by Lily Light
"Hey guys, I saved you two a seat."
"Noah Collins?" Gary asked, eyebrows shooting up. "Is that you?"
Ian and I traded worried looks as Gary hopped off his stool and practically threw himself at Noah. The strong smell of alcohol wafted off him.
"How's it going, handsome?" Gary asked, slurring his words. "Buy me a drink, Noah."
Noah quickly set Gary on his feet.
I knew there was no reason to be jealous. It wasn't like Noah and I were officially together or anything like that. Still, I didn't like seeing some floozy underwear model rubbing himself all over my Noah.
What did I just call him? Noah wasn't my anything, not really. God, Ryan, get a grip. This was just one minor incident. I couldn't let this spoil our entire night.
"Gary, sorry to break it to you but I'm now a married man," Noah said.
He flashed his ring at Gary. Gary didn't take the hint.
"As if that ever stopped you. Why are you here then? Husband not making you happy?" Gary asked.
A tick appeared on Noah's cheek and he clenched his jaw.
“His husband is here," I told Gary. I wrapped my arms around his big body. "And stay away from him. I'm possessive as hell and I have claws."
Ian tapped Gary's shoulder, his expression annoyed. I could read Ian like a book. We've been inseparable since we were babies after all.
"I can't believe you'd flirt with another guy right in front of me." Ian accused Gary.
"Oh, hey. Sorry about that. Noah's old news. How about we go somewhere else? Back to your place maybe?" Gary had the gall to ask Ian.
"You're unbelievable, you know that? Of course, I'm no longer interested in you," Ian pointed out.
Gary let out a huff. "Whatever. You guys all suck."
"Real mature," I muttered, finally letting Noah go.
"Sorry you had to witness that," he told me.
He cupped my cheek, making me tear my gaze from Gary's departing figure. He leaned in close and kissed me so deeply, that the room faded from my line of sight. I couldn't hear the crowd anymore. The only thing that mattered was the two of us.
Still, in the back of my mind, I couldn't help but wonder, did Gary mean something to him? How long did they see each other? Noah didn't hide the fact he never dated, just hooked up with guys.
Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone like him? A dark voice inside me whispered.
I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. Noah fucked anything on two legs but that was in the past. Before he accidentally married me. Was I arrogant enough to think I could change him?
I wasn't too certain. What if some handsome guy came along and Noah decided he didn't want me anymore, that I wasn't enough?
"Let's get some beer and some burgers," Noah suggested.
I looked over at Ian who suddenly looked way more interested in his empty beer bottle. He was probably equal parts horrified, embarrassed, and angry. Noah followed my gaze. He must've understood Ian needed me more because he clasped my shoulder.
"Go talk to him. I'll look for Jordan and bug him."
I nodded. While I wanted nothing better than to have a meal and beer with Noah, he was right. Ian might need a little encouragement tonight.
I joined my best friend and ordered him another round of beer. Ian glanced at the bottle of light beer in my hand, then finally wore a small smile.
"I'm really sorry about Gary, Ryan," he said. "I didn't know he was such a dick."
"Well, there are other guys. Right?"
"I don't know," he admitted.
After his last boyfriend cheated on him, Ian swore he wasn’t interested in anything long term. This was no longer about Gary but something else was bothering my best friend.
"Talk to me, Ian."
"What about Noah?" he said, looking around as if suddenly remembering I came in with Noah.
"He's with Jordan. Don't worry about him."
"Sometimes I watch you guys and I get jealous. The way you talk about him--it's different from the way you speak about other guys." Ian looked gloomily at his bottle. "I'm beginning to realize I want something permanent, too. I'm not getting any younger."
"God, man. Don't talk like that. We're like, only 28," I reminded him.
“In another two years, I’d be thirty. Who would want me then?"
"What actually happened to you?" I demanded. "What aren't you telling me?"
"I saw Trent's post on Facebook. He finally tied the knot with Evan." I groaned.
Trent Miller was the reason Ian was like this. After that bastard broke his heart, Ian was afraid to trust again. To throw himself into another relationship. Ian and Trent broke up a year ago but I guessed some wounds didn't heal that quickly. They couldn't.
"Forget Trent. You're too good for him," I said.
"I wish I could hire someone to be my fake boyfriend or better yet, my fake husband."
Ian's gaze landed on Noah, Jordan and the guy Jordan was dancing with earlier. All three of them were seated around the table. Jordan's date shoved his hand inside my brother's pants--an image I didn't want to see.
Noah looked bemused. He wasn't the kind of guy who got embarrassed easily.
"Shh. Only you know about the two of us." I reminded Ian.
"Another beer," Ian called to the bartender.
"Don't you think you had enough for the night?" I asked him.
"Nope. Drink with me, bestie. I want to get roaring drunk so I could forget all about tonight."
"Uh, sure."
I knew Ian couldn't be dissuaded when he put his mind to a particular task. I quickly sent Noah a text, telling him I'd probably be at the bar with Ian all night. I intended to bring Ian safely back to his apartment. My phone beeped.
Noah: No problem. Jordan literally begged me to stay with him, because he thinks his Grinder date is a psycho.
I laughed at that.
"You're texting him, aren't you? Telling him how pathetic I am?" Ian asked.
"Ouch. Of course not. I'm just letting Noah know we'll be at the bar all night. I don't share everything with him."
Ian snorted. "Well, whatever. As long as you'll keep me company, I'm happy."
"Get his feet," I told Noah five hours later.
It was almost 2 am when the two of us carried Ian back to his apartment. It wasn't easy to do, given he was unconscious. Noah and I grunted as we lifted him out of the elevator.
“The things I do for Ian,” I muttered.
We arrived in front of his unit. Noah bore most of Ian’s weight as I fished out his keys from the pocket of his jeans. I unlocked the door and turned on the lights. We hauled him inside.
“For a small guy, he weighs a ton,” Noah grumbled as we finally set him down on his sofa.
Ian stirred on the sofa.
“Trent?” He asked in a hopeful voice as he rubbed at his eyes.
He was looking at Noah. Uh-oh. The fact Ian was calling for his ex-boyfriend wasn’t a good sign.
Ian had always been a happy-go-lucky and super positive guy for as long as I’ve known him. I was the one who moped, who easily became broody and irritated. How could I not have realized Ian was still hung up over his ex?
At least Parker was old news to me. Then again, he didn’t have a hot fake husband around to help him forget about his loser of an ex.
“That’s Noah, not Trent, and Noah’s mine.” I reminded Ian.
Ian groaned. “Go get him, tiger. Water. I’m thirsty.”
“Be right back.” I grabbed him a glass and filled it with water. I handed it to Ian.
“Ryan, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Noah began.
Ian tried sitting up, only to end up vomiting all over my shoes.
“Oh, come on.” I protested.
“Sorry,” Ian muttered. He laid his head on the pillow and within minutes, he started to snore.
“I guess he’s not thirsty anymore. I’ll clean up,” I told Noah.
“Go to the bathroom. I’l
l handle the floor.”
I grimaced. “Are you sure? He’s my best friend. You don’t have to do this.”
“It’s fine,” he said, waving me away. “At least I have something to do.”
Fifteen minutes later, I’ve taken a shower in Ryan’s bathroom. I bagged my sneakers, then threw them in the garbage chute. There was no help for them.
Thankfully, Ian and I were almost the same she size. I could borrow a pair of his sneakers. I knew he wouldn’t mind. Noah already cleaned the mess on the floor, I noticed.
“This sure brings me back to that time I threw up all over you,” Noah said as we left Ryan’s apartment.
He said those words lightly, but I could tell he was watching me for my reaction.
“This is the second time someone hurled all over me,” I muttered.
“Just second?” Noah gave me a mocking look. “Listen, Ryan, ten years ago, I was a drunk and stupid kid. I shouldn’t have let Brad push me inside your room.”
“Yeah, I know. I gave you so much shit for that incident, too. That isn’t fair,” I finally said. “I guess we were both just being stupid together.”
He laughed, looking relieved, like a ton of weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
“Yeah. It’s a good thing we’re adults now.”
If that was true, then why were still playing a game of pretending, I wondered.
14
Noah
I focused on my spreadsheet. I had a ton of reports to do but my mind kept returning to last night, which had been an utter disaster.
All I wanted to do was relax, hang out with Ryan, Ian, and Jordan. Have a good time. In the end, my one-night-stand hit on me and Ryan had to babysit Ian all night.
Oh, and I had Jordan and his date for company. I called to mind Ryan’s expression when Gary flung himself carelessly at me. Stoic. Unamused. Unsurprised.
The fact I used to indulge in casual sex and wasn’t interested in anything serious was not something I wanted to remind Ryan.
I let out a sigh. My fingers were poised on the keyboard. Usually, I loved my job but these days, I keep wondering about our fake marriage. How long was it going to last? Was it going to fall apart soon?
Sex with Ryan was wild. I had no complaints in that area but sex couldn’t carry a real relationship. Sex wasn’t all that defined us either.
During the weeks we’d lived together, I began to cherish all the fun memories we created. Ryan wasn’t just my fake husband, he was fast becoming one of my best friends.
That was saying something because, for the longest time, only Jordan held that position. I seldom opened up to others but with Ryan, it was easy to share my doubts and secrets.
Somehow, I also managed to earn his trust along the way. I had no intention of breaking it.
The day flew by. Ryan and I texted each other during lunch. Somehow, I managed to finish all my workload at the end of the day.
Once my computer clock hit five, I yawned and stretched. I was looking forward to a quiet and simple dinner with Ryan. Just the two of us.
Fucking him senseless was just the cream on the pie. What I looked forward to the most was us telling each other about our day went.
Although there wasn’t much drama or anything interesting to report about my job, Ryan never once looked bored.
I also liked hearing him talk about his work and his clients. He was truly passionate about graphic design.
“Hey, Noah. Me and the guys are planning to hit the bar across the street,” Stuart said by my cubicle. His cheeks turned pink and he cleared his throat. “I also wanted to buy you a drink.”
I paused as I grabbed my phone and wallet from my desk and regarded Stuart.
He was young, in his early twenties, had curly brown hair and hopeful brown doe eyes. He was a new hire, so he couldn’t have known that I was married.
I held out my hand so he could see the cheap gold wedding band Ryan and I bought at a sleazy pawn shop in Vegas. Stuart’s entire face turned white.
“Oh my God. I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t have hit on you if I knew you were married. Brandon said it was fine,” he stuttered.
I looked over his shoulder to see Brandon laughing with the other guys. I glared at them. It was all in good fun, I knew. Brandon was the type of guy who liked to jerk everyone’s chain.
“It’s fine. Don’t think too much about it,” I told Stuart. “You guys have fun, I’m heading home to my guy. He’s cooking.”
“It won’t happen again,” Stuart said before bolting.
All of us rode in the same elevator. Stuart looked uncomfortable and positioned himself in back, so he wouldn’t need to look me in the eyes.
“Dick move, Bran,” I said.
“Aw, come on. A little hazing won’t hurt,” Brandon said.
“Yeah, but look at him. He’s shaking,” I pointed out.
Brandon looked behind us and his smile dropped.
“Hey, Stuart? Sorry about that. We were just kidding around,” Brandon said.
“Yeah, okay,” Stuart mumbled.
“Go easy on him,” I told Brandon.
“You sure you don’t want to grab a drink with us? I’m sure Ryan won’t mind,” Brandon said.
“He won’t,” I agreed. “But I miss him. I prefer a quiet evening with him as opposed to being in a loud bar all night.”
“Well, your loss,” Brandon said.
I chewed on my words and I took the subway back to our apartment. Two months ago, I would’ve never imagined those words coming out of my mouth.
I used to go out with Jordan on most nights. We’d always meet up at Mad Murphy and work our way to other bars during the night.
At the end of it all, we’d be drunk and incredibly horny. Picking up a hot stranger was enough to satiate my needs but I’d always wake up the next morning, unsatisfied and a little empty. It turned out what I needed was forming a deeper connection with my partner. My partner.
Could I call Ryan that? He’d freak out if he heard. I was pretty sure Ryan wasn’t just continuing our fake marriage for the awesome sex. Then again, what did I know?
I wondered if Ryan was having second thoughts about me. Did he see this complicated relationship going anywhere?
I was ready to walk that extra mile with him but if he didn’t feel the same, what would I do?
I silently cursed when I realized I missed my stop. I took the train to the previous station and got out. I walked home. It was cold out tonight, so I shoved my hands inside the the pockets of my trousers.
My old apartment, the one that had a fantastic view but I had to let it go, never felt like home to me. It was just a place to lay my head down after a long day of work.
Ryan’s place felt more like home than any other place did. I loved returning from the office, knowing he was the one waiting for me.
My chest tightened. This wasn’t me. I’d never been emotional. I usually kept my feelings airtight under my confident mask.
Ryan was doing things to me. Making me all open and vulnerable. I wondered if that was because Ryan was capable of seeing me. The real me.
“Keep it together, Collins,” I muttered to myself, finally standing in front of his door.
It was time we had a serious conversation about our fake marriage, I realized. There was no avoiding this. I also wanted to know where he stood.
I entered the apartment. The smell of roast chicken teased my nostrils.
“Hey, the chicken’s almost done,” Ryan called from the kitchen as I set my bag down by the sofa.
“I’ll wash up,” I said.
Five minutes later, we sat down at the table. My stomach growled. Ryan made a pasta salad and roasted some asparagus along with the chicken. It looked like a mini feast.
“Wow. What’s the occasion?” I asked.
He handed me the knife and I began to carve the chicken.
“Nothing. Just wanted to thank you for helping me bring Ian back to his place. He’s horrified by the way,” he sai
d.
I chuckled. “That’s good.”
We didn’t talk for a while. Ryan and I devoured everything on the table. Ryan told me how his day went and I mentioned the incident with Stuart earlier.
“Brandon’s a jerk,” he finally said.
“Yeah, true but he’s the CEO’s son,” I said. Enough low key chatter, I realized. I took a deep breath. “We need to talk.”
“Uh-oh. Sounds serious,” he joked. Ryan must’ve caught the serious expression on my face because he sobered up.
“What’s wrong, Noah?”
“Nothing is, or so I hope anyway. I just wanted to talk to you about where this relationship is going.”
“This fake relationship?”
“It’s starting to feel a little real to me,” I admitted.
Ryan had no idea how much it took for me to drag the truth out in the open. He swallowed. Ryan reached for my hand across the table and my heart sank. That was a look of uncertainty and pity in his eyes.
“I never expected you to say those words,” he finally said. “Do you mean it?”
“I do,” I said. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”
“Noah, you’re—” Ryan paused as if he was considering his next words carefully.
I pulled my hand away. “It’s alright. I understand. Forget what I said earlier.”
I knew putting my heart on my sleeve wasn’t the wisest thing to do. I allowed myself to be vulnerable around Ryan and I got hurt in the process.
No biggie. I wasn’t a kid anymore. I was an adult who knew how to take the truth. Ryan didn’t feel the same way about me.
The old me would’ve been appalled by the way I was acting. I stood up from my chair and began clearing the dishes. Ryan and I had an agreement that whoever cooked, left all the washing to the other person.
“Noah, wait,” he said.
Ryan followed me to the kitchen sink. His dishwasher broke three days ago, so we had to wash everything by hand.
“Don’t close up on me. Didn’t you want to discuss this? Then we’ll talk,” he said.
“I don’t have anything else to say.”
Ryan let out a frustrated sigh. “This is the problem with you. I get you’re new to all this, but real couples talk things through. You don’t shut down.”
