Between Love and Murder

by Chris Bedell

  AFTER

  WEDNESDAY, MARCH 27, 2019

  Archie approached me before first period in the high school parking lot right after I exited my car.

  He smiled. “Is your mother okay?”

  “Don’t pretend to care about her or me. You should be ashamed of yourself after how you, Rebecca, and Dan iced me out.”

  His face drooped. “You’re right. That was harsh.”

  “I didn’t deserve that.” Tears welled in my eyes. After a little more than two and half years, I could no longer filter my feelings. Archie hadn’t been the love of my life, yet I’d be lying if I didn’t admit being curious about whether we could have a real relationship if the circumstances had been different. I was his friend, and he owed me a conversation if he didn’t wanna continue our friendship.

  “I’m not trying to upset you,” Archie said.

  “Too late.”

  Wind ripped through the air, but it lacked its usual vindictive coldness. Perhaps spring was actually here, and winter would be a distant memory.

  “I can’t imagine how messed up you must be from Tommy and I’m willing to give you another chance.”

  “How big of you.”

  “Fine. I deserved that.”

  “I’m thankful you’re willing to give me another chance, but I can’t be with someone who’ll bail on a moment’s notice.”

  “But I’m sorry.”

  “That doesn’t change what happened. And our relationship also might not be meant to be—it shouldn’t be difficult.”

  “That’s bullshit,” Archie said.

  Tears fell down my cheeks. “You judged me, and now you’ve gotta live with your choice.”

  He put his hands on his hips. “What? You wanna punish me just like you did Mallory?”

  “My reasoning is about protecting myself, not punishing. Goodbye, Archie.” I scurried away from Archie, yet I waited till I approached the high school’s front entrance before sobbing.

  I had to stand by my decision no matter how difficult it was. It took me a long time to realize the truth, but Archie didn’t ensure stability. Drama always existed—whether he started it, or Mallory did.

  So, yeah. Archie and I were finished.

  THURSDAY, MARCH 28, 2019

  I continued staring at my plate—which contained two slices of pizza—while Mom and I sat at the dining room table.

  She giggled. “Aren’t you hungry.”

  “I can’t do this.” I rose.

  “I wasn’t kidding about eating more dinners together. You worked with the police to apprehend a fugitive without telling me, and I can’t just pretend that didn’t happen.”

  I shrieked. “Great. Maybe you and Archie can start a club—you both love punishing me.”

  “This isn’t about discipline, it’s about you being my son. I’d be devastated if something happened to you.”

  “You don’t need to know everything going on in my life,” I said.

  “Says who?”

  I made a fist. “Mallory threatened to kill you, Mom.”

  “All the more reason to loop me in.”

  “The police knowing was enough.”

  “I don’t wanna fight.” Mom bit into her pizza. “Nothing you say can push me away from you.”

  “You’ve got no idea what my life is like,” I said, speaking louder.

  “Then tell me.”

  My stomach churned. “I didn’t lose my virginity to Archie—I lost it to Tommy. He asked me to sleep with him before he cut me out of his life the start of freshman year.”

  Mom didn’t respond.

  “And he might’ve possibly liked me, but I’ll never know,” I said. “I thought I was doing him a favor in addition to how it felt so good for him to want me. But I was wrong.”

  Mom once again didn’t say anything. Instead, she stood and hugged me. I didn’t push her away, though. Not this time. A simple thing was the only thing I had to hold onto, and I’d take it. I just wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do with my life at this point. Not when I didn’t have anything to look forward to.

  FRIDAY, MARCH 29, 2019

  “I’m surprised you wanted my company,” I said.

  Rebecca and I stood in back of Anna’s Chocolate Shop after school, going through the various selections of chocolate and other candies. Apparently, Rebecca needed help with picking out a gift for Dan’s upcoming birthday.

  “I should apologize. Everyone makes mistakes, and I shouldn’t have judged you so harshly about scheming with Gemma. You did what you felt was best,” Rebecca said.

  “How kind of you.”

  Rebecca glared. “I’m trying to make amends.”

  “Fine. I forgive you.”

  “I should also be thanking you for something.”

  “And what’s that?” I asked.

  “I know you helped Dan pick out the dress for our anniversary.”

  I removed my gaze from the chocolates, focusing on Rebecca now. “So?”

  “Dan and I know you’re a good person and are proud to call you our friend.”

  “Thanks.”

  Rebecca locked her arms. “But I could kick your ass for not forgiving Archie. He told me about how he tried making amends with you.”

  “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

  The shop’s bell chimed, and several kids dashed into the shop, almost knocking over a few boxes of chocolate on a table by the front door.

  “Be careful not to spend too much money,” said a woman who remained by the shop’s entrance.

  Rebecca leaned closer. “If you want to be happy, then don’t let your pride get in the way. You don’t get unlimited chances in life. Also, Mallory isn’t a threat.”

  “She’s still in town.”

  “Locked away at Wren Sanitarium,” Rebecca interrupted.

  “I’ll think about it.”

  She giggled. “I’ve got faith you’ll make the right decision.”

  Admitting Rebecca was right pained me less than it should’ve. I couldn’t argue with her because she wasn’t wrong. If I didn’t wanna be with Archie, then fine. But I had to make sure I could live with my decision. Having Archie be the next Tommy—wondering what could’ve been, five years from now—was the last thing I wanted or needed.

  So maybe, just maybe, I’d forgive Archie one day—just not today. Hanging with Rebecca was a callback to simpler times, and I wouldn’t trade this moment for anything in the word.

  SUNDAY, MARCH 31, 2019

  Rain pattered against the grass while I stood in front of Dad’s grave.

  “Being in a cemetery is kind of morbid even for you,” called out a voice.

  I titled my head. “It’s the anniversary of my father’s death.”

  “I know.”

  “What are you doing here?” I asked.

  Archie’s grip on his umbrella tightened while wind swished through the cemetery as he shuffled towards me.

  “I stopped by your house and your mother told me you were here,” he revealed.

  “I’m not into the mood to rehash everything.”

  “Good. I don’t wanna fight.”

  “Then what?” I demanded.

  “I don’t know how else to make it up to you, but I’m sorry for judging you too harshly,” Archie said.

  “And why should I believe you?”

  “I’d die if anything happened to you. Contrary to what you might believe, meeting you is one of the best things that ever happened to me.”

  “Mallory is gonna be released from the sanitarium one day,” I forced out.

  “Let that be tomorrow’s problem.”

  Rain slammed into the ground—even louder and faster than when I first arrived—while I stole a glance at Archie. There was no guarantee that my life would be perfect with Archie, yet there was no harm in trying to make our relationship work, because I might’ve been wrong about my previous thought. If something was difficult, then that didn’t mean it wasn’t worth having—I just had to fight harder. Not
hing came easily in life, including relationships. So, yeah. Archie deserved another chance.

  “I forgive you,” I said.

  Archie closed his umbrella, then placed it on the ground. He kissed me while more wind whipped through the air and his umbrella flew away. He didn’t chase after it. Instead, his soft lips pressed against my mouth and goosebumps spread over my arms and legs. We’d enjoy this moment, weather be damned.

  MONDAY, APRIL 1, 2019

  Archie and I walked through the school hallway before first period, holding hands.

  Rebecca and Dan—who stood by Dan’s locker—by smiled at us.

  “What do we have here?” Rebecca asked.

  “We worked things out,” I said.

  Dan nodded. “We can tell.”

  “About damn time,” Rebecca said.

  “If this is what happiness resembles, then I never want this feeling to end,” I said.

  “Good to know you care about me,” Archie said.

  Archie should’ve known better than to say what he just had. I absolutely cared about him and nothing anyone did changed that fact. All of our mistakes remained in the past. Visiting Mallory at some point might’ve helped, though. Something to let her know I’d always be in control—especially since there were still facts she didn’t know about. Facts even Rebecca, Dan, and Archie weren’t privy too. But that was fine. Full disclosure wasn’t required for my friendship with Rebecca and Dan or for dating Archie. Although whether seeing Mallory one last time was a good idea remained to be seen. Gloating was one thing, yet I couldn’t forget about hubris after all the times my English teachers drummed that theme into my head.

  “Let’s hope Mallory never returns,” Dan said.

  Rebecca gave Dan a mock frown. “Please!”

  “It had to be said,” Dan said.

  “Let’s not think about Mallory,” I said.

  Archie let go of my hand, adjusting his backpack strap. “Sounds like a plan.”

  TUESDAY, APRIL 2, 2019

  Dan, Rebecca, Archie, and I sat at a table in the middle of the cafeteria while various bounced against the walls.

  “I could kick myself—I can’t believe I haven’t taken the SAT’s yet,” Rebecca said.

  “That makes two of us,” Dan said.

  Archie took another bite of his sandwich. “Me three.”

  “Me four,” I said.

  Rebecca whipped her head back and forth. “We’re never going to get into college let alone finish high school with this attitude.”

  “There’s still time,” I said.

  “Let’s not fart around.” Rebecca finished her Gatorade, then tossed it into an adjacent garbage can.

  Dan wagged his finger at his girlfriend. “You worry too much.”

  “Our futures are important,” Rebecca said.

  Archie laughed. “I’m fine with working at McDonald’s.”

  “Speak for yourself,” Rebecca said.

  Appreciating the less serious moments once again couldn’t be avoided. Polite bickering what was my life should’ve been like at the beginning of the school year, not speculating about Mallory’s next betrayal or if we’d go to jail for being accomplishes.

  Footsteps sounded, and I looked up. Gemma just clipped by our table.

  “Gemma,” I said.

  She halted. “How are you Chad?”

  “Fine. What about you?” I asked.

  “I’m good—just worried about the SAT’s,” Gemma said, hands remaining on her lunch tray.

  “What a coincidence. We were just having a conversation about that,” I said.

  Gemma’s eyebrows inched up. “Really?”

  “Yeah. Anyway, are you eating lunch with anyone?” I asked.

  “I was just gonna have my lunch quickly and then head to the library,” Gemma said.

  “Would you like to join us?” I asked.

  Rebecca leaned into my right ear. “What are you doing?”

  “We’d love your company,” I said, ignoring Rebecca.

  “Sure. Company would be great.” Gemma sat down between Rebecca and Dan before Rebecca gave me a brief dirty look.

  Too bad for Rebecca, but I wouldn’t change my opinion. Nothing bad would happen from eating lunch with Gemma. She didn’t have any contagious diseases, and we’d all be better people for including her at lunch. I didn’t know everything, yet I didn’t have to in order to appreciate how Gemma must’ve had a difficult life in light of her father and losing Tommy. Both Mallory and Tommy also might’ve been different people if someone showed them real kindness. A few seconds of speculation was all that was needed for pondering if Gemma would be the next to snap.

  “Do you know when you’re gonna take the SAT’s?” Dan asked.

  “In June.” Gemma scarfed down a bite of her salad. “But I’m more concerned about AP Exams next month.

  Rebecca clapped her hand against her cheek. “Fuck. I forgot about those.”

  “Relax, there’s still plenty of time to prepare,” Gemma said.

  WEDNESDAY, APRIL 3, 3019

  I sat at a table in the back of Starbucks, and someone joined me several minutes after my arrival, so looked up. I wasn’t expecting company yet had a suspicion about who it was based on the high-pitched giggle.

  “What do you want, Andrea?” I asked.

  “No need to be curt.”

  “I’m impressed. You know a big word.”

  “I saw you and just thought I’d say hello.” She ran her fingers through her hair, accentuating her bob. Wow. Perhaps I wasn’t the only one who needed a radical change. Her hair extended several inches past her shoulders last time I checked. Although she still had pink streaks, which deserved kudos no matter how much I cringed in her presence. Most people wouldn’t have had the guts to do something like that in our town. People looked at anyone who was different with the same contempt they would’ve given a five-eyed person.

  She snickered. “What a shocker. You don’t have anything to say.”

  “I don’t wanna fight.”

  “This might be hard to believe, but I don’t wanna start trouble.”

  “We don’t have to be polite with each other. The world will survive if we aren’t friends.” I sipped my iced caramel macchiato, extra caramel on top jolting my taste buds.

  “I disagree.”

  “Get to your point.”

  She shifted her posture in her chair. “You reunited with Archie.”

  “So? Determined to make another play for me?”

  “Don’t flatter yourself.”

  “You haven’t done anything to give me a positive impression of you.”

  “I’m a flirt; not a genuine threat.”

  “Whatever,” I said.

  “For what it’s worth, I’m glad you and Archie solved your problems.”

  I chuckled. “No offense but I don’t need your approval. I had no doubt that Archie and I would reunite.”

  “That’s not what Archie said.”

  “This is my way of extending friendship.” Andrea offered her hand, yet I didn’t take it. She might’ve been pulling me in for a kiss, and I couldn’t have that. Not when I would’ve died if the universe robbed me of my future with Archie again. Some people didn’t change who they were no matter how much they believed their lie.

  “Wonderful.”

  Not wishing anyone but Mallory bad didn’t mean I had to sit here and take Andrea’s commentary. Andrea should’ve known a lost cause when she saw one. I deserved to look out for myself because of everything Mallory did to me. I challenged anyone not to eat and breathe skepticism 24/7 after dealing with a toxic best friend. Words could only go far, and sometimes real action was required. Even if doing so entailed pushing people away. Under different circumstances—like if she wasn’t flirtatious or I hadn’t dealt with Mallory—Andrea and I might’ve been friends. Her quirkiness would’ve provided endless fodder for my writing, because I needed no help with imagining the trouble we’d get into if we became friends.

&
nbsp; “I have a boyfriend now,” Andrea said.

  “What happened to making a splash?”

  “My parents are still pissed about boarding school.”

  I scowled. “Can you blame them?”

  “If I wanted a lecture, then I wouldn’t tune out my parents.” She offered her hand for a second time. “What do you say? Friends?”

  I didn’t respond. Instead, my grip tightened on my beverage.

  “You can never have enough allies,” Andrea continued. “Not when Mallory will be released one day.”

  “What do you know about Mallory?”

  “I pay attention to gossip from Archie and my parents.”

  I shook her hand. “Okay. I can live with that.”

  Yeah. I wasn’t lying—not this time. I couldn’t boost Andrea’s ego, yet she made a good point. Mallory would rejoin society one day no matter how preferable denial was. And that would be fantastic. No telling what she’d do to me after everything I did to her. If there was one guarantee in life, it was the cyclical nature of revenge. She hurt me, I hurt her, then rinse and repeat—our game of psychological warfare resembling a carousel that never stopped spinning.

  “I should also thank you,” Andrea said.

  “Feeling okay? That’s the last thing I’d expect from you.”

  Andrea jabbed my shoulder. “Quit it. We’re gonna be friends, and you can’t do anything about that fact.”

  “You were saying?” I interrupted.

  “Right.” She licked her lips. “I’m glad you didn’t involve Archie with your meetup with Mallory.”

  “And why is that?”

  “I’d die if anything happened to him. We’re always there for each other no matter how turbulent our dynamic has been.”

  “Really?” I slurped the rest of my beverage.

  “Yeah, I’d die if anything happened to him.”

  “No need for theatrics.”