Daughter of Ninmah

by Lori Holmes

  She was dimly aware of the tribe re-gathering around them. Some were in shock, some were crying. Pelaan came to Baarias’ side. Kyaati was clinging to his legs, wide-eyed and terrified. He stared back into the forest, numb. “Our lives… gone.”

  Baarias nodded silently.

  Pelaan looked down at Nyri and his frozen features twisted. “I take it from her reaction, the abomination did not escape?”

  “Pelaan,” Baarias growled in warning as Nyri’s cries intensified. “The boy saved her life. Have a care.”

  The Elder ignored him. “He was dead anyway. Daajir told us of how he attacked him. His true nature had finally surfaced. Forbidden filth.”

  Nyri saw red. She broke free of Baarias’ firm grasp and flew at the Elder, flailing at him with her little fists. “You will not hurt my Juaan! You would not hurt him! He’s clean! He’s clean!” She pummelled any part of Pelaan she could reach. “I want him! You left him!”

  Baarias dragged her off the stunned Elder.

  “As bad as the mother,” Pelaan straightened himself. “Who is going to take care of her now she is free?”

  “I will. I need someone to pass my skills on to. She is very strong. I will teach her.”

  Pelaan ground his jaw for a moment. “Very well.” He looked back into the trees with a tortured expression. “I hope you see now, Baarias. I hope you see what they are.”

  “I have always seen what they are, Pelaan. No more, no less.”

  Nyri was trying to escape into the trees again, hearing their words but not listening. He was dead anyway… Pelaan’s cruel words rang through her mind. No. She had to go back to protect him. He had promised to protect her. She still needed him. He had promised!

  “Come with me now, little one,” Baarias’ tone was gentle.

  “No! Mama said I had to stay with him. She made him promise to look after me. I promised. He promised!”

  “And he honoured that promise to the end. Let me look after you now. I will protect you as your Juaan did. I promise, too.”

  “No, I want Juaan,” but her strength had run out. She could not fight anymore. Tears streaming, she waited, but the forest remained silent and empty. He did not come for her. He was not coming back. She crumbled to the ground and sobbed her grief to the sky.

  Baarias gathered her close. “You must let him go now. He could never stay with you. It is better this way. Let him go.”

  She fought back against his hold, his were not the arms she wanted. They were gone. They had taken them from her. They had left him to die. Baarias’ words echoed in her head. It is better this way. You must let him go. He could never stay with you. You must let him go…

  * * *

  Kyaati’s wail of dismay was piercing. “Noooooo! You brought me back! I did not want to come back!” she moaned, twisting on her bed.

  Baarias rushed to her side, attempting to calm her. Her voice must have carried to the waiting crowd outside for Pelaan appeared in an instant. His drawn face that had expected the worst, transformed into one who had just witnessed the most miraculous of miracles. Nyri supposed he had. His daughter had been on the point of death, now here she was, crying lustily, very much alive and well.

  “My daughter,” he breathed. “How? Baarias?”

  “She said she was needed,” Nyri whispered numbly, still holding Sefaan’s hand, stroking her hair. “She gave the last of her energy to restore Kyaati. She said she was needed.”

  Pelaan threw himself to his knees beside his daughter. “Yes, she is,” his eyes glowed.

  “Get away from me!” Kyaati raged. “I wanted to be gone. Leave me.”

  “Kyaati,” he was taken aback by her reaction. “It’s me. It’s your father.”

  “I know who you are,” she spat. “You would give me over to Daajir. You would put me through it all again. You do not care about me, just your lineage. Now you will give me to someone just as cold. You selfish—”

  “I am to be Joined to Daajir.” Nyri began to straighten Sefaan into the traditional death pose. It busied her hands. She could not think beyond this moment, her thoughts were frozen. Sefaan had said she was needed. She had said Kyaati was needed; she had given her strength for her, bringing her back from the brink of death.

  But that wasn’t enough. Kyaati was still unwell in her heart and mind. She needed more. She needed Nyri to look after her and this time Nyri needed to give her her undivided attention. She could not lead the life she had been living. The thin branch had snapped beneath her. It had never meant to be walked. It was impossible and selfish. Nyri had to face the truth she had been denying from the very beginning. She had to face what she had never been able to accept all those years ago. She had to stop chasing visions and half hopes. She had to let go of it all.

  She had to let Juaan go.

  He could not help them as Sefaan had hoped and if he was free, he did not need Nyri to stay alive. Kyaati did need her and she was important.

  So is he, Nyri’s heart wailed, balking at the thought of losing him for a second time. She squeezed her eyes shut against the pain.

  You already lost him, years ago. She thought back. He cannot stay with you. Baarias told you that. He knew. You have known it from the start. He cannot stay in that Pit forever and he can never come here. They will kill him. That will never change. You must let him go. At least this time, you will know he is alive out there, somewhere. He survived this long.

  It was good that Nyri had no more tears left to cry as she turned to Pelaan. “I accept Daajir’s offer. I will become his Joined One.”

  Pelaan’s eyes were still cool as he regarded her but the recovery of his daughter appeared to have softened his position on the death sentence. “That will need to be decided. Now my daughter has recovered…”

  Of course he would want to put himself first. He would rather have his own grandchild born into the tribe now that it was once again a possibility.

  Over my dead body, Nyri thought at him. Caring for Kyaati began now, even if it meant sacrificing herself to Daajir.

  Kyaati turned her face away from her father. “I am tired. I want to sleep.”

  Pelaan kissed her brow. “Baarias, look after her,” he commanded. “I have much to discuss with my fellow Elders.”

  Baarias regarded him coolly. “Perhaps your plans can wait until we have cared for Sefaan.”

  Nyri loved that man.

  Pelaan stared down at Sefaan’s body, chagrined. “She will be treated with the greatest of honours,” he vowed and disappeared to spread the word.

  Nyri remained where she was for the rest of the night. Baarias left to attend to Omaal and did not return. Nyri was too exhausted to wonder at his whereabouts. She kept vigil over both Sefaan and Kyaati as she came to terms with what had happened, with the present moment and with the future she must soon face. Once she had said farewell to Sefaan, she would let Juaan go. She needed to have prepared her heart by then. She did not sleep.

  Kyaati awoke just before Ninmah.

  “Nyri,” she whispered to her.

  Nyri lifted her heavy head. “Yes.”

  “Why did Sefaan bring me back?”

  “She said you were needed,” Nyri explained again tonelessly.

  “I did not ask to be needed. Why am I needed?”

  Nyri shook her head helplessly. “She did not say. Kyaati, why did you do it?” Beneath it all, Nyri realised she was angry at her. She needed to know why Kyaati had done what she had.

  Her friend’s eyes were wary. “I had to. I could not face it anymore. You know as well as I do that our people are doomed.”

  Nyri was silent.

  “You asked me why I covered for you when Baarias wanted to know where you had been that night, before I…” she trailed off. “Truth is, I knew you disappeared every night but it suited my purposes. I had been thinking of doing what I did ever since I woke up after losing her, Haana hardened my resolve, I envied her escape but I did not find the will to do it until the last.”

  N
yri shook her head. It seemed she had never been careful enough. “Your father wanted me cast out!” She blew out a breath, letting her anger go with it. “I’m so sorry, Kyaati. I failed you. It will not happen again.”

  “Where did you go every night?” her friend asked curiously.

  Nyri turned her face away. “I cannot tell you,” she told Kyaati honestly. “But after tomorrow night, it will not matter.” A tear broke loose and leaked down her cold cheek.

  To Nyri’s dismay, Kyaati was not swayed. Her friend frowned, struggling. “Before I woke the first time, I remember your voice. You were telling me that you had found a Wove in the woods, trapped in the Pits. You told me afterward that I had been dreaming and so I said no more but… now I don’t think I was. Is that where you have been going?”

  Nyri could not look at her. She could not bring herself to deny it. There had been too many lies. Another tear tracked down her face.

  Kyaati’s breathing hitched. Nyri’s damning pause had confirmed her worst fears. “W-why would you visit a Wove at night? What are you thinking?”

  Nyri could not sit still. She rose and paced away from Kyaati. Nyri could feel her friend’s mind racing, trying to figure out what had possessed her to flaunt her safety with an enemy and how she came to be still alive.

  “It’s Juaan. Isn’t it?” she said with dawning realisation. “There could be no other reason. They did not kill him. They raised him.”

  “Yes!” Nyri burst out, finally. “It’s Juaan down there.”

  Kyaati’s face was frozen with shock as Nyri confirmed her worst fears.

  “Do not judge me, Kyaati. I could not leave him to die. No matter what he is or what he has become. He was my saviour.”

  “He is a Forbidden, Nyri,” she said desperately. “He could never be trusted. He looked after you to make himself look peaceful to the Elders. If they had had even the slightest hint of his true nature, they would have expelled him. Promise to Sefaan be damned. He knew that.”

  “You’re wrong!” Nyri argued. “He was a good person. He is still a good person but he cannot remember. I want him to but I have to let him go. Once I am Joined to Daajir he will find out and he will test his despicable poison on Juaan for sure. He promised when we were children. He promised he would kill Juaan one day. I cannot let that happen. I must protect him.”

  “Listen to yourself!” Kyaati hissed. “Listen to what you are saying. He is dangerous. He always was. You cannot go back. I will not-”

  She cut herself off when Baarias entered the chamber. He looked upon Sefaan’s body sadly.

  “It is time,” he said.

  Nyri drew a deep breath and forced her hands to stop trembling. She nodded to him. She caught Kyaati’s wrist. Please do not tell Baarias, she pleaded. You must trust me. Please. I know what I am doing.

  Kyaati shook her off and her gaze was far from reassuring.

  Pelaan and Imaani came in then and lifted Sefaan’s body with the greatest of care. Nyri and Kyaati followed as they bore the old one in the direction of the river. Everyone was gathered on the banks as Ninmah rose above. Heads bowed as the body passed. Despair hung thick in the air. A few stunned glances turned towards Kyaati, however, with a renewed flicker of hope. A raft had been prepared and Sefaan was laid down upon it. Fire moss surrounded her, all around.

  “Where is the Kamaali’s enu?” Aardn asked in sudden alarm, looking down at Sefaan’s bare throat.

  “I have it,” Nyri’s voice was barely audible. “She gave it to me.”

  “Why?” Aardn’s face was cold. “You are not the next Kamaali, traitor.”

  Nyri flinched. “I-I don’t know. But I think she meant for me to keep it.” She did not mention Ariyaana. It would raise too many impossible questions.

  “We will see,” Aardn’s voice was flat. She could speak no further. Not now. It was time. Nyri clutched the precious enu in her fist, determined to keep hold of it.

  The ritual was a simple one. The whole tribe surrounded the raft and watched over the dead all day, accompanying her for the last passing of Ninmah. All thoughts turned to Sefaan and how she had touched each of their lives and reflected on a family member lost. Nobody was to eat. The fast would only be broken once Ninmah had risen again to herald a new day.

  When dusk began to fall, it was time to say farewell. Aardn touched Sefaan’s still forehead with her own. “Go in peace and in the light of Ninmah,” she said as the last rays fell upon the raft and its sole occupant. Aardn touched a piece of the girru moss as darkness fell then stepped back. Pelaan took his turn. Then the next, then the next. Each touching and lighting a piece of the girru moss. Nyri tensed as Daajir approached. He met her eyes but said nothing. Nyri was last of all to step forward.

  “I’m sorry I cannot keep my promise to you, Sefaan,” she whispered to an unhearing ear as she set the last of the moss aglow. “I must keep our people safe now.” A lump rose in her throat as she caught sight of something tucked into Sefaan’s hand. A toy hare with a red feather bound to its ear. Kyaati must have slipped it into her fingers. It would rest with the one who had made it. It was fitting.

  Ninmah disappeared as the raft was pushed into the flow of the river but the light of the girru moss carried Sefaan on in a haze of beauty and light, enhanced by the darkness. Spores wafted into the air and danced over the water, casting eternal reflections, painting the wind.

  At last it was over; the tribe began to drift away. They had to decide now how life would go on without their Kamaali. Such a challenge had never been faced. Nyri moved off quickly behind Kyaati and Baarias before Daajir could think to abuse her any more. Her own thoughts turned to the impossible task she would have to accomplish this night.

  It was almost time to set Juaan free. Her heart begged for just a few more nights but Nyri knew that was impossible. The risk was too high and worse, Kyaati had figured her out. To keep him with her any longer would spell his doom. Nyri could not let her selfishness cause her to fail him, too.

  He would need food. She would have to get to her gathering baskets. They were no longer in Baarias’ tree. They must have been moved to the stores. Nyri waited impatiently until Baarias had settled Kyaati into a deep sleep. Her body still needed rest if it was to recover fully. She pretended to settle down herself in preparation to watch over Kyaati, waiting tensely for her moment of opportunity. Nyri both wanted and dreaded it at the same time. She hadn’t seen Juaan for two days now. She prayed that he was safe. He had been angry with her when she had last seen him, believing she had used him. He had pushed her away. She would never now be able to redeem herself. He would leave hating her and never knowing who she truly was. Nyri forced the tears away.

  Finally the opportunity she had waited for came. Baarias was asleep. Masking her presence, Nyri moved through the tree and crept out into the night, dashing for the nearest store. There would be no watcher. It was the night of Sefaan’s Casting. No one should break their fast before Ninmah came again. It was a sacred law.

  Her baskets were there as predicted, she took one and slung it over her shoulder. It was too late for her people. Juaan had a chance though. He could survive. She then leaped to the ground, intent on running into the forest. Time to say goodbye.

  “Don’t.” A soft voice spilled from the dark. Nyri gave a low, strangled cry of dismay. Baarias stepped from the shadows where he had been waiting. “Do not do this. I cannot let you.”

  Nyri turned to face where he stood. “Kyaati told you.”

  Kyaati appeared from behind Baarias. “Yes. You will not be reasoned with. You need saving from yourself.”

  Nyri glared at her, biting down on a laugh of disbelief. How dare Kyaati lecture her. Kyaati had no place to speak after all she had put them through.

  Baarias waved a hand. “Kyaati did not need to tell me anything, Nyri. I already knew. Omaal’s dreams. They always involve the Pits. A Wove in the woods. He told me that you are often with him. These were no ordinary dreams and when I pieced them together wit
h your nightly disappearances… I realised that what he was seeing in his dreams must have some truth to them.”

  Nyri’s mind worked furiously. How could the boy have known? “Batai.” The answer struck. The wolf had accompanied her on many of her visits to the Pits. How could she have been so stupid? Nyri had underestimated the bond between the boy and that wolf. She thought of the time Batai had attacked Juaan. Omaal’s fear had been driving the wolf. It would have explained his aggressive behaviour. He would defend the boy against any perceived threat. A sour taste saturated Nyri’s mouth at the realisation of just how badly she had erred.

  “Please Baarias. I have to let him go.”

  Baarias shook his head. “No.”

  “Baarias!” Nyri grew desperate. “He is Juaan. He is your sister’s son. You have to let me help him!” She clutched for anything she could think of. “You said yourself you wished you could right the wrongs you had done. The opportunity is here. He is alive; but if they find him, they will kill him. Serve your sister’s wish as you never did before. Help her son!”

  Baarias’ face was a carving of infinite sadness. “No. I lost my sister a long time ago, Nyri,” his voice echoed terribly down the years. “The boy she brought to us has grown into everything I feared he would. Saving him would not right my wrongs. My duty is to you now and keeping you safe. Let go.”

  “No!” Nyri cried. “I won’t. Not again. You don’t know anything! You have not seen him.”

  “I have seen him, Nyri.”

  “What?”

  “Once I suspected Omaal’s dreams, I went to the Pit last night, to see with my own eyes. Do not trust him. Do not go back.”

  “I must! I trust him with my life, I don’t care what you say!” Nyri turned to run. “Sefaan was right. You are a coward!”

  “You are blinded!” his voice whipped out. “Nyri, don’t you see? I cannot let you risk our people even if you would wilfully risk yourself. I cannot let you make the same mistake I did!”

  Nyri turned, his words sending a chill through her. She met his eyes, her every word punctuated. “What do you mean?”

  He snapped his mouth closed and avoided her gaze.