The Last Letter

by Rebecca Yarros

  “You’re positive you can handle the desk?”

  I gave her a grin and winked. “I’ve got this.” And I did. Maybe Ella and the kids were the only ones I really connected with, but I’d come a long way with the general public in the last four months.

  Hailey grabbed Ella’s hand and pulled her out of the house, sputtering, stunned face and all.

  I made a mental note to wink at the woman more often.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Ella

  Letter #4

  Ella,

  Your kids are awesome. Seriously. I guess laughing probably isn’t the right reaction to that story, but come on. That kid got his butt kicked by not just one but both of your kids. You’re raising a couple badasses. Sorry, but that’s actually the best word to describe them after that story.

  As for kids of my own? Not sure that’s in the cards for me. Not because I don’t like kids. I honestly do. They’re brutally honest, which is a trait usually lost by adulthood. But, I wouldn’t know the first thing about being a dad, since I didn’t have one. Maybe that’s a good thing, since I don’t have a bad example of fatherhood, either, but really, the only examples of dads I have in my life came from television.

  I’d be too scared I’d screw up a kid.

  But if I knew what I was doing? Yeah, kids would be great. I’ve never been the guy with the toss-the-football fantasy, but I could definitely picture something like that. I honestly don’t think about it, or anything in the future, really. When you want something, or have a dream, you have something to lose. I’m not a fan of being put in the position to lose anything. Not to say that I’m not a little reckless, but only with myself and the things I can control.

  It’s wanting something that gets you into trouble. Wanting makes you discontent, when I need to be grateful for what I do have. I learned that lesson young. I like to think it makes me a better person—being content with what I have—but I hear your brother talk about you, and your family, and I wonder sometimes if maybe that lack of want is really a small form of cowardice. In that way, you’re much braver than I am. You have the ability to love beyond yourself, to risk your heart every day through your kids.

  I respect that as much as I envy it.

  Also, tell Maisie the next time a guy comes after her, she needs to go for the nuts. Little bullies grow up to be big bullies.

  ~ Chaos

  …

  “He winked at me,” I told Hailey as I tried on the lavender dress. “Winked.”

  I loved the man, was seconds away from sharing my kids with him, and he’d winked at me. Pretty sure I’d hovered on the edge of an orgasm from that alone. Since when did he turn on the charm? And where had that charm been the last four months?

  Broody Beckett, I adored.

  Protective, playful Beckett, I loved.

  But that Beckett who winked and kissed my palm? Yeah, I was lucky I hadn’t spontaneously combusted and burned down my business.

  “So you’ve told me about a dozen times since we left the house. A few times at the salon, at least once during pedicures, and six or seven times while we were getting waxed. Did you see the ‘these rooms are for the quiet relaxation of others’ sign? Pretty sure we’re never going to be allowed back at that spa.” She flipped through her phone.

  “Whatever. I’ve just never seen that side of him. He was all…”

  “Flirtatious?” she asked, looking up. “Ooh, I like that one. Your boobs look great.”

  I ran my finger along the neckline. “It’s not too much?”

  “Nope. It’s retro hot. You look like a fifties housewife who gets her kink on in the bedroom.”

  I rolled my eyes but moved my hips so the bell of the knee-length dress swished lightly. I loved the halter neck, the sparkly belt that defined my waist, and even the slight plunge of the neckline. Mostly, I relished the feeling I had being in the dress, that I was a woman, curved and soft and freshly pampered.

  “I think I’m going to get it.”

  “Beckett is going to lose his fool mind.” She hopped up and walked around the dressing room pedestal, appraising the lines of the dress. “Yep. This is going to end up on the bedroom floor.”

  “Sure it will. Mine.”

  “Seriously?” Hailey popped a hip and shot me a more than exasperated look.

  “He’s afraid that being more than…whatever we are, would potentially screw us in the long term, and with the kids involved, and the Ryan stuff…” I shrugged.

  “So walk into his room naked. That’ll change his mind.”

  “Are you out of your mind? Why would I do that? I’ve had sex with one guy, Hailey. One. And that was seven years ago. To tell you the truth, it didn’t exactly ring my bell.”

  “Because he probably didn’t know where to find your bell.”

  I shook my head and smoothed the soft purple fabric beneath my newly manicured fingers. “It doesn’t matter. Beckett isn’t interested in me like that, and quite frankly, I shouldn’t even be having this discussion. I have bigger issues to worry about.”

  I stepped off the podium and headed for the dressing room, leaving Hailey outside.

  “He hasn’t slept with anyone since he’s been here, did you know that?” she asked through the slats in the door.

  “What? How would you even know something like that?” I slipped off the dress and draped it on the hanger carefully.

  “Because it’s a small town, nitwit. Everyone talks, and Beckett is very gossip-worthy. Speculation is he’s either gay or interested elsewhere…”

  “I can tell you for certain he’s not gay.” I’d felt every delicious inch of him against me earlier, saw the way his muscles tensed when he pulled away.

  “Duh. He’s not sleeping around because he wants you. Trust me, if I saw an opening there, I’d be all over that. I honestly don’t know how you haven’t just climbed on top of him and—”

  “Because he told me no!” I flushed, thinking of our little failed moment on the couch. “Honestly. He told me no. His loyalty to Ryan trumps everything else.”

  “Ella?”

  “What?” I said, grabbing my shirt.

  “You didn’t take the dress off, right? Because you’re supposed to meet him at the courthouse in like ten minutes.”

  I grabbed my phone, swiping the screen to see the time. “Shit,” I muttered.

  “Put these on, too.” She dropped a pair of black heels and a silver shrug over the door. “Come on, unless you want to be naked at the courthouse. And while, yes, I do think that would accomplish the sex mission, I do think it might interfere with the adoption mission.”

  I dressed quickly and walked out of the dressing room.

  “Turn,” Hailey ordered, and when I did so, she snapped the tag off the back, already holding a shoebox and another set of tags. “Come on!”

  With an armful of my own clothes, we walked up to the register.

  “She’s wearing all this.” Hailey dropped the tags and box on the counter.

  The teenage boy looked me over and smiled. “I can see that.”

  “But not for long,” Hailey added with a little wink.

  Seriously, what’s with the winking today?

  Hailey paid using Beckett’s credit card, and I felt that same flash of guilt I had at the salon. But I didn’t have time to focus on it as we raced for the courthouse.

  Beckett stood outside in a perfectly tailored suit, his hair styled in sexy disarray. When he saw me, he smiled slow and wide, taking the time to drag his eyes from my polished toes to the soft waves of blond that fell to just beneath my breasts. He finally met my eyes and visibly swallowed.

  “Wow.”

  “Four thirty-one, and she’s all yours!” Hailey declared, handing Beckett his credit card.

  “Thanks, Hailey.” He tucked the card inside his breas
t pocket.

  “What do you say, Ella MacKenzie? Want to make me a dad?” He offered his arm, and my heart fluttered like the thousand butterflies that had taken up residence in my stomach.

  “You could definitely go for that later,” Hailey whispered as I walked by, but I just shot her a little glare and turned my attention to Beckett.

  Then I forgot all about Hailey and took his arm.

  He smelled incredible and, as he opened the door for me, I leaned in to take a deeper breath. It was like the guy rubbed himself in new leather and wind and really yummy things. Whatever it was, it absolutely worked for him.

  We walked through the foyer, and I paused at the sweeping staircase.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, his tone gentle.

  “The last time I was in this courthouse, I walked out married to Jeff. And as wrong as that decision was, I can’t regret it, because it gave me the twins. It led me to this moment. To you.”

  His grip tightened on my hand, and his attention flickered to my lips.

  Kiss me.

  “There you two are!” Mark called from the head of the stairs. “Let’s get this show started, shall we?”

  “Shall we?” Beckett asked, his voice low and rough.

  “Yes. Let’s.”

  A half hour later, we walked out of the courthouse with a piece of paper that said Beckett was now Maisie and Colt’s father.

  I knew it was only to protect Maisie, to give her the very best shot she had at beating the disease, but the moment we’d both signed, it felt more significant than a business transaction.

  A tiny but undeniable flame of hope had flared in my heart that it wasn’t just on paper—it was real.

  My kids were now Beckett’s, too.

  And I was head over heels in love with him.

  …

  “I hate him!” I swore as I slammed my front door four hours later. Beckett’s headlights faded as he headed back to his cabin.

  “Hate who?” Ada asked, coming out of the kitchen.

  “Beckett is my guess,” Larry said from the mudroom floor, where he was repairing Maisie’s dollhouse.

  “Yes, Beckett!” I snapped. “Oh, thanks, Larry. I really appreciate that.”

  “Did the adoption not go well?” Ada asked quietly, pulling me into the office.

  “No, it was great. The whole night was perfect! He took me to dinner and ordered wine, and then took me up the gondola to the Village for one of those little open-air concerts and danced with me. The man danced with me! And then he brought me home, walked me to the door, and hugged me. He hugged me good night.”

  The worry fell right off her face, and she sighed with a soft smile. “Oh, Ella. You’ve gone and fallen in love with him, haven’t you?”

  “He hugged me!”

  “Not that I blame you. He’s a good man; he really is. He’s spectacular with the kids, and kind, and dependable, and really easy to look at. Add in his knight-in-shining-armor complex, and you were bound to fall for him.” She took my hands.

  “He hugged me,” I whispered.

  “What are you going to do about it?”

  “Nothing. He’s already made it clear that’s off the table, and I can’t blame him. I’m not exactly baggage free, you know. Two kids, one who is sick, a business to run, huge trust issues. I’m not really what someone like him would look for.”

  “And what exactly is he like?”

  “Pretty perfect.”

  Ada sighed and dropped my hands. “Okay, well, you feel free to stay in here and pout. But just in case you feel like acting your age and doing something spontaneous, Larry and I are taking the guest room for the night. So we’ll be here. All night. And into the morning. You know…just in case.”

  “I do act my age.”

  “Oh, honey, you don’t, and you never have. You’re not old, not damaged, not a dried-up spinster. You’re twenty-five. So yeah. I’m going to bed.”

  I stood in my office, unwilling to move but also unready to take off my heels. That felt a little too much like defeat.

  YOU ARE ENOUGH.

  I stared at Chaos’s words, chanting them in my head. He was right. I was enough, and I was done being a passive participant in whatever my relationship was with Beckett.

  Glancing at Maisie’s handmade diploma, my eyes lingered on Beckett’s choppy handwriting. What was it with military guys and their worse-than-doctor handwriting? His was just as bad as Chaos’s, and that was saying something.

  I’d lost Chaos before I could act on my feelings, and I wasn’t going to make the same mistake with Beckett.

  I left my office, snatched my keys off the entry table, and walked out. I could have sworn I heard an “attagirl,” coming from the guest room window as I climbed into my car, but when I looked back, the room was dark.

  “You are enough,” I mumbled to myself the entire time I drove to Beckett’s cabin. His lights were on, so at least I wasn’t waking the man up. I parked the car, and then I swallowed back the slight taste of panic that flooded my mouth, straightening my back as I walked up his steps.

  Knock. Knock. Knock.

  I set my knuckles to the door before I could chicken out, but in the precious seconds it took for Beckett to answer, I started to grow some very chicken-like feathers around my heart.

  “Ella?” he answered, flinging the door open wide. He was still in his suit, but he’d loosened his tie and unbuttoned the top button at his throat, revealing a small section of skin that I was suddenly desperate to kiss. “Is everything okay? Is it Maisie?”

  “Maisie’s fine,” I told him, both annoyed and loving him more because he thought of her first.

  “Oh good. What’s going on? Come on in.” He stepped aside, and I walked into the cabin, heading down the hallway. Where before it had been cold and impersonal, now it had pictures that Colt and Maisie had drawn hanging in various places, like those I found myself staring at on his fridge as I wandered into the kitchen. He’d adapted his “neat and orderly” and let us “complicate” the very space he lived in. Silly, but the pictures calmed a tiny bit of my rampant fear that Beckett would disappear one day.

  “Do you want a drink?” he asked slowly.

  “No.” I spun around to find him leaned back against the counter. He’d ditched the suit coat on our walk in. “You took me on a date.”

  “Yes.” He gave me a sexy little smile as he unbuttoned the cuffs of his shirt, and I wanted to kick him.

  “You took me on a date. Dinner, dancing, romantic little walk. Then you took me to my door and hugged me. Like I’m your sister.” I stalked forward, and his expression changed, a look of hunger flashing before he got it under control.

  “I did. Guilty on all counts.”

  “I’m not your sister, Beckett.”

  “I’ve noticed.” He sucked in a deep breath and put his hands on the counter, his knuckles turning instantly white.

  I brought myself flush against him, nearly groaning at the press of his hard muscles under my fingers as I rested my hands on his chest.

  “Well, maybe dates have changed in the last seven or so years, but in my limited experience, they end with a kiss.” I rose up on my tiptoes until my mouth hovered just under his.

  “Ella.” He said my name like a plea, but for what? To give us what we both wanted? For me to back away and leave him to sleep with his honor?

  “Tell me what you want. Because I want to kiss you. Even if it’s just this once.” I closed the tiny gap between our mouths and brushed my lips over his. How could a man that hard have such soft lips?

  His body turned to stone against mine, every muscle locked. Under my fingertips, his heart started to pound.

  Growing bolder, I kissed him softly, lingering on his bottom lip. Then I retreated just enough to look into his eyes. The rest of him might be a statue, but t
hose eyes said everything he wouldn’t, and he was a second away from—

  His mouth slammed against mine, and the rest of him came alive. One of his hands tunneled through the back of my hair while the other wrapped around my waist and tugged me even closer.

  I opened under him, and his tongue swept inside, taking, consuming, learning every line of my mouth. A moan slipped from my lips, and I buried my hands in his hair, tugging gently at the short strands.

  Then I kissed him back like I’d been dreaming about for months.

  Our mouths tangled, the kiss tasting sweet, like the wine we’d finished after our dance, and just as intoxicating. He sucked my tongue into his mouth, and I eagerly rubbed against his, stroking and caressing. Good God, the man knew what he was doing.

  My entire world existed in this kiss, in the feel of Beckett’s arms around me.

  He switched the tempo, gently sucking at my bottom lip before tilting his head and kissing me deeper until I became nothing but need. Heat rushed through my veins, bringing me to life, a euphoric variation of the tingles in my limbs after they’d fallen asleep and were brought back to feeling.

  “God, Ella,” he groaned, his fingers tight in my hair.

  “Yes,” I urged, loving everything about this. He curved his body over mine, then lifted me by my ass and spun, setting me on the counter. Then he used both hands to hold my head and kissed me until I couldn’t remember my own name—only that I belonged to him.

  My fingers ran along his neck, until I had ahold of his tie from underneath, curling my fingers through the space where he’d loosened the knot.

  “I could kiss you forever,” he said against my mouth.

  “I’m okay with that.”

  He smiled, and I couldn’t help but mirror it. Everything about this felt so incredibly right. He brushed back a strand of my hair from my face with a tenderness that made my heart lurch, like it was reaching for him. I love this man. That thought alone sent my need up a notch, until I was aching and restless.

  My sex drive the last seven years had been a broken circuit, and suddenly the lights were coming back on, as Beckett flipped switch after switch.