by Hamel, B. B.
“I guess so.”
“What’s your damage then?”
“You wouldn’t believe me.”
She cocks her head and shrugs. “Try me.”
“Mommy loves me too much and made me live in a cult for most of my life until I ran away but now she’s back to bring me home to the commune because she thinks it’ll save my immortal soul but I’m not interested in going back.”
Luanne frowns at me for a long moment. “Heavy shit,” she says.
“Told you.”
“Not that I don’t believe you, mind. You’re clearly a little weird.”
I smile. “Really?”
“Sure. I like you, don’t get me wrong. But it’s like you came from a different planet sometimes.”
“That’s sort of true.”
“Look. Parents are…” She looks for the word. “Fucking assholes in general.” She sits down next to me and flicks her cigarette away. “Take it from me.”
“I just want her to respect my decision. And even if she doesn’t respect it, at least she doesn’t need to hunt me down and force me to do what she wants.”
“You said she thinks she’s doing it for your own good, right?”
“Right.”
Luanne nods. “That’s what they do. They want you to be them, because that’s all they know. But listen, honey. You don’t gotta be anyone else.”
I smile at her. “That’s really smart.”
“I am really smart.” Luanne laughs. “Just because I smoke and talk like a Southerner don’t mean I ain’t smart.”
“I know.” I take a deep breath and let it out. “Thanks for talking to me.”
“Sure. Mommy and Daddy problems are a specialty. Ask me about it sometime. You’ll get a story.”
“I will.”
She nods and stands up. “All right then.” She touches my shoulder and squeezes it. “See you tomorrow, hon.”
“Bye.”
She heads back inside. I sit there for a bit longer, breathing and getting myself together.
For some reason, I do feel better. I don’t know why I just out and told her all that about my past or why she just listened and accepted it, but it did feel good to say it all. I wanted to tell someone and I guess she was first person to come across me.
I get up slowly. I guess I can understand my mother’s motivations in this whole thing…
But I’m still angry with Erik. I don’t hate him. I know that’s dramatic. But he made a mistake letting my mother inside and he needs to know it.
I walk back home. I walk slowly, taking my time. I think about what I want to say to him, what I need him to say to me. As I walk, I hear thunder rolling closer, and it starts to rain.
“Well, shit,” I say to myself. “Of course.”
It’s raining harder by the time I see the house. I run for the porch and hop up the stairs. I’m soaked as I stand there, debating whether I want to ring the bell or not. Part of me just wants to go back to my little guest house and hide from him but I know I need to suck it up.
I need him. I know it’s true. But more than that, I want him. Erik’s the first person to wake something up inside of me, to make me feel good. I want and need him, and I can’t help myself.
I knock. I should just go inside, but I knock.
He answers right away. He stares out at me, the rain pouring down, thunder rolling in the distance.
“You’re soaked,” he says.
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’ll dry.”
He glances away. “No. I mean, about your mom.”
“I know.”
“Want to come in?”
“Yeah. I do.”
He nods and I step inside. I shut the door behind me. He leads me into the kitchen. Annie’s sitting at the table eating dinner.
“Hi, Kim,” she says.
“Hi, Annie girl.” I look around. “Kitchen looks good. You finished it.”
“Yeah. Got some small things to do, but you know.”
I nod a little.
He walks over to Annie. “Look, sweetie, you want to finish that in front of the TV?”
She perks up. “Videos?”
“Yeah, all right.”
She cheers and he takes her into the living room. I bite my lip but the sound of a kids’ show comes on. He walks back into the kitchen and leans against the doorframe.
“Guess you want to yell at me now.”
“I don’t want to yell.”
“All right.”
“I do want to know what you were thinking.”
He sighs and shakes his head. “I don’t know if I was.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“Look, Kim. She just showed up and I didn’t realize it was your mom right away. Then she said it, and I remembered the things you said about her, nothing bad, and I thought…”
“You should talk to her?” I frown at him. “Come on, Erik.”
“I know. It was a mistake. I thought she was harmless and I could maybe talk some sense into her.”
“So you wanted to fix my problem for me.”
“I guess I just wanted to help.”
“I don’t need your help.” I stare at him but we both know how ridiculous that sounds.
“I know,” he says. “You could be fine all on your own. But I just thought maybe she’d listen. She didn’t seem unreasonable… you didn’t make her sound like she meant you any harm, so I just… I fucked up is what I did.”
I bite my lip. “Yeah. You did.”
“I’m sorry. Tell me what I can do to make it up to you.”
“Don’t do it again, for starters.”
He laughs softly. “Okay. I can handle that.”
“And Erik, please listen. I don’t want to see my mother. I think…” I trail off, looking away. “I think I’ll go back if I do. I’m afraid I will, at least.”
“You won’t.” His voice sounds so steady and so true. For a second, I believe him.
But I remember the last time I saw my mother back in the commune. It wasn’t so long ago. We were in the kitchen and I was just about to go to bed, knowing full well I was going to run. She smiled at me and I kissed her on the cheek, something I don’t ever do.
“What was that for?” she asked.
“Just because I love you.”
“I love you too, honey pie.” She laughed and I left her then before she saw me crying and started to ask why.
I step close to Erik and let him wrap his arms around me.
“Even though she’s a true believer, she’s still my mom,” I say. “You know what I mean?”
“Yeah. I do. You can’t just put all that away.”
“Right. And there’s some stupid, small part of me that just misses…” I stop talking. I can feel the tears coming.
“You miss it, don’t you?” he asks.
“I kind of do. It was a nice life, you know? I had friends, I had a purpose. It felt good to work. There were bad things, really bad things, but some of it was good. It’s all I knew for a long time.”
“Hard to give up something like that.” He pulls me tight against him. “I miss some things from my past too. I miss being a cop, staying out late, working hard hours. I miss the good work I did. But I shouldn’t miss it, you know? I have it better now, just like you do.”
“I need to settle in. But I haven’t yet. That’s the problem.”
“You will.” He tilts my chin up. “I promise.”
I smile at him. “I still haven’t forgiven you.”
“I know.”
“You owe me penance.”
“How does one go about doing penance?”
“You can start by kissing me.”
“I can do that.”
So he kisses me. It feels good, even if I’m mad, because everything feels good with him.
I know he didn’t mean to bring my mother in here, or at least he didn’t mean to hurt me when he did it. I’m not sure he really underst
ands how complicated my situation is, but he’s going to figure it out sooner or later.
The kiss ends and I look up into his eyes. “Okay,” I say. “I can start forgiving you now. But I think I need some pancakes first.”
He laughs. “I can handle that.”
“Good. Because I think I need them every morning for a week.”
“All right then. That’s a fair punishment.”
“Please. It’s more like a privilege.”
“Damn right.” He grins and kisses me one more time.
It’s the kiss that really seals it. It’s the kiss that makes me decide to move on. I think he understands where I’m coming from now, and I think he’s going to stay out of it the best he can.
But I’m serious about those pancakes.
18
Erik
A few days go by without any incidents. The cultists stay away and we don’t hear from her mom at all, which is a relief.
And I make pancakes every morning. Annie gets a little spoiled by it, but she’s not complaining.
Kim is all but moved into the spare room at this point. We’re not really talking about it, but it seems like she’s living with us. And I have to admit, I like having her around. Aside from being nice to look at and even better to touch, she carries her weight. She does the dishes, straightens up, even plays with Annie. She keeps to herself mostly, although I’ve been luring her downstairs more and more with promises of pop culture.
“Seriously, you’re pathetic,” I say to her one Sunday night. Annie’s in bed, blissfully sleeping under a nice cozy blanket. “How can you not know about Brad and Angelina?”
“Are they friends of yours?” she asks.
I just laugh. “Come on. I’m not even into the movie star thing, but at least I know who they are.”
“I told you. I grew up in a cult. I’m a helpless little butterfly.”
I roll my eyes at that. “I doubt it.”
“Come on. Tell me who they are.”
“Brad Pitt and Angelia Jolie. Big-time movie stars. Brad Pitt was married to Jennifer Anniston but then he cheated on her with Angelia and it was a whole thing and…” Her eyes are glazing over and I laugh. “Okay, fine. It’s not that interesting.”
“I’m sorry. I just skipped that whole phase, you know? It never really clicked with me.”
“Probably for the best then. It’s not like you’re missing out on some mystery of life by following celebrity drama.”
“That sounds like a juicy story though.”
I shrug a little bit. She’s eating some ice cream at the table, just a little bit, her legs folded up underneath her. I love giving her new things to try and right now mint chocolate chip is her new favorite.
“There’s a whole world of that stuff, you know,” I say, nodding at the carton of ice cream in front of her.
She takes a little scoop. “I like this little world right here just fine.” She puts it in her mouth and sighs with pleasure.
I laugh again and reach up above the refrigerator. I bring down the pistol case. She goes totally still as I take it over to the island and put it down.
“What are you doing?” she asks.
“Gonna clean the gun,” I say. “Haven’t done it in a bit and part of being a responsible gun owner is the boring maintenance stuff.”
“Oh. Uh. Okay, right.”
I frown at her then go to unlock the case.
But it’s already unlocked.
I stare at it for a second. I cock my head and pull the case open.
The gun clatters free. It wasn’t put back into the case right.
“Shit,” I say.
Fortunately, nothing happens. I pick it up, open the cylinder, and make sure it’s not loaded.
Kim is sinking into her chair, looking horrible guilty. I stare at her for a long moment before gently putting the gun back down into its case.
“What did you do?” I ask.
“I’m sorry.”
“Kim. Seriously. What did you do?”
“It just happened, okay?”
I walk over and sit down across from her. “If you took it out to practice, I get it. You can tell me, you know. I can show you how to put it away properly and how to lock the case.”
“No, it wasn’t that.” She pushes the ice cream away and closes her eyes. “I should’ve told you.”
“Kim. You’re freaking me out.”
“It was the other day when I was watching Annie.” She takes a deep breath and I have a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. “Two women from the commune came. They wanted to talk… I thought it would be nice, you know, we were friendly once… so I let them in. But then they started to get aggressive. Well, the one did. So I got the gun… and I made them leave.”
I sit back in my chair and stare at her. “You actually pointed that gun at them?”
“It wasn’t loaded.”
“Still. Holy shit, Kim.”
“I know. I know. I’m so, so sorry. I never should’ve let them in, especially with Annie here. And taking out a gun with her in the house was so wrong. I’m so, so sorry. I shouldn’t told you but I’ve been afraid.”
I stare at her for a long moment. I close my eyes and rub my temples, a mix of feelings rushing through me. Finally, I look up. She’s near tears and clearly shaken up about the whole thing.
“First of all, you’re right,” I say. “You never, ever should’ve taken a gun out with Annie in the house. At least not to threaten someone with it.”
“You’re right,” she says.
“Did you feel like you had no other choice?”
She nods once. “I was scared. They were talking about bringing me back against my will, back to that bastard Mark, and I just… I remembered the gun. And what you showed me. I thought I could scare them and it worked.”
I reach forward on instinct and take her hands in mine. I stare into her eyes and squeeze her hands. “I don’t think you have any clue how stupid and brave you were,” I say. “Not many people would actually pull a gun like that.”
“I hate it. I never wanted to do that. I never would’ve hurt them, I just wanted to make them leave.”
“I know.” I hold her hands like that. “I’m proud of you. Not for pulling a gun, but for standing up for yourself. Next time, find some other way.”
“I will.” She blinks away tears.
“And now, I hate to do this, but you need to be punished.”
She laughs a little. “Okay. I can’t really make pancakes, but—”
“That’s not what I want.” I release her hands and stand up. “Come with me.”
She hesitates but stands. I lead her back to the stairs and up them. I take her into my room and close the door. She stares at me with wide eyes.
“Walk to the bed,” I say, standing near the door.
She does it, looks at me.
“Turn around. Bend over. Palms flat on the comforter.”
She hesitates before obeying. I look at her tight little body, her firm ass, her beautiful hips. My heart’s racing in my chest and I can’t help myself.
She fucked up big time. She made a huge mistake. Pulling a gun on someone is no small thing. That’s not a joke, not something you play around with. I know she knows it, and I don’t really think I need to punish her to get her to never do it again.
No, I want to punish her because I want to do it.
I walk over and stand behind her. She’s wearing a pair of tight yoga pants and a loose sweatshirt. I grab her ass with one hand and her hair with the other. She gasps, surprised, as I lean over her and whisper in her ear.
“Have you ever been spanked?” I ask.
She hesitates. “I don’t think so.”
“Good.” I stand back and peel her yoga pants off. I let them drop down to the floor. She’s wearing a pair of black panties and her firm, incredible ass looks fantastic…
I bend her over more, spread her legs, and spank her ass hard. She gasps and looks back at me, eye
s wide. I spank her again and again, nice and hard. I want to leave a handprint, make it bruise. I spank her a fourth time, but before I pull my hand back, I tease my fingers over the wet mound of her pussy.
She moans. Her eyes are wide, her mouth hanging open. I can feel how wet she is already through her thin panties.
I spank her hard. I spank her again, again. She wiggles her hips and I tease her pussy before I slide her panties off.
She’s soaking wet. I run my fingers down her slit and find her clit, her hard little bud. I rub it gently, making her moan, before I spank her again. The slap is loud and gorgeous. My cock’s half hard in my pants.
“Will you ever do anything that stupid again in my house?” I ask her.
“No,” she groans.
I roll my fingers up and down her wet little pussy before pushing them inside of her. She gasps and I bury two fingers deep inside her cunt. I pull her hair tight and kiss her over her shoulder.
“Promise you’ll never be so stupid again.”
“I promise. Oh, Erik. I promise.”
“Good girl.”
I release her, push her down, and spank her ass. I’m so hard I can barely control myself. I slide my fingers back in and fuck her with them from behind, sliding them in and out, making her moan.
I spank her again before I unbuckle my belt. I take it off, followed by my jeans. I’m rock hard when I take off my boxer briefs and stroke myself. She’s looking back at me, back at my thick, long cock.
“You were bad,” I say softly. “And now I think I’m going to fuck you until I’ve had enough.”
“Yes,” she whispers. “Oh, god, yes.”
I step forward and tease her pussy with my cock. I turn her around first, push her to her knees, making her open her mouth and take me. She gags as she takes it into her throat, her spit sliding down my shaft. I fuck her face, her mouth, getting my cock nice and wet before I pull her back up and push her over. I spread her ass wide and press my cock against her soaked pussy.
I sink deep inside of her. She groans as I fill her up. I spread her wide and slowly fuck her like that, her beautiful ass so perky and so red from my spanking. I growl and grab her hair, fucking her faster.
I’m taking her like an animal. I’m not worrying about anything but what I want and need. I fuck her raw and wet and rough, cock slamming and sliding deep into her tight spot. She moans and pushes back against me, her body so tight and gorgeous, every inch of her built to take my thick cock. I roar my delight and keep going.
