by K T Grant
Noel’s favorite word was “please.” She said it all the time to get people to do what she wanted. It wasn’t meant to be a polite request. Many people didn’t recognize the threat behind her words. But I did.
“It’s not me you have to worry about. Did you stop to think it’s a cry for help? Maybe she’s unhappy and wants the world to know.”
When I tried to walk in the room, Noel held out her arm, stopping me. “As her mother, I know what’s best for her and will do everything in my power to stop her from making another mistake. I know full well what made Bianca act out. I should have ended your friendship a long time ago.”
I jerked back. “Are you threatening me?”
She released a short dry laugh. “It sounds like that, doesn’t it?”
I would be stupid to tangle with this woman. Mr. Durand was a powerful man, but his wife was the same. She had many connections because of her own father, a government bigwig in the government and close confidant to the president.
But she did love her children, and Bianca was her shining star. It was important to remember that. A mother suffered because her child was in pain. I would refrain from getting defensive or confrontational. I could have told Noel then my relationship with Bianca was over. Maybe it would have eased her suffering somewhat. But a part of me wanted revenge for her threats.
“May I see your daughter now, please?” I oozed as much politeness as possible.
Noel’s shoulders relaxed. She lowered her arm and backed away, allowing me to enter the room.
Bianca lay in bed, dressed in a hospital gown and covered with a blanket. Her eyes were closed, and her face sheet white. She also had an IV drip in her arm and thick white bandages around her wrists. I jumped when Noel shut the door behind me. Bianca’s eyelids flickered and her eyes opened into slits.
“Mama?”
Noel rushed to Bianca’s side and leaned down to whisper in her daughter’s ear. Bianca’s eyes widened, and she turned in my direction. A drowsy smile broke across her face.
“Cass, you’re here!”
She winced, trying to sit up, but her mother pressed Bianca down on the bed and spoke so low I couldn’t catch her words. Bianca’s head rolled over her shoulder, a toothy grin in place as she crooked her fingers at me. “Come here and take my hand.”
Noel acted like I wasn’t even in the room until I shifted closer to the bed. Her eyes held a glossy sheen
“It will be okay.” I sat in the chair next to the bed.
Bianca giggled. “My arms are numb, and my head feels like a balloon.”
“The medication you’re on has made you loopy.” I rested my hand on hers.
Bianca curled her fingers around my hand. “You’re sad. Don’t be.”
“I’m not sad. I’m worried. You gave us quite the scare.”
Her bottom lip poked out. “You made me very angry. I didn’t have any other choice.”
Noel’s forehead knitted. “Bianca, you hurt yourself because you were angry at Cassandra?”
Bianca kept her gaze pointed on me and clutched me tight. “It was the perfect solution to my problem.”
“Solution?” Noel and I asked at the same time.
“You would come back to me and forget the horrible fight we had.” Her lower lip trembled, and tears filled her eyes. “You would love me again.”
When she moved my hand toward her face, I pulled away. Distracted, she twisted her bandage wrist from side to side. “I hope I don’t scar.”
“Bianca, what if you had gone too far and killed yourself?” I asked, a heavy weight punching me in the gut.
“Then I would have haunted you until you died. You’ll never be rid of me, dead or alive.” Her whispery taunt made me lurch back in my seat. She grimaced. “I think it’s moving.”
“What’s moving?” Noel came back over to the bed, her face ashen with deep grooves around her mouth.
“The baby. I want it out. I don’t want it. I only want Cassie.” Bianca reached out. “Lie down with me.”
I scraped the chair back. “I have to go.”
Noel took Bianca by the shoulders, but she knocked her mother’s hands away “No! You hafta stay with me! You belong with me!”
Her screech vibrated through the room, and she tried to get out of the bed. The door flew open and Dale rushed inside. I backed away to let him go to Bianca, who cried hysterically. He took her in his arms and held her to his chest, rocking her and speaking to her in a low voice. She sobbed in his shirt, whimpering my name.
I hurried out of the room and strode down the hall. When Noel called for me, I paused. She sounded heartbroken and sick—exactly like I felt.
I faced her. “Bianca needs help, and not just because of her suicide attempt.”
“Yes, she does. I thought the therapy we sent her to in high school had helped, but apparently it didn’t.” She stopped a few feet away from me.
Bianca had never mentioned seeing a therapist. She only talked about how popular and involved she had been. She was very well liked and well-adjusted during our four years at college, so it made perfect sense she had been in high school. Just another way she had fooled me and everyone else around her.
“Bianca went to therapy her sophomore year because she was confused by her urges.”
“Urges?”
She lowered her voice. “This is not the first time she tried to harm herself. I found her unresponsive one morning when she was fifteen. She’d swallowed half a bottle of sleeping pills she found in my dresser drawer. We rushed her to the hospital and had her stomach pumped. Her father and I found out later she thought she had fallen in love with one of her classmates. When the classmate rejected her, she took the pills.”
“I had no idea.” I wrapped my arm around my waist.
“It’s something we don’t talk about,” she said. “We took her out of school for a few months to recover and get the help she needed. We then put her in a small private school where she continued her therapy. That’s where she met Dale, and they started dating.”
“Did you ever stop and think you were doing more damage by forcing her to pretend to be someone she’s not?’ I spoke slowly and distinctly to stop from lashing out at this woman who was clueless to the harm she’d caused.
A quick flash of pain appeared in Noel’s face then vanished. “I thought it was a phase teenagers go through. After she met Dale, she was fine. He stabilizes her. That’s why he’s so important to my family. He’ll make her happy.”
“You think she’ll be happy marrying Dale and having his children.”
“Yes, I do,” she said in a condescending tone.
“Then why didn’t you have a problem with me and Bianca together all this time?” I snapped, my nausea turning to revulsion.
“If I’d made your friendship with Bianca an issue and told her she had to give you up, she would have rebelled like she did when she was fifteen. I couldn’t have it happen a second time. Not with my husband’s career at stake.”
Pure loathing rushed through me. “You’re unbelievable. You must be so angry Bianca fucked up again a second time despite all your efforts to keep her from embarrassing you and your husband.”
Noel gaped at me, and blinked rapidly as if she couldn’t believe I would talk to her this way. I couldn’t believe it either. I had always been silent in her presence unless she spoke to me directly.
She stared at the ceiling. “I love my children with everything I have inside of me. My sons turned out normal and well-rounded. I can’t understand why Bianca is so damaged.”
I flinched at the word “damaged.” How sad for Noel to think that about her daughter. Bianca was far from damaged. She had been hiding for so long, and it had finally it caught up with her. She was in need of help. That was pretty much certain. But what type of help would her parents give her? Would it be the same type that had failed and brought us to this point?
“You should see if Dale has calmed Bianca down,” I said, feeling drained, emotionally and
mentally. Standing here, arguing with her wouldn’t solve anything. There was nothing else I could offer Bianca. I wouldn’t be the one to heal her.
“Yes, we should.” Noel rubbed her knuckles, which I just noticed were red and irritated.
“I can’t go back in there.” I lifted my hand to my cheek. “This is one of the many reasons why.”
She viewed my face as if noticing the bruise on my face for the first time. Or maybe she wanted to ignore the fact Bianca might be violent.
She averted her eyes and turned around then stood there with her back to me. “I think it’s for the best if you don’t contact Bianca until she makes a full recovery.”
“That might be a long time. She has many things she needs to work through.”
“Yes, she does. But she can count on her family and Dale to help her recover from her misstep and come out of it stronger than ever before.”
”A suicide attempt is not a misstep.” I wanted to shake this woman and knock some sense into her.
She glanced back at me with a sad smile. “It was an error in judgment on her part, just like—”
“Just like me?” I whispered, bracing myself for her cruel response.
“At first, yes, but as time went on, I accepted your presence in Bianca’s life because you…made her happy and stabilized her.”
The conversation had taken a new turn, and one I hadn’t been expecting at all. “It sounds like you’re giving me a compliment.” Astonishing.
Her lips fell into a straight line, and she turned back around to face me. “Your time with my daughter is done. When you return back to Boston, Clifford will have a generous severance package waiting to help with your moving costs. I want you far away from Bianca so she doesn’t fall back into bad habits.”
And there was the Noel I knew so well. Quick with the insults. “You’ll be happy to know I’m moving back to Delpoint.”
“Good. It’s better this way for everyone involved.” She scanned my face, locking on my black and blue. Her gaze lacked any sympathy.
There was nothing else to be said, unless it was more accusations that might cause Noel to continue with her attack. It was best for me to retreat.
“I’ll go then,” I said, a part of me wanting to see Bianca one last time, to finally close the door on our relationship.
“My car is waiting downstairs. I’ll instruct my driver to take you wherever you want to go.”
“That’s generous of you,” I said, unable to hide my wry tone.
“Good-bye, Cassandra.” Her heels clicked loudly on the floor as she made her way down the hall and entered Bianca’s room.
I ended up back in the small chapel, praying for Bianca’s soul.
Chapter Fourteen
The drive home was much better than the one to the hospital. The roads had been plowed, sidewalks shoveled, freeing people to continue with daily life. Speaking of responsibilities, I had more than a few I had to take care of. First I had to talk to Aunt Lorraine and then see Freddie to explain I was ready to move on from Bianca, regardless of her suicide attempt. I would do whatever I could to make Freddie understand she was now the most important person in my life.
A tidal wave of emotion hit me. My future might be uncertain at the moment, but I wanted Freddie in it. I would fight for us and all those years we had lost. I would spend the next ten years, and more, making it up to her.
The car stopped in front of Grandma’s, or now I should say, my house. I was surprised to see the sidewalk and driveway shoveled. Even Aunt Lorraine’s car was clear of snow. Even more of a surprise was Freddie’s car parked in the driveway. The tension in my stomach lessened. It had to be a good sign if she came here instead of going back to the cafe.
I thanked the driver and left the car, taking careful steps up to the house so I didn’t trip on the slippery sidewalk and land on my bottom. I blew in my hands as the chilly breeze picked up. At least it didn’t look like more snow. Puffy white clouds hovered in a crisp blue sky, and the sun’s ray beat down on the untouched snow.
I opened the screen door and then front door, finding it unlocked. Entering the small hallway, I took off my coat and called out a greeting.
“In the kitchen,” Aunt Lorraine’s voice rang out.
Dropping my purse, I toed off my shoes, preferring to walk in my stocking feet in the heat blasting from the radiators.
The kitchen was much warmer than the living room. Aunt Lorraine sat near the corner of the table. Freddie sat in the middle, facing the entranceway. She glanced away from my aunt and looked up at me with a blank expression.
I wanted to hug and kiss her, but I held back. She didn’t appear welcoming.
Aunt Lorraine twisted around in her chair. She was dressed in plaid pajama bottoms and a long-sleeved white button-down man’s shirt, an outfit I would have never expected her to wear, especially with company.
“Now that Cassie’s here, I should go. I need to check with Glory and see how things are at the café. Thanks for the chat.” Freddie rose and kissed Aunt Lorraine’s cheek.
“Why are you leaving? You don’t want to talk to me?” I asked, staying in the entranceway.
“I can’t talk to you right now.” She grabbed her coat off the chair and came around the table.
“Wait.” I threw out my arms, blocking her from leaving.
She shook her head, and, without warning, took me by the arms and kissed me hard. My mind went blank as I succumbed to her hungry mouth. The kiss ended too soon. She released me, and I backed into the wall, licking my numb lips.
“Take that memory when you go back to Boston,” she said and marched into the living room.
Aunt Lorraine rose from her chair, her eyes as wide as I had ever seen them. I mumbled something about coming right back and followed Freddie. She had just opened the front door.
“Stop!” You can’t just kiss me like that and leave.” I scooted in between her and the door. “And what do you mean by my going back to Boston?”
She stepped back and played with her eyebrow ring. “You’re going to Boston to be with Bianca.”
“I’m going back to Boston, but not because of Bianca.” I slapped the side of my leg, frustrated with Freddie and what she thought my plans were. “I have to go to Boston to tie up loose ends like my job, and to pack. Bianca and I are finished for good. If you stay, I can tell you what happened when I saw her in her hospital room.”
She tapped her foot. “Make it quick. I have to get to work.”
“Bullshit. You don’t have to go anywhere.” I slapped the door “Why are you running away from me?”
She stared down at the floor and went still. “I’m not running away from you. The past few days have been very emotional with you back in town and the death of your grandmother. And then with your lover trying to—”
“Bianca’s not my lover anymore. The only lover I have now is you.” I cleared my throat, pushing down my agitation. She couldn’t be second-guessing us.
“We had one night together. That doesn’t make us lovers.”
My heart thumped once and then landed in my gut. Oh god. She didn’t want me anymore.
“But I want to be lovers.” I held my hand to her. “I want to be more than that.” I want to be your everything.
She blew out a breath and raked her fingers through her messy strands. “I think it’s for the best if you take care of yourself first. Go back to Boston and tie up loose ends. Make certain Bianca is doing well and you can handle being without her before you jump into something with me.”
“Why are you doing this? I don’t want to be with her. I want to be with you!” My yell bounced off the walls.
“You’ve never been alone. After your parents died, you had me to rely on, and then you had Bianca in college and for most of your adult life.” She slipped her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. “You need to be by yourself first and reevaluate your life without anyone telling you what to do or how to do it.”
“For how long?�
� I hugged my waist and moved away from the door, staring out the front window.
“I can’t answer that. It’s going to be more than a few days, or even weeks. Take the time to put Bianca in the past, mourn your relationship with her and then reexamine your life.”
“I can do all that if I’m with you.” I sniffed softly. I refused to break down in tears in front of her.
“I would be a crutch, or a substitute. I deserve more than that.”
“You were never a substitute,” I said. I somehow knew I wouldn’t feel her touch for a very long time unless I made her put her hands on me. All I could do was curl my arms around her and kiss her into forgetting the last few minutes. But she held her resolve.
She stared at the door. Did she long for escape? From me? I ventured over to the couch and sat with my knees tucked to my chest, dismissing her.
“When you’ve settled all your issues and have returned to Delpoint for good, we’ll talk.” Her firm, even tone broke my heart.
“I’ll take it into consideration,” I said in the calmest voice I could muster.
The door shut with a soft snick. I dropped my head to my knees and gulped in air to stop the flow of tears.
When Aunt Lorraine sat down next to me, I lifted my head. “I don’t understand what happened just now.”
“Freddie is afraid you’ll reject her again.”
I cut back a frustrated growl. “I won’t make the same mistake again. If she had stayed at the hospital, she would have realize it. I only saw Bianca for a few minutes, and her mother stayed the entire time.”
She curled her legs underneath her and laid her cheek on her arm. “Freddie didn’t feel comfortable staying. Not that I blame her.”
“What did you expect me to do? Not see Bianca even though she asked for me” I pointed to my black and blue. “Did Freddie tell you what happened between me and Bianca, and how I got this bruise?”
She gave me a stiff nod. “If you’re thinking of going back to—”
“What is it with you and Freddie? Neither of you believes me!” I jumped off the coach, hitting my shin on the coffee table and knocking a silver gift bag to the floor.
