Witch Wanted

by Mina Carter

  She opened her mouth to argue that her family weren’t witches. They just pretended to be. Then she realized that argument didn’t hold weight anymore. She was a real witch.

  Well… shit.

  “And furthermore,” Moss was on a roll now, his face practically shining with righteousness and enjoyment. “I intend to bring a charge of fraud against you and your family for the fraudulent use of the historic and revered La Faye name.”

  Two uses of the word “fraud”… What century had this guy been born in? She half expected him to pull “cad” out of the bag.

  A small growl caught both their attention and Moss turned. A big, broad-shouldered figure stood in the doorway. For a moment Livvy’s breath caught in her throat, but it wasn’t Brock come to her rescue. It was his deputy, Mackenzie, Fuzzy at his heels.

  “Dafuq?” he growled, dark eyes settling on Moss. “You got issues with this…” the big bear’s gaze raked down the agent’s thin frame. “… jumped up beanpole, Mistress Livvy? Want me to remove him for ya?”

  He hooked his thumbs into his belt, his badge prominently displayed. Unlike Brock, he didn’t wear a gun, but then, Livvy was never sure if he wasn’t half in his bear form most of the time. She’d never seen a guy so big in her life.

  “You can’t do that! I am an agent of the law!” Moss squeaked, backing off a few steps from the doorway, a worried expression in his eyes as he looked at Mackenzie. “I am on official business. As a law-enforcement officer, you should be helping me, not hindering me! I demand you arrest this woman for fraud!” he spat, pointing at Livvy.

  “Fraud?” Mackenzie asked, a frown between his shaggy brows. “Why, what she do?” Then he shook his head. “Nah… it’ll have to wait. We got a situation that needs a witch.”

  He ignored Moss’s spluttering to look directly at Livvy. “Found Brock’s truck still at the end of your road. I think the pumpkins took him.”

  She blinked. “Pumpkins?”

  “Aye.”

  “Pumpkins as in vegetable patch pumpkins?”

  “Aye. Round orange bastards. They’ve been snatching people all over town,” the usually less than chatty bear deputy replied. “Now they’ve got Brock, so we need to go. Now.”

  “We’re going nowhere!” Moss was almost purple with rage at being ignored. “Arrest this woman, NOW, deputy, or I’ll have your job.”

  “Let’s all calm down a little. Shall we?” Livvy got between the two. “Much as I’d like to see a bear eat you—in a totally not good way, Agent Moss—we have a serious situation here. Let’s have a nice cup of tea before we get down to business. Shall we?”

  Mac blinked at her like she was losing her mind. Moss harrumphed, actually harrumphed, looking smug.

  “Glad to see you haven’t lost all sensibilities, Miss La Faye.”

  She nodded. “If you would do the honors, Agent Moss. The servants will bring us tea if you’d like to take a seat?”

  Stepping toward the table, she indicated the chairs that had appeared around its scarred surface.

  “Indeed,” Moss stepped toward the table, looking around. “I say, you lot there in the shadows. Three cups of tea, and make it snappy! I haven’t got all day here!” he snapped imperiously.

  Mac raised an eyebrow as Livvy stepped back toward the door, motioning to him, but he didn’t have to wait long to find out. A buzz like the screeching of hornets filled the room as the servants, pissed off at being directly ordered about so rudely, reacted.

  “I say… what’s that noise?” Moss looked around, a frown on his face.

  Then the servants attacked.

  The agent was grabbed and thrown into the nearest chair. Invisible hands held him down as a tea-service appeared on the table. The kettle simmered angrily, steam escaping from its spout and the sugar cubes in the dish clinked menacingly. As Livvy backed up out the door, closing it behind her, the teacups were advancing on the bound man.

  The door clicked shut and she caught Mac looking at her with a mixture of respect and wariness in his eyes.

  “Nice move. How the hell did you know he’d want a drink though?” the big bear asked.

  Livvy shrugged. “He’s an arsehole but he’s also English. And no Englishman would turn down a nice cup of tea. It would be rude, and likely genetically impossible.”

  She reached down and picked up Fuzzy. “Good boy,” she told him, scratching the ecstatic familiar behind the ears. “Now, let’s go and kick some pumpkin arse. Shall we?”

  “Yesyesyes!”

  13

  “... and the spell located the source of the problem at the reservoir,” Livvy said.

  She’d filled Mac in about her research into the sunflower issue as he drove them toward Dinglecock. Her mind still wanted to snigger over the name. What was it with this town and dirty-sounding names? It was like a teenage boy had been let loose in the state planning department or something.

  Mac nodded, handling the big truck with ease. “Largish body of water. Something could be hiding in it for sure. Big enough. Brock and I were convinced as kids that Nessie lived there.”

  “Nessie as in the Loch Ness Monster?” Her lips quirked slightly. “You realize that was a myth made up to increase tourism in the area, right?”

  Mac slid her an offended look. “Nessie is not a myth. We’ve seen her. Admittedly, it was a dark night and it was raining, but we’ve seen her.”

  “Riiiiiight,” she drawled absently, her mind running through a list of water-born nasties for anything that might give her a hint of what they were facing.

  Sirens or mermaids maybe? She frowned. Nope, there had been no reports of singing or other fishy goings-on. Perhaps a rusalka? Shit. She hoped not. She’d already had to deal with one obnoxious little MI:18 agent today. She didn’t fancy tangling with a demon too. Especially a succubi-based one like a rusalka.

  Although... she could always feed Moss to it and hope the eighteen agent choked the demon. Two birds with one stone. Wouldn’t that be awesome?

  “Of course,” Mac was still talking. She forced herself to listen with half an ear. “It was enlarged recently as well.”

  That got her attention, a frown creasing at the new snippet of information. “It was? Why?”

  The bear deputy shrugged. “Some eco-warrior on the town council got all preachy about global warming. Cody Travers, his name is. Keeps telling us we need to conserve water and all that crap. To hear him talk we should all only have a bath once a week in rainwater we collected ourselves.”

  He wrinkled his nose. “He certainly smells like he takes his own advice. That’s for sure.”

  She made a small sound of sympathy. All Shifters had an excellent sense of smell, so dealing with the great unwashed would be a trial for them.

  Treating him to a direct look, she asked, “So it was enlarged to collect more rainwater then?”

  “Yeah.”

  He made a left turn. She put a hand out automatically to stop Fuzzy from sliding across the bench-seat and ending up in the floorboard again.

  “And the waste water from the town. He got funding for a processing plant and everything.”

  She froze, hand on Fuzzy’s fur. The little dog was wriggling as she stroked him. “I beg your pardon?”

  He slid her a glance and grinned. “Why? What you done?”

  Lips pressed together, she shook her head. “It’s a figure of speech, that’s all. Run that last by me again? A processing plant? A normal one or magical?”

  She’d seen nothing in Briony’s records for any spell work for a water cleansing plant but perhaps she hadn’t dealt with it. This Cody Travers could be a warlock himself. Yes, she was the town witch but that didn’t mean she was the only witch in town.

  “Magical processing?” Mac sounded confused. “Why would we need that? It’s just a normal one.”

  Fucking hell. She couldn’t believe this. “You’re kidding me, right? You guys didn’t know you need to cleanse used water?”

  “Why? It’s just d
irt.”

  The lake came into view and she couldn’t suppress a shiver at the sight of the large, dark mass. All that negatively charged water... It even glinted malevolently in the sunlight. If people were using it and it hadn’t been cleansed properly... no wonder they were getting some... side effects.

  “When you wash something, you cleanse it metaphysically as well. Water’s one of the most powerful magical elements. It picks up bad juju as well. You need to remove the negative shit as well as the actual dirt and germs.” She looked at the lake and her lips pressed together for a second. “If you don’t and you store it, the bad juju builds... and we get things like killer sunflowers and pumpkins.”

  “So... clean the water and plants don’t try and kill us. Got it.” Mac’s jaw tightened and he put his foot down. The truck lurched and sped up. “Best we get you to that lake so you can get this metalogical shit out of it.”

  “Metaphysical.”

  “Yeah. That too,” the big bear said as they took the next corner on two wheels. Livvy bit back her squeak, clinging to the “oh shit” handle.

  “Getting us there alive would be a bloody good idea!” she yelled over the roar of the engine. “I can’t do fuck all to cleanse that lake if you kill us all!”

  “Trust me. I know what I’m doing!” Mac bellowed back.

  “You crazy fucking bear!”

  They arrived at the lakeside in a screech of brakes and a spray of stones. Livvy was out of the truck almost before it had stopped, Fuzzy and Mac on her heels as she raced for the shoreline.

  She reached for her hip flask as she ran, the words of the cleansing spell hurrying to her lips.

  “Negative energy may not stay,

  I relea—”

  SNAP!

  A green vine came out of nowhere and knocked the flask with her sacred water out of her hand. She gasped and spun around. Mac and Fuzzy were behind her, slowly backing up toward her. Behind them was a row of pumpkins.

  Savage grins and eyes were carved in their sides to create crude faces, but instead of the benign welcoming flame from candles, an unholy orange light illuminated them from within. They “walked” on a mass of vines and roots, and one of them waved Livvy’s silver flask overhead like a banner.

  “Oh crap. When you said pumpkins...”

  “Yeah... I meant these evil little bastards,” Mac muttered, flexing his fingers. Claws erupted from the ends, ready to protect them.

  Fuzzy snarled and darted forward, but Livvy caught his collar and lifted him to tuck him under her arm. The dog bristled with rage, struggling against her hold.

  “Not today, fuzz-face,” she told him and then looked at the pumpkins. “I can’t believe I’m saying this but take me to your leader.”

  “Wha...?” Her familiar and the bear looked around at her in surprise. Even the pumpkins seemed a little shocked.

  “Figures these are the foot soldiers,” she whispered back as the pumpkins surrounded them, hefting them aloft in green vines and cackling madly as they carried the trio off. “We need the epicenter of the bad juju.”

  Mac snarled at the vines wrapped around him but kept his claws to himself. “I hope you’re right about that, witch. ‘Cause otherwise we are in deep shit.”

  She nodded, really hoping she was right, yet she didn’t say it. A witch had to look like she knew what she was doing. Otherwise people lost confidence. And since she was the last line of defense against this sort of crap, she needed every ounce of confidence she could get.

  The pumpkins didn’t take them far, just around the water’s edge to what looked like an old boating shed. The place was overgrown, brambles and ivy covering the structure. As they approached, two vines pulled the doors open for them and they were swept in by the tide of cackling orange assholes beneath them.

  “Well, well... more guests!” a warbling voice announced.

  Livvy frowned, squinting into the darkness as she tried to make her eyes work after the brightness of the sunlight outside. What she saw when she could focus made her blink and wonder if she was actually seeing right.

  “Livvy! No!” a familiar deep voice roared.

  Brock and two kids were wrapped up in vines, lying on the floor. The big sheriff struggled against his bonds, looking at her with concern. Next to him was Agent Moss and a woman Livvy didn’t recognize, both imprisoned in the same way.

  “I am an agent of the crown! I demand you release me immediately!” he spat, not at Livvy but at something in front of him. She looked that way.

  They were all laid out in a neat little line in front of... a waterspout. It wasn’t that impressive. It was small and fat, barely half the height of a man.

  Waterspouts rarely had faces, though, or eyes that shone bright orange. The hackles didn’t rise on the back of Livvy’s neck and she had to bite back her smile.

  “Awww... how cute!” The words slipped out before she could stop them.

  The waterspout’s eyes flashed dangerously.

  “Cute! I am not cute! I am water of death and destruction and irritation that this show has been interrupted by commercials!” it raged, growing in height all of about six inches.

  “Yeah, okay buddy. You’re scary,” she agreed, wiping the smile off her face. “You outwitted us all... oh no! Whatever will you do with us now?” she gasped dramatically, hand against her chest as the pumpkins deposited her and Fuzzy in front of the Spout of All Evil. They kept hold of Mac, hauling him into line next to Brock and the others.

  “I have outwitted you all!” the spout cackled madly. “And you will all become my servants and do my bidding! I will be a KING amongst men and you my loyal subjects. After a small snack of course...”

  It turned its attention on the row of bound prisoners, water sloshing over their vine-covered feet as it “walked” in front of them.

  “Hickery pickery pease scon...” it muttered, counting as it went. “Where will this young man gang?”

  Her eyes widened. It was picking its lunch!

  She caught Fuzzy’s eyes and saw her fears reflected there. A wind whipped up, rolling through the barn and whispering, “... remember...”

  Livvy closed her eyes as she finally did remember. Scenes flashed before her eyes.

  Three babies in a crib, one wrapped in a purple shawl, one in a red one and one in white. They were sisters, that much was evident. Then they were lifted out by three sets of hands. Three women stood, grim faced as they held their charges.

  “These are the daughters of La Faye,” an unseen voice announced. “They will be reviled and persecuted through time. Take them. Protect them. Let them live their lives without fear until they remember what we have made them forget.”

  The three women nodded and turned, each disappearing through a portal that opened before them. The view changed to that of a woman. She was black haired and beautiful.

  And sad. She smiled, her gaze directed on Livvy.

  “I have sent my daughters out into the world and through time. Each of you carries a part of me. Of my power. One day you will need it, and you will remember me...”

  “No...” she whispered as the vision faded, her mother disappearing back into the mists of myth and time. Tears rolled down her face as she felt the magic bubble up in her soul.

  “HICKERY PICKERY!” the water spout yelled and dragged Brock toward its now huge and fanged maw.

  “Not on my fucking watch,” she hissed, raising hands wreathed in purple flames.

  “Hear me, goddess of light,

  And lend me your might.

  I am a La Faye daughter

  And I call for watery slaughter!”

  Her words were bellowed, echoing around the boathouse. Purple fire erupted from her hands, striking the spout in the middle of its watery body. The pumpkins screamed, trying to throw themselves in the way. Streams of purple hit them and they exploded, pumpkin flesh and seeds splattering everywhere.

  “NOOOOO! I AM DEATH!” the waterspout bellowed, turning toward her, shoving its hands in t
he way of the purple blast and pushing it back.

  Livvy snarled and dug deep, throwing more power into her attack. They struggled that way for long moments, witch against water. But then, slowly, purple began to win. The water was pushed back, the water spout warbling as its hands disappeared into its body. It shrank, its tiny voice still shouting threats of death and dire retribution until it was a little puddle on the ground.

  “Commercials!” it gasped in tiny ripples across the puddle’s surface. Then it moaned and the puddle was flat. All around, the pumpkins stiffened, their faces disappearing until they were nothing more than plants again.

  “Thank fuck for that,” Livvy panted. All she wanted to do was collapse in a heap, but she wasn’t done yet. She staggered to the water’s edge, where boats would be moored when they were stored in here.

  “Fuzzy! The flask!” she cried out, looking over her shoulder.

  Then she gasped as she saw the little dog bending over something silver. Her flask. Crushed by the pumpkins, its contents had spilled out to soak into the dirt floor. Shit... they had no sacred water left. How was she going to cleanse the lake?

  “I gots it! Yesyesyes!” The little dog’s tail wagged so much it skittered sideways as it trotted over to her. “Drank what was left! Needtapee! Yesyesyes!”

  Livvy blinked. She guessed sacred water was still sacred water, even if it was filtered through a pair of canine kidneys.

  “Go for it.” She nodded and put a hand in the water, chanting as Fuzzy squatted.

  “Negative energy may not stay,

  I release it and send it away,

  Negative vibes, I banish thee,

  and by my word, so mote it be.”

  A purple flash raced over the water as she finished the spell and the darkness lifted, the water returning to a sparkling blue.

  “Livvy... sweetheart... Are you okay?”

  Before she could answer, she was scooped up against a broad chest, and the concerned face of her handsome bear sheriff looked down at her. She managed a smile.