by Nicky Fox
My thoughts return to my momma and I can’t help thinking that she would like Lea and I together like this. She would’ve definitely approved. My mom always liked Lea. In a small town like this, we ran into Lea and her parents frequently. I think my mom could tell how much I liked her. I talked my momma’s ear off a time or two about my chemistry lab partner and I’m not gonna lie, she’s grown into a beautiful woman. My face must reflect my admiration because Lea blushes and suddenly looks down at her shoes.
“Ugh, Jay?”
“Yeah?” I reply.
She points directly at my crotch. “Do you need to take care of that or ice it or something?”
Ice it? I glance down at my crotch and see the huge bulge apparent in my jeans. Damn. I haven’t been this hard since I started puberty and saw Lea bend over that one time in class while wearing a skirt. Swiftly, I cover myself with my hands. What am I supposed to say? I stick with the truth.
“I’ve been in the army a while. I haven’t been in the presence of a pretty girl in some time.” Hopefully, she doesn’t see that as a come-on. I’m being frank with her. I don’t know what else to tell her. She’s gorgeous and I want to see her naked.
Lea fans herself with her hand. “It’s getting a little hot in here. I should probably head on out. It was nice seeing you, Jay.” She stumbles through the doorway before I can get another word in and she’s out the front door before I know it. I watch her car drive away.
“I’m gonna ask that girl out the next time I see her.”
Chapter Three
Lea
“Oh Lord, that man is something else.” I’m lounging at my friend’s pool and I’m rubbing ice over my neck to keep the heat at bay.
“He sure has put you through a tizzy, Lea,” Amanda replies. Amanda has been my friend since elementary school. She knew what a huge crush I had on Jay. Little did I know, she liked my older brother and here we are today sisters through marriage. “Is he still as handsome as you remember?” Amanda holds my niece on her hip as she takes a seat next to me.
“Better, Mandy. Better. God. He’s like Hercules. He’s HUGE!”
Smiling, Amanda replies, “That’s not the only thing that’s huge from what you said earlier.” Laughing at her own joke and winking at me, she unwraps a popsicle and gives it to Katie. “Run along, baby.” Katie flounces off and we continue our adult conversation.
“You remember him in high school, right?” I ask.
“The swim team?”
“Speedos!” we say in unison and laugh.
“Damn. Those were the good old days, weren’t they?” She leans back in her lounger as we sit out and tan.
“Well, the good days are certainly back because he’s built like a warrior. You know like those guys in the movie Three Hundred?” Mandy nods her head and hums.
“I’m going to have to seek this boy out. Or maybe you can get off your ass and invite him over here.”
“Hey, I got off my ass and went over and saw him. He kissed me,” I add. Mandy’s head whips around and pins me with a glare.
“Girl, you’re holding out on me. Spill.” She motions her hand for me to continue.
“It was nothing. He just kissed me on the top of the head while I hugged him. He was talking about his momma. It was the sweetest thing, Mandy. I love when a boy talks about their momma. He was pulling weeds as I drove up. I bet he’s trying to make her yard beautiful again. Isn’t that kind?”
Mandy’s eyebrow raises almost off her face. “You have it bad for this guy.”
Ringing my hands together I contemplate what I feel. “Did I mention he was shirtless in just a pair of low hung jeans? Yeah, I think I do have a thing for him.” I always have. My eyes meet hers and she lays her hand on top of mine.
“Just be careful, okay? War changes a man. He’s come home to an empty house. He’s grieving right now. I don’t want y’all to get swept away and then when the dust clears he has a change of heart. It’s nice to see you excited about someone again. I know Blane put you through the ringer.”
My thoughts go back to the way Jay looked at me. The way his eyes lit up and the smile that seemed to be only meant for me. I thought I’d see a man defeated in mourning, but he seemed to be doing okay. Maybe I should go by and see him again, just to make sure.
Amanda taps my hand to grab my attention. “Yes, Mandy. I’ll be careful.”
She smiles. “Good. Now, I’d say it’s time for wine.” Amanda jumps up and heads inside.
Jay’s mother was known for her baking almost as much as her agricultural pursuits. Maybe I could bring some food by. I’m sure he hasn’t had a homecooked meal in a while. I decide right then I’m heading back over to Jay’s house. Now, if only I knew his favorite dessert.
“My, my, Ms. Sing. What have you brought me?” Jay steps out on to his front porch and meets me in the yard. I’m carrying a plate of homemade hot wings in one hand and a plate of sugar cookies in the other. “Mmm. This looks good enough to eat.”
I can’t help but notice he’s staring directly at me when he says this. It gives me goose bumps. Jay grabs the plate of wings and motions for me to follow him inside. Sadly, he’s completely dressed this visit. The yard looks back to its former glory. It just needed some love and care.
“I was afraid I scared you off.” Jay chuckles. I assume he’s referring to his huge erection the last time I was here. Like I can forget that. One word comes to mind when I think of it, impressive. Yeah, I don’t think I can talk about that with him. It was a bit awkward for both of us. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.
“Nope. I figured you probably hadn’t had a homecooked meal in a while so here I am, just being neighborly.” Jay halts in the kitchen and spins back around facing me.
“Being neighborly, huh?” I nod my head and set the plate of cookies down on his kitchen counter. “I call bullshit.” My head snaps up and I meet his searing gaze.
“What?” My chest begins to rise and fall quickly as he saunters over toward me.
“I said, I call bullshit. You come over here twice in one week. You bring me food, homemade cookies no less, and you expect me to believe that you’re just being neighborly? Come on, Lea.” Jay stops as his shoes reach mine. He slowly leans over and braces himself on the counter behind me. I’m caged in. His breath blows down my neck and his arms squeeze me in. I hold my breath waiting for his next move. We’re gazing into each other’s eyes when he dips down toward my neck. I’m waiting for his lips to graze my neck. Instead, his nose brushes against my ear and then he says, “Lea, you’re shaking. Are you okay?” I take in his scent. He smells like musky pine. I almost moan but I tamp it down and nod to his question. He opens the cabinet behind my head. Checking to see what he’s up to, I turn around to look. Then, I realize my faux pas. My back is up against Jay’s front and there’s an apparent hardness in his jeans. It’s rubbing up against my backside and all I can do is close my eyes and feel.
Jay’s breath has sped up and is blowing on the back of my head. Instinctively, I tilt my head to the side baring my neck to him. A bottle of ranch dressing crashes on the counter in front of me and then I feel his absence. Jay moves away to the other side of the kitchen. Slowly, I turn around to look at him once more. What was that about? He coughs and then continues our conversation as if nothing happened. I’m getting mixed signals here.
“Can’t have hot wings without ranch.” Smiling, he sits down at the table and rolls up his sleeves. “Are you going to join me?” He motions to the chair across from him.
“Sure. I’ll just grab some napkins.” I take the whole paper towel roll and toss it to him. Jay catches it and chuckles as I grab myself a plate. “So how was it over there?” I glance up from my plate of wings and watch his reaction. He kidded earlier about being blown up, but I know he’s deflecting. I can tell by his avoidance there’s something more there. I want to know what it is.
“I don’t know what you want to hear, Lea. It’s not really dinner conversatio
n.” He plops a chicken wing in the dip and shoves it in his mouth. Jay seems a little annoyed with my question, but I don’t understand.
“What do you mean, not dinner conversation?”
He pushes away from his food and crosses his arms. “You want to hear that I saw my friend blown up before my eyes.” His gaze hits the floor and suddenly I’m sorry for even bringing it up. He continues, “It seemed like every day I found body parts belonging to someone. The heat was intense, and it smelled rancid. That’s what I mean by it’s not dinner talk.” Jay resumes eating, and I feel like a total idiot for asking. I don’t know what I expected his reaction to be. I thought he’d talk about the guys he was stationed with and maybe what it was like to shoot a gun. I’m so naïve. Before I can apologize Jay speaks again.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lashed out at you like that. I’m just a little on edge about it. I haven’t been sleeping well.”
Placing my hand on his, I reassure him, “Jay, you don’t have to explain. I understand. If I went over there and experienced things like that, I wouldn’t want to talk about it either.” We end up smiling at each other and the whole thing is pushed under the rug. Something still nags at me about that. I don’t know why I can’t let it go. But knowing his stance on it, I don’t bring it up again.
Chapter Four
Jay
“Damn, man. I just went off on her. I can’t believe I did that.” I cross my ankles and look out over the porch as my friend Ryan sits in the Adirondack chair next to me. Ryan Sarles and I go back all the way to elementary school. He was my partner in crime and we got in a lot of trouble together. We were also both on the swim team, and even though I’ve been away for six years, with Ryan it feels like I never left. Ryan’s family owns the local mechanic shop. He works there; he’s always been interested in cars. Thankfully, he doesn’t give a shit about what the majority of this town thinks about me, and bonus, he hates Blane probably more than I do. Blane did steal his girlfriend back in the day. We have a common goal to bring that fucker down to his knees. We’re just biding our time until we can figure out what that will be.
“Well, did you apologize?” Ryan pulls another beer out of the cooler I’ve dragged out on the porch. During the day Jefferson is hotter than Hades. At night, it’s a different story. The breeze is cool. The lightning bugs are out and there are stars as far as the eye can see. I’ve missed this. The quiet, tranquil feeling of being home. There are no explosions, no sounds of rifles off in the distance, and no fucking camel spiders. “Well?” Ryan catches my attention.
“Yeah. I apologized. She dropped it and we moved on. It’s still bothering me though. I don’t know why I snapped at her like that, it’s not like me. Honestly, I haven’t been sleeping well. Ever since I got back I’ve been having nightmares about the explosion. I never get to him in time.” Shaking my head, I take a drink from my beer. Ryan sits up and faces me.
“Don’t get to who in time?”
I blow out a breath not wanting to talk to Ryan about it either. It’s not going away. “Chad. He had my back over there. We made it through a lot together. It never occurred to me that we wouldn’t both make it out. I mean, I saw people die over there all the time, but when it’s your right-hand man, the one you’ve been with through thick and thin, it’s just surreal in the worst way.” His head bobs.
“Yeah.” There’s nothing he can say to that. Ryan senses my unease. The subject soon changes to Blane. It brings a smile to my face. “Blane is still a douche.”
“I figured as much. Guys like that never change.”
I recline back in my chair and think about how ridiculous it is that he landed a girl like Lea. How the fuck did he manage that? I should’ve never left but I just wanted to get out of town and make something of myself. I wanted to travel, and my dad had joined up after high school, so to me, it was the most natural thing to do. I didn’t even have to think about what I was doing after graduation, I knew I would be in the army. And I didn’t have any ties here keeping me to this place. I mean Lea was going to the local community college, but I figured she’d be long gone by the time I got back. She always seemed too big for Jefferson. I didn’t want to hold her back. She deserves better than this stinking town, better than me.
“You know, he cheated on Lea with a fucking prostitute.” Damn. It had occurred to me that the dipshit probably cheated on her since he can’t keep it in his pants, but I didn’t think it would be with a prostitute.
“What a dumb fuck. He has serious problems.” Crushing the can in my hand, I add it to the heap on the floor beside me. “How’s Heather Shaw?” Heather was the girl that Ryan always liked. She was dating Ryan briefly when Blane asked her to the homecoming dance. Apparently, Ryan hated dances and didn’t want to go, so she found someone else to go with. I’m wondering if anything has happened between them while I’ve been away. I could always tell even after the incident that they liked each other a lot even through the hostility afterward.
“She’s around. Her car got a flat last week and she brought it in. Got her taken care of and out on the road in no time.” He said that way too fast. I’m not buying that shit. He still likes her, I can tell.
“I’m sure you did.” A smirk spreads across my lips. I like fucking with him. He gets riled up pretty easily.
“Dude. Heather and I . . . it’s not like that. Plus, you know she chose Blane over me.” He notices my eye roll. They’re crazy about each other. Ryan’s twisting in his chair, agitated.
“You wouldn’t go to the dance with her.” He throws his can at me. It hits me in the shoulder and I laugh at him.
“I can’t fucking dance and I wasn’t going to wear some tux either. You know me, I don’t do that shit. I drive a motorcycle and wear a leather jacket.” He smiles proudly. “Fuck that quarterback golden boy. He’ll get what’s coming to him one of these days.” Ryan looks deep in thought. “Nothing has presented itself yet, but it will. I’m waiting. I’m a very patient man.” Ryan makes me laugh. We haven’t changed much since high school. We’re still talking about getting back at Blane. I guess some things stay the same. That thought comforts me.
It isn’t until later that night when I’m in bed, that the nightmares start up again. The sounds, the visuals, and even the smells come to life and take my breath away until I’m sitting up in bed gasping for air. Sweat drips off my body like I just ran a marathon. I barely make it to the toilet and vomit. Is this what my reality is like now? Am I ever going to able to leave that place or forget it? I’d never want to forget my brothers that fought with me, but I’ll gladly forget that place and everything else associated with it.
When my wits finally come back to me, I’m brought back to the reality that my childhood home is empty. My mom is gone. The silence terrifies me. I can’t escape any horrors at night. In my dreams it’s war and carnage and when I wake it’s loneliness and grief. I lean back against the tiled wall of the bathroom. The coolness feels good against my hot skin. I get up to splash some cold water on my face and rinse out my mouth.
I visited my mother’s gravestone yesterday. It made me feel empty. It didn’t feel real. Seeing her name Virgie Hughes, beloved wife, and mother, brought tears to my eyes. I laid flowers from her garden on her grave. She would’ve liked that. I didn’t stay long, I couldn’t. I told her how sorry I was for missing the funeral, for not coming home sooner. It brought me some peace to be there even if I didn’t really get to say goodbye.
Needing to get away, I decide to go for a run. I can’t stay in the house alone another minute. It’s almost sunrise and the crisp morning air will revitalize me. I can push myself until my muscles ache, until my mind is on something else besides what I’ve lost.
My breath is steady as I run along Main Street, passing by familiar houses on the way to the square. The town is still sleeping. I enjoy being out this early before anyone else. I can appreciate Jefferson without the stares of the locals and passing of cars. The restaurant, Dawson’s, is preparing for pa
trons to come in for their early morning coffee. I can smell the brew from outside. It’s heaven. My steps slow as I see a familiar backside and the swish of a golden ponytail. Damn, Lea looks really good running in little black athletic shorts and a pink tank top.
“Hey there, roadrunner,” I call out to her. Lea turns and then gives me the brightest smile.
“Hey there, coyote.” That’s right, I am the coyote to her roadrunner. Laughing at her remark, I catch up to her fine ass. Lea’s body has a light mist of sweat on it. She’s wearing no makeup and she’s the most gorgeous sight I think I’ve ever seen. There’s just this glow about her. I’ve always been enamored with her, but this . . . I never imagined her beyond high school. Lea’s all woman now, with curves for days.
“Where are you headed?” We’re running side by side now. This feels like the most natural thing in the world. I can imagine us doing this together every weekend.
“I always follow the same route. The town center is my favorite part of Jefferson. It’s where all the old historic buildings are. This town has some thorns but as a whole, it’s my home and I love it here.” Lea’s words resonate with me. I know exactly what she means. I might not have gotten a warm welcome here but it’s my home and the memories I have here are priceless.
“It’s funny that you were going this way this morning. I’ve been thinking about coming down here and checking with the fire department to see if I could try out.” Lea stops midstride.
“Oh my gosh, Jay. That’s great. I know they’ve been looking for some more help. You’d be a great firefighter, I know it.” Her grin spreads across her face and I feel like I can take over the world with this girl beside me. I’ve only seen her a couple of times since I’ve gotten back, but I’m getting in deep with Lea.
