The Weight of Dreams

by Molly Lavenza

  But I wanted him to be real. I wasn’t sure how long we had been apart, but aside from my insecurity in this strange world, with no bearings, no information, and a guide who admitted he wanted to use me to his own ends, I needed Declan.

  The next screams I heard were my own.

  The boy who looked like Declan grabbed my arm so quickly that I didn’t realize what was happening until he had me pulled against him, much like Lantis just had.

  “Now, now, there’s no reason for that. We’re good friends, aren’t we?”

  I squeezed my eyes shut as I held back another scream. Part of me wanted to lean into him, to fall into his arms with relief that we had finally found each other again.

  But the other part knew not to trust appearances, or even my own desires.

  “Don’t come any closer, Lantis. You’re nothing but trouble, and that’s exactly what you’re dragging her into.”

  What was this creature, and why did it wear Declan’s body? Could I be wrong, and maybe this was him, changed by something that happened while we were separated?

  It sounded like he knew exactly what he was talking about. Lantis was leading me into more than just trouble; danger of a sort I couldn’t even imagine. I thought I didn’t have any other logical choice but to go with Lantis, but . . .

  “Do you know what this is? Do you?”

  Lantis was yelling at me as I worked through the situation in my head, which wasn’t the smartest thing to do when I was hovering over the water in the arms of something or someone who might benefit if I fell in.

  “Of course I don’t! How could I?” I growled back at him. It was a stupid question, since I knew absolutely nothing about Faerie except what little I had learned from him.

  “What am I, Lantis? Besides your brother? Someone who cares what happens to the rest of Faerie, aside from myself?”

  Lantis’s eyes narrowed and I sucked in a breath. One of them was creepy enough, but both boys with their white eyes, up close and personal, were really disturbing.

  “Where’s Declan?” I managed to say, not much louder than a whisper. My gaze shifted from Lantis’s steely stare to the not-Declan boy, who frowned.

  “I’m right here. You’re hurting my feelings, acting as if you don’t even recognize me.”

  He smiled, showing small, perfectly formed teeth, with two at the corner of his pale pink lips honed to a sharp point at the ends. This only convinced me that I should be as terrified as I already was, if not more.

  I wiggled to see if I could get out of his grasp, but he was strong, holding me tight but not so much as to hurt me. Something made me think that that might change if I tried to get away from him.

  “If you damage her . . .”

  Lantis hissed, his words barely discernible through his clenched teeth. Not-Declan huffed, shaking his head reprovingly before he replied.

  “This is the hope of Faerie, aptly named, is she not? Destined to drive out the poison that threatens the innocent creatures who look to our royalty for protection?”

  What in the world was he talking about? I really wasn’t up for any sort of responsibility, not if it had to do with poison. Declan had definitely mentioned how my name correlated with my place in Faerie, but without any details.

  He couldn’t have meant something that sounded as important as what his counterpart was now saying.

  Lantis lunged for me, and I saw the flash of his eyes as they glanced quickly at the boy who held me, then at me as he took my arms into his hands and actually pulled me as not-Declan took a moment to realize what Lantis was doing.

  I couldn’t even scream when he wrapped an arm around my waist as Lantis continued to jerk me towards him, stepping backwards for more leverage, or so I assumed. While I felt a lot better physically than I had back in the human realm, I was still small compared to most girls my age, and it didn’t make it any more difficult to get caught up in this tug of war.

  Not-Declan moved forward as Lantis continued to lean back, holding onto the advantage he gained from his surprise attack.

  If I had eaten anything earlier, I might have unloaded it all over Lantis, but it was his lucky day. I tried to lift one of my feet to kick at not-Declan, but he was holding me too close to him, and my feet kept slipping around ineffectively.

  While I waited for my shoulders to dislocate, wondering if struggling would help or only cause me a more serious injury, the boys growled at each other like rabid dogs, and I decided that while deciding to come to Faerie may have been an acceptance of unknown dangers, it was not an acceptance of continuing my life as a doormat

  With a single burst of energy, I kicked out and stretched upwards at the same time, unsure if I would gain anything by my effort.

  It only took a moment to discover that not only had I dislodged myself from both of their grasps, I had also shifted all of our weight far enough to one side of the bridge to fall into the lake with one ear-splitting splash.

  Chapter Ten

  I don’t know how to swim. This had never been a problem until that moment.

  The slap of the water against my skin was a sharp reminder that yes, I hadn’t just set myself free from the competition between Lantis and not-Declan, but I had also dragged all three of us into the lake.

  A lake where I had seen a single bubble rise and burst at the surface not all that long ago.

  Hands grabbed at my arms just as I opened my eyes underwater, unsure what I would find but unable to stop myself. A long, thin tail slid through the water just a few feet away, and if I wasn’t already holding my breath, I would have at the sight, wondering at the beast the tail was attached to.

  No, I was wondering if the beast had noticed me before I noticed it.

  Fortunately, I was pulled away from the tail, as both hands on my arms yanked me in the same direction.

  Unfortunately, the tail stopped moving, and I couldn’t tell whoever was dragging me away that our movements were drawing me some very troublesome, very unwanted, attention.

  Panic, I was discovering, had a negative effect on my ability to hold my breath.

  My chest burned and I fought the urge to cough, but I couldn’t close my eyes. I never liked watching horror movies, but I suddenly understood the old adage about not being able to look away from the screen when someone was about to get killed.

  Except the experience was a little different when you expected to be the victim any second.

  The water churned around me and I closed my eyes against the rush of it in my face, hoping that the disturbance would distract the creature from me and my own movement, which I thought - and hoped - was upwards.

  I was wrong.

  As soon as the pressure from the water eased, I blinked a few times, and when I was able to see clearly again, a double row of painfully sharp teeth was slicing through the water so close to my face that I couldn’t tell what the beast’s face looked like.

  Not that it mattered. Whatever it was meant to chomp right through me, and I was inches away from becoming its dinner when the surface of the water broke, and I gulped in mouthfuls of air as someone shoved me back onto the bridge.

  I fell face first then rolled over onto the wooden planks, vaguely aware that I didn’t have much room to move before I would find myself back underwater.

  “Is she breathing?”

  “You idiot, can’t you do anything right?”

  Two boys were arguing, sounding more like two kids in the human world hassling each other over some everyday problem. Someone pushed me so I ended up laying on one side, and I started to cough, water spewing painfully from my throat all over one of the boy’s laps.

  “You think I can’t see what you truly are?”

  They were continuing their heated conversation as I fought to breathe, my wet hair straggling over my face as I tried to focus on their tone and words instead of my aching chest.

  “I AM Declan, no matter what you believe. I don’t have to convince you, though, only Hope.”

  The thought of
his white eyes, even more empty than Lantis’s cool gaze, as truly belonging to the Declan who had appeared in my life just that morning left me unsure if anything he could do would convince me.

  As much as I wanted him truly to be Declan, those eyes and teeth were visible and frightening proof that he absolutely was not.

  Not-Declan lifted me firmly but carefully, his arm strong as it slid beneath me and raised me to rest against his chest. I didn’t have it in me to fight against him, and my body relaxed, a traitor to my mind’s resistance.

  “Such a different girl than you were before we arrived in Faerie,” he spoke softly, intimately, as if Lantis wasn’t right here with us overhearing his every word. “It’s who you’ve been all this time, muffled by a world incompatible with your strength.”

  Lantis snorted, and I wanted to turn to see his expression. During the short time I had spent with him, he had been so careful to be refined and polite, even when he was being harsh. My head rested, limply, in the curve of Not-Declan’s arm, and I couldn’t turn it no matter how much I willed it to move.

  “What are you guys arguing about?”

  My voice was raspy and low, the words a struggle to get out and painful to produce. I wasn’t sure why I asked that, though, since I had heard it all and knew, or at least I thought I did, what they were saying.

  “Whether you accept it or not, I AM Declan. Lantis can say what he wants, but it’s true.”

  I narrowed my eyes, which were stinging, probably from the lake water. It had been clear enough for me to see what had been about to attack me, but there was something sharp and harsh about it, something that burned my eyes and my throat just the same.

  Swallowing against the dryness in my throat, I closed my eyes and then opened them again, quickly, forcing them wide.

  “But you’re wrong, even if you really are Declan, there’s something not right about you. You must know that.”

  His arms tightened around me, as if he thought I would try to get away from him. The weariness in my body was starting to alleviate, but not enough for me to wrestle myself away from him.

  Besides, I wanted to hear his answer, and what Lantis had to say about it as well.

  Brothers would know each other on sight, would they not? Lantis had been certain that this was not Declan, enough to warn me adamantly as soon as this boy had appeared behind me, tugging on my shirt to get my attention.

  If he had wanted to hurt me, wouldn’t he have done it while he had that advantage, when I didn’t know he was right there?

  “It’s what’s wrong here, everywhere in Faerie. It’s why we need you.”

  Not-Declan’s voice grew soft, and his eyes flickered away for a moment before returning to mine.

  “Why I need you.”

  As much as that might have touched me emotionally, the milky white of his eyes kept me from crossing that bridge.

  I hadn’t even been able to cross this literal bridge I needed to get past to get to wherever this destined place might be, and trusting either or both of these boys might get me stuck here.

  “You’ve spent too much time in the human realm, little brother,” Lantis spoke haughtily, his voice returning to its nasally pitch, his words carefully enunciated, no snort in sight. “Your dramatic flair is nauseating.”

  “True love can’t be understood by one who has no heart,” Not-Declan countered. I was almost too immersed in their sibling banter to realize what he said.

  Until I wasn’t.

  True love.

  We had known each other for less than twelve hours. How could he talk about it so seriously? Even if he was really the Declan I had been with most of the day, it was something that didn’t happen in real life.

  Love at first sight, or first nine hours, so I estimated.

  As if he could read my mind, Not-Declan ignored Lantis’s huffy protest.

  “I’ve been looking for you your whole life, Hope. The very idea of you, of holding you like this, has been my dream.”

  Lantis appeared suddenly, just above my head, and he grabbed my arm, the one that wasn’t tightly pressed against Not-Declan’s chest.

  I was not about to let another tug of war get going.

  “Both of you, just stop. If I’m that important, I should have a say in what we do from now on.”

  Even if I wasn’t important to them, I would have insisted on a voice, although if that was the case, I wouldn’t have even been there.

  “Wherever it is that I’m supposed to be to help this poison situation here in Faerie, you two need to take me there. I don’t care what your own motives are now, it’s pretty obvious that this place is a mess.”

  I thought of those cute little fairy children, their sweet words and pleadings, and the beautiful features and bloody fangs of the lux.

  If Not-Declan was speaking the truth, the poison had affected him, too, and while I hadn’t come to Faerie with enough information to form goals or understand my purpose, I was determined to set one, and act as best as I could until I knew more.

  I pushed against Not-Declan, and he allowed me to sit up, just as I didn’t fight against his arms as they rested around my body.

  Lantis shook his head, but I lifted my eyebrows, keeping my face expressionless except for that one movement.

  “So be it,” he said, turning away.

  Chapter Eleven

  I stood up with assistance from Not-Declan, which I did not refuse but accepted silently. Even if he really was Declan, the changes in him were enough to make me keep my distance, physically and emotionally.

  If the eyes weren’t enough to convince me, the fangs were definitely a deterrent.

  “I’m guessing that there’s nowhere to get new clothes around here.”

  My attempt at sarcasm fell flat, but I knew it would. It wasn’t like there was a Walmart at the local strip mall where we could find something dry to replace our soaking wet outfits.

  I’d have been grateful for just a towel.

  The sun was warm, though, and I thought that depending on how long it took for us to reach our destination, we might be in better condition by then.

  We moved off the bridge quickly but carefully, Lantis in the lead and Not-Declan behind me, both of them close enough for me to feel their body heat.

  The forced contact I had with each of them earlier made this less uncomfortable than it might have been, but at that point, as long as we were headed in the right direction, I didn’t care.

  I wondered if I would ever see my parents again, and if not, did Faerie really have a place for me, long term? Was I just someone who was needed to help now, but might be unnecessary later?

  My future as a human girl had been uncertain, with health problems that had made me wonder, as I grew older, how long I would live and what I would be able to do with my life under such restricted circumstances.

  Without those limitations, what could I accomplish in Faerie, and how much richer could my life here be?

  Of course, if I didn’t do whatever was expected of me, I might find my life cut shorter here than it would have been as a human.

  “Don’t be worried, Hope.”

  Not-Declan spoke up behind me, his voice pulling me from my convoluted thoughts. Worried was an understatement, but it wouldn’t do me any good to waste any more time in that state.

  We were, hopefully, headed to the place Declan had called mine, where I belonged, and while Lantis had intimated that there might be a deadly battle ahead, I had to take the bad with the good, and fight.

  “What can you guys tell me about where we’re going? I’m totally unprepared, and if Lantis is right about how dangerous it is, I need to know what to expect.”

  The meadow stretched out before us, just as endless and verdant as it had been on the other side of the lake.

  A bird called out overhead, and I glanced up, shading my eyes from the sun’s rays, remembering the birds who had landed to greet me earlier, before Declan and I had been separated.

  “What did you s
ay to her, Lantis? Why would you scare her like that?”

  Not-Declan’s annoyed voice rose behind me, and I saw him step beside me from the corner of my eye.

  I WAS CAUGHT OFF GUARD when a burst of uncontrollable coughing overcame me, and Lantis and Not-Declan both rushed in close, which didn't help. Hovering and cutting off my access to air wasn’t going to get me any closer to inhaling.

  With one hand on my knees to support me and the other outstretched to, hopefully, keep them at a distance, I struggled to catch my breath.

  My physical experience in Faerie had been so overwhelmingly positive, so unbelievably opposite of my medicated, tired life in the human realm that I was shocked but my sudden breakdown, which would have gone unquestioned a day ago.

  I had coughed a bit after the lake incident, but that had passed quickly with no after effects. Or so I thought.

  "Just relax. Try to focus on taking deep breaths."

  Not-Declan was lucky that he wasn't close enough for me to slap. Of course I was absolutely focused on breathing, since without that ability it wouldn't matter who I was and what I could do to help Faerie.

  "Don't listen to him. He's a complete moron, and more."

  Lantis slapped me hard on my back, and while I was already bent over, I buckled a little more. His words weren't any more helpful than his brother's, and I didn't enjoy being in the middle of their sibling rivalry outbursts.

  "You really don't know anything about him, do you?"

  He continued to speak as I gasped, his voice slipping into background noise when I noticed the color of my hand. My veins bulged with the weight I was pressing down onto it, my knee wavering underneath, but my skin . . . was a faint green.

  Once I got my breathing under control, there might be other problems to contend with, I considered, and as I shifted my thoughts to my skin tone, my coughing subsided a little, which alleviated my panic.

  I waved my other hand to my side in an attempt to get their attention, but I still couldn't talk. Didn't they see that I was turning green?

  Green like the woman who had shoved Declan in my dream. Had it really just been last night that Declan appeared to me, when I had no idea what was in store for us both only hours later?