Mr. Darcy's Diary

by Amanda Grange

  ‘I was saying that Georgiana is always easy with you. Darcy wants her to enjoy some adult entertainments this Christmas, and I am sure he can rely on you to dance with her.’

  ‘Nothing would give me greater pleasure. She is becoming a beauty, Darcy.’

  I was gratified.

  Monday 16th December

  The house is looking festive. Georgiana has been helping Mrs Annesley to decorate it with holly, tucking pieces of the greenery behind the pictures and around the candlesticks. She has always liked doing this, ever since she was a young child. When I arrived, I found her adorning the window in the drawing-room with more greenery.

  ‘I thought we would have a dance in a few days’ time,’ I said.

  She flushed.

  ‘Just a small one, with our intimate friends,’ I reassured her.

  ‘Perhaps you would like some new ribbon to trim your muslin,’ said Mrs Annesley to Georgiana.

  ‘Oh, yes,’ she said, looking at me hopefully.

  ‘You must buy whatever you need,’ I replied.

  I was about to say she should buy herself a new fan when I thought better of it. I will buy one for her myself, and surprise her with it.

  Wednesday 18th December

  Today we had snow. Georgiana was as excited as a child, and I took her into the park. We walked along the white paths and returned to the house with flushed faces and hearty appetites.

  I could not help remembering how flushed Elizabeth had looked after her walk to Netherfield. Her eyes had been sparkling, and her complexion had been brightened by the exercise.

  Where is she now? Is she walking along the country lanes around her home in the snow? Is she at home, arranging holly, even as Georgiana is arranging it here? Is she looking forward to Christmas? If I had not kept Bingley from Netherfield, we could all be there now … which would have beeen a very grave mistake. It is better for all of us that we are in London.

  Monday 23rd December

  We had our dance this evening, and I was gratified to see Georgiana enjoying herself. She danced twice with Bingley, once with Colonel Fitzwilliam and once with myself.

  ‘Georgiana moves with extraordinary grace,’ said Caroline.

  It was a subject that could not fail to please me.

  ‘You think so?’

  ‘I do. It was an excellent idea to hold a private dance. It is good for her to practise at these sorts of occasions. You dance very well, Mr Darcy. You and I together can set her an example. Charles and I are at your disposal if you should wish to hold another such evening. It can do Georgiana nothing but good to see others dancing, and it will help her achieve confidence and poise.’

  I was reminded of another time when she had praised me, saying how well I wrote my letters. I recalled the scene exactly. It had been at Netherfield, and Elizabeth had been with us. I felt a stirring of something inside me as I thought of her. Anger, perhaps, that she had so bewitched me?

  Our dance broke up. Our guests left, and I had the satisfaction of seeing Georgiana retiring to bed, tired but happy.

  She has completely forgotten George Wickham, I am sure of it. As long as nothing reminds her of him, I do not believe she will think of him again.

  Tuesday 24th December

  We had our game of charades after dinner this evening. I was pleased when Caroline thought of suggesting that Georgiana and Bingley work on their charade together. They retreated into a corner of the room, their heads close enough to be almost touching. It was a most pleasing sight.

  The charades were very enjoyable, and after we had all performed, we went in to supper.

  ‘Do you know, Darcy, I thought we would be spending Christmas at Netherfield this year,’ said Bingley with a sigh. ‘That had been my plan when I took the house. I wonder what they are all doing now?’

  I thought it wiser to turn his thoughts away from this direction.

  ‘Much the same as we are doing here. Take some more of the venison.’

  He did as I suggested, and said no more about Netherfield.

  Wednesday 25th December

  I have never enjoyed a Christmas day more. We went to church this morning and this evening we played at bullet pudding and snapdragon. As we did so I noticed a change in Georgiana. Last year she played as a child, enjoying the novelty of putting her hands into the flames to snatch a burning raisin, and blowing on her fingers when she was not quick enough to emerge unscathed. This year, she played to please me. I could see it in her eyes.

  I wonder if Elizabeth plays at bullet pudding and snapdragon? I wonder if she burnt her fingers as she snatched the raisins out of the flames?

  Saturday 28th December

  ‘I wonder you do not think of marrying Miss Bingley,’ I said to Colonel Fitzwilliam as we rode out together this morning.

  ‘Miss Bingley?’

  ‘She is a wealthy young woman, and you are in need of an heiress.’

  He shook his head.

  ‘I do not wish to marry Miss Bingley.’

  ‘She is charming and elegant, gracious and well bred.’

  ‘She is all those things, but I could not marry her. She is a cold woman. When I marry, I would like a wife with more warmth. I would also like someone who will look up to me, rather than someone who will look up to my family name.’

  ‘I never knew you wanted that from a wife,’ I said in surprise.

  ‘As a younger son, I have had to look up to others all my life. I would like to experience the situation from another side!’

  He spoke lightly, but I think there was some truth in what he said.

  We rode on in silence for some way, enjoying the snow-covered scenery.

  ‘How long will you be in town?’ I asked him.

  ‘Not long. I have business which requires my attention in Kent. I mean to pay my respects to Lady Catherine whilst I am there. Shall I tell her you will be visiting her at Easter?’

  ‘Yes, I will visit her as usual. When will you be returning to town?’

  ‘Soon, I hope. Before Easter, certainly.’

  ‘Then you must dine with me when you do.’

  JANUARY

  Friday 3rd January

  There has been a most unwelcome incident. Caroline has had a letter from Miss Bennet.

  ‘She writes that she is coming to London,’ cried Caroline. ‘She will be staying with her aunt and uncle in Gracechurch Street. From the date of her letter, I believe she must already be here.’

  ‘It is not something I would have wished to happen,’ I said. ‘Bingley seems to have forgotten her. If he sees her again, his admiration might be rekindled.’

  ‘He does not need to know of her visit,’ Caroline said.

  I agreed to this. ‘I doubt they will ever come across each other,’ I said.

  ‘I think I shall not reply to her letter. She will not be in town long, and she will think only that the letter was lost. Better that, than that she thinks she is not welcome here. She is a sweet girl, and I have no wish to wound her feelings, but my love for my brother runs deeper, and I must do what I can to save him from an unsuitable match.’

  I applaud her sentiments, but I find I am not easy in my mind. Anything devious or underhand is abhorrent to me. But Caroline is right. We cannot allow Bingley to sacrifice his life on the altar of a vulgar family, and it is but a small deception after all.

  Monday 6th January

  Georgiana is developing just as I could wish. Her accomplishments, her deportment, her manners are all those I like to see. I did not know how to proceed when she was left in my care, but I flatter myself she is turning into the young woman my mother would wish her to be.

  Tuesday 7th January

  I had a shock when visiting Caroline and her sister today, in order to give them a note from Georgiana. As I approached the house, I saw Jane Bennet leaving it.

  ‘What has happened here?’ I asked when I was admitted.

  Caroline looked out of spirits.

  ‘The most unfortunate thing. Jane Be
nnet has been here. I thought she would have gone back to the country by now, but it seems she means to make an extended visit.’

  ‘This is most unlucky. What did you say to her?’

  ‘I scarcely know what I said. She took me by surprise. She told me she had written to me and I said I had never received her letter. She enquired after Charles. I told her that he was well, but that he was so often with you I scarcely saw him. I told her how much Georgiana was grown, and how we were seeing her for dinner this evening. Then I intimated that Louisa and I were on the point of going out. After that she could not stay.’

  ‘You will have to return the call,’ I said.

  ‘It cannot be avoided. But I shall not stay long, and I hope by my manner she will see that any further intimacy is not to be expected. Charles has almost forgotten her. In another few weeks he will be out of danger.’

  Of that I am not so sure. He speaks of her sometimes still. He checks himself when he sees my expression, but it is not safe for him to think of either Miss Bennet or Hertfordshire yet.

  Tuesday 21st January

  Caroline paid her call on Miss Bennet this morning. It was of a short duration, and she used her time to tell Miss Bennet that Bingley is not certain of returning to Hertfordshire, and may give up Netherfield. When she left she made no mention of seeing Jane again, and she tells me she is now perfectly satisfied that Miss Bennet will not call again.

  One day Bingley will be glad of our care. It is only this thought that reconciles me to the duplicity we have been forced to employ.

  FEBRUARY

  Saturday 1st February

  ‘Caroline has suggested we go to Bath for the spring,’ said Bingley this morning. ‘Perhaps I might take a house there,’ he added nonchalantly.

  I thought it was an encouraging sign that he has forgotten Hertfordshire.

  ‘That is an excellent idea,’ I said.

  ‘Would you like to come with us?’ he asked.

  ‘I have to go to Pemberley and make sure Johnson has everything well in hand. There are a number of changes I wish to make to the running of the home farm, and some further improvements I should like to make on the estate.’

  ‘Then I will see you again in the summer.’

  Friday 7th February

  Colonel Fitzwilliam has returned to town and he dined with me this evening, bringing me all the news from Rosings. He told me that Mr Collins has taken a wife. I held my breath, hoping that Hurst had been right when he had said that Elizabeth had refused Mr Collins.

  ‘She seems a very good sort of girl, although I should say woman. She appears to be approaching thirty,’ said my cousin.

  I let go of my breath.

  ‘But this is a good thing,’ he went on. ‘A younger woman might have been intimidated by my aunt’s—’

  ‘Interference?’

  ‘Helpfulness,’ he said with a wry smile. ‘But Mrs Collins accepts Lady Catherine’s advice without a fuss.’

  ‘I believe I might have known her in Hertfordshire. What was her maiden name?’

  ‘Lucas. Miss Charlotte Lucas.’

  ‘Yes, I met her and her family. I am glad she is well settled. Mr Collins might not be the most sensible husband, but he can provide her with a comfortable life.’

  And I could provide Elizabeth with so much more. But I will not think of it. I am resolved never to think of her again.

  MARCH

  Friday 28th March

  I received a letter from Lady Catherine, this morning, telling me that she was looking forward to seeing me. I was surprised to read the following passage in her letter.

  Mrs Collins has her sister, Maria, to stay with her, and a friend, Miss Elizabeth Bennet.

  It was a shock to learn that Elizabeth is at the parsonage.

  I believe they are both of them known to you. Sir William Lucas was also here, but he has since returned home. Miss Elizabeth Bennet has a great deal to say for herself but as she has never had the benefit of a governess it is not to be wondered at. A governess is necessary in a family of girls, and so I told her. Mr Collins was in full agreement with me. I have had the pleasure of introducing many governesses to their employers. Four nieces of Mrs Jenkinson are delightfully situated through my means.

  Miss Bennet’s sisters are all out. I do not know what her mother can be thinking of. Five sisters, all out! It is very odd. And the younger sisters are out before the older are married. A very ill-regulated household. If Mrs Bennet lived nearer, I would tell her so. I would find her a governess, and she would no doubt be grateful to me for the recommendation. She manages her household ill.

  Miss Bennet gives her opinions very decidedly for one so young. Her view of her family is extraordinary. She declared it would be very hard upon the younger sisters to wait until their sisters were married before they had their share of society.

  I found myself smiling at this. I have never heard anyone, man or woman, trifle with Lady Catherine before, and to trifle with her in such a way! For it is undoubtedly hard on younger girls to have to wait their turn to come out, though I have never thought of it in this way before.

  Perhaps I am wrong to be shocked that Elizabeth is at the parsonage. Perhaps I should be pleased. It will give me the perfect opportunity to demonstrate that she no longer has any hold over me. It will be a delight to me to know that I can meet her in company without any improper feelings, and I will be able to congratulate myself on having saved myself, as well as Bingley, from a most imprudent attachment.

  APRIL

  Thursday 3rd April

  I dined with Colonel Fitzwilliam at my club today. We have decided that we will travel to Rosings together.

  Monday 7th April

  My cousin and I had an enjoyable journey into Kent, and after generalities the conversation turned to marriage again.

  ‘I am of an age now when I feel I should be settled, and yet marriage is a dangerous venture,’ he said. ‘It is so easy to make a false step and then be forced to live with it.’

  ‘It is,’ I agreed, thinking of Bingley. ‘I have recently saved one of my friends from just such a false step.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes. He took a house in the country, where he met a young lady of low connections. He was much taken with her, but fortunately business compelled him to return to London for a time. Perceiving his danger, his sisters and I followed him to London and persuaded him to remain.’

  ‘Then you have saved him from a most imprudent marriage.’

  ‘I have.’

  ‘He will thank you for it when it has done. It is not pleasant to wake from a dream and find oneself trapped in a nightmare.’

  I am heartened by his opinion. I respect his judgement, and it is reassuring to know that he feels as I do on the matter.

  We arrived at Rosings this afternoon, and the beauty of the park struck me anew. It is not as fine as Pemberley, but it looks very well in the spring. We passed Mr Collins on our way to the house, and I believe he had been looking for us. He bowed as we passed, and then hurried off in the direction of the parsonage to share the news with its inmates. I found myself wondering if Elizabeth was within doors, and how she would feel at the news of our arrival.

  Tuesday 8th April

  Mr Collins called this morning to pay his respects. He found me with Colonel Fitzwilliam. My aunt was taking a drive with my cousin, Anne.

  ‘Mr Darcy, it is an honour to meet you again. I had the good fortune to make your acquaintance in Hertfordshire, when I was staying with my fair cousins. I was not married then, as my dear Charlotte had not yet consented to be my wife. From the first moment I saw her I knew she would not disgrace the parsonage at Hunsford, and would delight my esteemed patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh, who has the honour and distinction of being your most revered aunt, with her humility and sympathy. Indeed, Lady Catherine herself was kind enough to say—’

  ‘Are you returning to the parsonage?’ I asked, cutting short his effusions.

  He pause
d momentarily, then said, ‘Indeed I am.’

  ‘It is a fine morning. We will walk with you. What do you say?’ I asked Colonel Fitzwilliam.

  ‘By all means.’

  We set out. Mr Collins recounted the beauties of the park to us, interspersed with expressions of humble gratitude for our condescension in visiting his poor home. I found my mind wandering. Would Elizabeth have changed since the autumn? Would she be surprised to see me? No. She knew of my visit. Would she be pleased or otherwise? Pleased, of course. To reacquaint herself with a man of my standing must be desirable for her.

  Our arrival was announced by the door-bell, and shortly afterwards we entered the room. I paid my compliments to Mrs Collins, and she bade me welcome. Elizabeth dropped a curtsy.

  She is much as she ever was, but the pleasure I experienced on seeing her took me by surprise. I thought I had conquered my feelings for her, and of course, I have. It was just that the first instant of seeing her took me aback.

  ‘The house is to your liking, I hope?’ I asked Mrs Collins.

  ‘Yes, indeed it is,’ she said.

  ‘I am glad. My aunt has made some improvements of late, I know. And the garden? Do you like the aspect?’

  ‘It is very pleasant.’

  ‘Good.’

  I would have said more, but I found my attention straying to Elizabeth. She was conversing with Colonel Fitzwilliam in her usual free and easy manner. I could not decide whether I liked it or not. She was at liberty to talk to my cousin, of course, and to charm him if she would, but I felt dissatisfied to see how much he enjoyed her company, and even worse, to see how much she enjoyed his. At length I realized I was lost in my thoughts, and I made an effort to be civil.