Between Love and Murder

by Chris Bedell

  “Okay,” Mallory said.

  I furrowed my eyebrows. “You aren’t pissed?”

  “How much of a bitch do you think I am?” Mallory asked.

  “At least we’re being honest with each other,” Archie said.

  Mallory smiled. “Exactly. If we’ve learned one thing, it’s that secrets cause the most harm, not the actual deed.”

  Shutting up and being thankful was sometimes the best someone could do. The old me might’ve chastised the universe for giving me something unexpected—even if it was something that I wanted—but not now. Too much had happened. I also owed it to myself to pursue my own happiness. And if that meant dating Archie, then great. It wasn’t like I lost all sense of independence because of having a boyfriend—I was just human and couldn’t be alone.

  Mallory exhaled. “I’m not lost to how this couldn’t have been easy for you.”

  “You have no idea,” I said.

  Just because I wouldn’t criticize her for making me sweat for nothing, didn’t mean I turned my brain off. I owed myself honesty. Like wondering if Mallory was having a delayed reaction to my news. Even if I should’ve been content with the sugar high from the copious amount of whipped cream the barista put on my latte.

  Mallory sipped her caramel macchiato. “Let’s make each other a promise. No more secrets.”

  Archie and I looked at each other, then nodded at Mallory.

  “Good. I think we’ll be fine,” Mallory said.

  THURSDAY, DECEMBER 13, 2018

  I didn’t have to be a runway model to strut the school hallway before first period.

  Just like I deserved to see if resuming my relationship with Archie would make me happy, I also deserved for my heart not to thump a thousand miles a minute. Mallory was okay with Archie, and for now I’d take at her feelings at face value. Doing otherwise would’ve only complicated my life, and I couldn’t have that.

  Except I didn’t count on running into Mallory’s sister, even if she was my high school’s new creative writing teacher. She just started teaching this school year, which was kind of impressive. Most people might not have gotten a job right out of grad school.

  She tugged at my wrist. “Do you have a second, Chad?”

  I pushed her hand off me. “What’s up?”

  Kelly flashed a gold watch at me. “I think you left this at my house.”

  “Thanks,” I said, taking my watch back. Yet I didn’t put it on my right wrist yet. Not when I couldn’t fathom how I’d be reckless enough to misplace my watch the night of Tommy’s “murder.” Especially since it was the last gift Dad got me before he got cancer and subsequently died.

  “No problem.”

  I took in a breath. “I’m impressed with you.”

  Kelly a blew a chunk of her auburn hair out of the way. “And why is that?”

  “Most people wouldn’t be enthusiastic about taking care of their sibling,” I said.

  “It’s not like I have a choice—our parents are dead.”

  “I know, I know,” I said. “But it’s a little more than a year since they died.”

  She gripped her silver bracelet. “Do you mind if I ask a question?”

  “Go ahead.”

  “Has Mallory seemed different to you?” Kelly asked.

  Way to ask a loaded question. Yeah. Mallory was different. She caused Tommy’s death, and now Dan, Rebecca, Archie, and I had to live with what happened. Almost as if we got our own version of a death sentence.

  “What do you mean?” I fanned myself with my shirt. Just because winter was inching closer and closer didn’t mean I couldn’t feel like I was in the Sahara Desert. The school must’ve cranked up the heat too high. Either that, or I was having a panic attack and I’d soon have the all-too-familiar dizzy sensation.

  “She’s been in a funk ever since the day after the Snowflake Ball.”

  No shit. I’d be a wreck if I killed someone. But I was at school, so I had to keep the venom to a minimum. One wrong move, and the situation would implode.

  “I’m sure it’s school stress,” I said.

  She bobbed her head. “That’s what I thought. Also, don’t tell Mallory about my question. No need to upset her.”

  “I know how to keep a secret.”

  Kelly winked. “I’m sure you can. Although I also have discretion, so don’t hesitate to confide in me if you ever find yourself in a predicament. Anyway, have a good day.”

  She walked away, leaving me to myself.

  Just because I couldn’t predict the future, didn’t mean I couldn’t delude myself into thinking life would be okay. Everyone deserved occasional indulgences like denial. Especially when Tommy’s body was still out there somewhere, waiting to be discovered.

  BEFORE

  MONDAY, SEPTMBER 17, 2018

  He waved at me. “Hi, Chad.”

  Crap. Running into Archie in the school hallway on my way to lunch was the last thing that should’ve happened. 48 hours hadn’t even passed since I confronted Mallory on her coffee date with Chad.

  I couldn’t scurry away from Archie, though. Not when he was fast approaching. If I didn’t talk to him now, then he might find me later. So, I’d suck it up and get the conversation over with—even if there were 1,001 other things I would’ve rather been doing. Like swimming with sharks, attending summer school, or meeting a venomous snake.

  Archie sighed. “I’m sorry about everything.”

  The universe might’ve been a lot of things, yet I never expected Archie to apologize. He hadn’t betrayed me.

  “It’s fine,” I said.

  “I would’ve never gone out with Mallory if I knew the whole situation.”

  “What’s done is done.”

  “Don’t be like this. You’re clearly upset.”

  “I’m young; I’ll get over it.”

  He bit his lip. “You don’t have to put on a façade for me.”

  “What? Am I supposed to be thrilled that I’m your second choice?”

  Interrupting Archie and Mallory’s date was one thing, yet I would’ve rather died than be with someone who treated me as an afterthought. Relationships couldn’t be forced and had to happen on their own. If they didn’t, then they were doomed before they started.

  Archie coughed. “I would’ve said yes if you asked me the first day of school.”

  “There’s no way of knowing that.”

  “I wouldn’t lie—not about something so serious,” Archie said.

  Yeah, right. A difference existed between saying something and actually doing it. I also didn’t know Archie well enough to figure out if he were telling the truth. And for all I knew, Archie might’ve used that line on other people.

  “What do you want?” I asked.

  “Let’s try this again.”

  I narrowed my gaze. “What about Mallory?”

  “Do you seriously think I’m still interested in her after what happened?”

  Good question. The cynic in me would’ve been skeptical of Archie’s comment. Something about disturbed people being the wildest in bed—at least according to pop culture.

  “It’s too late,” I said.

  “What she did was fucked up.”

  Deep breaths. If I didn’t watch what I said, then I’d seem unhinged. And I couldn’t have that. Not putting my fists through a wall because of Mallory’s behavior took all the energy I had and more and more students were walking through the hallway.

  “No need to state the obvious,” I said.

  “Don’t be curt; I’m trying to empathize with you.”

  “You don’t owe me anything.”

  He folded his arms. “Why are you doing this? We can hang.”

  Archie might’ve been a lot of things, but I couldn’t say he gave up easily. Most people might not have had the patience to deal with me.

  “Were you really flirting with me on the first day of school?” I asked.

  “Yes. I might not know a lot about you, but you seem like an interesting pe
rson. Not every guy is platinum blond.”

  Interesting person. Please. He’d have to try harder if he wanted my attention. Anyone could’ve called me an interesting person. If he wanted to impress, then he’d have to say something only he’d say. I also couldn’t help wondering if my stance turned him on—some people loved a challenge. Although I’d cringe if that were true. Archie shouldn’t have wanted something just because he couldn’t have it.

  “Thanks,” I forced.

  “Come on. What do you say? We can go to Starbucks after school.”

  “No thanks.”

  Nope. I wouldn’t budge no matter how ridiculous Archie might’ve thought my behavior was. Protecting myself was my biggest priority. I didn’t owe Archie anything. And soon, this whole situation could be forgotten about.

  “What? You’re gonna let your pride stop you from getting what you want?”

  I grunted. “How’d you act if you were me?”

  “I’d stop being friends with Mallory, that’s for sure.”

  “Take care of yourself.” I almost walked away from Archie when he grabbed my arm. Then, every neuron in my body became electrified while blood pumped through my body faster and I almost choked. Even the smallest gesture showed intimacy, because Archie and I couldn’t have been closer if I tried.

  He grimaced. “Mallory told me about your dad right after you left.”

  Archie had to be careful about the next words that came out of his mouth. Mentioning Dad wasn’t something that should’ve been done lightly. Archie also shouldn’t have talked about things he had no firsthand knowledge about—like a medical student expecting to perform surgery on the first day of medical school.

  “What does he have to do with anything?” I asked.

  “Pushing people away is your defense mechanism,” Archie said.

  I shoved Archie’s arm off me. “I’m sure Mallory couldn’t wait to tell you about my dad.”

  “She wasn’t trying to hurt you—at least not this time.”

  “Sure,” I said.

  A lump lingered in Archie’s throat. “I’m sure you’re probably tired of dealing with disappointment.”

  No offense to Archie, but he needed to be more mindful of where the conversation was going. It wasn’t his job or right to psychoanalyze. Until Archie understood what my life was like, he needed to keep quiet.

  “Tell me something I don’t know,” I said.

  “I’m giving you what you want.”

  The bell rang and I cursed under my breath. Just because nobody took attendance during lunch, didn’t mean I had to arrive late. If anything, getting to the lunch line early was best. Having to wait in a long line was one of the most eye-roll-inducing events in the world.

  “You don’t have to give me anything,” I said.

  Archie stomped his feet against the tile floor. “What more do I have to say?”

  “There’s nothing you can do.”

  “Your dad would want you to be happy.” Archie paused for a beat. “And there’s no reason why we can’t still have fun.”

  I fought back the tears while standing in silence. My grief would always exist no matter how much I suppressed my feelings, and that loss felt like an uninvited guest crashing a party.

  “Don’t mention my father!” I exclaimed. “You didn’t see him being taken away in a body bag.”

  Archie clapped his hand over his mouth. “I’m sorry; I had no idea.”

  WEDNESDAY, SEPTMBER 19, 2018

  I shuffled through the high school parking lot after parking my car while gray-tinged clouds remained stacked in the sky.

  Great. As if I needed another reminder that life was shitty. I so wanted to be the idiot who forgot his umbrella.

  The impending rain wasn’t my biggest problem, though. Mallory just walked up to me, which sucked. Talking to Mallory wasn’t what I needed for my day to be perfect. If I wasn’t careful, then she’d hurt me.

  “You haven’t returned my texts,” she said.

  Mallory must’ve been more delusional than I realized. I wouldn’t have corresponded with her if my life depended on it. I had too much self-respect to associate with someone who was as heartless as she was. If roles were reversed, then she might’ve been furious with me if I’d pulled the same crap she had.

  I snorted. “Take a hint.”

  “Are you really gonna cut me out of your life?”

  Sorry, not sorry. I wouldn’t waste any tears on Mallory. She made the decision to pursue Archie to hurt me. And now she’d have to live with her choice. This wasn’t some Disney movie where a conflict resolved itself in favor of a miraculous happy ending.

  “You don’t have much ground to stand on, Mallory,” I said. “You’re the one who boasted about your win.”

  She looked at the ground. “Fine. That was too much.”

  “How could you do this to me?” I demanded.

  “It’s just one guy.”

  “It’s not the point.”

  “I did what I had to do. You rejected me, only to start chatting with another guy moments later.”

  Infatuation was one thing, yet Mallory needed a serious dose of reality ASAP. There should’ve been more to her life than whether or not I rejected her. I wasn’t the only guy out there, and she could find a boyfriend—that wasn’t Archie or me—if she really wanted to.

  “It’s done, Mallory,” I spat.

  “Don’t be like this. You can have Archie if you want.”

  “He’s not a toy.”

  “I never said he was.”

  The trees bobbed in the wind and rain pattered against the ground.

  Fantastic. It wasn’t like I hoped the rain would wait till I got inside. Nope. I dreamed of being rained on. My life was dull and needed more excitement. Maybe there’d even be a tornado, and I’d get swept away to Oz.

  “You’re just pissed you got caught,” I said.

  “Fine. That might be true. But I miss being friends with you, and I’m sure we can work through this.”

  “I always knew Cruel Intentions was your favorite movie, but I never thought you were a sick fuck,” I said.

  “I made a mistake.”

  “I don’t want to hear from you or know you, so please don’t contact me again.”

  She played with a strand of her hair. “You don’t mean that.”

  “I do.”

  “You have no idea what my life has been like since summer.”

  Please. Mallory could reveal the most tragic bombshell, and I wouldn’t wince. I didn’t owe her anything, and what I thought during my conversation with Archie remained true. I had to look after myself—not anyone else.

  I raised my eyebrows. “Are you really gonna play the Tommy card?”

  “There’s a lot you don’t know.”

  I sneered. “I don’t care—I know everything I need to.”

  “You’re gonna regret this.”

  Mallory should’ve saved her breath. I would’ve bet my soul I wouldn’t have any regret about cutting her out of my life. If she wanted forgiveness, then she should’ve tried harder. Friendships weren’t like winging a test, they deserved real effort. And so far, Mallory appeared more upset about me rejecting her than our friendship ending.

  FRIDAY, SEPTMBER 21, 2018

  Flames flickered from the candles on the middle of the dining room table while the greasy scent of pizza wafted through the air. But pizza day didn’t mean life was perfect—it wasn’t. There was no understanding how I couldn’t have realized Mallory was a terrible person years ago.

  Mom glanced at my plate, then made eye contact. “You should have your pizza before it gets cold.”

  “I know, I know.”

  “You can talk about whatever is upsetting you, because I promise not to judge.”

  “Thanks.”

  “I’m serious, Chad.” Mom grabbed her glass and sipped her champagne. “I’d want to know if something were wrong.”

  Mom still needed to watch what she said no matter how well her
intentions were. Talking about problems didn’t always make life better. If anything, harping on issues made life worse. A person could only talk about a topic for so long—especially a topic like Mallory.

  “It’s complicated.” I grabbed my knife and fork and cut my slice of pizza into bite-size pieces. Yup. I had to be the guy who didn’t use his hands for eating pizza. It didn’t matter how great the pizza was. Nothing was appealing about getting grease on your hands.

  “You can’t keep your feelings bottled up.”

  “Mallory wasn’t the person I thought she was,” I said.

  “I’m sorry to hear that, but do you think you’ll be able to mend your friendship?” Mom asked.

  I shook my head in a vigorous fashion. “Nope.”

  “That’s too bad. Anyway, you should at least try some champagne.”

  “I don’t know what made you want champagne.”

  “It’s the perfect combination with pizza.”

  I grabbed my flute, then took a more than generous swig of champagne. Hell, I even smiled for Mom. Regardless of how complicated life was, I couldn’t deny she didn’t have good taste in alcohol. The champagne contained the perfect mixture of sweet, tart, and carbonated flavors.

  “There’s something else,” I said.

  She blinked. “Yes?”

  “I pushed someone away just because I had hurt feelings, and now it might be too late.”

  Yeah. Not wanting to be someone’s second choice didn’t mean I hadn’t been stubborn—I had. Archie was right. I could’ve gotten what I wanted since he had been more than willing to go out with me. The only problem was I was too concerned about the intoxicated sensation of being in control and saying no. Almost as if hurting Archie—even a small way—allowed me to feel better from the wounds Mallory had inflicted.

  “Are you talking about Mallory?” Mom asked.

  “No. I’m talking about a guy.”

  Mom grinned. “Tell me everything.”

  SATURDAY, SEPTMBER 22, 2018

  Rebecca, Dan, and I walked down Main Street while sunlight radiated from the sky and a pigeon landed on the sidewalk.

  Having a break from several days of rain wasn’t why I halted, though. Archie happened to be standing in front of a coffee shop at the end of block. I hadn’t spoken to Archie since our conversation several days ago, and I couldn’t help wondering if I should see if his offer still stood.