Mr. Darcy's Grieving Wife

by Rose Fairbanks

  “That is enough for now. Thank you. Yesterday, you told my father that you wished to marry me to prove yourself to your family. You had not explained such was your primary motive to me when you proposed.”

  “And you agreed anyway. Do you think I was dishonest?”

  Elizabeth blushed. “I do wonder at your more…passionate words to me.”

  Darcy stopped walking and moved in front of Elizabeth to look her in the eye. “A man might say more on the subject to his woman than to her father. If you are to doubt my admiration for you again, I shall have to prove it once more despite the many pairs of eyes watching us.” He nodded over her shoulder to the window. Elizabeth turned to look as well, and immediately the curtain fluttered as several heads ducked out of view.

  “They are incorrigible.”

  “Curiosity is not always so awful.”

  “That is true, but the lack of privacy in such a large family is irritating.”

  “You would not like a big family, then? I had wondered if you might find it lonely away from Longbourn.”

  “I had not considered the size of my future family very much. I do like children…” Her cheeks reddened further.

  Darcy felt his own face flush. He had not meant to reference their hypothetical children. Thoughts of building a family with Elizabeth brought a warm sensation to his heart. Still, it was a dangerous line of thinking as it led to far more sensual imaginings. He cleared his throat. “I do as well. Perhaps we could speak about that later. However, I meant in a more immediate sense. I have only one sister, and you have four, as well as parents. I fear I will be dull company.”

  “I am not so sure about that,” she said, looking grateful for the change in topic.

  “Really? I had thought you found me a bore.”

  “Never that.” She chuckled. “No, I admit that I am a bit fascinated by you.”

  Satisfaction filled him, followed by trepidation. “Why is that? You are not a silly flirt.”

  “I should hope not!” Elizabeth feigned shock at his words. “Well, just when I think I have your character all figured out, you surprise me.”

  “Indeed! In what ways?”

  Elizabeth resumed walking, and Darcy followed her. “I had thought you a man of immense pride at our first meeting.”

  Darcy clenched his jaw. It seemed his apprehension was warranted. Had he imagined that she returned any of his admiration? “Has that changed?”

  “Not really.” She sighed. “You are proud. That is to be expected given your situation in life. However, there are other facets to your character.” She paused, flicking a nervous glance at him, but Darcy remained silent. “You are intelligent and eloquent when you choose to speak. I have also seen aspects of good humour, civility, gallantry in the face of provocation, and, most unexpectedly, kindness.”

  “Unexpected!”

  “You can hardly suppose me of presuming a man of your stature would propose to a woman like me, let alone just as I needed a saviour. Even if you were inclined to consider me, a courtship would be the more reasonable route. We may not suit. We do not know one another well enough to be certain of that at all, and you are not in love with me. A proposal is an irreversible proposition, and one you may regret. However, when you learned of my father’s illness and heard of Mr. Collins’s offer, you gave up a sensible plan and leaped to offering matrimony. You have mentioned the grief you felt upon your parents’ demise. I can only assume your heart was touched well beyond empathy. That is kindness itself, and far more than most would offer in such a situation. There is little for you to gain and much potential to lose in our arrangement.”

  They had now walked some distance from the house. Looking back, he did not see signs that they continued to have an audience. “It sounds as though you are turning foolishness into a virtue.”

  Elizabeth straightened her shoulders as though affronted. “I would not call marrying me unwise.”

  “I must suppose, then, that you believe your marrying me is foolish.” He took a step forward.

  She cast her eyes down. “I am saying we both made a decision in the height of emotion. You cannot be certain of our happiness as man and wife. You have offered me a reprieve from considerable anxiety, and I thank you for it. You know that I accepted out of fear for my family.”

  Once more, Darcy stood in front of her. He tilted her chin up, for a moment losing himself in Elizabeth’s brown depths. “I do not make plans to test the waters. I make decisions with expected outcomes. I had determined to court you and, yes, desired it to lead to marriage. I would not have offered the courtship if I was not certain I wanted to marry you.”

  His hand still held her chin, and now it moved to caress her cheek. “This is twice now that you have admitted you would have refused me. Does this go deeper than what you stated yesterday? You worry about more than my tiring of you and Society’s acceptance of you.”

  For several breaths, Elizabeth held his eyes but did not speak. He searched for answers in them and found what she would not say. “You do not like me.” He ought to release her from their betrothal. He should remove his hand from her face but found he needed the liberty she afforded him. “You do not like me and fear you will be miserable tied to me.”

  Elizabeth’s nostrils flared as she took a deep breath. Peering into her eyes, Darcy saw her fight for something to say—something to placate him. She licked her lips, and despite everything, he found himself yearning for another taste of them.

  “I am determined to find a way to like you. I will make the most of my situation.”

  “I suppose I should feel the compliment that no one had to talk you into accepting my proposal the way you needed for Mr. Collins’s.”

  “Your offer was blatantly more sensible, and you are anything but ridiculous.”

  “What am I, then?” His head leaned a fraction of an inch closer to hers. He could see her chest rapidly rise and fall and feel her pulse quicken. Did he intimidate her, or was she aware of the fire shooting in his veins and the crackling chemistry between them?

  Elizabeth remained mute.

  “I am your husband. We have not yet said the vows in a church, but I am as good as your husband. I will not free you. Instead, I shall endeavour to give you no reason to regret this.”

  She raised her chin. Their faces nearly touched now. “Then I am your wife.”

  Elizabeth’s shallow breaths matched his own. “Then I will kiss you like one.”

  He could bear it no more. His lips crashed down on hers, claiming her mouth in a way that egged on the hunger he had for her. Pulling her close, his hands clutched her back as Elizabeth’s landed on his chest. Flicking his tongue over her lips, she allowed him entry. The first swipe of his tongue against hers made his eyes roll back in his head, and a groan came from his throat. Just one second more, he told himself. Only one more taste of bliss.

  Elizabeth’s hands crept up his chest and wrapped around his neck. Darcy pulled back, feeling her lips attempting to cling to his. Catching his breath, he leaned his forehead against hers. He struggled to find words to say, to find the strength to leave her.

  “I do not understand why I can enjoy kissing you so much when I am not certain that I like you at all.” A gasp escaped her, and she clasped a hand over her mouth.

  Darcy chuckled. He had kissed Elizabeth so senseless that she had said something she had not meant to voice aloud. “You are getting a taste of the exquisite torture I have felt since meeting you. I ought not to be so attracted to you, but after weeks of battle, I am far past fighting it.”

  “Is that what this is? Attraction?”

  Darcy nodded. “It is why I am so certain we shall find at least one way to be happy in our marriage.”

  Elizabeth’s eyes widened. “Am I—am I wanton?”

  “No,” Darcy insisted and gave her a reassuring kiss. “We are to be bound in holy matrimony in a matter of days. A husband and wife should desire each other this way. There will be times when we are displeased
with one another, and this may be a uniting factor.”

  “Is it not fleeting, though? You cannot build a marriage on lust.”

  “For the foolish, that is true. However, we do not enter this marriage blindly. We shall take care to build upon what we now feel and protect the respect we have for one another.” He gave her a meaningful look as he finally realised the root of her concerns. “Our marriage shall not be like that of your parents.”

  Rewarding him with a small smile, Elizabeth nodded.

  “I must leave you, but only for a few days.” He finally released her, his arms feeling woefully empty. Offering his arm, they proceeded to turn back to the house. “When I return, I will have our license and the settlement in hand. I regret that I will not be present to help you bear the coming stress and shall conclude the necessary business as quickly as possible.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Perhaps while I am away, you can put some thought into where you wish for us to live. I have turned up a few potential locations for when your mother and sisters are ready to leave Longbourn. If you would like, we could reside there rather than Netherfield or Longbourn.” Darcy told her of the options.

  “Pulvis Lodge and Stoke may do well for my family. Ashworth is too far away from Meryton, I believe. However, I confess I do not wish to be so distant from Papa.”

  Darcy furrowed his brow as he considered other options. They approached the house. “Perhaps we might stay in a cottage on the estate. We can dine at Netherfield or Longbourn every day and have a maid come for general upkeep, but still have some privacy as newlyweds.”

  Elizabeth glanced up at him. “This means very much to you, does it not?”

  “I do not wish to keep you from your father or relations. However, I do not want to start my married life in Miss Bingley’s domain. I also believe you will need a respite from Longbourn. Tell me, how long have you sat in vigil at your father’s side? Have you allowed anyone else to do so?”

  “Jane does sit with him from time to time. The others have not offered, and I do not think they would perform the office well. I cannot leave him alone.”

  “We shall employ a maid or nurse who can see to his needs. If he desires company, perhaps a neighbour might do at times.”

  “I am unsure,” Elizabeth admitted. “I feel so alone, attempting to make these decisions. Mama is of no use.”

  “Hush,” Darcy whispered and kissed her forehead. “I do not mean to distress you. I shall also consider these matters, and we can discuss them when I return from London.”

  “I would be grateful.”

  “I must go.” Elizabeth let go of his arm. Unable to physically part with her yet, he gathered her hands in his. Darcy raised them to his lips before confessing, “I do not want to leave you.”

  Elizabeth sighed as his mouth grazed her knuckles. Then she started. “Oh! Before you leave, I have letters for my aunt and uncle in London. Would you deliver them?” She blushed. “You do not have to go to Cheapside yourself,” she hastened to say. “I wondered if you could send a servant. Only I think it would be faster than the post, but there is really no need to send them express.”

  “I would be pleased to call on your relations. Do you think they will come for the wedding?”

  “I had hoped they would. We will need assistance when Papa…”

  “I will make sure they understand that they are needed.”

  “Thank you,” Elizabeth whispered.

  She left to retrieve her letters. After she had returned and handed them over, Darcy pressed a quick kiss to her cheek before mounting his horse. As he left the gates of Longbourn, he wondered at the mixture of feelings in his breast. Would attraction and gratitude really be enough for happiness in marriage?

  Chapter Seven

  Shortly after Darcy’s departure, Mr. Bingley and his sisters called on Longbourn.

  “I was hoping to host a ball soon, but I will wait until your father has recovered,” Mr. Bingley said.

  Elizabeth internally cringed. Jane believed it best to keep up a façade that Mr. Bennet was not mortally ill. Of course, Jane kept hope eternal and always looked on the best side of things. Elizabeth was far more pragmatic. If the neighbourhood knew of Mr. Bennet’s illness, they would not be expected to entertain callers. However, then Jane could not see Mr. Bingley, and Elizabeth would not keep her dearest sister from the man who might provide a balm to her heart at such a time.

  “I regret that it might mean you are unable to attend, Mr. Collins.” Bingley nodded in his direction.

  “I am not put out in the least,” Collins said. “Circumstances have changed, and I have every reason to extend my stay at Longbourn.”

  “Is that so?” Bingley’s brows rose in surprise. “Will Lady Catherine not require you back at your post? From everything Darcy has said about her ladyship, I am astonished she would allow you to extend a holiday.”

  “Her ladyship is condescension itself. Mr. Darcy would know that if he gave her what is due.”

  Mr. Collins took a deep breath as though to continue speaking, and to undoubtedly scold Mr. Darcy from afar, when Lydia, blessedly, interrupted. “The spring is a fine time for balls, Mr. Bingley. Perhaps you will have one then.”

  “Upon my word!” Miss Bingley cried. “Hosting two balls within six months of each other? It is never done so in London.”

  “You are correct, Caroline. I suppose Miss Lydia does not understand the taxing work and preparation that goes into hosting one as Longbourn has never done so.” Mrs. Hurst glanced around the drawing room with a disapproving look.

  Lydia huffed and folded her hands over her chest, ready to retort. Jane spoke before she could. “I believe Lydia thought that before too long, it would be inadvisable to host a ball due to the weather and condition of the roads.”

  “Yet another concern we do not have in London,” Mrs. Hurst muttered before sipping her tea. She swiftly put it back down, her mouth pinched in distaste.

  “Will you be returning to London soon?” Kitty asked. “I have always wanted to go, but Jane and Lizzy are the only ones ever invited.”

  “Will you be going to Town this winter, Miss Bennet?” Mr. Bingley asked with real interest.

  “My plans are unfixed at present,” Jane said with a blush.

  “When Lizzy marries Mr. Darcy, perhaps we can all go to Town.” Lydia bounced in her seat at the thought.

  Miss Bingley spewed the tea she had been sipping,, spraying Mr. Collins, who was directly across from her, before dropping the cup. The remaining liquid dumped on her gown.

  “I say!” He jumped up and began patting himself with a napkin. As it did little good, he stormed out of the room.

  Miss Bingley began coughing and turning a terrible shade of red. Mrs. Hurst and Jane both came to her assistance in patting her back and providing something fresh to drink.

  “Shall I call the housekeeper?” Jane asked Mrs. Hurst. “I hope she is not ill.”

  “Perhaps we had better leave,” Mr. Bingley said.

  “Yes, yes,” Mrs. Hurst agreed as she soothed the still hunched-over Miss Bingley. “We must go at once.”

  Elizabeth was not entirely sure, but she thought Miss Bingley’s coughs had turned to sobs of a sort. Elizabeth had known the lady would be disappointed to hear of Mr. Darcy’s engagement. She had even supposed Caroline would be mortified to learn that he had been lost to Elizabeth. However, she never could have imagined such a scene, and her lips twitched at the humour of it all. She would laugh heartily when they had left. As she knew Miss Bingley had no real affection for Darcy, she felt no guilt at her reaction.

  Mrs. Hurst shuttled her sister out of the house as fast as possible. Before leaving, Mr. Bingley spoke to Jane and then drew close to Elizabeth.

  “I told Darcy he ought to inform her before he left. He said he owed her nothing and would not make his engagement a spectacle. However, to find out in such a way—I do feel for my sister, although I always told her she had no hope of catching Darcy.
I hope you are not offended, Miss Elizabeth. She will come around in time.”

  Elizabeth smiled at Bingley’s civility. “I am not affronted in the least. I hope she recovers soon.”

  “Aye. I am jolly glad he chose you. He has been like a brother to me. And well”—Bingley glanced at Jane before turning his eyes back to Elizabeth—“I would much rather be his through marriage in this way than another.”

  Elizabeth beamed at Bingley’s allusion to marrying Jane. Her heart suddenly felt so full it might burst. First, Miss Bingley made such a mess of herself, and now Bingley intended to marry Jane! Such news would always occasion joy, but in the face of such gloom it seemed sweeter.

  Bingley excused himself before Elizabeth found anything to say. Their guests gone, the younger Bennet sisters returned to their own devices. Elizabeth drew Jane close and relayed what Bingley had said, earning a happy gasp and a full blush from her sister.

  “Is it what you wanted?” Elizabeth asked.

  “How can you doubt it?” Jane said in astonishment. “You have seen how I have encouraged him. I have worried about appearing unseemly as my attention is so often drawn to him.”

  Elizabeth laughed. “I had thought so, but Charlotte believed you concealed your emotions too well.”

  “I wish he had said something to me. I have remained uncertain of his feelings.”

  “I think he was unsure of your response to him and merely overwhelmed by the scene. He likely did not mean to say something so personal to me. When next he calls, I shall endeavour to give you two privacy, and then your hearts may be revealed to one another. You do love him, do you not?”

  “Yes!” Jane gushed. She placed a hand on Elizabeth’s. “I only wish you were as happy with your engagement as I am at the merest hint of my own. I wish you would love Mr. Darcy.”

  “Dearest Jane! I cannot make myself love a man.”

  “Perhaps not, but you can certainly try. Do not endeavour to find fault with him.”