Penrod

by Booth Tarkington

  CHAPTER XVII RETIRING FROM THE SHOW-BUSINESS

  Megaphones were constructed out of heavy wrapping-paper, and Penrod,Sam, and Herman set out in different directions, delivering vocallythe inflammatory proclamation of the poster to a large section of theresidential quarter, and leaving Roderick Magsworth Bitts, Junior, withVerman in the loft, shielded from all deadhead eyes. Upon the returnof the heralds, the Schofield and Williams Military Band playeddeafeningly, and an awakened public once more thronged to fill thecoffers of the firm.

  Prosperity smiled again. The very first audience after the acquisitionof Roderick was larger than the largest of the morning. MasterBitts--the only exhibit placed upon a box--was a supercurio. All eyesfastened upon him and remained, hungrily feasting, throughout Penrod'sluminous oration.

  But the glory of one light must ever be the dimming of another. We dwellin a vale of seesaws--and cobwebs spin fastest upon laurel. Verman, thetattooed wild boy, speaking only in his native foreign languages, Vermanthe gay, Verman the caperer, capered no more; he chuckled no more, hebeckoned no more, nor tapped his chest, nor wreathed his idolatrous facein smiles. Gone, all gone, were his little artifices for attracting thegeneral attention to himself; gone was every engaging mannerism whichhad endeared him to the mercurial public. He squatted against the walland glowered at the new sensation. It was the old story--the old,old story of too much temperament: Verman was suffering from artisticjealousy.

  The second audience contained a cash-paying adult, a spectacled youngman whose poignant attention was very flattering. He remained after thelecture, and put a few questions to Roddy, which were answered ratherconfusedly upon promptings from Penrod. The young man went away withouthaving stated the object of his interrogations, but it became quiteplain, later in the day. This same object caused the spectacled youngman to make several brief but stimulating calls directly after leavingthe Schofield and Williams Big Show, and the consequences thereofloitered not by the wayside.

  The Big Show was at high tide. Not only was the auditorium filledand throbbing; there was an indubitable line--by no means whollyjuvenile--waiting for admission to the next pufformance. A group stoodin the street examining the poster earnestly as it glowed in the long,slanting rays of the westward sun, and people in automobiles and othervehicles had halted wheel in the street to read the message so piquantlygiven to the world. These were the conditions when a crested victoriaarrived at a gallop, and a large, chastely magnificent and highlyflushed woman descended, and progressed across the yard with an air ofviolence.

  At sight of her, the adults of the waiting line hastily disappeared,and most of the pausing vehicles moved instantly on their way. She wasfollowed by a stricken man in livery.

  The stairs to the auditorium were narrow and steep; Mrs. RoderickMagsworth Bitts was of a stout favour; and the voice of Penrod wasaudible during the ascent.

  "RE-MEM-BUR, gentilmun and lay-deeze, each and all are now gazing uponRoderick Magsworth Bitts, Junior, the only living nephew of the greatRena Magsworth. She stuck ars'nic in the milk of eight separate anddistinck people to put in their coffee and each and all of 'em died. Thegreat ars'nic murderess, Rena Magsworth, gentilmun and lay-deeze,and Roddy's her only living nephew. She's a relation of all the Bittsfamily, but he's her one and only living nephew. RE-MEM-BUR! Next Julyshe's goin' to be hung, and, each and all, you now see before you----"

  Penrod paused abruptly, seeing something before himself--the august andawful presence which filled the entryway. And his words (it should berelated) froze upon his lips.

  Before HERSELF, Mrs. Roderick Magsworth Bitts saw her son--herscion--wearing a moustache and sideburns of blue, and perched upon a boxflanked by Sherman and Verman, the Michigan rats, the Indian dog Duke,Herman, and the dog part alligator.

  Roddy, also, saw something before himself. It needed no prophet toread the countenance of the dread apparition in the entryway. His mouthopened--remained open--then filled to capacity with a calamitous soundof grief not unmingled with apprehension.

  Penrod's reason staggered under the crisis. For a horrible moment he sawMrs. Roderick Magsworth Bitts approaching like some fatal mountain inavalanche. She seemed to grow larger and redder; lightnings played abouther head; he had a vague consciousness of the audience spraying outin flight, of the squealings, tramplings and dispersals of a strickenfield. The mountain was close upon him----

  He stood by the open mouth of the hay-chute which went through the floorto the manger below. Penrod also went through the floor. He propelledhimself into the chute and shot down, but not quite to the manger, forMr. Samuel Williams had thoughtfully stepped into the chute a moment inadvance of his partner. Penrod lit upon Sam.

  Catastrophic noises resounded in the loft; volcanoes seemed to romp uponthe stairway.

  There ensued a period when only a shrill keening marked the passing ofRoderick as he was borne to the tumbril. Then all was silence.

  . . . Sunset, striking through a western window, rouged the walls ofthe Schofields' library, where gathered a joint family council andcourt martial of four--Mrs. Schofield, Mr. Schofield, and Mr. and Mrs.Williams, parents of Samuel of that ilk. Mr. Williams read aloud aconspicuous passage from the last edition of the evening paper:

  "Prominent people here believed close relations of woman sentenced tohang. Angry denial by Mrs. R. Magsworth Bitts. Relationship admitted byyounger member of family. His statement confirmed by boy-friends----"

  "Don't!" said Mrs. Williams, addressing her husband vehemently. "We'veall read it a dozen times. We've got plenty of trouble on our handswithout hearing THAT again!"

  Singularly enough, Mrs. Williams did not look troubled; she looked asif she were trying to look troubled. Mrs. Schofield wore a similarexpression. So did Mr. Schofield. So did Mr. Williams.

  "What did she say when she called YOU up?" Mrs. Schofield inquiredbreathlessly of Mrs. Williams.

  "She could hardly speak at first, and then when she did talk, she talkedso fast I couldn't understand most of it, and----"

  "It was just the same when she tried to talk to me," said Mrs.Schofield, nodding.

  "I never did hear any one in such a state before," continued Mrs.Williams. "So furious----"

  "Quite justly, of course," said Mrs. Schofield.

  "Of course. And she said Penrod and Sam had enticed Roderick away fromhome--usually he's not allowed to go outside the yard except with histutor or a servant--and had told him to say that horrible creature washis aunt----"

  "How in the world do you suppose Sam and Penrod ever thought of sucha thing as THAT!" exclaimed Mrs. Schofield. "It must have been made upjust for their 'show.' Della says there were just STREAMS going in andout all day. Of course it wouldn't have happened, but this was the dayMargaret and I spend every month in the country with Aunt Sarah, and Ididn't DREAM----"

  "She said one thing I thought rather tactless," interrupted Mrs.Williams. "Of course we must allow for her being dreadfully excited andwrought up, but I do think it wasn't quite delicate in her, and she'susually the very soul of delicacy. She said that Roderick had NEVER beenallowed to associate with--common boys----"

  "Meaning Sam and Penrod," said Mrs. Schofield. "Yes, she said that tome, too."

  "She said that the most awful thing about it," Mrs. Williams went on,"was that, though she's going to prosecute the newspapers, many peoplewould always believe the story, and----"

  "Yes, I imagine they will," said Mrs. Schofield musingly. "Of course youand I and everybody who really knows the Bitts and Magsworth familiesunderstand the perfect absurdity of it; but I suppose there are ever somany who'll believe it, no matter what the Bittses and Magsworths say."

  "Hundreds and hundreds!" said Mrs. Williams. "I'm afraid it will be agreat come-down for them."

  "I'm afraid so," said Mrs. Schofield gently. "A very great one--yes, avery, very great one."

  "Well," observed Mrs. Williams, after a thoughtful pause, "there's onlyone thing to be done, and I suppose it had better be done right away." />
  She glanced toward the two gentlemen.

  "Certainly," Mr. Schofield agreed. "But where ARE they?"

  "Have you looked in the stable?" asked his wife.

  "I searched it. They've probably started for the far West."

  "Did you look in the sawdust-box?"

  "No, I didn't."

  "Then that's where they are."

  Thus, in the early twilight, the now historic stable was approached bytwo fathers charged to do the only thing to be done. They entered thestoreroom.

  "Penrod!" said Mr. Schofield.

  "Sam!" said Mr. Williams.

  Nothing disturbed the twilight hush.

  But by means of a ladder, brought from the carriage-house, Mr. Schofieldmounted to the top of the sawdust-box. He looked within, and discernedthe dim outlines of three quiet figures, the third being that of a smalldog.

  The two boys rose, upon command, descended the ladder after Mr.Schofield, bringing Duke with them, and stood before the authors oftheir being, who bent upon them sinister and threatening brows. Withhanging heads and despondent countenances, each still ornamented with amoustache and an imperial, Penrod and Sam awaited sentence.

  This is a boy's lot: anything he does, anything whatever, may afterwardturn out to have been a crime--he never knows.

  And punishment and clemency are alike inexplicable.

  Mr. Williams took his son by the ear.

  "You march home!" he commanded.

  Sam marched, not looking back, and his father followed the small figureimplacably.

  "You goin' to whip me?" quavered Penrod, alone with Justice.

  "Wash your face at that hydrant," said his father sternly.

  About fifteen minutes later, Penrod, hurriedly entering the corner drugstore, two blocks distant, was astonished to perceive a familiar form atthe soda counter.

  "Yay, Penrod," said Sam Williams. "Want some sody? Come on. He didn'tlick me. He didn't do anything to me at all. He gave me a quarter."

  "So'd mine," said Penrod.