Every Other Weekend

by Jaxson Kidman

  “It’s been a long time, Ramsey.”

  “I know.”

  “That’s really all you say anymore… ‘I know.’”

  “What do you want me to say right now? I’m just here. I’m being here.”

  “What about the past? The future? Just… everything.”

  “I don’t like thinking about the past. I’m just glad it’s gone.”

  “You wouldn’t have met me without your past.”

  “I never said I wanted to erase my past. I’m just glad it’s there. In the past.”

  “And the future?”

  “I’m just trying to get through these days now. Look, I really fucked up when I was younger, okay? I ruined their lives. I did so much stuff to them… the least I can do now is pay it all back with the company.”

  “You should get more. You know it too.”

  “That’s a line I can’t let you cross.”

  “Well, if there’s a future here, then that’s where it starts. You have to take charge of your life. You can’t keep weighing yourself down with stuff that happened. It’s only right and fair. And this… this is our future. I know it, Ramsey. Tell me you know it too.”

  I took a deep breath as the rest of the words faded away.

  I reached for my phone and debated on sending Jordyn a text message.

  That felt stupid to do.

  So, I called her.

  I really wished I would have just gone to see her.

  “Morning to you,” she said, almost purring.

  I could feel her burning through the phone, thinking about last night still.

  She made me smile as I stood at the end of the porch, staring off to a large tree that was decorated with red, orange, yellow, and brown.

  “How did you sleep, darling?”

  “Great. I mean, it would have been better if you had stayed.”

  “Yeah. I know. I didn’t want to mess things up too much.”

  “You didn’t mess anything up, Rams. I meant what I said when I said I needed a night like that.”

  “Good. How’s everything else?”

  “You mean Sam?”

  “Yeah.”

  She took a deep breath. “I swore to myself I would never let someone in. Or close enough to get in. You always ask about him though, Rams. You always show care and respect. I’m not used to that.”

  “Well, I imagine it’s a tough road for him too,” I said. “And I’m not going to get in the way of that.”

  “But you did,” Jordyn said. “In a good way. You saved me last night.”

  “Saved you?”

  “I probably would have just lost myself for the entire night. There’s something going on with Keith and there’s not much I can do about it. I just worry about Sam being happy.”

  “You’re doing fine,” I said. “Believe me. He’s a kid. He only knows what he sees. It’ll matter more when he’s older.”

  “How do you know how to say the right things?”

  “I’m the last person who says the right things,” I said.

  “That’s a lie. You’re good at it, Rams.”

  There was an awkward silence between us.

  “I’m at work right now,” I said. “I came over to a job site. I’m going to be here for a little bit.”

  “That sounds like fun. I woke up to a message from Alison saying she needs me to work tonight.”

  “Tonight, huh?”

  “Yeah. I’m thinking I’ll take my turn to tell her to screw off. Like she does to me all the time at the last minute.”

  I leaned against the railing and gritted my teeth. “You need to work tonight. Don’t mess that up.”

  “What? I thought we…”

  “Darling, you can’t do that to yourself. Or your son. Not for me.”

  “It’s not a big deal,” she said. “I would rather be with you anyway.”

  I shut my eyes. “That’s amazing to hear, darling. But we were supposed to keep this… I don’t know…”

  “Keep it what, Rams? It’s the weekend. Right?”

  “Jordyn…”

  “Or is it because you got what you wanted? You found a way to sneak in and get into my bed?”

  “Dammit, that’s not it at all,” I snapped. “Don’t ever suggest that.”

  “Why not? You waited for a weak moment and attacked.”

  “Attacked? You think I planned my attack? On a single mom struggling to get by who protects her son? Yeah, that’s what I want in life.”

  Jordyn gasped.

  I put my head back and realized what I had said.

  “Jordyn…”

  “No, you’re right about everything,” she said. “I don’t know what you’re trying to do then, Rams. You just do whatever you want, right? You decided to check on me last night. And I let you in. That’s my fault.”

  “Darling, we both let each other in last night.”

  “It doesn’t matter now, does it? You have work. I have work. Then it’ll be a new week. So, you’re off the hook. For two weeks. Enjoy yourself.”

  “That’s not what I’m saying I want, Jordyn. Not at all.”

  “Then what are you saying?”

  “You don’t know everything about me,” I said.

  “Then talk. I’m listening.”

  “I’m at work. I can’t talk.”

  “Right.”

  “I didn’t call to upset you.”

  “That’s another lie. You knew what you were calling for.”

  “Maybe I did. Fine. It’s not what you think. It’s not as easy as you think.”

  “What? What isn’t easy?”

  “Nothing,” I said. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

  “I’ll be the judge of that. In case you haven’t realized it, my life might be a fucking mess, Rams, but I’m the one who runs it.”

  “Trust me, I know,” I said. “I have to go, Jordyn. Last night meant something to me.”

  “I can tell,” she said. “Have a good rest of your weekend.”

  The call was gone.

  I slowly slid the phone into my pocket and I gripped my hands tight on the railing on the porch. I swallowed hard. In the background I heard music echoing from inside the house. There was the occasional sound of hammering or muffled conversation between Ed and Chris.

  I just stood there.

  Jordyn had a life she thought was a mess, and I didn’t want to add to that. I didn’t want to fall in love with her. I didn’t want to meet her son. Only because I didn’t want to hurt anyone.

  Last time I got close to someone, I ended up in a tux, promising a forever I knew nothing about.

  15

  All About Chocolate

  Jordyn

  The event was a wedding and that only meant that Ramsey was fresh in my mind the entire night. Which was crazy to even tie Ramsey to the thought of a wedding. I still wasn’t exactly sure what had happened over the phone with him. There had been other times in my life when a date turned into nothing more than a one-night fling. Which was, in all honesty, fitting for my personal life. But I never let someone come back to my house. I never let anyone inside. I never let anyone take me in my own bed.

  And I never asked someone to stay.

  I wanted to know what was holding him back, but in a way the truth worried me. Ramsey would have to live second to Sam. Nothing could take away the importance of Sam in my life or where our life was going.

  Maybe Ramsey knew that. Maybe he didn’t want to put himself in the middle… or put me in the middle…

  “Hey, are you alive or what?”

  Marie nudged my elbow as she walked by with a large tray of leftover food.

  I blinked fast. “Sorry. I’m just tired.”

  “We all are,” she called out as she kicked open the kitchen door.

  The music was gone now. The stage empty from the DJ. Just a house drum set tucked away in a corner in pieces. The dance floor was empty too, where just an hour ago, everyone had been there, dancing, jumping, singing,
wishing the new bride and groom the happiest of forevers.

  It was myself, Marie, Alison, and three other girls working the wedding. The three other girls were teenagers and were told to go home at eleven. That meant the bulk of the cleanup was left for the rest of us. This whole thing was what I did best. And I was good at it. But in some ways, it was like a knife in my heart. I had my own small catering business at one time in my life. And I was good at it. It worked. That business went to the wayside when I decided to leave Keith.

  I checked my phone and there were no calls or texts.

  That was a good sign. That meant Sam was enjoying himself. Even if it did sting a little that Sam didn’t want to talk to me.

  I rolled up all of the tablecloths and took them into the kitchen to be cleaned.

  The three of us moved like a machine.

  When we finished up for the night, Alison handed out the money and told Marie and I to leave. She was going to finish up the paperwork and important stuff that had nothing to do with us.

  Outside, Marie lit up a cigarette and hugged herself. She took a drag and exhaled. “Getting colder.”

  “It’ll keep getting colder,” I said.

  “Can’t believe Halloween is next week.”

  “Just wait,” I said. “You know the day after Halloween officially starts Christmas season.”

  “Make me gag,” Marie said. “I have three kids to shop for and no help.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “This time of the year can get stressful.”

  “Yeah. And it’s always played off as such a happy and fun time. Screw that. Bury yourself in debt for one stupid day.”

  “Well, make sure you get as many shifts as you can here,” I said.

  “I’ll be fine,” Marie said. She took another drag. “I’m just bitching. He leaves me for someone else. Refuses to see his kids. But this new woman has a son. Then I see pictures of him with this kid, fishing. Because we had three girls, that’s my fault?”

  “That’s terrible, Marie,” I said. “He sounds like an ass.”

  “Just like yours, huh?”

  “I think we both got screwed in that department.”

  “You were smart enough to stop after one kid,” she said. “I kept going. Thinking he was going to change. Thinking a family would fix things.”

  “You love your kids though.”

  “Of course I do. I just feel bad for the life they have.”

  “Don’t,” I said. “As long as you show them love, that’s what they’ll remember.”

  “How sweet. You must be all caught up in the wedding high.” Marie winked at me.

  “Stop. I focused on work.”

  “No, you didn’t. I’ve never seen you so distracted, Jordyn. You were locked onto that bride and groom like you knew the guy. Wait, did you know him?”

  “The groom? No. No clue who they were.”

  “Okay. The way you were staring…”

  I bit my lip for a second. “I’ve just had stuff going on.”

  “A guy?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Good for you.”

  “Not really. It’s not the easiest thing. Single mom.”

  “Try having three kids.”

  “How do you do it?”

  “I don’t,” Marie said. “I manage when I can. I keep it clear of all situations and that’s that.”

  “So, one-night dates and nothing else?”

  “I manage when I can,” she said again with a grin.

  That didn’t help me much. Not that it was supposed to.

  This wasn’t anyone else’s business but my own. And Ramsey’s. Then again, was it even that? He was some good-looking guy that bailed me out one night at a bar. Where did I think that was going to actually lead?

  “I’m heading home,” I said. “To get some sleep and enjoy Sunday before Sam gets back from Keith’s.”

  “Enjoy. Call your boy toy for a little fun.”

  “Sorry I said anything,” I said as I walked away.

  Ramsey wasn’t a boy toy to me. That wasn’t something I wanted in my life. And if I did, there were ways for that to happen.

  I drove home to my empty house and realized something scary.

  I was missing Sam like I always did… but I was also missing Ramsey.

  Sam came charging up the steps and stuck his thumb up in the air. “Look, Mom!”

  I saw an adult sized band-aid wrapped around his thumb, looking awkward and bulky.

  “What happened?” I asked.

  “I cut my thumb off carving the pumpkin with Dad!”

  Sam was excited.

  Me, not so much.

  I looked out to the curb and saw Keith sitting in his car.

  I pointed to my thumb and shrugged my shoulders.

  Keith waved at me.

  I shook my head.

  He waved for me to come to him.

  My blood was already starting to boil.

  God forbid he got out of his car and walked his son to the door. Or came to talk to me. Amazing how you’d think I did something horribly wrong to him when he was the one who self-destructed and pushed everyone in his life away.

  “I’ll be right back, Sammy,” I said.

  I didn’t have a coat on, so I rubbed my arms as I walked toward Keith’s car.

  “Let me have it,” he said as I approached.

  “Have what?”

  “The third degree, Jordyn. He cut his finger. I’m the worst father in the world.”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “You’re thinking it.”

  “What happened?”

  “He cut his finger while we were carving the pumpkin.”

  “You let him carve the pumpkin?”

  “Is that a problem?”

  “No,” I said, swallowing back my annoyance. “Thanks for patching him up.”

  “It’s not that bad of a cut. I don’t have kid bandages at home. I’ll have to pick some up.”

  I cringed.

  How many times did I ask him if he was prepared for Sam? Meaning stuff like bandages, medicine in case he had a fever or something. You know, the normal kid stuff a decent parent would have just in case. But Keith didn’t do just in case. Ever.

  “I’m glad he had fun.”

  “Yeah. I mean, the pumpkin looks like hell.”

  “What?”

  “Let’s just say he’s not going to cut it as an artist,” Keith said with that classic bad boy smile that once did something to my heart.

  “He’s five, Keith. I’m sure he’ll get better at pumpkin carving as he gets older.”

  “Hey, I’m just messing around,” he said. Then in a surprise move, Keith reached for my wrist. “Take a breath.”

  I quickly pulled my hand away.

  What the hell are you doing, Keith?

  “Have a good week,” he said. “Or two.”

  “See you later,” I said.

  Keith drove away as he rolled up the window.

  I took Sam inside and our first stop was to the bathroom to actually look at the cut. My fear was that he should have gotten stitches, but this was just a regular cut. With a fresh band-aid, kid-sized, Sam was good to go.

  I tossed all of his dirty laundry down the basement steps, which I jokingly always called the laundry chute. I took his bag upstairs to his room and paused at the door. There was Sam, on the floor, with a line of cars and trucks, having them talking to each other as though they were preparing to escape from a monster or bad guy. My eyes looked to the dresser. Almost forty-eight hours ago, I was sitting on the floor with my back against it, crying my eyes out. Worried sick about Sam. Feeling too many feelings about life. Only to be saved by a man standing where I was right then.

  I turned my head and looked down the hallway to my bedroom.

  Where everything had gotten so wildly hot.

  I took a deep breath to cool myself down.

  “Mom?”

  My trance was broken as Sam was now right in front of me, reaching
for his bag.

  “Sammy,” I said.

  “Can I have this? I need my toys.”

  “Oh. Sure.”

  I let the bag go and he hurried to unzip it and dump out the toys he took to Keith’s house.

  “Did you have fun this weekend?” I asked.

  “Yeah,” Sam said without looking back.

  “Did you have fun carving the pumpkin?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Do you want to eat fish eyes for dinner?”

  His head snapped back. “What?”

  I smiled. “Just joking. Wasn’t sure if you were listening to me or not.”

  Sam just stared blankly.

  “Have fun, Sammy,” I said. “I’ll cook dinner in a little bit.”

  Downstairs in the kitchen, I looked around and took a deep breath.

  This was home for me.

  This was normal for me.

  And for the moment, I was okay with that.

  Halloween came and went in a blur. The weather was perfect, crisp and cool, leaves on the ground, getting dark a little early, kids flooding the streets looking for candy and snacks. I took Sam out around our neighborhood. If that wasn’t busy enough, they had a Halloween parade at daycare that morning, meaning he got to dress up two times in one day. By the end of the night, he was just happy to be done with his costume for the year.

  We had a tradition that I started because… well, chocolate.

  We’d finish trick or treating by seven and then come home and dump out all the candy on the living room floor. We’d sit there and separate it into several important piles. First up, there was the good chocolate. Then the actual candies. Then a pile of weird stuff we both had no idea what it was. In other words, the cheap stuff that nobody wanted to eat. And finally, the stuff from the few neighbors who had good hearts but bad ideas as they put a few crackers in a baggie to hand out.

  Once that was done, we put the chocolates and candies into two different baggies. Of course, during that time, we both ate enough chocolate that our bellies hurt. That made bedtime fun and it made waking up the next day a little crazy.

  Sam begged to skip daycare, but there was no way I could miss work. Not after darting out to see his Halloween parade. Mike had no kids, so he didn’t understand what all that stuff meant. He would let me leave when I needed, but I would be reminded of it time and time again. There was no favor done at work without repayment of some kind.