I'm Just a Normal Kid with Girl Problems (Free Preview)
Page 2
My dad snickered. “I’ve already taken care of that.” He whispered. “I stopped by the local supermarket and picked up one of those frozen apple pies. Now if your mother pops it in the oven and screws that up then we’re gonna have to put her on landscaping duties.”
I took a seat on the edge of my bed. “What’s really going on dad?” I asked. If I hadn’t known any better, I would think that he was scheming. For what, I couldn’t tell you. But knowing my dad, he had something up his sleeves.
My dad took a step closer to me. “Nothing. I just want you to check out the new bombshell before someone else snatches her right from under you.”
“Come on dad, you know I can get any girl I want.” I replied confidently.
“Yes son I know that. But, there is something special about that girl across the street. And I don’t think you should be dragging your feet on it.”
I watched my dad as he ran down his plan of attack. He always tried to school me on how to ask a girl out. My dad would never admit it, but my mother told me that he wasn’t the most popular kid in school. And now that he has a son who’s very popular, he was somewhat living vicariously through me.
To get my dad off my back I agreed to go with my mother to our new neighbor’s house. He snickered like a little kid and gave me a few more pointers before he exited my room.
“When she looks at you make sure you stand tall like I taught you. You’re representing the Carmichaels. And before you leave make sure you two exchange numbers.”
My dad looked more excited about our neighbor’s daughter than I was. I knew he meant well. But he needed to chill out. I knew how to talk to girls. And I also knew that I’d lose major cool points if I tagged along with my mother just so she could drop off a cheesy apple pie.
#That would be a dummy move!
I ended up ditching my mother and headed out to the skate park to hang out with a couple of school buddies. Zach was there on his board executing a ton of flips and turns. He was an awesome skateboarder but he was no match for me. He knew I was the master. So immediately after I got inside of the bowl and picked up my speed, I did a Caballerial and a McTwist, and all the attention at the park zoomed in on me. What a cool feeling that was.
Chapter Four – Zach
Dillon and I were the go-to-guys in school that other guys came to with girl problems. We were like relationship gurus but on a much smaller scale. I mentioned to Dillon a few times about how we needed to get paid for our relationship advice. We’d have more than just allowance money stuffed away underneath our mattresses if he’d listen to me.
Yesterday he and I made a bet about who’d be the first to get our new neighbor’s phone number. And today, marked day two of our mission so the pressure was on.
Dillon was staring into his locker when I cruised down the hallway. He didn’t see me coming so I snuck up behind him and grabbed onto his belt near the spine of his back and pulled his pants in an upward motion, causing his underwear to give him a huge wedgey.
“Hey dude, cut it out.” Dillon barked as he turned to face me. To prevent any of the other kids from seeing him pull his pants out of his butt, he backed himself close towards his locker.
“Don’t be so uptight lover boy.” I chuckled.
“Hey dude, don’t you have a classroom to fall asleep in?”
“Nope. I promised my parents that I’d pay more attention and focus in all of my classes this week provided that they pitch in to help me get new wheels for my skateboard this weekend.”
“Why don’t you promise them that you’ll actually do some school work too and then maybe they’ll throw in some new wheels for me too.” Dillon said and then he turned back towards his locker.
“Oh there’s no way they’ll believe me if I said that. The last time I did my class work was a year ago when I first entered into the 8th grade.”
“After being in 8th grade for the second year, don’t you think it’ll serve you right to do your work so you can move on to the 9th grade and go to high school? I know your parents are wondering whether they should put you on meds or sign you up to see a shrink. Because if you keep this up, you’re gonna be old enough to teach driver’s Ed.”
#Zach, a Driver’s Ed teacher? No way! I’d rather grow old in my parent’s basement and eat Dillon’s mother’s cooking.
“Don’t you worry about me, I’ve got my life mapped out.” I assured Dillon.
While he and I chopped it up at his locker, our blonde beauty appeared out of nowhere. We couldn’t believe our eyes. Walking along side of her was the 8th grade academic counselor, Mrs. Russell. And it became clear at that very moment that this hottie was off limits. “Are my eyes deceiving me? Or are we burnt toast?” Dillon commented.
I knew what he meant the moment he opened his mouth. Our blonde hottie was an 8th grader just like us. What a beautiful day!
“Dillon, will you show our new student Lauren where Mrs. Resnick’s classroom is?”
“Sure.” Dillon agreed.
“Mrs. Russell, how come you didn’t ask me? You know I could find my way around this school blindfolded.” I smiled. “And besides, I’ve been attending this school longer than anyone, so I can school her on all the do’s and don’ts.”
Mrs. Russell smiled. “Tell you what? Why don’t you and Dillon both walk Lauren to her class.”
“Roger that.” I said.
“Take care of her you guys.” She instructed us.
“Oh we will.” I assured her.
While Dillon was grabbing a few books from his locker I gently grabbed Lauren by her hand and proceeded down the hallway towards Mrs. Resnick’s class. “Let’s carry on this way.” I insisted.
“Hey shouldn’t we wait for your friend?” she questioned me as she looked back at Dillon.
“Oh don’t worry about him. He’s gotta stick around and wait for his girlfriend.” I told her and then I wrapped my arm around her shoulder.
#Gotta’ show her who’s the man around here!
“What school are you coming from?” I asked her. I lowered my voice to sound like I was an adult since I lacked in the height department.
“Princess Anne Middle School.” She replied. I could tell she was a bit shy.
“Are you seeing anyone?” I didn’t hesitate to ask.
“No,” she told me.
Hearing that she didn’t have a boyfriend made me want to do a back flip but I decided against it because I didn’t want to come across like I was sweating her. Popular guys like me don’t go around sweating girls. Girls sweat guys like me. It was the rule of thumb.
Immediately after Lauren and I arrived at the entryway of Mrs. Resnick’s class, I cornered her with the hopes that she’d give me her number so I’d be able to text her later and win the bet Dillon and I made yesterday.
#Operation “Scoop Up the Hot Girl” was in full effect!
Chapter Five – Dillon
I watched as my best friend swooped in on Lauren like a hawk and carried her away. What was so hilarious about it was how he used the girl friend trick to pull Lauren away from me. No girl wants to hear that another girl is in the picture.
#And I clearly lost major points because of it.
I closed my locker and watched Zach as he made his move on Lauren. I looked at Zach’s expression and I had to admit that he was looking awfully thirsty. I mean he was acting borderline stalker. And he was spreading it on very thick. But when he pointed to his newly cut Mohawk, I knew I had to step in.
I immediately took my iPhone from the front pocket of my shorts and held it out as I walked towards them. “Hey Zach, got your moms on the phone. She says she’s at the supermarket and wants to know if you want her to pick you up a box of Huggies so you won’t wet the bed tonight.”
Lauren looked at Zach with the most disgusting expression she could muster up. “Oh my God! You wet the bed?” she blurted out and then she scrambled into her classroom.
I burst into laughter as I walked towards Zach. “Having girl problems lover boy?”
“Thanks a lot genius!” Zach said.
“Anytime my friend. Anytime.” I replied.
After Lauren ran into Mrs. Resnick’s classroom, Zach and I headed to our next class. It was second bell, which meant we had gym. Zach and I loved gym class. Mr. Fenster was our gym teacher and he was the laziest guy ever. Zach and I practically ran the class ourselves while Mr. Fenster watched from the bleachers. He was more interested in searching profiles of women from online dating sites than instructing us on fitness.
“So did you get Lauren’s number?” I chuckled while we changed into our gym clothes.
“How was I supposed to do that after you told her I wet the bed?
“The same way you got her away from me after you told her I was waiting for my girl friend.”
Zach smiled. “Things we’d do to win a girl’s heart. So may the best man win!” Zach said.
#Zach was so sure of himself. But I created the blueprint of “How to Win a Girl’s Heart,” so in my mind he’d forever be defeated.
Normally my mom would pick Zach and I up after school, but for some odd reason my dad showed up today. He refused to sit in the car like all the other parents did after they parked alongside the curb in front of the school. Instead he met Zach and I a few feet from the exit door of the school. “Hi you guys,” ready to hang out with the big dawg?” he said. I couldn’t believe how hip he was trying to sound. He also used hand motions so he could look cool while he was talking.
#Talk about shear embarrassment. All the kids from my school turned around and looked straight at him. I swear I wanted to turn around and walk right back in school.
Conveniently Zach found my dad to be very funny. He cracked up with laughter. “Hey Dillon, think we can get your dad to take us to Hooters?”
I punched Zach in his arm and stormed down the steps of the school. Zach followed with my dad in tow. “Hey, wait for me.” Zach yelled.
As I approached my dad’s car, I bumped into the new girl Lauren and accidently knocked her books out of her hands. I scrambled to pick her things up from the ground. I saw my dad through my peripheral vision as he stood on the sidelines. Zach stood there beside him with his arms folded like he was a freaking overseer or something. “I am so sorry.” I apologized to her.
“It’s okay.” She said softly.
After I picked up her things and handed them to her she looked at me and smiled. “Hope your girl friend doesn’t get jealous if she sees me talking to you.” She commented.
“I don’t have a girl friend. My friend only said that so he could get you to himself.”
“Well, in that case, put my number in your phone and text me later.” She insisted.
“Sure, I can do that.” I told her.
After I programed her number into my iPhone, she walked off. I continued on to my dad’s car. He and Zach joined me a few seconds later. “Son, you make me so proud.” My dad commented as he patted me on my shoulders.
“Ahhh Mr. Carmichael that’s so sweet of you to support Dillon on his dating efforts. But I’m the one who schools him on how to be cool. So remind me to have my secretary to forward you a bill for my services.”
I ignored Zach’s claims about how he taught me to be cool. I was more focused on what I would say to Lauren later when I start texting her.
Chapter Six – Zach
My brother Matt and his friends were all huddled around his laptop drooling over Dillon’s sister Julie again. Like clockwork she logged onto Skype and performed in her birthday suit for everyone to see. Usually I’d be hiding underneath my brother’s bed. But since I was helping my mom put away the groceries she had just bought in from the supermarket I lost track of time and I settled for the next best thing, and that was a nosebleed seat at my brother’s bedroom door with it slightly ajar.
#What’s wrong if I wanna get a sneak peak too?
Three minutes into the show my knees started aching. It felt like I had the knees of a sixty-five-year-old man. So, while I was trying to find a better seating position my mother snuck up behind me and blew my cover. “Zach what are you doing peaking into your brother’s room?” she asked.
# Can you believe it? My mother threw me underneath the bus!
I stood up on my feet while my brother and his friends all turned around to see what was going on. “Matt, it looks like your little brother is a perve!” one of his friends said and chuckled.
My mom pushed my brother’s bedroom door open. “Matt what is going on in here? And why is Zach peaking into your room? She asked.
My brother Matt minimized the Skype window on his laptop before our mother saw what we were watching. “Mom, I don’t know. Ask him.” Matt insisted.
My mother turned towards me. As a matter of fact, everyone including my brother Matt turned their attention towards me. It felt like I was in the hot seat. And it wasn’t a good feeling at all.
I thought for a moment because I knew I couldn’t blow the whistle on Matt. He’d kill me. So, I made up a lie about how I was eavesdropping on Matt and his friends’ conversation about how they hook up with girls. Unfortunately for me, my mother didn’t buy it. She knew I didn’t respect Matt or his friends for that matter. And she knew I thought his pick-lines to girls were whack and corny.
She stood there with her arms folded so I dug back into my bag of lies and came up with something far more convincing. “Okay, the real reason why I was peaking into Matt’s room was because I was going to play a prank on them.”
My mom looked at me and then she turned and looked at Matt. I knew it was hard for her to believe anything that came out of my mouth. But she was gonna have to take one for the team this time. “All right, you guys. You better behave. And Matt you need to clean up this room. It looks like you’re sleeping in a land field ” She commented and then she left.
“Okay, mom.” Matt said.
Soon after our mother left, Matt and his friends gave me the evil eye. “You know if you would’ve blown my cover I would’ve killed you right?” Matt warned me.
“Let’s just say you owe me one.” I smiled.
Matt knew I had a smoking gun. So, he’d better tread lightly or he’s going down.
#It isn’t fun when the rabbit got the gun!
Matt and his friends logged back on to Julie’s peep show. But I was ejected from the room and he even locked the door after my departure. Talk about a major let down.