A Daughter for Christmas

by Stephanie Dees

  When he rounded the corner toward the cottage, he saw that her twinkle lights were still on and Eve was sitting on the porch swing with a blanket, her hands wrapped around a mug. She’d dragged a small heater outside, too, but it couldn’t be doing much to keep her warm.

  Tanner cleared his throat so he didn’t surprise her, and when he got close enough, he dropped the huge bag onto the porch with a thud. “I was thinking I’d knock on the door to check on you, but here you are.”

  “Here I am. Want to join?” She scooted over from the middle and offered him one side of her blanket. Christmas songs, peaceful and instrumental, drifted out of a small Bluetooth speaker on the table beside her.

  He slid into the place she’d made for him. “You were pretty quiet at lunch.”

  A deep sigh was her only response.

  He went on. “I’m sorry Garrett was so annoying. I think now that he’s married and happy, he’s one of those people who wants everyone to settle down and be happy. He forgets it doesn’t really work that way.”

  “He was being ridiculous. He doesn’t know me. Didn’t he stop and think maybe saying that kind of stuff was not helpful? At all?”

  Tanner hid the smile that came with her heated words. She wasn’t mad that Garrett had tried to make a big deal out of the two of them, which was what Tanner had feared. No, she was mad because she was worried Garrett had upset him.

  “Ugh, I’m sorry. I can’t even stand myself right now. I’m in such a bad mood.” Eve blew her bangs off her forehead. “I was hoping some fresh air and Christmas ambience would help, but so far, no luck.”

  “No worries. Garrett annoys me all the time. I’m used to it.” Tanner stretched his arm out across the back of the swing. “How was your visit with the in-laws?”

  “It was kind of hard, actually. Emotional. Which probably explains why I couldn’t deal with anything else today. I should’ve just skipped lunch. I’m sorry.”

  Tanner blinked at the rush of words, sorting through to the heart of what she was saying. “Emotional in what way?”

  “They gave Alice a box of ornaments that Brent made when he was a little boy.” She picked an imaginary piece of lint off the blanket and looked off into the distance. “It was sweet.”

  “I can see why that would be hard, though. Do you want to talk about it?” Say no, he thought.

  She didn’t answer, the silence stretching as they rocked in the swing. Finally, her words halting, she said, “He was so full of life when I met him. I mean, he laughed literally all the time. It’s what drew me to him. It’s so easy to imagine him as a kid, making Christmas ornaments, being in the Christmas pageant at church making his list—all of it.”

  “I’m sorry. And I understand how ineffective those words really are. Firsthand.”

  “It’s okay.” When he let out a disbelieving huff, she turned toward him. “It really is okay, most of the time. If I hadn’t had that time with him, I wouldn’t have Alice, and Maribeth and Henry wouldn’t be a part of my life. It’s just...loss sneaks up on you, you know?”

  His sigh was audible. “Yeah, I do know. Even after all these years, I see Kelly’s handwriting or get a whiff of something that reminds me of her and I’m instantly back to that moment, knowing things’ll never be the same. It still knocks my feet out from under me.”

  A single tear streaked down her face, and he wondered if she was reacting to his words or thinking about her husband. She stared into the darkness where the trees lined the edge of the driveway, her eyes narrowing in thought. “I think I’ve been living in a haze the last few years, just trying to survive minute by minute. Being here on the farm, having time to breathe—it’s like coming out of a cocoon. It’s painful, yeah, but I know on the other side of the pain, I can fly. What kind of person would I be if I just stopped living because things got hard?”

  She looked at him then, her eyes direct. The honesty in them sliced deep.

  Still, he hesitated. Talking about his feelings wasn’t exactly his strong suit. “I don’t know, Eve. Sometimes I think I only went on for other people. My brothers.” When he looked back, her eyes were still on him. He toed the swing into motion again. “Back then? I wasn’t thankful I was alive. I was just angry that Kelly and Caleb weren’t.”

  “And now?”

  He wanted to leave, to end this conversation that was casting light into places in his heart he’d believed were better off in the dark. But he couldn’t do that, not when she’d taken the risk to be open with him. His thoughts formed into faltering words. “I think living after a loss is like having a foot that’s fallen asleep. Sure, it’s better for it to be awake and functioning, but the waking-up process—the pins and needles—it’s just so incredibly painful.”

  Her hand slid into his, fingers warm from the mug of tea as she tangled them with his. Palm to palm, they didn’t move.

  And for a moment, that cocoon seemed to envelop them, as if they were the only two people in the world. There was no today or tomorrow, or even ten minutes from now. There was only this moment with the swing rocking and Christmas music playing in the background.

  Tomorrow they’d be back to real life. He’d be working on the farm, and she’d be working on her T-shirts or designing something new. They’d talk about the upcoming party, and they’d probably pretend tonight didn’t happen.

  And tomorrow there’d be time enough to wonder if he should feel guilty for wishing things could be different.

  For wishing he could be different.

  * * *

  The next morning, Eve had just finished washing the last breakfast dish and putting it in the drainer when there was a knock at the door. She closed her eyes. Please, don’t let it be Tanner.

  Last night’s conversation was too fresh. It had been good getting her thoughts out into the open. And yes, it was a blessing to have someone actually understand what she felt and not think it necessary to explain her grief away with some platitude like things happen for a reason. However, between yesterday’s visit with Brent’s parents and the disaster of a lunch with Tanner’s family, she’d been left feeling raw and vulnerable.

  She hated it.

  The knock came again. With a sigh, Eve walked the few steps to the front door and opened it. Lacey and Abby stood on her porch, Abby holding a loaf of banana bread and Lacey, Eve’s iPad.

  Lacey cleared her throat. “You left your tablet at the house yesterday, so we brought it back. And...we needed to apologize.”

  “I needed to apologize,” Abby corrected.

  “Come on in.” Eve took the loaf of banana bread and stepped aside so they could follow her into the cottage.

  “I brought the banana bread as a peace offering. I’m sorry I was so...” Abby’s voice trailed off.

  “Obnoxious?” Lacey helpfully filled in the blank as she sat in the chair by the fire and put her feet up on the ottoman.

  Abby scowled at her sister-in-law. “Well, that’s not the word I was looking for, but yeah, it works. Mostly I’m sorry we made you uncomfortable, Eve.”

  From the kitchen, where she’d placed the bread on a cutting board, Eve shook her head but didn’t bother denying it. “It’s okay. I’m sure I overreacted. For what it’s worth, there’s nothing going on between me and Tanner.”

  “You didn’t overreact. It’s just—we all love Tanner so much, and none of us have ever seen him this lighthearted.” For confirmation, Abby looked at Lacey, who nodded.

  Eve slid the plate of banana bread onto the coffee table with a thunk. “This is Tanner being lighthearted?”

  “Yes!”

  Lacey nodded in agreement. “He really had a hard time when the twins were born. I think it reminded him too much of, you know, what happened.”

  Abby’s eyebrows drew together under another multicolored bandeau. “It’s not that he can’t handle the kids. He’s good with them. He just has a
limit. Had a limit? He used to just disappear into his office a lot more.”

  “Yeah.” Lacey nodded thoughtfully. “It’s like he’s slowly been coming back to life over the last year or two. Before that, it was like he wasn’t there. Or he was, but not really.”

  “Like a foot that’s fallen asleep,” Eve said quietly.

  “Well, yeah,” Lacey said as she reached for a piece of banana bread. “Sorry. I’m starving.”

  What the two women were sharing about Tanner completely lined up with what he himself had said last night. Still, it was a revelation and something she needed to think about. Was he really that different with her? With Alice?

  She absentmindedly bit into a slice of banana bread, then looked down at it. “This is delicious.”

  Abby smiled. “I’m a terrible cook. We had chili yesterday because it’s the only thing Lacey lets me do by myself, and she still supervises me while I make it.”

  “True,” Lacey said with her mouth full. “You have other talents, though.”

  “Yes, I do,” Abby said. “Like, I’m really good at banana bread. And muffins. I can also make muffins.”

  Eve laughed. “Your little girl can live on muffins and banana bread. It’s totally fine.”

  “So...apology accepted? I really am sorry.”

  “Apology accepted.” Eve finished the piece of bread and brushed off her fingers. “Wait a minute. Where are the kids?”

  “We hired a nanny.” Lacey gave Eve a wide-eyed, can-you-believe-it stare. “The twins are so hard for me to handle alone when I’m supposed to be resting and Abby’s about to be gone for ten days, so last week we talked and decided to go in together. It’s a temporary solution, but for now, we both think it will really help.”

  “What about you? Where’s Alice?” Abby asked.

  “In her bedroom, having a pretend tea party with Sadie. Although there’s always the possibility that she snuck actual cookies into her room.”

  “I can see it,” Lacey said.

  “So we’re good?” Abby held out the plate of banana bread. “Need another piece?”

  Eve laughed. “We’re good. I get it—you all are protective of him. It’s understandable.”

  “He looks tough, but underneath...” Lacey shook her head. “Yeah, we worry. And we want him to be happy.”

  Abby handed Eve the iPad from the table. “Now, will you show us what you’ve come up with for the Christmas party?”

  “I can definitely do that.” Her heart now several pounds lighter, Eve opened her tablet and showed them the drawings of her concept, from the balloon archway entrance to Candy Cane Lane, Sugar Plum Pasture and the Toy Workshop in the barn.

  “Wow,” Abby breathed. “This is fantastic.”

  “I’ve already gotten the bouncy houses and the balloon arch donated. I’m hoping the vendor I buy my blanks from for my business will donate the T-shirts for the kids. That’s still to be determined.”

  “I love the T-shirt design with the tractor and the Christmas tree. It’s perfect.” Lacey was still flipping screens on the iPad. “What do you need us to do?”

  “Get volunteers? Even though the crafts and cookie decorating will be simple, we’re gonna need a ton of people to help.”

  “I can make phone calls, and I think we’ll have a lot of people from church who’ll want to help.” Lacey made a note in her phone. “I’ll ask around tonight. Speaking of which, we’re having a special Hanging of the Greens service tonight at church. It’s always a really nice way to start the season. You and Alice want to come?”

  “I’d love to, but I don’t think so.” Eve wished that yes could be an easy answer, but it wasn’t that simple. “After all she’s been through, Alice still isn’t comfortable with a lot of people she doesn’t know. And honestly, this time of year, we try to stay away from crowds. There’s always so much illness going around and Alice is especially vulnerable.”

  Abby looked thoughtful. “You know, working with kids who’ve experienced trauma is what I do. If you ever think my therapy dog, Elvis, and I could help, we’d be happy to.”

  “Thank you. She’s doing better, but I’ll keep it in mind.”

  Abby nodded. “Well, she has the best possible support system with a mom who’s willing to do whatever it takes.”

  “Thank you.” Eve’s eyes stung at the compliment. “Moving here was a big gamble, but so far it seems to be working. She feels safe here. She’s talking more and more.”

  “It’s a great place.” Lacey rose to her feet, her hands on the small swell of her belly. “I have the feeling I should get back to check and see how Mrs. Minnifield is doing with the kids. We don’t want to throw her in the deep end on her first day. She may never come back.”

  Abby stood, too. “Eat those words, Lacey Cole. That is not an option.”

  Eve laughed. These sisters-in-law were a hoot. And now that she wasn’t their sole focus, they were actually pretty fun to be around, too.

  As they walked to the door, Abby asked Eve for some business cards. “I bought one of the Triple Creek Ranch shirts you made to sell in the farm stand, and I love it. I want to look at your online shop tonight and order one of your graphic designs. Then, if I have cards, when people ask where I got it, I can give them your info.”

  “That’s so nice, thank you.”

  “I want the one that says Be Kind...or Else.” Lacey made a fist and narrowed her eyes with a laugh as she walked out the front door.

  “That one would be perfect for the social worker training event I’m about to lead.” Abby turned to wave. “See ya, Eve.”

  “Bye, Eve.” Lacey slid onto the seat of the ATV and cranked it up.

  Closing the door behind them, Eve leaned on it with a sigh. That wasn’t the visit she’d expected. Between her job and being a single mom to a traumatized and medically fragile kid, she hadn’t had much time for friends in Atlanta. But now, with Lacey and Abby, she felt like maybe she’d just made a couple here.

  She wished she could go to help decorate the church, but Alice was due for the shot that boosted her immune system, and with it being flu season—and apparently strep throat season—she couldn’t risk leaving Alice vulnerable. And unfortunately, the medicine that stimulated her immune system and allowed her to fight off germs also made her body ache.

  “Alice, come here, please. Time for your medicine.” From the cabinet, Eve pulled out alcohol prep pads and realized the thermometer was sitting right next to the sharps container, where she disposed of the needles. There was no way Tanner had gotten out the thermometer the other day without seeing all of this. Why hadn’t he said anything to her?

  Alice came in with Sadie, who was wearing one of Alice’s pink tulle princess skirts around her neck, following close behind. Eve lifted Alice onto one of the kitchen chairs.

  “Shot time and sucker time.” Eve pulled the wrapper off a sucker and handed it to Alice before washing her hands and drying them on a paper towel. They had a routine, and she tried to do the same things each time, so Alice would know what to expect.

  “I bet I can do this shot in...four seconds,” she said as she tore open the alcohol pad and rubbed it on Alice’s tummy. “You think I can?”

  Eve laughed as Alice shook her head. “You’ll have to count then.”

  She’d done hundreds of these shots by now. The movements were rote, but the act of sticking a needle into her child, causing her pain, was anything but. Steeling herself, she pinched up the skin and quickly jabbed the needle in, slowly pressing the plunger.

  Alice sucked in a breath, nodding her head as Eve counted. “One, two, three, four, and...done.”

  Eve pulled out the syringe and placed it on the counter while she took a princess Band-Aid she’d prepped and stuck it over the tiny spot. “All good.”

  Before she let Alice hop down, she gave her the medicine that seemed
to help with post-injection pain. She pulled her baby girl into her arms and hugged her, rocking her slightly. “I love you. You are so brave.”

  Not like Eve. Eve wasn’t brave at all. Because if she were being honest with herself, she’d admit that she wasn’t ready to see Tanner again. She needed time to think about the conversation last night and the easy rapport she had with him, not to mention his sisters-in-law’s surprising reaction to it.

  She cared about Tanner—that much she would admit. Loss wasn’t something you could quantify, but what he’d been through was unimaginable. The fact that he was still standing, that he still loved, that he was reaching out to her and making room for Alice, was a testament to his strength. And strength was attractive. Especially wrapped up in a drop-dead gorgeous package with a cowboy hat on top.

  Yeah.

  So...she could admit she liked him. Maybe he liked her, too. But she couldn’t rush into anything. Or wouldn’t. Because no matter what else was going on in her life, Eve had Alice to think about.

  Chapter Nine

  Tanner drove by the cottage on his way back to the farmhouse for a sandwich. His pigs were enjoying the mud in the wooded back pasture. With the weather warming up again and their favorite piglet getting stronger, he’d stopped by to see if Alice wanted to go with him to return him to his piggy family.

  Eve was outside, painting red stripes on giant foam circles. Standing against the rail were a few she’d finished off with cellophane wrappers—they looked exactly like giant peppermints. She looked up at the sound of the ATV’s engine.

  “Those are great.”

  “Thanks. I think they turned out cute. My goal is to make thirty this afternoon, as long as Alice cooperates. My question is, where am I going to put all this until we decorate?”

  Tanner had been studying one of the peppermint designs, but he looked up at her question. “You can store them in the new barn with the other stuff we’ve been collecting.”

  “Perfect. I’m expecting a big shipment of T-shirts later today, so if you don’t mind, I’ll store those, too.”