#Awestruck (A #Lovestruck Novel)

by Sariah Wilson

  I ran into my parents’ room and stopped short when I saw Rory lying on their bed, watching Alice in Wonderland with Charlotte. They were both eating pieces of pumpkin pie. Well, Rory was eating. Our niece was totally focused on the movie, and Rory jumped up to talk to me. “Hey, so what’s up with you and Ab Lincoln?”

  “Nothing. He spilled something, and I’m cleaning it.” I went into my parents’ master closet and tried to find a shirt that would fit Evan. I settled on one of my dad’s Jacks T-shirts. It would probably be too loose on Evan in some places and too tight in others, but I couldn’t let him keep walking around the house without a shirt on. I wouldn’t want him to be the reason my mother and sister left their husbands.

  He was already the reason I couldn’t catch my breath or get my heart to stop frantically trying to beat its way out of my chest.

  “You know, you’ve always talked about what an awful jerk Evan is. But today he seems so . . . shirtless. That was Mike with some extra magic.”

  “Rory, I can’t do this with you right now. I am freaking out and barely holding it together.” There was a slightly hysterical edge to my voice.

  Her eyes narrowed in concern. “Okay. Calm down. You’ll be fine. Even if Mom and Dad are oblivious, I can see what’s going on with you and Evan. And I don’t know why you’re pretending to be engaged.”

  I tried to protest, but she held up her hand.

  “I’m not stupid, Ashton. You almost have a heart attack every time he touches you. And I can only imagine how his truly magnificent chest probably just short-circuited your nervous system.”

  I nodded. “It’s a long story, but I guess all you need to know is that we’re only friends, and this is all a little overwhelming, and I’m not sure where to go from here or how I’m going to get through this.” Yep. Just friends. Apparently the kind of friends who admired each other’s perfectly sculpted bodies.

  “Friends.” Rory drew out the vowels in the word. “Right. I couldn’t really tell, given the way you look at, talk to, and touch each other. You don’t have to give me the details, but you two are more than just friends.”

  “Okay.” I wasn’t in the mood to argue. “I have to get this shirt back to him.”

  “Such a shame.” She sighed, rejoining Charlotte on the bed.

  When I got to the doorway, she said, “Hey, Ashton?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You should remember the most important thing from this movie.” She pointed at the TV screen.

  “Never trust a headless cat?”

  “No. Before Alice got to Wonderland, she had to fall hard down a dark, deep, scary hole. But it was worth it, right?”

  It was probably the most profound thing Rory had ever said to me.

  And then she wrecked it. “And by Wonderland, I mean his body.”

  “Thanks, I caught your drift.”

  “Uncle Satan was naked with Aunt Ashton,” Charlotte announced, not taking her eyes off the TV screen. Crap. That was going to get repeated in front of other people.

  Rory patted her on the back. “That’s because your aunt Ashton is a very lucky girl.”

  I went back to the laundry room and handed Evan the shirt, being careful to avoid getting my retinas scorched by his chest again. “Here.”

  And my dad’s shirt fit just as I’d expected, but unfortunately it didn’t diminish Evan’s sexiness even a little.

  “We should go back downstairs.” I took off without seeing if he was planning on following me.

  When we got into the family room, Aubrey and Justin were off in a corner arguing. It was one of those intense and scary whispered arguments married couples have right before they kill each other.

  “What’s going on?” I asked.

  “Mom and Dad went to take some pie to the Barris family, and I wanted to go on a walk with Justin, and Rory’s already watching Charlotte, and Joey’s tired and needs a nap, and I don’t want to take him because he’ll just whine the whole time.” Aubrey’s voice rose slightly higher with each word.

  “We can watch him,” Evan offered behind me.

  We? What was this we business?

  “Really? That would be great.” Aubrey grabbed Justin’s hand and hustled him out of the house before I could object or Evan could change his mind.

  Joey realized his parents were gone and threw a tantrum worthy of a supremely spoiled reality star who’d just been told an airline couldn’t upgrade his seat. I thought his shrieks were going to burst my eardrums.

  “I’ve got this,” Evan said. “I think I know what he needs.”

  “An exorcism?”

  Evan got on the floor and started playing with some of Joey’s cars, ignoring his fit. Eventually Joey realized that no one was responding to him and started to watch Evan. Then he got up and sat in Evan’s lap, and they played cars together.

  About fifteen minutes later, Joey nodded off, curled up against Evan.

  It was tea-party-with-Charlotte adorable, and my heart lurched again.

  “Tomlinson has three kids, and he told me once that this was how to deal with tantrums. Joey just needed the chance to calm down.”

  I wished that kind of thing would work for me. But I knew if I crawled into Evan’s lap, it would probably have the opposite effect. “You’re like the toddler whisperer. I would say you should write a book, but you don’t need the money.”

  Evan cocked his head to the side, running his fingers over the top of Joey’s hair. “Kids always seemed scary to me because everything about them is so out of control.”

  “As just witnessed here.”

  He looked up at me. “Do you ever think you want one of these?”

  “My own personal demon spawn?”

  “Kids. Babies.”

  The floor shifted out from underneath me, and I sat down hard on the couch. “You know you have to have sex first for that to happen.” I had to retreat into sarcasm. It was my only defense.

  He ignored it. “I’ve been thinking that maybe I’m at a point in my life where I’m ready for all of it. Crazy in-laws, possessed two-year-olds, a cranky wife.”

  The smile he gave me was full of meaning and promises I wasn’t ready to see. I heard the front door open.

  “We’re back!” my dad called out.

  And even though it was my family’s home and my nephew was on Evan’s lap, I darted out into the backyard.

  I headed to the gazebo my dad had built my mom for their twentieth anniversary. In the spring and summer, it was covered in climbing honeysuckle, but now it just had barren branches. The firepit in the center was filled with wood and a starter log. I found a lighter on the arm of one of the Adirondack chairs and lit the paper covering the starter log. I rubbed my arms, trying to ward off the cold.

  My mini freak-out had to do with the fact that this was all moving so fast. One minute I hated Evan Dawson; the next he was in my childhood home making my entire family fall in love with him.

  Making me fall in love with him.

  Aubrey had been right. Tears ran down my face, despite my wanting to laugh at myself. I was falling for a man I’d spent half my life detesting.

  A man who was honest and kind and thoughtful and didn’t deserve all the bad things I’d thought about him.

  Who didn’t deserve to be the center of a witch hunt led by my boss.

  I had to tell him.

  But when I told him, this would be over. He’d never look at me again with delight, or tease me, or keep track of my smiles or laughter. I’d never get to kiss him again or feel the warmth of his skin against mine.

  Those thoughts gutted me.

  How could I have finally figured out that I had serious feelings for Evan, had probably had those feelings for the last ten years, only to have it all blow up in my face?

  As if I’d summoned him, Evan walked across the dark backyard and joined me in the extra chair. I wiped my face with the backs of my hands, hoping he couldn’t see that I’d been crying. He’d put his sweater back on over my da
d’s ill-fitting shirt.

  “Where’s Joey?” I asked.

  “Your dad took him upstairs to the guest bedroom.” He leaned against the chair’s backrest, studying me intently. “Can I ask you a question?”

  Oh no, this was it. We were going to have a serious heart-to-heart, and it would destroy everything.

  But I couldn’t be a coward forever. “Sure.”

  “Why does your niece keep calling me Satan?”

  The relief I felt was so strong it was almost tangible. “I may have called you that once.” Or fifty times.

  “I should have known.” He drummed his fingers against the armrest. “Your mom was in there telling me all about their anniversary trip. You’re not going?”

  “No.” I laughed, rubbing my nose against my sleeve. “I love my family, but nothing about that trip sounds appealing to me.”

  The wooden chair creaked as he shifted his weight. “To be honest, it’s weird to see Aubrey married with kids.”

  “Why?”

  “In high school? She was kind of wild.”

  “Aubrey? My sister, Aubrey?” Was he sure he had the right person?

  “She used to sneak out all the time and could drink the defensive line under the table.”

  This was mind-boggling information. “I’ve spent so many years in her perfect shadow.” I felt . . . cheated, somehow. “I’ve always been trying to either measure up to Aubrey or be better than Rory.”

  He reached over, taking my hand. And the same pleasurable warmth filled me; I just didn’t feel so skittish this time. “Why don’t you just be Ashton? Because she’s pretty wonderful.”

  How could that make my heart sink and be filled with hope at the same time? “Really?”

  “I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about you,” he confessed.

  I gripped his hand harder. “That’s a big word. Inordinate.”

  “I went to college, thanks. But I wouldn’t spend that much time thinking about somebody who wasn’t worth it. You’re amazing, Ashton. And I know this engagement is pretend, but I think there’s something here. Something worth exploring. Something very real. What do you think?”

  What did I think? At the moment I couldn’t think at all.

  So I did the only thing I could.

  I burst into tears.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  “Whoa, hey. I didn’t know the idea of dating me would make you cry.” He got up out of his chair and crouched down in front of me, his arm resting on my knees, the other going to wipe away my tears. “I have to admit, it’s kind of a blow to the ego.”

  I laughed in between sobs. “It’s not that. It’s . . . my family loves you.”

  “Yeah, the same family that you said hated me, right? I mean, if that’s what happens to guys they don’t like, I’d hate to see how they act with people they love.”

  He didn’t understand what I was trying to say, so I ignored his snark. “Even my mom, who is basically a pessimist, is excited about you. They adore you.”

  “I’m . . . sorry? I don’t know how to make you feel better about that. I could go back inside and insult your dad and hit on your sisters if that would make you feel better.”

  He joked, but he wouldn’t if he knew what I’d been trying to do to him. “There are things you don’t know about me. Things I haven’t told you.”

  “Do you like me?”

  His question shocked me. I had expected him to pump me for information, asking me what I was keeping from him. “What?”

  “Are you attracted to me? Do you like being with me? Do you think about me the way I think about you? Because if the answer to those questions is yes, and my answer is yes, which, to be clear, it is, then nothing else matters to me right now.”

  It didn’t matter right now. But it would at some point.

  I wanted one stolen moment with him before that happened. The chance to be held and kissed and desired before it went away.

  To believe in unicorns and rainbows and boy bands again. For one brief instant it wouldn’t matter that I’d been spending my time doing something awful behind his back. To believe we could be here, right now, just the two of us, and nothing else in the world could possibly interfere.

  “Yes.” After I said the word, I threw my arms around his neck and pressed my lips against his. I heard a surprised sound in the back of his throat, but the reflexes that had made him an NFL superstar had him quickly responding.

  He stood up, pulling me with him, my body pressed flush against his. My feet weren’t even touching the ground as he held me aloft. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let out all my pent-up attraction, kissing him over and over again.

  And he did the same.

  While yesterday’s kiss had been cautious and sweet, this one was the opposite. I made sure of it. I threw off my armor, my restraint, and let myself just . . . be.

  Let myself enjoy the way that even the slightest brush of his lips against mine sent waves of tingles coursing through my body. How a blazing river of fire burned through my veins at every touch, the way his fingers pressed against my back, seeking, holding.

  He pulled his head back slightly, and I heard the harsh undertone of his breathing. “Your family is right inside.”

  “I don’t care.” And I didn’t. I ran my fingers up into his hair, and his eyelids drifted shut as I applied pressure and played with the silky strands.

  “One of us should care.” His voice sounded so rough and exciting. The man who didn’t get winded easily was sounding a little short of breath.

  “Not yet.” I didn’t explain what I meant and instead started brushing kisses along his jawline. His five-o’clock shadow felt rough against the softness of my lips, but I liked it.

  “Ashton,” he tried again, sounding like I was strangling him. Pleading.

  But I wasn’t interested in stopping.

  I followed the curve of bone until I came to his neck, pressing hot kisses against his skin. His Adam’s apple bobbed hard when I reached it. I ended my trail in the hollow of his throat, and he suddenly grabbed me by my rib cage, lifting me up so that our faces were level.

  His strength was beyond thrilling.

  And his eyes burned, intense and overwhelming. He said my name again. “Ashton.” Only this time it sounded like a promise.

  Then he kissed me, his mouth devastating mine. It was an onslaught of sensation: the sound of his broken breathing, the smell of soap and cologne on his skin, the feeling of his muscles rippling and flexing underneath my fingers, the taste of his lips.

  Now he was as hungry as I was, as if I’d infected him with the fire that still roared out of control inside me. My mind went totally hazy, and I floated dizzily in the pervasive sensations he caused with his intoxicating, delicious mouth. I didn’t know if the weightlessness I was feeling was due to me losing total control or because he was still holding me up off the ground.

  His body shuddered beneath mine as I tried to get closer to him. As if I could burn my way into him, branding us both. Leaving behind pieces of myself that would never be removed. So that he wouldn’t be able to forget me even if he wanted to.

  But it meant I might not ever feel whole again, as if a part of me was always missing, unless I was kissing him just like this.

  “Okay.” He broke off the kiss with that word, like it had been ripped from his chest. “We have to stop. Now.”

  He tried to let go of me, but my feet gave way. “I think you disconnected my legs.”

  “Then you should keep holding on to me.”

  “That’s not a good idea if you want this to stop,” I told him with a breathy sigh, more than ready to start that kiss back up again.

  “Can’t resist me?” he asked with a wink.

  “No. I can’t.”

  I both heard and felt his sharp intake of breath. He moved me over to my chair, helping me to sit down. Which was good, since my head was still spinning. Evan might have been celibate, but it did not extend to his lips. That man kn
ew how to kiss. I put my fingers against my mouth, still able to feel him there.

  He stood against one of the gazebo pillars, his arms crossed. “You know, we don’t have to kiss like we’ve got to get all the kissing done today.”

  “Why not?” Getting all the kissing done today sounded like a fantastic plan.

  “Because we’ll kiss again tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that.”

  “And what if there is no tomorrow?” What if he found out what I had agreed to, and this was my one and only shot to kiss him? It would be so much worse now that I knew what I’d have to give up.

  “There will be a tomorrow for us. And the tomorrow after that. Unless you have Black Friday plans. Which I never really understood. Celebrating and being grateful for everything you have and then literally one day later trampling other people to get the best sales.”

  “We used to go out and shop, but you’re right. It’s kind of turned into one of those dystopian movies where there’s one night of lawlessness and no such thing as crime. I do it all online now.” Bantering felt safer. Normal. Made the feeling in my legs return.

  But now that I knew what a real kiss between us was like, I was torn between wanting to protect the fragile thing we’d just discovered and telling him the truth and dealing with the consequences.

  “Earlier, there was something I wanted to say—”

  He cut me off. “We probably both have a lot of things to say. Just like we don’t have to get all the kissing done tonight, we don’t have to have all the conversations, either.”

  “I think this is different.”

  “Spend time with me this weekend. Let’s just hang out, have fun, keep it light. See what’s between us. Nothing serious. What do you say?”

  “Yes.”

  I said it exactly the same way I’d said it earlier, before I’d attacked him. His hungry gaze shifted to my lips, and he took a step toward me.

  “Hey, come inside!” Rory stepped onto the back porch and waved us in. “The movie’s starting.”

  Every year my mom bought a newly released movie for us to watch in the evening after Thanksgiving dinner. They wouldn’t start it until we joined them.