The Desert Midwife

by Fiona McArthur

‘What can you remember?’ George’s question seemed careful, and Zac had the impression the doctor was trying not to upset him.

  Why would it upset him? Zac closed his eyes and tried to remember the events of the last few days. ‘Today is Sunday?’ he asked, and George nodded. He even looked slightly relieved, so that was good.

  ‘I’m not cheering yet. You had a one-in-seven chance of that being right. Try the date,’ George urged gently.

  Zac could remember asking patients these questions. He stared down at the white hospital sheet for a moment. ‘I can remember Valentine’s Day. Roslyn’s funeral. I got home from Weipa last week. So mid-March? I had lunch with my parents and signed the papers for the house sale. So maybe the twentieth of March?’

  George didn’t meet Zac’s eyes, but he nodded as if he’d confirmed something he’d suspected. ‘Today is the fourth of April.’

  Zac forced down another of those sudden panic surges and had to concentrate to keep his voice even, which hurt. ‘How long did you say I’ve been here?’

  ‘Twelve hours.’ George sat back and stared at him. Zac wanted to know what he was thinking.

  April? He shook his head and winced. He’d lost a couple of weeks. ‘It feels like March.’

  ‘There’s no doubt you sustained a major blow to the head, but you were lucky. The X-rays we took show no fractures to the skull and the CT looks clear of any clot or haemorrhage formation. Apart from your memory glitch, the injury shouldn’t cause you any further trouble, but of course, I’d prefer you avoid small aircraft flying for a few weeks.’

  Memory glitch? Zac’s knuckles whitened on the bed as the panic attacked his throat again. He needed to remember something, but it was completely out of his reach. ‘Was anyone with me in the accident?’

  George hesitated. ‘There was a nurse, an agency midwife, Ava May, from one of the cattle stations out of town.’ George’s voice stayed carefully expressionless. ‘She works here a fair bit. You two met last week. She’ll be in to see you in the morning.’

  Still no bells. ‘Was she injured?’

  George touched the middle of his forehead. ‘She’ll heal. She was knocked out briefly as well, but you were both very lucky to be strapped in, apparently. We’re keeping her overnight, but she should be allowed to go home in the morning sometime with her family. They’re here with her.’

  At least not like Roslyn. But another car accident. Another woman injured. ‘Who was driving?’ He fervently hoped it hadn’t been him.

  ‘She was.’ George stood.

  Relief flooded through him at that. He slid his hand back to where he felt the bandages at the back of his head and the pressure made his head throb. The name Ava May struck no chord of recognition, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t remember the accident. At least the amnesia was focal and he remembered who he was. It was the when that eluded him. All things considered, it could be worse.

  ‘Focal amnesia.’ George echoed his thoughts. ‘Tricky and possibly permanent. Usually, it’s the result of trying to block out a particular incident or fear. Not surprising really. It’s been a tough few months with Roslyn, then this accident that nearly took you out.’

  Zac shook his head. It was all too much and none of it made sense. ‘How did I get to Uluru if I was working here?’

  ‘You went down for the weekend. Many locums do.’

  He couldn’t remember any of that. He’d just have to wait for his memory to come back.

  George glanced at his watch.

  ‘How long do I have to stay?’ Zac asked.

  ‘We’ll do another scan in the morning and talk about it after that. The crazy part was, although it’s a small wound, you could have bled out if Ava hadn’t put pressure on your arm. You nicked a vein and we had to give you a transfusion, so your loss of blood made you more critical than you should have been. She watched you at the Yulara clinic despite her own head injury. The staff had their hands full with the occupants of the other car. This was tough on her, but she’s known for her toughness. Anyway, must go.’ George looked anxious to get away.

  ‘You pressed for time and manpower?’

  ‘Yes,’ he said sardonically. ‘One of my locums nearly killed himself with a head injury.’

  ‘Thoughtless fellow,’ Zac quipped.

  ‘Indeed.’ George smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. ‘I’m glad you’re okay.’

  When George left, Zac tried to sleep. Until the panic came in the form of dreams and fractured scenes in the middle of that sleep and he tried to stay awake. But the vat of emotional bleakness stayed with him, cold and unforgiving and ominous.

  Maybe he’d be more settled when he met the woman who had driven the car tomorrow.

  Except he forgot she was coming.

  He was dozing the next morning when a quiet knock at his door made him turn his head. A blue-eyed, blonde woman stood in the doorway. She had a plaster across the centre of her forehead and a huge purple bruise on her cheek. He winced in sympathy. That must hurt.

  Despite the professional face she wore, he noticed that her hands jittered with a slight tremor, even though she held them tight by her sides. For some absurd reason he wanted to comfort her.

  ‘Can I help you?’ His voice croaked with dryness and he reached for the glass of water.

  When she didn’t answer he wondered if he should ring for the nurse, but he was just too tired. He leaned back against the pillows. ‘Have you come to the wrong room?’

  ‘No. This is the right room.’ She drew in a distressed, shaky breath.

  A suspicion formed in his mind that perhaps the last person who had been in this bed had died and she hadn’t known.

  ‘I’m sorry, but do I know you?’ Although he felt inadequate, she wasn’t his problem. He had enough problems. He looked away.

  The woman lifted her chin as if annoyed with herself, then drew herself to her full height. ‘I’m sorry, Zac.’

  His eyes flew back to her. She knew him.

  ‘I’m Ava. I should have started with an introduction. I was in the accident too. We’ve known each other for a week.’ Her voice had evened to become low, melodic and caring.

  Ah, the nurse George had mentioned. He should have remembered. She had a good voice for a nurse.

  She closed her eyes for a second and he wondered if she had a headache as well. Of course she would, with that bruising. She opened them again, then added, ‘Are you okay?’

  ‘Ava. Yes. Thank you. You stopped the bleeding, apparently?’ To his surprise, tears began to trickle down her cheeks until she dashed them away impatiently.

  He sat up, held out his hand and pretended he didn’t feel as weak as a kitten. Her body looked lithe and well balanced and it allowed her to move almost silently. Like a dancer. She crossed the room and let her small hand rest in his palm. The physical touch of her warmed him in a place that had been cold for too long. This was becoming stranger by the minute.

  ‘You should rest, Zac.’ The way she said his name rustled like a breeze against his memory, but before he could pin down the thought she gently pushed him back against the pillows. ‘I’m so happy to see you.’ She bit her lip and swallowed, and he realised she was quite emotional about their meeting. ‘But I can see this isn’t the time,’ she said calmly. ‘You don’t remember me.’ It wasn’t a question.

  ‘Sorry.’ He wanted to comfort her yet didn’t know how. ‘Everything’s pretty fuzzy about the last couple of weeks.’

  ‘Dr Fithers warned us.’ There was a strange expression in her eyes. ‘I’m sure it will come back if you don’t push it.’

  ‘Of course … Us?’

  ‘My family. They’ve come into town to be with me. You haven’t met them.’

  He touched his bandage uncomfortably. ‘Well, sorry I don’t remember you, but thanks for checking on me.’

  She reached out a hand to smooth the sheet. Zac thought she might be going to cry again, but then she pulled herself together. Thankfully. That would have been awkward
.

  A week. He didn’t know her well, then. That made him feel a little better that he’d forgotten her. She watched him warily. Waiting for him to say something, the colour a little high on her cheeks. He couldn’t help noticing her freckles. He liked the softened angles of her face and the lush mouth that hinted at a sensuality he hadn’t thought about for years.

  The silence stretched and Zac found himself filling it. ‘So, we were driving out to Uluru at sunset?’

  ‘Yes. We were hit and the car rolled.’

  And they’d survived. That was good news. ‘I’m sorry I can’t remember you, but I’m glad you’re okay.’

  ‘I’m glad you are too.’ She looked at him again and then she blinked and straightened. ‘I’ll come and see you before I leave.’ She gestured behind her to the empty doorway. ‘Do you have plans for when you leave the hospital? If you wanted, when the hospital releases you you could come home with us – we live on a property not far from here – until you got better. My mother’s a nurse, too – so was my grandmother – so you’d be well cared for.’

  Maybe they ran some outback convalescent home? He wasn’t sure how that could be a viable business, but who was he to doubt? ‘Thank you. I’m sure I’ll be fine and will be back at work soon.’

  She looked as if she was going to say something, but then seemed to change her mind. ‘It’s up to you.’

  ‘Thanks for the offer.’ He hesitated. ‘I’m sure it’s very nice there.’

  She smiled as some memory lit her face, and he was struck by the thought that he could watch her forever. He felt his own lips curve in response. Perhaps it could be worthwhile to follow her up as a possible means of prodding his subconscious, if his memory didn’t come back by the time he left here.

  ‘Think about it,’ she said. ‘I’ll be in town for another day or two. I need to organise new transport. If you’d like to, we’ll arrange for you to stay with us later. It might help you remember. Anyway, get well.’ Then she left, with her back straight and her head high.

  Zac stared at the empty doorway and his heart pounded, but he didn’t know why. Although he couldn’t remember her face, there was something about her voice that stirred those deep memories he was only allowed glimpses of.

  She was beautiful, and he wondered if he’d been tempted to make a pass at her while working with her. That would be out of character for him, and unlikely given his recent loss, but it would be dreadfully bad manners not to remember if he had.

  Zac sighed and a wave of tiredness engulfed him. This was becoming more complicated than he’d bargained for. The anxiety came creeping back, building, rising in his throat and tingling his arms and legs with stress. He couldn’t pinpoint the source.

  His head began to throb, so he manoeuvred himself awkwardly down in the bed and closed his eyes.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Ava

  Ava walked slowly back to the hospital room that they’d made her sleep in overnight under observation. The blank look in Zac’s eyes when he’d regarded her hung cold around her like a damp fog that was worse than any lingering effects from the accident. His memories of her were lost. What did you do when the love of your life forgot who you were?

  It had to be transient. Temporary. Surely. He was awake and functioning, so that was the most important thing. That was what really mattered when it could have been so much worse. The dread she’d felt when she’d watched over him at Yulara chilled her skin again. Thank God he was awake.

  But he didn’t remember her. Didn’t remember them.

  Had it all been a glorious dream to be grabbed back like a child’s longed-for Christmas toy? That incredible instant connection to the man she’d given her heart to after only a few days. The love she’d never believed would find her after Jai’s betrayal.

  They’d been pushed off a bank by a stupid campervan and now he didn’t know her. At all. Their last week together had evaporated from his heart like rain in the desert. Without a trace.

  Her head pounded. What was she supposed to do? She could tell him the truth, say he’d proposed, force him to look at her and describe what they had. ‘Daunting’ didn’t begin to describe what that would be like. And what if he didn’t believe her? A proposal after a week, to a woman he didn’t recognise, in a place he was passing through? Ludicrous. If their positions were reversed she wouldn’t believe it.

  Should she patiently wait here, hover around like a lost soul, until his mental recovery took pity on her? Pass time until he did remember? If he remembered. She didn’t even have an excuse to stay. She was on leave.

  What if he never remembered her?

  Stop it, she told herself. Bemoaning the fact won’t help you or Zac.

  Ava blew out a long, pent-up, anguished sigh and let it go. She drew in a steadying breath and tried for the unshakably composed Ava. Okay. As soon as this bloody headache left her she’d make a plan. She had to. Because she was not losing the man she loved to a bloody white campervan.

  Granny Mim and her mother were waiting when she returned. They took one look at her face and closed in for a group hug.

  After several seconds of intense hugging, Stella was the first to step back. ‘Well? How is your friend?’

  Ava hadn’t had the chance to say more than that Zac had flown down to see Uluru for the weekend. Her mother knew Ava had only known him for a week, so it wasn’t strange he’d be labelled ‘friend’. But it hurt. She couldn’t explain now, and Stella wouldn’t want to believe her, either. She’d always had a thing that city people were different, which was a double standard considering she’d married one who’d been the love of her life. Ava settled for ‘He’ll recover.’

  Her mother examined her face with some scepticism. ‘Good. Does he remember you?’

  And there was the hell of it. ‘No.’ She looked for reassurance. ‘Most people get their memory back, don’t they, Mum?’ She needed to refresh her understanding of amnesia prognosis. There wasn’t a lot of call for amnesia knowledge in obstetrics.

  Stella nodded decisively. ‘Yes.’ Good old Mum. ‘Often a mirror incident or aural trigger can help. Is he having flashbacks?’

  Ava thought back to their awkward conversation. ‘I don’t know. I told him we worked together, but that’s gone too. Dr Fithers said he’s lost a chunk of time since March, which would be just before he came here.’

  There was a gasp from Mim, and Ava realised she must have given some indication of her hopes because Mim looked horrified at this stumbling block. Incurably romantic Mim.

  ‘He doesn’t think he’s still married?’ Mim asked.

  ‘I didn’t ask him.’ Ava lifted her hand to her forehead, which had begun to ache with renewed enthusiasm.

  ‘Mother.’ Stella’s voice commanded Mim’s attention. ‘Ava needs pain relief and rest.’ Then she turned to Ava. ‘We’ll go now and come back later and pick you up after lunch, not before. I’ll tell them at the desk. I’m not sure you want to drive yourself to Setabilly on Tuesday, either.’

  Ava would drive herself, but there was no use asking her mother not to talk to the nurses. She already had them terrified. And her head did hurt. If she was honest with herself, it was nice not to have to worry about anything when her mother had it all in hand. As long as Stella didn’t have Zac in hand. She couldn’t deal with that at the moment.

  ‘On one condition,’ Ava said quickly before they left the room.

  Her mother stopped and turned back. ‘Condition?’

  ‘Promise you won’t go see Zac without me.’

  Granny Mim and Stella exchanged glances. If she wasn’t mistaken, they both looked disappointed. That was a lucky escape.

  ‘As you wish.’ Stella gave a firm nod. ‘Now rest. They’ll be in soon with something for that headache.’

  Ava took off the wrap she’d put on to visit Zac and laid it across the blanket, then raised the head of the bed with the remote control. She’d been spoiled with a single room, she thought as she climbed up onto the mattress. Th
ankfully. She couldn’t imagine dealing with this behind the curtain of a shared room within earshot of other patients. A staff bonus. She should be grateful, and she really was trying to be.

  Her thoughts turned to Zac once again. She tried to imagine what he must be feeling to wake in a strange place and with a time gap of two weeks. Not knowing how he’d arrived or the people he worked with except a colleague from the past. She guessed she had some luck that it wasn’t common knowledge she’d been sleeping with Zac, now that he’d forgotten her. Something else to be grateful for. She closed her eyes.

  After lunch, Ava woke with her headache dulled enough to allow her to make decisions. She would be proactive and fight. Fight for what Zac had believed in enough to fly to her to do. He’d believed so much that he’d proposed they spend their lives together. They needed to recapture the connection that had been so strong from the first moment they met.

  Although she could smack Zac upside the head for holding onto telling her he loved her until Yulara, when he could have shared his feelings earlier. Right now, the brief episode of him skirting around asking her to marry him felt like something she’d dreamed up before all this horror started.

  Ava slipped on her robe and padded up the hall to peer into his room. He was alone and awake, and sat in a chair, staring out the window. She took a deep breath and knocked. She watched the frown as he tried to place her, then recognition that she was someone he’d met once before. She could be grateful for that, at least. ‘Hello there, Zac.’

  ‘Ava.’ He even remembered her name. ‘Come in.’ He stood, his face inquiring more than welcoming, and she had to stamp down the feeling of hopelessness as he gestured to the other chair.

  One day since the accident, she told herself. It has only been one day. Everything will be fine.

  ‘Thanks.’ She pulled the chair closer to his and sat. Glancing at her hands in her lap, she gathered her thoughts to convince this stranger he needed to spend time with her. ‘I’m going home this afternoon.’ She lifted her chin to hold his gaze. ‘I’ve come to ask you again to consider convalescing with us on Setabilly Station when you’re discharged.’