Accidentally Yours: A Friends-to-Lovers Gay Romance (Superbia Springs Book 3)

by Rachel Kane

  “Wait, Violet, hold on a second.”

  “Good day, Mr. Roth. We’ll be in touch with the eviction papers.”

  He felt like gasping. Like he’d just emerged from the bottom of the lake, feet caught in the deep mud, and now, only now, was he able to breathe.

  I gotta call Toby.

  No, I gotta call Judah.

  Mason?

  Who the hell should he call first, to tell them about what was happening to him?

  What about Ian? His laugh was bitter and cold. Yes, what about Ian? What perfect timing, being offered a new store just at the moment his old one was being ripped from him.

  Or was that backwards? Had the knowledge of Ian’s offer made him bolder with Violet than he would normally be? He had been so polite to her all these years, chalking up her bigotry to a lifetime of getting everything she had wanted, being the biggest fish in a very small pond. When she’d caused trouble for the Coopers, he’d stood on the sidelines, helping in small ways, but never going up against her himself.

  Now he’d pay the price for that.

  Would she change her mind? Would she calm down? He didn’t know, and not knowing was a hard thing.

  He picked up his phone.

  “She can’t do that,” said Toby. “Can she?”

  “Hell, I don’t know. I’m looking at the lease right now, and don’t understand half of what I signed. It’s all jibberish to me.”

  “Do you want me to come over? I can get Buck to open the bar if I need to.”

  “No. Yes. I don’t know. I’m just in shock, Toads. How can one conversation rip everything away like that?”

  “Because she’s a fucking homophobe. You know that. I’m a little surprised you fought her on it. You know that’s dangerous territory.”

  “But you should’ve heard the things she was accusing me of!”

  “Yeah, but what’s more important, being right in an argument, or running your store? You have to think long-term, Alex.”

  He groaned. “Great. So you’re telling me I shouldn’t have stood up for what I believe in.”

  “I’m saying life is complicated, and you know that. So hold on. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

  Before Toby could get there, though, the bell over the door jingled again, and in strode Ian and Bastian.

  “I just met the most remarkable person,” Ian said. “Her eyes were made of pure jets of flame. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so angry.”

  “Yes, that’s my landlady.”

  “I told her how charming Bastian and I found the town, and I’m afraid she pushed past us. Physical contact! I’m going to have to use her as a character in one of Kestrel’s mysteries, I think. She won’t be the murderer, that would be too obvious. But a suspect? My, yes. She has some skeletons in her closet, I’m sure.”

  “I don’t want to be rude, Ian, but I’ve just run into some business problems. So I’m afraid I can’t visit right now.”

  “Oh dear, Bastian, look at him! He is shaken. It was that landlady, I imagine. I was certain I heard her mutter something about books. Well, we’re only here for a moment anyway, to tell you that everything is set for the book signing from the catering side. Now all that remains is the publicity, and of course the books themselves.”

  God. The signing. Alex had not even thought about it. If Violet did something rash, and evicted him before the signing, it would be the biggest humiliation he had ever faced.

  “Right,” he said. “The books should be here soon, and as for the publicity, we do have something running in the local paper…”

  “The local paper.” Ian’s usual smile faded. “Alex, I don’t mean to denigrate your fine town, but perhaps we need to cast a wider net.”

  “I’m sorry, I thought—”

  “No, no, not another word. I’ll take care of it. But publicity is definitely something you should think more about. Perhaps it’s a lack of outlets here. Now, if you’d take me up on my offer and move to a real city, one with several local newspapers, magazines, a real community of readers…”

  Toby picked that moment to arrive, but when he saw Ian, he froze.

  “Bastian, look who it is! Darling Toby! Tobias Roth, how are you? How is your watering hole? We found it charming, dear, charming!”

  His brother gave him a sharp but hopeless look, as though he were the victim of today’s disasters, rather than Alex. “Guys, if you’ll excuse us, Toby and I have to have some business talk.”

  “Just so,” said Ian. “The dynamic duo. You two put your heads together. Have you told Toby about my offer? You really should, you know. Toby is quite practical, he’ll set you straight on it.”

  After they’d left, Toby turned to him. “What the hell was that?”

  “The second freight train to hit me today. I’m just waiting for the third.”

  The hard thing was the secrecy. He’d confided in Toby his entire life. Even when they were kids, and Toby had been completely incapable of keeping secrets, he’d confess his innermost thoughts to his brother, only to hear them broadcast at the dinner table that night. Now they were older, of course, and Toby knew how to handle private information; that’s what made him such a good bartender. But there were just things Alex couldn’t say to him.

  Things like, I like Judah so much, but I have the feeling I’m wrecking things with my hesitancy.

  It was such a hard thing, wanting to tell Toby, feeling like he needed some guidance, and yet because it wasn’t only his secret, but Judah’s too, he felt he had to keep it inside.

  Not that there wasn’t enough to talk about already, with Violet’s outburst today.

  Toby was looking at the lease. “This is the same one I signed. It’s crazy, but you know how it is, you just sign whatever they put in front of you.”

  “I should’ve gotten a lawyer. Should I do that now? God, I can’t afford it. But should I?”

  With a shrug, Toby slid the paper back to him. “If she’s serious, then you probably do. You don’t want to lose the store.”

  Or do I?

  He knew it was just that he was still angry and shaken over his encounter, but part of him wanted to say fuck it, pack the store up, go wherever Ian was willing to open a new store, and start over. Who wanted to be at a homophobe’s mercy, especially a psycho like Violet Mulgrew?

  Right, and leave Judah behind?

  Now that was a hard thing. What he needed to do was speak to Judah, to say wait for me, please don’t distance yourself just because I have to slow down, and yet here he was thinking of taking Ian’s money, like that would make things less complicated between him and Judah?

  “Hey,” said Toby gently, “you still here?”

  Alex blinked. “Sorry. Off in my own world.”

  “Understandable. I can’t believe she’s gunning for you now. Didn’t she learn her lesson from messing with the Coopers?”

  “Yeah, but unlike the Coopers, we don’t have a billionaire boyfriend to help us out of trouble.”

  Toby laughed and leaned against the counter. “I’d take any boyfriend these days, billionaire or not, you know what I’m saying?”

  Alex swallowed. He wasn’t going to have a more perfect opening than this. Just tell him, he thought. Get some advice for once in your life. You don’t have to be self-reliant about everything.

  But it wasn’t just his secret, it was Judah’s too, and as far as he knew, Judah hadn’t told anyone. Telling people made things real, and they’d agreed this wasn’t really real, that it was not just a secret but a slow secret, that Alex was in danger of using Judah for a rebound, that—

  “Speaking of Coopers, I’m seeing Judah.”

  If Toby had been drinking, he would’ve sprayed it all over Alex. As it was, he backed away from the counter, sputtering. “What the— Wait— Judah? Seriously?”

  Alex scowled. “It isn’t funny, Toads.”

  “You’re serious. You and Judah are together. That’s both great news and supremely weird.”

  �
��What’s weird about it? Judah’s great, he’s kind, he’s sensitive—”

  “No, the weird part is, you’d keep it a secret. You tell me everything.”

  Then Alex had to back up and explain the whole thing, how something had changed in their friendship when he’d needed help getting around, how Judah had been there, eager to assist…how things had grown from there.

  A strange thing happened, as he explained it. He felt…lighter, somehow. As though the problems with Ian, the problems with Violet, were somehow distant from him, as though he’d risen a hundred feet, a thousand, above it all.

  “Damn,” said Toby. “You’re glowing. You realize that, don’t you?”

  Alex touched his cheek, as though he might be able to feel a glow. His skin felt the same, even though his mind didn’t. “I mean, it’s not all good news,” he said. “You know me. I’m going to wreck it.”

  “Ah, the glow has faded. What do you mean?”

  “Come on, Toads. My whole history with men is a disaster.”

  “You mean with Ian? That’s gotta be a special case, surely. Judah isn’t anything like him.”

  “I rushed into this thing with Judah. I slept with him too soon. Can you believe that? Why? Why did I do it? I should’ve waited, should’ve let things build naturally, but you see the predicament I’m in, right? Like, what if I’m just using Judah?”

  “Are you using him?”

  “How can I know?”

  Toby laughed. “God, you’re a mess. If you like him, does it matter if you rushed things? How does he feel?”

  “I don’t know!”

  “You haven’t asked?”

  “Our conversations have gotten so weird since Ian came to town.”

  “Do you want me to talk to him?”

  “Oh god, no!”

  Now Toby planted his hands on the counter, leaned over, and peered into his brother’s eyes. “Alex…what’s the problem here?”

  “I just told you. I’m worried about rushing. I’m worried about rebounding.”

  “You can’t rebound from a break-up that happened two years ago. You’ve passed the statute of limitations on rebounding. There’s something else. I mean, if you don’t feel like you could have a real relationship with Judah, that’s valid—”

  “No, that’s not it. Judah is perfect. God, he’s everything, he’s funny, he’s sweet, he reads—”

  “Then back to my original question: What’s the problem?”

  “It’s too stupid to even talk about.”

  “Ah, here we go.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It’s stupid, but it’s keeping you from being happy, but you’re not going to do anything about it, you won’t even tell me about it.” Toby shrugged. “Sounds like you’re sabotaging yourself again.”

  “I just…” Alex got out of the chair and picked up his crutches. He clicked his way to the front of the store, and looked out the window. “Everything I have, this store, my life, I built out of nothing. When Ian left, I realized just how much I’d relied on him for everything—what to have for lunch, what to read. And I swore to myself, never again. I’m scared, Toby. I’m scared that once I’m back in a real relationship, it’ll be the same way. What if Judah turns out to be a control freak? What if I… What if I turn into whatever the opposite of a control freak is?”

  “What if you come to rely on someone you love? That’s what you’re asking.”

  “I don’t want to be a parasite. It’s bad for my ego. It’s bad enough that I’m staying with the Coopers, eating their food, enjoying their resort.”

  “Dude, you have to talk to Judah about this. I could stand here and give you all the advice in the world, but really, the only step you need to take is to be honest. Don’t dance around him. Tell him what you just told me. Tell him you’re scared. Not of rebounding, but of dependence.”

  “Real people don’t have talks like that,” Alex said. “Real conversations are more muddled and confusing than that.”

  Toby sighed. “If you don’t talk to him about it, I’ll talk to him about it, how about that for motivation?”

  28

  Judah

  It was such a relief when Judah saw Alex that for a minute he didn't recognize the expression on Alex's face, the worry that tightened his features. He had been missing him all day, thinking about the whole concept of taking things slow, wanting to argue about it, but more than anything, Judah wanted to hold him, to be held, to try to recapture the sense he'd had that something was growing between them. They walked out into the garden, to a private corner, Alex careful to keep his crutches on the paving stones.

  Alex returned his kiss...but there was a distance to it. A distance even to the way Alex touched his cheek, cupping it in his hand. "Judah, we need to talk," he said.

  "Are you kidding? You hate talking. You never want to talk."

  It was a weak joke and received a weak laugh.

  "There's something I need to tell you," he said, and the story he told about Violet Mulgrew stabbed Judah right in the heart with an icy dagger.

  "She wouldn't dare throw you out. You should sue."

  "If she did throw me out, there's nowhere else in Superbia that would rent to me. That's the problem with her being the most powerful woman in town, she doesn't just control her own buildings, she could tell everyone else to shut me out. I'm doomed, and I don't even understand why. I mean, I didn't sell Tim Norris the book he was reading! How could his dad have even found out, I know Tim didn't tell him!"

  "She's evil, that's how. She has some kind of demonic power over Superbia. She probably has a crystal ball back at her house."

  “It brought me back to Ian’s offer.”

  Judah took a step back, and turned away. It was far, far worse news than he had expected. It hurt more than he would've expected, too.

  “Back to…him buying you a store?”

  "He wants to be my partner."

  I want to be your partner, Judah thought. "You're not taking him up on that, surely."

  "I don't know."

  "You don't know? How can you not know? You've been telling me all these horrible things about Ian. Now you might go into business with him?"

  "It's not an easy decision! Violet has put me in a tough place!"

  "It should easy! He's bad for you, Alex! That's why you broke up!"

  This felt wrong, really wrong. Judah's heart was beating so fast, and it was like he couldn't get any air. Was this how relationships work, one minute you're on solid ground and the next, someone has pushed you over a cliff?

  "I know all that. Nobody knows how complicated it is, more than me. And I haven't said yes, understand that, okay? I haven't told him anything. But damn, my whole dream of owning a bookstore is at risk right now, Judah, surely you see if someone's offering me a lifeline, I should take it? Or at least think about it?"

  Judah shrugged. "I don't know how that works. I don't have dreams like that."

  "Well, I do," said Alex simply. "And when you have a dream like that, you defend it."

  But what about us? Judah didn't know how to ask that. The words themselves danced in his head, just out of reach.

  "We can figure something out," he said. "We can do something with your lease, maybe Noah's boyfriend can suggest a lawyer, maybe—"

  "You're doing it again."

  "Doing what?"

  "You're fixing things. Don't fix this. Please, Judah, just listen to me."

  He froze in place by the hedge, and felt like sinking to the ground, right there in the flowers. The great struggle of his life, or so everyone else said. He could imagine Liam standing there next to Alex, nodding in agreement, Always fixing, never listening. That's Judah, all right.

  "That's not fair," he said. "You can't bring me a massive problem like this and expect me to just listen. This isn't me being stupid old nerdy Judah, trying to code his way through a crisis. This is a problem, it has a solution, and honestly, if people would listen to me for once, m
aybe they'd stop having so many goddamn ridiculous problems!"

  His voice boomed so much louder than he had expected, so loud that Alex took a step back with his crutches.

  "I don't think it's a ridiculous problem," Alex said softly.

  "Of course it is! Fuck! You don't think the timing is a little convenient for Ian? He comes here, and suddenly there's a crisis where only he can save you? And, by the way, him offering you a new store is him trying to fix a problem, so why is it different when I'm trying to?"

  "Judah, I wish you'd calm down," Alex said. "This isn't something that needs to become a fight. I didn't come here to battle it out with you. Not at all. I just need someone to hear me. And to... And to stick with me."

  "Stick with you," Judah said slowly. "What does that mean?"

  "I mean, I need you not to fly off at the handle."

  "I don't know what we're doing," Judah said. "One minute I think we've got this special thing between us, then the next you're saying it's rebound, then the next you're saying you might be leaving, but I've got to stick with you...what do you want, Alex? That's what I don't get. I know what I want. I want you to be my boyfriend. I want to stay up late talking about books with you. It's really pretty simple. But not if you're going to fight me every step of the way. And not if Ian is perpetually in the picture. God, it feels like he might walk out here right now, to interrupt yet another conversation. I can't bear the idea that he's going to steal you away from me."

  "He's not. Please don't misunderstand, this isn't personal between me and Ian."

  "You're being naive, then."

  "Naive? I'm being naive?"

  Was this a fight? Was that what was happening right now, why Judah felt this sick surge of adrenaline through him? He didn't want to fight. There was nothing in him that sought a battle; it made his stomach hurt, it made his head hurt. His fights with Liam were nothing like this. Brother-fights could be vicious, but some part of you knew that by the end of it, you'd still be brothers, and you'd have worked something out, but this?

  This felt different.

  It felt fatal.