When I Need You

by Lorelei James

  “Because I’m pregnant,” Trinity said. “I’m in the bathroom only slightly more often than I’m in the kitchen foraging for food.”

  Astrid gave me a smug smile. “My sister had a baby last year. I got used to scouting out the bathroom for her everywhere we went.”

  Walker strolled in, his arms overloaded with bags. “Dallas is looking for you.”

  “Come on, Astrid, we’ve been summoned.”

  We found Dallas in the gym, conversing with a woman in a leotard and tights and a hipster-looking guy, complete with beanie.

  Dallas saw me first, and in her normal fashion she came at me in a dead run.

  I braced myself and caught her.

  She laughed. “Am I ever going to knock you down, you big oaf?”

  “Are you ever going to stop acting like an eight-year-old and trying to knock me over?”

  “Probably not.” She dropped to her feet.

  “Then right back atcha.”

  “So is everyone here?” she asked.

  “Not yet.”

  “This is going to be a rockin’ camp, Jens. These kids are so lucky.” She hugged me. “Thanks for making me part of this. I won’t let you down.”

  I offered my hand to the woman. “You’re Vanessa? I’m Jensen. Thanks for sticking with the program.”

  “I’m happy to be here. I love these kids and I should be thanking you for finding a way to make the camp happen.”

  Before I could credit LCCO, the hipster offered me his hand. “I’m Todd, the music teacher. I’ll echo what Vanessa said. It’s awesome that you were able to keep—and expand—the camp.”

  Astrid stepped forward. “Hey, everyone. I’m Astrid. I’ve talked to you all on the phone. I’m here for whatever you need.”

  “To add to that . . . I won’t be here for all six hours of camp, but Astrid will. I’m the idea guy and she’s the program administrator who makes it happen, so always talk to her first.”

  Astrid’s eyes grew huge behind her glasses. But even from the short amount of time I’d spent with her, she’d proven herself more than capable of running this thing.

  “Who’re we missing?” Dallas said.

  “Lucy.” The door opened and we all turned. “And there she is right now.”

  Walker and Trinity joined us.

  For the next hour as we went over every minute detail, my feelings of panic only increased. Talk about cocky, thinking I could just run a freakin’ day camp. These people all had dedicated roles in this. What was mine?

  I saw Walker and Todd separating conference tables. “Astrid. What am I supposed to be doing?”

  “Just stand there and look pretty.”

  “It’ll get real ugly real fast if you keep saying shit like that.”

  “Relax,” she warned, holding up her hand. “I was trying to be funny, but obviously I didn’t succeed, which is nothing new in my world.” She stepped in closer to confide, “Look, Jensen, you are a celebrity. On registration morning, these kids’ parents will want to meet you since you’re sponsoring the camp—”

  “Let’s clear this up once and for all. LCCO is sponsoring the camp, not me personally. I’ll be involved, but I’m not the key player. If not for Dallas, we’d be short two instructors. If anyone deserves credit, she does. Plus, she convinced her mom to loosen the purse strings on this project.”

  “She really came through, didn’t she?” Astrid said as she focused on my petite cousin, holding court with Vanessa and Trinity. “She is absolutely amazing.”

  “Careful, that sounds like a girl crush,” I teased.

  Astrid tipped her head back and met my gaze. “Uh, yeah, about that. I pretty much crush on all women. Only on women.”

  I let that sink in. “Get out. So you weren’t flirting with me in the office that day you begged to be part of the project.”

  She laughed. “’Fraid not. Bet that was refreshing for you, huh?”

  “Very.”

  We walked back to the office. After we’d settled in, Astrid at her desk behind her laptop and me at the table beside her with a clipboard full of notes, she said, “As much as I’d love to flirt with Dallas now that I don’t work for her mother, I’m aware that she’s not even a little bi-curious. ‘Hopelessly hetero,’ she assured me.”

  “You came on to her?”

  “Geez, no. She read my aura, and apparently my attraction to her was as obvious as a big ol’ neon sign.”

  I gave Astrid the side-eye. “You believe in that stuff?”

  She shrugged. “I believe that more things in life happen because of serendipity than people are willing to admit.”

  That made me think of Rowan.

  What doesn’t make you think of Rowan?

  What was my role in her life? Did I even have one?

  Focus on the here and now. “Anything else I should know about you, Astrid?”

  “Personally? I’m vegan.”

  “So I won’t send you to pick us up lunch.”

  She laughed. “I’m a Taurus.”

  “Better to be one than to drive one,” I said dryly.

  “You are every bit as funny as Rowan assured me you were.”

  I stopped doodling in the margins of my notes. “Rowan said I was funny?”

  “Yep.” Astrid had refocused on her laptop.

  Don’t ask, man. Just . . . don’t.

  “What else did she say about me?”

  “I don’t remember specifics. But you’ve definitely found an admirer in her.”

  I should have told Astrid that Rowan and I were strictly friends.

  But Rowan admitting I’m a shitty friend too . . . I couldn’t seem to get that out of my head. Even when I shouldn’t hold out hope things would veer off the “friends” path and we’d blaze a trail right into my bedroom.

  Bedroom? Wishful thinking, man. The woman wouldn’t even let you kiss her.

  I sighed.

  Astrid’s fingers stopped clicking on the computer keys. “Why the heavy sigh, boss?”

  I’ve lost my mojo.

  What the fuck was wrong with me? Since when did I use the word mojo? No wonder I wasn’t getting laid.

  “I do remember something else Rowan said about you.”

  My gaze connected with hers. “What’s that?”

  “That you have a lot of patience.”

  There was another cock-deflating compliment. “Do I even want to know how that came up in conversation?”

  Astrid blushed. “Look, I don’t know you very well. And I spent time talking and Skyping with her, getting other parents’ contact information. She said you’d be great with the kids. That not many guys would show the same patience with a thirty-year-old woman that you did with her six-year-old son.”

  That jarred me. Patience was a good thing?

  She hadn’t asked me to be patient with her.

  But you have been.

  “She doesn’t look like she’s thirty,” Astrid said offhandedly.

  “What’s that have to do with anything?”

  “Some guys have a problem dating older women.”

  “A, I’m twenty-eight so she’s a whopping two years older than me. B, we’re not dating. We’re neighbors.” Even if we were dating, her age wouldn’t matter to me. That got me to thinking . . . our age difference didn’t bother Rowan, did it?

  “How does she take her coffee?”

  “Black.”

  “What does she drink to relax?”

  “Wine. Mostly Zin.” It wasn’t like there was twenty years’ difference between us.

  “What’s her favorite TV show?”

  “Dancing with the Stars.”

  “What kind of music does she listen to?”

  “Country. Some hip-hop. Reggae. Weird old stuff.” She and I would be a killer team for music trivia.

  “Her favorite color?”

  “Blue.”

  “Her favorite sports team?”

  “It’d better be the damn Vikings since she cheers for us.” I gl
anced up at Astrid and scowled. “What’s with the twenty questions?”

  “It was only six questions. And you didn’t hesitate to answer any of them. So you’re more than neighbors, boss.”

  We’re more than friends too.

  Although I hadn’t even kissed Rowan, we had a connection I’d never felt with any of the women I’d fucked. Crude way to think of it, but I could accept that that was all it’d ever been.

  “As her neighbor . . . do you water her plants?”

  “She doesn’t have any plants.”

  “Do you pet sit for her? Take care of her cat?”

  My mind veered off the track and straight onto the smut town express. Oh hell yeah, I’d like to pet her pu—

  “Do you borrow stuff from each other all the time?” Astrid asked.

  “Like what? A cup of sugar?”

  She belted out Maroon 5’s “Sugar” in a truly impressive falsetto.

  I laughed. “When the kids are here for camp? No more drinking on the job.”

  “Don’t you have training to go to right now?” She held up her phone so I could see the time, and then she pointed to the door. “Go tackle practice dummies or something equally violent and let me do my job in peace.”

  I stood and said, “Peace out, yo,” and left for the training complex.

  • • •

  Dante tortured me.

  After our workout, I hurt in places I’d forgotten had muscles. Then he forced me into the cold-hot-cold-hot muscle therapy. I swam slow laps in the pool. Then I hit a hot shower. After that I lowered my aching body into an ice bath. Finally I ended up in the sauna. As I lumbered down the hallway to my apartment, I contemplated crawling in bed and calling it a week.

  My phone rang and the caller ID read: ROWAN. I glanced at her apartment door. “Hey. I’m in the hallway about to walk into my apartment.”

  “Thank god. Look, I hate to ask you this—”

  “Just ask.”

  “Coach T called an emergency meeting for the cheer team tonight, and neither Daisy nor Marsai is in town so I’m acting team captain. It starts in an hour. Alicia has to leave to go to her other job, so could you watch Calder until I get done?”

  “Sure.”

  “Thank you! I’ll call Alicia right now and tell her you’ll be over—”

  “Calder can come to my place. It’s been a long day and I wanna veg on my own couch. Send a key with him so if he needs anything we can go over and grab it. I need about ten minutes.”

  “I’ll let her know. Thank you!”

  I changed clothes and checked out my fridge. My weekly meals weren’t delivered until Monday so I had two entrées left. Crispy fried tofu with sugar snap peas, served with a side of kale, quinoa and beet salad. Tomorrow’s dinner was shredded teriyaki turkey with cauliflower and broccoli, and a plain baked sweet potato. Neither of those meals would appeal to a six-year-old boy. Maybe it’d be better if we stayed at Rowan’s place. She had a fully stocked pantry.

  But her couch had the texture of a concrete block. Her TV? Half the size of mine. Not that I required luxurious accommodations, but I loved the comfort of my own home. It was the first place I’d lived since I’d left my childhood home that felt like mine.

  Knock knock.

  I opened the door to Alicia and Calder.

  “Hey, little dude, I’m happy we’re going to hang out for a bit.”

  Calder clung to Alicia. Usually he raced in and started bouncing on my couch.

  I looked at his babysitter.

  “Calder had a rough day at school, didn’t you, bud?” Alicia squeezed his shoulder. “He was looking forward to his mom coming home.”

  Great. He didn’t want to be here. How did I handle that?

  Figure it out. You’ll be facing this at camp a time or two.

  Alicia handed me the key. Then she hugged Calder. “See you Monday.” She mouthed “Good luck” to me before she disappeared down the hallway.

  I shut the door.

  Before I could ask where he wanted to stash his backpack, he said, “I’m hungry.”

  “I don’t have much for food. So unless you can come up with a delicious dish using garbanzo beans, eggs and cheese, we’d better grab food from your kitchen and cook it here.”

  “Why don’t you have more food?”

  “I have a chef who makes my meals, and I’m almost out.”

  His eyes got big. “You have your own chef?”

  “He’s not just my chef. He cooks for other people too.”

  “Can I come over and watch him cook?”

  “Absolutely I’d let you if he prepared my meals here. But he cooks in his restaurant kitchen, packages up the food, and then it’s delivered to me. So all I have to do is take it out of the refrigerator or freezer and heat it up.”

  Silence.

  Calder stared at me. “Like a frozen dinner?”

  “Exactly like that.”

  “There’s a chicken nugget one in my freezer. I could have that.”

  “Let’s go grab it. I’ll put mine in the micro here first.”

  We ended up cooking Calder’s meal in his microwave and carrying it over so he could eat it right away. I poured us each a glass of milk.

  Dinner was a silent affair.

  Calder kept looking at the front of his frozen package, then at me. Finally he said, “You’re not really a giant.”

  “I wish I were a giant like Hagrid in Harry Potter.”

  He blinked at me.

  “You don’t know Harry Potter?”

  “Mommy says I can’t watch those movies until I’m eight.”

  “You’ve never seen them? Uh. Okay. But I’d wait until after you’ve read all the books. Because the books are way better than the movies.”

  Calder burst into tears.

  Shit. That was totally freakin’ random.

  I crouched down by his chair. “What’s going on?”

  “I’ll probably never get to read them because I’m the worst reader in my class!”

  “What? Who told you that?”

  “Today Tiara said I was gonna flunk kindergarten!” Calder flung himself at me and sobbed as if his soul had been ripped from his