It Takes a Village: Finding the Right Support System in Addiction Recovery
Page 14
Avoid Becoming Addicted to the Relationship
A relationship is meant to be an empowering experience, not a replacement for your addiction. It is easy to fall into the pitfall of believing one’s self free of addiction, when in reality, the addiction has shifted from illicit substances to another human being. As aforementioned, depending on others to fill in the wounds left behind by a troubled childhood or other past events is unreasonable, unrealistic, and unhealthy for both parties involved. A romantic relationship can serve as the perfect springboard for moving forward in one’s recovery- so long as one avoids becoming addicted to the relationship.
Obsessing over the daily activities or whereabouts of your partner at all times is a serious sign of unhealthy attachment to your partner and your relationship. When one becomes engrossed in the life of another, it is typically due to some dissatisfaction with one’s own. Either feelings of inadequacy or insignificance cause one to replace one’s self as priority with another. Problems arise with the reality that we cannot control the actions, thoughts, or feelings of another, even if the result of said actions cause discomfort or hurt. Though we are free to express these feelings and explain how certain actions affect us, we cannot force others to change who they are; much like we could not be made to denounce substance abuse without first being ready.
Often obsessive behavior stems from jealousy or mistrust. These feelings of apprehension may or may not be born of one’s partner’s actions, but they are nearly always the reaction to old wounds being lanced open once again. Obsessively tracking one’s lover or playing detective only serve to feed the insecurities born of past pains. Learning how to be secure in one’s self, regardless of another’s actions is the only way to cure one’s self of jealous tendencies. This doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship must end- only that one must learn to be happy alone.
Time apart is not only okay, it’s healthy. Do not mistake taking time to one’s self as a sign that there is trouble in the relationship, as it typically means quite the opposite. When one is secure in their relationship, taking time to explore one’s self and solitary interest reflects that strength and confidence in the bond.
For some, being alone is a nightmare; it dredges up thoughts and feelings one would rather not face and these feelings only worse as they are unable to cope. However, rather than avoiding that aspect of one’s self by clinging to dead relationships or engaging in a string of brief, yet unsatisfying affairs, one should seek solitude in order to explore and rectify these contentions and grow as an individual. If you notice the same problems occur in most or all of your romantic relationships, or even platonic relationships, it’s a sign you should listen to; ignoring and evading these problems will only continue to cause complications in the future.
Communication is vital to the success or failure of any relationship, but it becomes even more important when dealing with substance abuse recovery. Being open about one’s feelings, urges, temptations, and progress helps one’s support team understand and foster one’s growth and reinvigoration. Keeping the channels of communication open both ways is equally crucial; one must be open to the feelings and thoughts of one’s partner as well in order to prevent feelings of resentment and exploitation. When in the beginning stages of a relationship, founding strong communication skills and an expectation of honesty will help to keep both parties’ emotional needs are met. Additionally, learning to communicate in healthy and conductive ways can help strengthen platonic and familial relationships. The ability to communicate clearly and effectively also aids in business opportunities and other social affairs.
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Copyright © 2015 by Alexandrea Holder and Harbor Village.
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