Navy SEAL Series Boxed Set

by Odette Stone

  Finally, he spoke. “How are you doing?”

  “I’m okay.”

  His eyes dropped to my waist. “How are you feeling?”

  “Normal. I get tired. And I have to pee about every ten minutes, but other than that, I don’t feel pregnant.”

  “How did your talk with Matt go?”

  “He’s starting to remember.”

  “He mentioned that.”

  I decided not to mention that Matt had also offered to still marry me.

  I looked up at his face. “Do you think you and Matt will ever be friends again?”

  He picked up the ball that Chloe dropped at his feet and fired it with power up the road. “Doubtful.”

  My heart ached for him. This situation had broken something in Jackson’s life too. How much sacrifice did this man have to make on my behalf? I had been so determined to keep him around, I never once stopped and asked what it would cost him.

  “How much do you regret coming here?”

  “I don’t believe in regret.”

  We walked in more silence. Both of us lost in our thoughts. Did this man have any idea how much he meant to me? He had never missed a step in taking care of me, protecting me, looking out for me.

  His question broke my train of thoughts.

  “Why don’t you want to get married? Be real with me.”

  I stopped walking and looked up at him. Just the sight of him made my heart sigh. “Because I’m in love with you and you don’t love me.”

  His head jerked back like I had slapped him. He winced slightly.

  Yup. How is that for getting real?

  “Emily.”

  “Jackson, when you left because you thought it was for the best, it crushed me. I felt such a sense of loss it was stupid. Marrying you when I know that you don’t have feelings for me, is emotional suicide.”

  The words blurted out of me. This was the truth. I hadn’t even been able to admit that to myself, but I was terrified of further entangling myself up with this man. Yes, he would be able to make it work, but one day he might decide he didn’t want to make it work. And I would not survive that.

  “You don’t trust me.”

  “I've never trusted anyone more in my life.”

  “But you think I’ll hurt you.”

  “Not intentionally. I think your intentions are extremely honorable.”

  He picked up the ball for Chloe and fired it so hard it disappeared into a grove of trees. She took off after the ball, but once she was at the trees, she looked back at him in bafflement.

  He turned to me. “I’m offering to marry you. I’ll take that commitment seriously.”

  “I know you would. But your commitment is out of a sense of obligation, not love.”

  Chloe barked at the trees.

  “What's the difference?” I could hear the frustration in his voice.

  I turned my face up to this man, and I saw the little boy who grew up in such a harsh world. Someone who didn’t know the difference between obligation and love had never really been loved. It made my heart ache.

  Chloe sat down in front of the trees, threw her head back and howled. Jackson gave me a hard-to-read look before he jogged towards Chloe. He talked to her. The two of them disappeared into the dense patch of foliage.

  It struck me that the man would be an incredible father. He was patient and protective. Intelligent and kind. My heart flopped around like a fish on dry land. Gasping last desperate breaths. Did I have the right to keep this man from raising his child?

  A ball sailed out from the bushes and then Chloe crashed after it. With ears bent backward and a happy smile on her face, she ran full throttle towards her ball.

  If we got married, he'd become the center of our child’s universe. An innocent child who only knew how to love with a full heart. And if it didn’t work out? If something went sideways? If, for some reason, he decided to leave us? That child would feel the impact of that for the rest of his or her life.

  Jackson jogged back to me. He continued to pick up the ball and fire it for Chloe, but he avoided looking at me. Some part of him had just shut down. He had retreated so far back behind his walls, and I could no longer feel him.

  “Want to head back?” he asked lightly. He was so good at pretending. I felt tears prick behind my eyes.

  “Sure.”

  Chapter 5

  As we walked back to the loft, I received a text from Matt.

  Matt: Do you have plans tonight?

  I frowned at my phone. I glanced over at Jackson, who was trying to wrestle a stick out of Chloe’s mouth. Chloe was in heaven. Jackson was the only person I wanted to spend time with.

  “Do you want to stay for dinner?” my voice sounded casual.

  A minuscule twitch touched his eye. “Sorry, I have plans tonight.”

  I knew he was lying. He followed that with an easy smile.

  I smiled back, and we continued to walk.

  “Have a good night,” he said when he got to his truck. The guy could not get away from us fast enough.

  “You too.” I stood and watched as he gunned his truck backward. Well, I had just found the one thing that scared our SEAL. Telling him that you loved him sent him running in the opposite direction.

  Upstairs, I texted Matt back.

  Me: Just having a quiet night. Talk tomorrow?

  Matt: For sure.

  Chloe curled up to me on the couch and laid her chin on my knee. I started to cry. This was a colossal mess. What was I was doing? Why was this so difficult? I felt like I was in a small sailboat in the middle of wild seas. Disoriented. Alone. Scared. The only thing I was sure about was this was all going to end very badly.

  I was so stupid. Jackson was the only person willing to get into that boat with me, and he had offered to help me. And instead of being eternally grateful, I questioned his reasons and scared him off so bad, he jumped ship and swam away.

  I had no idea what my problem was. I wished for about the thousandth time that my granny was here to counsel me. I missed her mischievous blue eyes that sparkled so bright. What would she tell me to do? She would have loved Jackson. I wasn’t so confident that she would have been as enamored with Matt, but Jackson would have scored high in her books.

  I heard a car pull up and then there were footsteps coming upstairs. I dashed into the bathroom to wash my tearstained face.

  “Emily?” Matt bellowed.

  “Matt?” I stuck my head out the door. “What are you doing here?”

  He carried some grocery bags. “Don’t say no. I was at the deli, and I couldn’t stand the thought of you sitting here all by yourself. So, I thought I would cook you dinner.”

  “Matt,” I said weakly. All I wanted was some peanut butter toast and my bed.

  “Don’t say no,” he pleaded. “You were there for me every single day through thick and thin. Let me cook for you. I don’t even have to eat with you. Just let me do something nice for you.”

  I rubbed my eye. “I can’t promise I’ll be good company.”

  “Come on, Em. It’s me. Just me. If anyone knows how to hang, it’s us.”

  I sat at the island and watched as Matt cooked. He didn’t cook often, but when he did, he knew what he was doing. Tonight he prepared my favorite dish, sweet and sour chicken on brown rice noodles with an apricot ricotta salad on fresh greens. I tried to remember the last time he had cooked this particular dish for me, but it had been months.

  He kept the conversation light. Talked about how he was going to go back to work soon. His firm had been kind to him throughout his accident. Next week he would start to work out with a personal trainer.

  His phone rang.

  “Hey mom….no. I’m just at the loft. Cooking dinner for Emily.”

  She talked at length. Then he put his hand over the receiver. “Do you mind if we have one more? My mom is feeling kind of low.”

  My mouth parted. I thought he would cook and leave me to eat in peace. The last person I wanted to see ri
ght now was Irene. I humiliated her son in public. The fallout promised to be tense.

  “Are you sure she wants to see me?” I whispered.

  Matt frowned in confusion. “Yeah, why not?”

  Apparently, I still didn’t have the bead on how this family functioned.

  “Okay.”

  “Come on over mom. We’d love to have you.”

  Irene took a cab over and gave me a warm kiss on both cheeks. She carried a bottle of wine for her and Matt.

  “How are you feeling?” her tone sounded warm. My body felt tense from anticipating the worst.

  “Uh, okay.”

  “Oh,” she touched her chest. “When I was pregnant with Matt, I was sicker than a dog for the first six months. Couldn’t keep anything down. The only thing I could manage was rhubarb.”

  This was not how I had envisioned this conversation going.

  “Oh, wow.”

  “My mother came up with at least a dozen different recipes. Rhubarb soup. Rhubarb juice. Rhubarb pie.” She bestowed another warm smile on me.

  “Do you still like rhubarb?”

  She peeled with laughter. “That's hilarious. Yes. I do. I still love rhubarb.”

  Matt set the table for three and then ushered us to sit down. They acted so normally that it felt surreal. Hadn’t they read the memo that I had left Matt at the alter because I had gotten pregnant with Jackson.

  Irene talked at length about her garden. She was looking forward to going to Turks and Caicos with her friend, and she was thinking of getting a dog when she got back.

  We finished eating, and suddenly the conversation turned.

  Irene carefully set down her wine glass and looked at me. “So, Emily. Have you given any thought to your next steps?”

  The question caught me off guard. “I haven’t come up with a definitive plan.”

  She rubbed her chin thoughtfully while she looked at me. “Raising a child alone is a big responsibility.”

  “Yes.”

  “Mom, we agreed to give her some time.”

  I glanced at the two of them. “Give me time?”

  Matt gave me a benevolent smile. “I meant what I said yesterday. About still wanting to marry you.”

  “Oh. I wasn’t sure.”

  Irene leaned forward. “I imagine that Jackson has been very honorable in offering to marry you and make an honest woman out of you.”

  I swallowed but refused to answer.

  “I know that Jackson has the best of intentions, but I worry about you marrying someone like him. You two are very different. And just with his dangerous job and being gone for so many months of the year.”

  I felt disloyal discussing Jackson while he wasn’t here. “We haven’t made any decisions about our future yet.”

  “Yes,” she smiled. “I’m sure you'll make the right decision.”

  “Thank you.”

  She looked at Matt. “Jackson was always so popular with the girls. In high school do you remember how many girls would phone or just randomly show up at our house?”

  Matt laughed. “Dozens.”

  “As a mother, I had to enforce the no bedroom, no closed door rule. He always had a wild side and matters didn’t improve when he joined the navy. With all the booze and his buddies to egg him on.” She shrugged and looked at Matt. “Who would have imagined that he would settle down before you, Matt?”

  I had shown up to a gun fight with a wet napkin. I had no defense against this woman. She hit every scared nerve in my body.

  She painted a picture of Jackson that I hadn’t yet seen, but I could easily imagine. An incredibly hot Navy SEAL with big muscles and navy friends and a long line of women willing to jump in his bed.

  I remembered him turning on his charms towards Julie that night at my party. He had stood so close to her and made her feel like she was the only one in the room. Hot jealousy and incredible insecurity knifed through me. The man could get anyone he wanted. He was beautiful, had an incredible body and a job that men coveted and women swooned over. He even vocalized that he didn’t want a baby or commitment. And his reward was getting stuck with me?

  How long would our marriage last? How long would he be able to sit in the box before he needed to break free? It wasn’t a question of if he would leave, it was more a question of when. I could write the book on how to play it safe in life. Jackson made his living running towards the most dangerous things in this world. Throw a crying baby into the mix, and he would be clawing at the walls of our marriage within a year.

  Chloe whined and gave a sharp bark. Footsteps, taking two stairs at a time. I heard the door slide open. I did not turn around and instead watched Matt and Irene freeze in their tracks.

  Irene recovered first, by touching her throat. “Hi, Jackson.”

  Chapter 6

  I turned and looked at Jackson. He stood at the door. With a deceptively casual stance, he took in all of this intimate scene - the dinner, the wine, the three of us. His green glance skimmed over my face without expression, yet somehow he managed to make me feel like my only ally had just busted me dining with the enemy. I bristled with indignation. I invited him first to stay for dinner, and he was the one who lied and drove off like his hair was on fire. It wasn’t my fault Matt and Irene showed up for dinner unannounced. Without speaking to him, I turned around in my seat, giving him my back. His issue, not mine.

  “Come in,” Irene invited him into my kitchen. “We just finished dinner.”

  Matt stood up and started to clear the table. “Do you want some food? We have lots of leftovers.”

  Jackson appeared by my side and put his hand on the back of my chair which was an unusually possessive move from him. I glanced up at his face, trying to read his expression.

  “My plans got canceled,” he spoke down to only me.

  “I’m glad,” my voice was faint. “Are you hungry?”

  He held my gaze for a fraction of a second longer than necessary. “I’m good.”

  “You want a beer?” Matt asked.

  “Sure,” Jackson said. He pulled a chair around the table and sat next to me. There were four sides to the table, but it felt like a statement that he would sit on my side with me.

  Irene and Matt didn’t skip a beat. They kept up their witty repertoire while Matt cleaned the kitchen, laughing and joking about various things with Jackson. When Matt and Irene wanted to be inclusive, they knew how to make someone feel welcome. Beside me, Jackson felt relaxed. He sipped his beer, participated in the conversation, and occasionally teased me. So why was I anxious? I felt so uptight I could barely speak.

  The conversation turned to Jackson.

  “So, you must be almost ready to head back to Virginia,” Irene spoke.

  “Got my papers. I head back Friday.”

  I could feel my entire body stiffen, I turned my gaze down to the table, trying desperately to hide my despair over that fact.

  Matt crossed his arms. “So, what exactly does that mean? Do you get sent out to fight right away?”

  “Nah, we'll probably spend at least two months in training before we get deployed.”

  “How long are you deployed for?”

  “We train or are deployed anywhere from eight to ten months.”

  Irene shook her head. “I was the wife of a cop for 29 years, and I never got used to my husband going out every day to serve and protect. But to have your husband leave for weeks or months at a time? I can’t imagine.”

  “Do you still live on the base?” Matt interjected.

  “Always have, probably always will.”

  “Oh that is unfortunate,” Irene said.

  Matt changed the subject. “Hey, Emily, do you remember Donny? He's one of the senior partners at my firm.”

  I nodded.

  “He just bought a house in the Hamptons. You should see this place. It has the most stunning view of the water. His kids are learning to surf, and now he’s even talking about getting a boat. He invited me down for a weekend this su
mmer.”

  Irene’s eyes shone. “Oh, I love the Hamptons.”

  This conversation was wrong on so many levels. I had no idea how the four of us could chat about homes in the Hamptons when there was a huge elephant in the room. It was bizarre on so many levels, but pretending was what Matt and Irene were best at. No one wanted to acknowledge that I was pregnant with Jackson’s baby or the fact that only a few days ago I had left Matt at the altar.

  “What kind of housing do they provide on the base?” I turned and looked up at Jackson.

  Green eyes held my gaze. “For the unmarried, there are apartments. Some are shared, and some are single occupancy.”

  “What about people who have families?”

  “Married servicemen or women can rent houses.”

  “With backyards?”

  His smile was faint. “They all have backyards.”

  “I had a backyard when I was a kid.”

  Irene interjected. “So, I hear that the military base is like its own tiny little town.”

  “It’s self-contained. There’s a larger civilian city outside of the base, but most of the staff live on the base itself.”

  “Well, that would be quite a shift from New York. It must be very quaint,” Irene added, making it sound like a dirty word.

  Matt frowned. “Can you buy your house on the base?”

  “All housing is owned by the military. We just rent.”

  “Wow, those military wives deserve a medal.”

  “Behind every strong soldier, there is an even stronger woman,” Jackson said with quiet resolution.

  Matt smirked in amusement. “Is that some kind of slogan?”

  Jackson didn’t smile. “Nope. Just a well-known fact among us.”

  My heart beat so hard I was scared everyone could hear it. I felt panicky. I hadn’t even thought about what married life to Jackson would be like. Irene had efficiently painted the picture of him being gone for months, working some insanely dangerous job while I would be stuck in some tiny military town in a rental house. Add in a new baby, dozens of women that probably wanted to have sex with him and a husband that didn’t want to be tied down and I was officially over my head.