Beautiful Pain

by Joanna Mazurkiewicz

  Two days passed and Sophia kept thinking that Harry had probably changed his mind and wasn’t going to contact her anymore. When she came home on Thursday afternoon Vanessa had taken a day off.

  “Someone was here to see you,” announced her friend, smiling. Sophia put away her grocery shopping.

  “Someone?”

  “I think this was the guy that you were telling me about, Harry O’Donaghue?”

  The colour drained from Sophia’s face and she felt like there wasn’t enough air in her lungs.

  “He was here, oh my God! What did you tell him?”

  Vanessa arched her eyebrows.

  “You just missed him, he left ten minutes ago. He wanted to speak to you. And oh, he told me to pass a message on to you.”

  “A message?” she repeated.

  “Well he said that you have to stop running from your fate and he that he was going to be back. He seemed pretty determined … and oh boy he was cute.”

  Sophia felt dizzy, she had to sit down and think straight. She covered her face with her palms. She was sure that he wouldn’t pursue her, but she was very wrong. Harry wasn’t the kind of guy that would just let it go. It was clear that he wanted her but Sophia left him hanging.

  “Are you going to tell me what is going on? Why are you avoiding him?”

  She lifted her eyes and looked at her friend. Vanessa didn’t know about her dark, demonic past.

  “We went out for a date.”

  Vanessa giggled.

  “A date, Sophia? That’s amazing! I thought you weren’t going to see him.”

  “The date was good and we got on with each other great, but what happened after that scared me off. He kissed me downstairs in the lobby and I kissed him back. Then I realised that it didn’t make much sense. The whole date was inappropriate and wrong, so I told him that I wasn’t going to see him anymore outside the probation.”

  “Obviously he didn’t take it well?” said Vanessa.

  “He didn’t want to listen, so we had a fight. I just don’t want to get involved with someone that I won’t have a future with. Besides, I will be leaving Belfast in over two months.”

  “You sound like some woman that is looking for a husband. Have some fun and think about the consequences later. He probably wasn’t even expecting anything from you.”

  “I can’t just get on with it, Vanessa. He is the kind of guy that I can fall in love with and then I could ruin everything. My whole career. If anyone found out about this I could forget working in that kind of environment. There is too much risk.”

  “So you want to stay a virgin for the rest of your life?” hissed Vanessa. Sophia rolled her eyes. There was so much more she wanted to tell her, but it was too early and it wasn’t right to pull her into her dark world.

  “I’ve got another date with Mason. We are going out tonight,” Sophia blurted out.

  “Are you kidding me? You are going out with Mason just to forget about Mr. O’Donaghue?”

  “I am doing what you are telling me to do, I am going to have fun,” she replied angrily. She’d had enough of this conversation already.

  “I think you are making a big mistake. Mason is cute and cool, but I don’t know … I prefer Harry.”

  “Thank you very much for your opinion, but I’ll do whatever I think is best,” she said and left the room. She was angry with herself for not telling Vanessa the truth. She was just a coward. Vanessa came back to her room an hour later, apologizing that she was insensitive and said that she’d ditched Paul, the guy that she was seeing. Later on she told Sophia that she should do what was best for her. It was her life and if she thought that Mason was the right guy for her then she wished her good luck. Harry made her feel special and she really wanted him, but for tonight she was going to be with Mason and she was going to kiss him.

  Chapter Twenty One

  After her shower Sophia put on her white fitted dress, added some accessories, and styled her blonde curly hair. Then the phone rang letting her know that Mason was downstairs. He was dressed in a navy shirt and light khaki trousers. His eyes sparkled when he saw Sophia.

  “Hello my African princess,” he marveled, smiling. Sophia blushed, feeling that her nerves were going to win tonight. Her body was giving her signals that she shouldn’t be here with Mason, but she ignored the sensations in her stomach.

  “How are you?” she asked.

  “Fabulous now that I am with you.”

  Sophia laughed and they started walking side by side. Mason suggested a cinema in the city centre, though they weren’t sure about the choice of the film. In the end they both agreed to watch an action blockbuster. Sophia didn’t mind; she was happy with anything. She couldn’t stop thinking about Harry, wondering if he was going to come back to the apartment in the next few days.

  Mason was trying to take her hand throughout the film but she kept shifting, not allowing him to touch her. In the end she thought that he got the message because he stopped. She couldn’t concentrate much on the storyline. She kept imagining that she was sitting with Harry and he was stroking her hand gently. Her mind was driving her crazy; she couldn’t stop thinking how calm Harry made her feel. When the film ended she was determined to let go of the thoughts about Harry.

  “I enjoyed that. I am not fond of action films, but this was good,” said Mason, smiling.

  “Yes, thank you for taking me.”

  “Do you fancy a quick drink in the bar?” he asked. She nodded; she was glad that Mason wasn’t going to rush her into anything. On their last date she told him that she wasn’t going to kiss him, but tonight everything was different.

  They entered a stylish bar in the high street. The music wasn’t too loud and it wasn’t that busy, so they got a table in the back. Mason returned with two cocktails and Sophia slowly started relaxing in his company. They talked about Mason’s work and Sophia’s time in Belfast. He implied that he could show her Dublin and Cork.

  “What are your plans after the summer?” he asked. Sophia shifted on the chair, thinking about the future.

  “I am going back to finish my final year at Uni,” she replied.

  “To London?”

  “Yes, back to London.”

  Mason didn’t say anything for a little while. Suddenly, he did something unexpected … he took Sophia’s hand and looked into her eyes.

  “Sophia, I don’t want to rush anything, but I really like you and I don’t want this to just to be a holiday fling.”

  His voice was raspy and seductive. Sophia’s stomach turned and her body shifted. She tried to remain unaffected.

  “Mason, I’ve still got two months. It’s really not—”

  “Shhh, don’t get me wrong, I know what you are saying. However, I have been thinking of moving back to England for a while now.”

  “Mason, I—”

  “I know it’s still early, so what I am trying to say is that I am here and I won’t make this awkward for you. Let’s see how things progress between us.” He shrugged and Sophia’s breathing became heavy, but she didn’t pull away. If the date with Mason progressed further, he was willing to go after her. She thought that this was a big commitment, but she didn’t want to discourage him. She wasn’t going to panic just because he’d told her that he really liked her. She plastered a smile on her face.

  “I don’t like planning anything. Let’s see what is going to happen between us,” she replied with a small voice and drank her cocktail.

  “Of course.” He paused. “I saw that guy the other day that you were with when you gave me your number.”

  “A guy?”

  “Yeah, it was in the petrol station at the supermarket. You know tall, brown hair with a piercing in his eyebrow ... the one that wasn’t too happy when he had to leave you?”

  Sophia felt that she needed more air, but she couldn’t show Mason that his words had any kind of effect on her. She pursued her lips together and nodded her head.

  “I had to see him outside of probat
ion during his community service. He can be difficult sometimes.”

  She didn’t like the way she said it, her voice was easily giving her away. After a moment she said to herself that she had nothing to worry about. Mason was probably just curious.

  “He looks like that sort of guy. I think you should avoid meeting him outside of your work. You never know what is going to happen,” he said, giving her an encouraging smile. Something inside Sophia’s stomach turned; she suddenly felt sick. She didn’t want to talk about Harry. He was supposed to be out of her head tonight.

  “Well I don’t think we have to worry about him. My supervisor will transfer him soon.”

  “I am glad. Besides, he was with someone and they were arguing.”

  “Someone?” asked Sophia feeling that she had to know. Mason brushed his hair off, tensing his jaw.

  “Well, he was arguing with a girl that was dressed really inappropriately. I didn’t really get what they were talking about.”

  Sophia told herself that she had to breathe; Mason was sipping his cocktail and watching her intensely. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she felt lightheaded. Was Harry really with another girl? Maybe she was his friend but they were arguing. She wanted to stop thinking about him, she didn’t want to care if he was sleeping with a different girl every night.

  “It doesn’t matter, he is still just a stranger,” muttered Sophia and smiled. Mason touched her hand.

  “Let’s change the subject and talk about something more exciting,” suggested Mason and Sophia nodded. The subject of Harry didn’t return for the rest of the night, and Sophia was getting more and more comfortable with Mason’s company. He asked a lot of questions about her hobbies and family. Sophia told him what he wanted to hear; luckily there was still time before she was going to talk about her therapy and everything else that’s happened in her past life.

  They had one more drink in another stylish bar and then Mason said that she needed to get home as they both had an early start tomorrow. The night was peaceful and the streets were quiet where they were walking home holding hands. Sophia was nervous because she wasn’t sure what to expect. Mason was the kind of guy that she wanted to get close to. He was a few years older than her, but this didn’t matter. Once they finally stood by the stairs that took Sophia to her apartment she couldn’t just ignore him. She had to do this, that’s the way any date should end.

  “I had a really nice time tonight,” she said as he was standing in front of her. In his eyes she found warmth and desire. The tips of his lips inclined in a smile.

  “Sophia, you are very special and I could listen to you all night,” he said and she knew that he was going to kiss her. When his lips touched hers, she shivered and didn’t hesitate to respond. The kiss was different, but as they pulled away she was disappointed that she didn’t have Harry in front of her.

  ***

  Harry let out a shallow breath through his lips. His hands were tight fists as he stared at the guy who was kissing his Sophia. He wanted him dead, rotten and shoved to the ground. His knuckles had gone completely white as the rage made him blind. He was going to knock to on Sophia’s door and try to talk to her, but right now she was with another prick. They shared one kiss and then he was gone. It was the same guy that he had seen with her when she came to see him after his community service. He couldn’t believe that she went out with him after their special date on the beach. He wished that he had a knife with him; he imagined slicing that guy’s face, telling him to stay away from Sophia forever. He waited until the guy vanished around the corner, then he approached the entrance. Harry stopped abruptly by the door, shaking his head. He had no idea what happened down in the lobby, but Sophia still didn’t want to see him. She didn’t respond to any of his text messages or voicemails. When he touched her bare skin, there were marks. He should have kept his mouth shut but he was worried. Sophia was hiding something from him. She completely freaked when he asked her about the marks and now she was kissing another man.

  Harry pulled his arm back and punched the wall furiously, his chest heaving. The pain gave him a moment of relief. His body was shaking uncontrollably when he reached his car. Sophia couldn’t be the kind of girl who would sleep around, she was so pure and gentle. He turned the engine on and drove off. At home he put his bleeding hand under the tap, trying to think straight. He didn’t get it, Sophia was his. When he checked his phone, disappointment filled his stomach. He tossed it on the floor in fury.

  “Harry, why on earth are you making so much noise?” shouted his mother from upstairs. He needed to calm down, but his breaths were still shallow. There was absolutely nothing that he could do. She wasn’t for him and now she’d proved it by going out on a date with another man.

  “Sorry, Ma, it was an accident,” he shouted. He couldn’t go and face his mother. She knew him too well.

  Then his phone started ringing. He looked at the screen; it was Patrick, his brother’s best friend. He didn’t want talk to him, but he was on the edge of smashing his own room so he answered the phone to distract himself from his own anger.

  “Hey, bro, what’s going on? Meet us outside the Hills Avenue in five.”

  “What for?” Harry barked.

  “I’ve got a deal for you and there is a lot of money to be made,” said Patrick in his usual hoarse tone.

  “How much are we talking about?”

  “Five grand clean, are you up for it?”

  “Damn right I am. I will be there.”

  He didn’t have to think about this twice. He normally didn’t do any business with Patrick, but right now he needed as much money as possible. Besides, he wanted to get away from the house. He had a quick shower and then checked his phone. It was just after eleven o’clock when Harry got out of the car in the quiet alley. He knew this area very well, his brother spent a lot of time in this neighborhood always getting into trouble. He spotted Patrick on the corner with two other guys. Harry never really liked Patrick because he used to use Lennox to take care of dangerous clients that didn’t want to pay. Patrick had power and he knew a lot of people around the city. Harry was still really angry thinking about Sophia as he approached the group. He was telling himself that he was here to make money. The girl that was important to him was no longer interested in him.

  Chapter Twenty Two

  “All right, Harry, what’s up?” asked Patrick, grinning. Harry could tell that he was high, so were the two other guys that were with him. Patrick was wearing a leather jacket and dark trousers, glancing around confidently. He was short with long, messy dark blond hair. Harry didn’t want to know who the two other guys were, but he suspected that they were drug addicts that hung around Patrick all the time.

  “Good, man,” replied Harry lazily. “So what kind of job is it?”

  “Chill out, everything will come with time. We are just waiting for the lift.”

  “I just need to know what I am signing myself up for.”

  “We are just picking up some goods, that’s all,” Patrick replied, dismissing the question. Harry couldn’t afford to turn down five grand, his mother really needed the money. She couldn’t wait any longer. “The car will be here in a minute. By the way, how is Lennox?”

  “He is good. Behaving,” replied Harry, thinking about Sophia again. He’d taken her to meet his brother and now she wasn’t even prepared to listen to him.

  “This is Richie and Greg, they are going be with us.”

  Harry nodded and both guys smiled widely. Then the car arrived and everyone jumped in. It was a brand new model BMW and the driver wasn’t local. Harry couldn’t concentrate much, but when Greg passed him a cigarette he took it. They didn’t drive for more than twenty minutes before the car pulled out in front of a large warehouse and driver turned all the lights off. When Harry got out of the car he couldn’t see anything. The scent of oil and burned wood flowed through the air.

  “Okay, let’s make some money,” shouted Patrick. Richard and Greg laughed nervous
ly and followed him. They were in the middle of nowhere; no one ever hung out in this part of the city. The car was parked between two wrecked buildings. There was still time to go back, and suddenly Harry had a bad feeling about this whole trip. He hesitated for a moment, glancing around, the hair on the back of his neck lifting. The place looked deserted. Harry suspected that Patrick brought them here to pick up some heavy drugs and he was slowly regretting that he’d decided to leave the house tonight. They crept around the building, and Patrick stopped for a moment and listened in. Harry’s heart was racing, his chest heaved. He hated being in a situation where he didn’t know what to expect. They surrounded the building then stopped in front of two large solid metal doors. The gloomy darkness surrounded the space when Harry looked around; the shapes of the buildings were drawn around them. The silence buzzed in his ears.