear for admitting what it’s taken years to admit. “I didn
’t know how fucking possessed I was until I saw the way they loved you.”

  I stand deathly still as he lifts livid eyes to mine.

  Unexpected calm washes over me. “I’m still yours, Tobias.”

  He shakes his head, a war raging inside of it.

  “I was always meant to be yours. You said so yourself before everything went to hell. And they knew it when they saw us together, just like I did, just like you do. That’s why my mind won’t let me forget, that’s why my heart continues to torture me. It doesn’t matter how it happened, but make no mistake, you made it happen.”

  His nostrils flare, but his eyes soften considerably. “You need to let go of the romanticized image of us in your head. We were never anything more than a mistake. A mistake we both paid enough for. Let it go. Let me go.”

  “Do you love her?”

  “I trust her! I respect her!”

  Both of those blows land, sending me spiraling into unimaginable hurt. But his truth is so clear, the part he left out, and it’s the only comfort I can take.

  “But you don’t love her.”

  “I’m with her. End of.”

  “Not end of. You can talk in absolutes all you want, but your hold is still as tight as it was. I feel it. Every single fucking day, I feel it. You haven’t let me go no more than I have you. I don’t want your forgiveness because you will never have mine. But I’m yours. Whatever parts of my heart they claimed they keep, they have their place with me, but you own the rest. All of it, including my mind, my body, and the fractured remnants of my soul. You’re the victor, and these are your spoils, but you’re too much of a fucking coward to acknowledge it, to accept me, to accept us. You’re hiding behind your precious purpose and your brother’s death. You didn’t win me by default, Tobias, I was already yours, you made me yours before your brother died.”

  He jerks back as if I’ve slapped him, and in a way, I have. It’s guilt, we’re both battling and the imaginary line he’s drawn that says we aren’t allowed to have the other, not after what we lost.