Beautiful Pain

by Joanna Mazurkiewicz

  He cupped her breasts in his hand and moved back to her lips, pulling her abruptly towards his mouth. Then he began moving with the rhythm of her lips, feeling her tremble underneath him. His tongue found hers not letting her breathe. He pulled her nighty off, not wanting to wait any longer. His eyes moved downwards, scanning her naked body, the tiny scars on her thighs. His pupils dilated and he bit his lip, feeling aroused and ready, the scars made him want to kiss each of them and make her forget about the pain. He moved on top of her, positioning himself between her legs, and brushed his finger through her sex. When he slid his finger inside her, she threw her head back, arching him for more.

  “OH MY ...” she screamed.

  She was incredibly wet for him. His cock pounded; the throbbing sensation was making him want to tear her apart. He pulled away and get out of bed, searching for the condom in the pocket of his jeans.

  Chapter Thirty Two

  “You are ready so fast,” he muttered and slid the rubber over his erection. He stood and looked at Sophia, positioning himself between her legs. Slowly he circled his thumb around her sex and rubbed it down over her folds. He lifted her hips and lowered his head between her legs. His eyes were locked with hers as he sucked her slowly.

  She let out a moan and Harry smiled, running his tongue over her clitoris. Her legs trembled as she gripped the bed tight, tensing her pelvis. Soon his movements became more urgent and quicker.

  “God, Harry,” she groaned.

  “Stay with me, beautiful,” he ordered and continued sucking, picking up the pace. It wasn’t long before the orgasm passed through her system, the waves of ecstasy making her cry out for him. He pushed his body on top of her, brushing away her hair.

  “I am going to slide myself inside you now, just tell me to stop if it hurts,” he said in a husky tone, feeling the excitement filling his bloodstream. She spread her legs, inviting him in. He slid himself inside her slowly, controlling all of his movements, staring at her eyes at the same time. Pain passed across her face, but she didn’t tell him to stop.

  “Are you all right?” he asked.

  “I am fine, don’t stop,” she breathed. He pushed, easing himself inside gradually possessing every inch of her skin. Sophia’s breathing hardened, urging him for more. She felt so perfect and he was going to come soon, but he needed to take care of her first. He wanted her to enjoy this, more than anything else he wanted to make this special for her. He kept pushing slowly and steadily until she got used to him. Then his body moved faster and a soft moan escaped Sophia’s mouth. His breathing was quick and heavy.

  “Faster” she pleaded as her eyes closed.

  “Yes!”

  A wave of heat and delight was swirling throughout his whole body. He pounded himself inside of her, filling every inch of her.

  He let go of a breathless groan. “Are you close?”

  “Hhmmm.”

  He couldn’t resist her anymore; he was on the edge of ecstasy finally exploding with her. His body had never felt anything more wonderful. Several moments passed and Harry fell down on the bed next to her. He wrapped his arms around her, bringing her close to his chest.

  “Fuck,” he whispered, touching her arm. Her chest was raising and falling, her eyes closed, lips swollen.

  “Now I get it,” she said after a long moment in a husky whisper.

  “You get what?” he asked, lifting himself to look at her beautiful face.

  “I get what the whole fuss is about … sex is freaking amazing.”

  Harry laughed and pulled her towards his chest, holding her for a long time. There were red marks on the sheets; blood, proof that Sophia just lost her virginity. He couldn’t believe that he had this pure creature only for himself and that she’d chosen him to be her first. As he was staring at her scarred body he realised that he loved her. He had fallen in love with her. Now he was lost because it was supposed to be the other way around.

  ***

  For the rest of the day Sophia couldn’t stay away from Harry. She was sore and he refused to make love to her again. She wanted to scream when he pushed himself inside her for the first time. She was in agony, but she clenched her teeth and let him go through with it. After the initial struggle, she finally experienced everything that Ramona had been talking about. She understood that closeness with another human being. Nobody else existed then; only them, lost with each other. She was watching him carefully when he was staring at her scars. For years she was surrounded by demons that made her hurt herself, but Harry seemed mesmerized by her marks.

  She never thought that sex would be so important to her. She’d even forgotten that she was supposed to look after Harry. She knew that he was still in pain because she noticed when he was struggling to put his T-shirt on.

  On Saturday night Sophia went to the local supermarket to do some grocery shopping. She wanted to cook a special supper for Harry; steak and chips. She took her time, enjoying the sunny day. When she came back Harry was talking on the phone and sounded anxious.

  “Just chill out, Mum. I am going to take you to that clinic whether you like it or not.”

  She put her shopping on the table and put the bottle of wine into the fridge for later, and started working on her dish.

  “So what is my beautiful girl making?” he asked, wrapping his hands around her waist after a few minutes of silence. Sophia smiled, instantly inhaling the familiar aroma of his aftershave.

  “Supper for both of us,” she replied. “Is everything all right with your mum?”

  He dropped his hands and sighed.

  “Not really, she is complaining that her migraines are getting more painful, which isn’t a good sign at all. I think that soon it might be too late for this operation.”

  Sophia sighed. “How much money have you managed to save?”

  “It doesn’t matter how much, it’s not enough. I am still short ten grand,” he added and his nostrils flared.

  Sophia flinched, recalling her savings account. Now it was time to help someone. She couldn’t even think twice about it. Barbara’s life could be saved.

  She ran her hand over Harry’s chest, remembering his beautiful tattoo. His muscles tensed almost instantly as her fingers touched his bare skin.

  “I will give you the rest of the money.”

  His reaction was exactly as she expected; he started laughing.

  “What? You will give me ten thousand Euros?” he repeated with amusement in his tone. Sophia was perfectly serious.

  “I come from a wealthy family, Harry, and my grandparents opened a trust for me when I was very young. I’ve got over twenty-thousand pounds in that account. Your mother needs this money, and I’m willing to lend it to you.”

  Harry was staring at her with his jaw wide open.

  “I am not going to take any money from you,” he said, sounding annoyed.

  “Please, it’s not like you are taking this money away, it’s all about your mother’s health and I want you to take it,” she continued putting her argument forward. She just didn’t want him to fight with her.

  “I can’t accept this, Sophia, you know I can’t.”

  “Stop it, Harry. You are not going dealing anymore, plus your mother is getting worse so you need it.”

  “It’s just wrong and you might need it later.”

  “I can’t believe you are not willing to budge on your mother’s health,” she protested. He paced around the room, glancing at her like he still couldn’t believe it that she was serious.

  “Let me think about this, Sophia, it’s your trust money.”

  “Don’t think about this too long,” she muttered and decided that Harry needed to sleep on it. They didn’t talked about it for the rest of the day, and Sophia didn’t want to push.

  The next day she woke up feeling good about herself. She had the sexiest man on this earth sleeping beside her and he was going to make love to her again very soon. She got up before him and made breakfast. It was the last day of their lounging tog
ether. She had to get back to work tomorrow and Harry needed to gain his strength. Her phone was vibrating when she was frying the eggs. When she saw the caller ID the colour drained from her face and the contraction in her stomach came back. Her father was calling her and she was standing in the kitchen, unable to move. She lifted her hand and picked up the phone, slid it open, and pressed it to her ear, shaking.

  “Hello Dad,” she said with a trembling voice. There was a long silence on the other end of the phone.

  “Sophia, what the hell do you think you are doing?” asked her father. He sounded furious, she remembered it well. He used to use this tone of voice when he was shouting at her or if he was demanding something.

  “How are you, Dad? Is everything all right?” she asked, trying to sense the reason that he called.

  “Apparently everything is fine according to you,” he snapped.

  “Dad, what are you—”

  “Stop making fool of yourself, Sophia, and grow up. I thought that you said that you were in control of your life.”

  She really had no idea what her father was talking about.

  “I am fine, Dad. I don’t understand.”

  “You are stepping on thin ice, my dear. Sooner or later you will need to make the right decision. I am warning you, there won’t be a next time,”

  “Dad, I don’t get it. You are warning me about what?”

  Silence. She looked at her phone, discovering that the line had been disconnected. She tried to call back, but the phone went straight to voicemail. She didn’t have a clue what her father was talking about. Maybe he went to visit Ramona and she’d told him about Mason. He never liked her dating anyone. After all, she was his only daughter.

  “What are you doing?” asked Harry, standing in the doorway and smiling widely.

  “I just had a really bizarre phone call from my father. He was warning me to stop doing whatever I was doing,” she explained and wrinkled her forehead in confusion.

  “Warning you? Are you sure?” He paused. “Well maybe he is trying to say that he is going to visit you?” Sophia shook her head.

  “No, he would never come here. We don’t have a great relationship. He only travels when he has to,” she explained.

  “Then?”

  “I’ve got a bad feeling about this. I am going to call my mum later to find out.”

  Harry cupped her face between his hands and kissed her.

  “Don’t think about him. We still have the day to ourselves. Besides, it can’t be about us. No one knows that we are together.”

  “My cousin visited me a while ago and I told her everything. I know that she wouldn’t have said anything because she hates my father,” Sophia explained, thinking about Ramona. No one in probation knew that Sophia was dating Harry, unless someone saw them together. They were always careful and she’d never gotten friendly with anyone in probation.

  “You might be right,” she sighed. “Do you want scrambled eggs for breakfast?”

  “Let’s just skip breakfast and spend the rest of the day in bed having sex instead,” he chuckled and pulled her into his arms before she could protest. She wanted to reply, but he sealed her lips with passionate kiss. Sophia soon forgot about the phone call from her father and stopped worrying about the future.

  Harry wanted to spend every spare minute that he had with Sophia. She wasn’t quite sure how she was going to deal with his visits in probation. For now he still had the sick note from his doctor. His bruises were healing well and in a few weeks he could drive again. Sophia had to go to work as normal, pretending that everything was all right. They hadn’t brought up the subject of money again, and Sophia decided to wait for a few weeks to discuss it again.

  After the intense weekend together, they continued seeing each other as often as possible. Sophia became a regular visitor in Harry’s home and Mrs. O’Donaghue accepted her, not asking any questions. After all, she was in love with her son and hopefully Harry was in love with her. Sophia was afraid that once his leg healed and he could drive again he was going to be back to his old habits, back to dealing.

  Chapter Thirty Three

  When Sophia told Vanessa what happened during her absence, Vanessa screamed with excitement for at least ten minutes, not believing that Sophia had finally lost her virginity. After going through all the juicy details, Sophia switched the subject to Timothy. Vanessa was happy with the way things were going with him. They were getting serious again and Tim was even considering moving back to Belfast. Sophia was glad that Vanessa was sorting her life out. Her friend needed stability and a boyfriend that was going to take care of her.

  The weeks passed by fast, and before Sophia even noticed she only had a few weeks left of her summer. Harry had been turning up to his appointments, pretending to be a client not her lover. Sophia always chose to use private rooms for their meetings so no one could overhear what they were talking about. She thought that people had been watching her and someone in probation was working for her father, especially after the phone call. She couldn’t get through to her mother. After a few attempts she got a text message stating that Michelle was traveling with work and she was going to call her as soon as she could.

  She kept asking Harry if he’d thought about her proposition, but he muttered that he was still thinking about it. She put a new argument forward saying that the money was just sitting in her account and she wasn’t going to use it anytime soon. His mother’s operation was urgent, but Harry was still hesitating.

  They slowly became inseparable. Harry spent a few nights a week in Sophia’s apartment when Vanessa was working. Sophia couldn’t lie to herself thinking that the sex wasn’t good. She enjoyed every minute being with Harry. She got used to waking up in the morning with him. She still hadn’t told him how she felt about him, but during one intense night of lovemaking she wanted to whisper in his ear that she was in love with him. Harry continued being supportive, caring, and annoyingly admiring. They stopped discussing the future; they both knew that their time was precious and they had to make the most of it.

  During one sunny afternoon when Sophia was walking back to the apartment, she realised that in a few weeks her new life was going to end. She wished that Harry would tell her how he felt about her. She was torn between her parents and contemplating about staying in Belfast. She still had one year of University left and she couldn’t jeopardise it for a man that hadn’t even said that he loved her. However the idea of going back to that miserable life filled with books and nagging wasn’t appealing to her anymore. She couldn’t imagine being without him.

  “Sophia, hey wait!”

  She turned around, seeing Mason rushing towards her, and the smile disappeared from her face. She didn’t want to see him again and she wondered if he’d followed her here.

  “What are you doing here, Mason?” she asked. She could only hope that Harry wasn’t thinking about meeting her somewhere here. He reached her, breathing heavily. His hair was slightly longer and he looked like he lost a bit of weight.

  “I was hoping that you might be going this way. Do you mind if we have a drink?”

  “Have you been waiting here for me?”

  “Well, I was hoping to bump into you. I wanted to talk to you.”

  “There is nothing to talk about, Mason. We aren’t going out anymore, so there isn’t anything that we have to discuss,” she added, glancing around. Sophia had hoped that she was clear when she told him that it was over between them. She shouldn’t have gone out with him in the first place.

  “Oh come on, at least let me try to be your friend.”

  “Mason, I really don’t think that this is a good idea. I’ve got to go.”

  She was just about to walk away when he stopped her, touching her arm.

  “So you are seeing someone else, that’s why you don’t want to talk to me. I really don’t get what is wrong with you.”

  “Mason, I am not seeing anyone. I am going back to London in a few weeks. I think I am in a completel
y different place right now.”

  She felt that she had to lie to him, she didn’t want to him to know about Harry. Mason was a clever guy, he was obviously still hoping that there was a chance for them to get back together, even if they weren’t serious.

  “I want to be friends with you, Sophia, and I don’t understand why you are making it difficult. Just tell me if you’re seeing anyone. I am sure you didn’t mean to break up with me?”

  Sophia stared at him for several seconds, wondering what to tell him. Her gut was telling her that he wasn’t going to leave her alone.

  “I am leaving, Mason. Stop following me and just accept that we were never meant to be together,” she fumed with annoyance and started walking away.