Defy Not the Heart

by Johanna Lindsey

  "For what reason would I challenge him? I see no marks on you to show you are mistreated. In fact, Anne, I find it hard to believe the man does not cher­ish you."

  "He did, at first, but I could not stomach his touch and he knew it, and came to hate me because of it. Then he found me with a—with a lover, and he killed him with his bare hands."

  "But he did naught to you?"

  "He—he waited until my grief had lessened. He wanted me to grieve. He was glad of that. He did naught as long as he thought I was suffering, but as soon as I began to heal, he beat me. He wanted me to remember, you see. He thought my grief was so strong at first that a beating would not have mattered in comparison, so he waited. That is the kind of di­abolical man he is. And now he beats me if I even look at another man. Oh, please, Ranulf," she begged, throwing her arms around his neck. "I can­not live like this any longer. Can I not be free of him soon, I am like to kill myself."

  "You think I would care?"

  She leaned back slowly, frowning, but disbelieving his meaning. "You loved me once," she pointed out.

  "Now I love another."

  "Who?" When he did not answer, her eyes wid­ened incredulously. "Certainly not that little mouse you married!"

  "Mouse? She is more beautiful to me than any woman I know—or have ever known."

  "You do not mean that," Anne scoffed, and became bolder in her desperation, pressing her hips to his. "You must remember all we—"

  Ranulf reacted with violent disgust, shoving her away from him. Then he closed the distance again and caught her hair at the nape of her neck, yanking her head back. At last she saw what he had kept under tight control. Hatred blazed from his eyes and sent a cold shiver down her spine.

  "Lady, you killed my daughter," Ranulf said in a deadly snarl. "You did not even kill her with mercy, but let her starve to death. That is all I remember about you. Now get out of my home ere I take the retribution you truly deserve."

  "I cannot leave without my husband!"

  ' 'Then best you wake him right quickly—or I will.''

  "And what am I to tell him? 'Tis the middle of the night!"

  "You will think of something, lady. Lies are your specialty." With that he walked away and did not look back.

  "That miserable whoreson," Anne hissed, but only after he was gone. "How can he care about a bastard that was not even his own? I should have told him. That would have put the stupid wretch in his place."

  "Aye, you should have," Walter said quietly be­hind her. "But I will be sure to correct the matter. 'Twill not take away the pain he has carried all these years, but it might lessen the memory of it some small bit."

  Anne had swung around at his first word and now smiled at him. "Sir Walter, is it not? Were you stand­ing there long?"

  "Long enough, lady," and he too walked away, not hiding his contempt.

  She glared after him until she heard the cruel laughter by the hearth and turned around with a gasp to see her husband sitting up and watching her. "Not having much luck tonight, are you, my dear? I see I should have come to bed sooner, for now I have no bed to go to at all. How do you think I should thank you for that?"

  Anne paled and fled the hall to the chamber they had been given, to cower there in a corner. Her hus­band's laughter could still be heard, which meant that he had been titillated by what he had heard and seen, which meant that he would want to bed her ere they departed. And that was far worse than any beating that might come later.

  Chapter Forty-six

  .Reina woke to the gentle caress of a hand as it slid the sheet off her body. She sighed dreamily, but then her eyes opened and she gasped until she realized it was her husband and not some other slipped into her bed.

  "Jesu, you gave me a start, Ranulf."

  "That is not what I intend to give you, lady," he said in reply, grinning.

  Her cheeks pinkened just the slightest bit. She was still not quite accustomed to his lusty talk, though she surely did not object to it.

  "Did you only just return?" "Iwas morn, if the light beyond the bed-curtains was any indication.

  "Nay, Walter and I rode in late yestereve. You slept so peacefully, I decided not to wake you."

  As he said this, his hand moved across her navel, reminding her of what rested beneath.

  "Do you—notice aught different about me, Ran­ulf?"

  "Not a thing." His fingers tweaked a breast to watch the nipple come to life.

  "Nothing?"

  "Nay, why?"

  "Never mind," she said, disgruntled.

  "Do you notice aught different about me?" he teased.

  "Only that you are missing a few more wits," she snorted.

  Ranulf laughed heartily and pulled her close to hug her. "Why do you not just say it, lady?"

  "What?"

  His hand covered her belly again, and then he leaned down to kiss it. "What Walter told me about nigh two months ago."

  ''You know?'' she gasped. ' 'And you did not men­tion it?"

  " "Tis a wife's privilege to tell her husband. I waited for you to do so."

  "I am sorry. I know I should have, but ..."

  "But?"

  "The reason is silly," she hedged. "I would rather not repeat it."

  He accepted that. "Never argue with a pregnant woman,'' his father had warned him,' 'for you will not believe some of the nonsensical things they will say at such a time." And besides, he had other things on his mind just now, like thoroughly acquainting him­self with the new fullness of his lady's luscious body.

  He did just that, amazing Reina that he would still want to make love to her even knowing of the child. She was not fool enough to question him about it, but the confusion, which went away for the next bliss-filled hour, returned when Ranulf finally lifted his head from her breast to get up for the day. Did this mean he had gotten used to her during these months of marriage, and whether she was pregnant or not, had decided to still avail himself of her? If that were so ...

  Reina's smile was brilliant, full of joy and contentment, until: "Oh! I almost forgot. We have guests, Ranulf, that you should know—"

  "We had guests, lady," he said as he crossed to the door and banged on it to rouse Lanzo. "They left last eventide."

  "They did?" she said in surprise. "Why would they do that?"

  "I believe the lady realized 'twas not safe for her to stay here," was all he said.

  Reina stayed silent. As long as that pair was gone and not likely to return, she was satisfied.

  'Twas two months later that the messenger arrived with a call to arms from Shefford, and Reina's bubble of contentment burst. She was in the hall playing a game of chess with Walter when Ranulf came in to tell them. It appeared that Lord Rothwell had found himself another heiress, Lord Guy's niece, no less, who was also his ward. Her keep in Yorkshire had been under siege for several weeks now, but Sir Henry had only just learned of it and had decided that Ran­ulf was needed.

  Reina objected immediately, and quite strenuously. " 'Tis no more than a test, and I do not like it. Sir Henry could have summoned half a dozen men closer to York to see to this, and I will tell him so. You do not have to go, Ranulf."

  "Bite your tongue, lady," he replied incredulously. "My arm will grow rusty for all the use I get of it here."

  "You would fight for the wrong reason?" she shouted at him.

  "I will fight because I like to fight!" he shouted back. " Tis what I am trained for, and what I enjoy best—aside from taking you to bed!"

  Brilliant color shot into her cheeks, and her temper exploded even more. "You do not care how I feel, do you? Who am I but your wife!"

  "You are being unreasonable, lady," Ranulf rum­bled. "Rothwell is an utter ass. He will turn tail and run as soon as he sees reinforcements arrive."

  "And if he does not?" she stormed. "I love you, you lackwitted clod! Think you I want to see you bloodied in some meaningless battle?"

  "I love you, too, lady, but I will not give up my pleasure in a
good fight to appease you!"

  "Then go! See if I care!"

  She stalked off, but no more than a few steps ere she turned back to run into his arms. ''You love me?''

  "Aye."

  "Really?"

  "Aye." He grinned.

  "I love you, too."

  "I know."

  She hauled off and hit him. "Well, I did not know you did! You could have told me!"

  "Now who is the lackwit, lady? I tell you every night I take you in my arms. I tell you the only way I know how."

  "Nay, my lord, you just said it more plainly," she said with tears of happiness in her eyes. "Even if you did shout it at me, 'tis still what I longed to hear."

  "Those words?"

  "Aye."

  "But that says so little," he complained.

  "My lord, do I want to hear what a troubadour has to say, I will hire him. From you I only need 'I love you,' every so often."

  Ranulf chuckled. "As you wish, little general."

  She drew his head down for a lingering kiss. He had stopped lifting her up to his level when he had nearly dropped her earlier this month in surprise at being nudged by one of his son's more exuberant kicks.

  ' 'Now,'' she said with a purr of contentment. ' 'Will you forget about this silly war?"

  "Nay."

  "Ranulf!"

  "But I still love you," he offered.

  She glared at him furiously ere she stalked off again, this time without coming back.

  "She will not stay angry," Walter said, unable to hide the amusement in his voice. "She never does."

  "But I will be gone ere she decides to calm down." And then Ranulf grinned. "I hate to miss that. She is always so—expressive in her forgiveness."

  Walter hooted. "Someone ought to tell her you said that."

  "Bite your tongue. Do you have her guessing why I so often tease her temper, and I will take my loss out of your hide."

  Chapter Forty-seven

  Pointer closed in around Clydon with a white blanket of snow that was not likely to melt completely until spring. Reina secretly liked this time of year, even though viands grew stale and moldy, and men's tem­pers snapped from inactivity. "Iwas a time when women could do things there was never enough time for otherwise. Tapestries were started and completed ere the season ended, clothes made for the next year's special occasions, new talents discovered, recipes discussed and experimented with. "Iwas a warm, cozy part of the year with all hearths blazing, a time when relationships developed more strongly. Did a woman want to take the supreme luxury and just lie abed for a day and do naught, she could do that, too.

  Reina did that often, simply because her small frame had difficulty carrying so much added weight. Ranulf teased her unmercifully about her new size, insisting he liked it so much he would see to it she was often kept overweight. Surprisingly, he came home more often than she would have expected, con­sidering Sir Henry was still in the field. He showed up for every feast day, and was home for the Twelfth Day celebration to pass out the perquisites, or bo­nuses, to the manorial servants; the food, clothing, drink, and firewood that were their traditional Christ­mas due. He stayed that time until Plow Monday, the first Monday after Epiphany, when the villeins raced their plows across the common pasture to determine how many furrows each man could sow that year.

  But Ranulf did not arrive for the one holiday she was sure he would not miss, Candlemas, at the start of the second month of the new year. 'Twas now a week after, and Reina was due to have her baby any day, but he had still not shown up. After he had prom­ised he would be there for the birthing, what was she to think except that something dire had happened?

  Walter was quick to tell her she was being silly to worry. He had not gone on this campaign with Ran­ulf, nor did he mind staying behind, being newly wed to Florette. But what did he know of a woman's fear? And yet, realistically, Reina knew he was right.

  Rothwell had scurried home as Ranulf had pre­dicted he would, but that had not been the end of it. Sir Henry had decided he needed lessoning for his audacity and had taken the Shefford army west to be­siege Rothwell's keep, and so it had been under siege these past two months, with very little actual fighting.

  Ranulfs forty days' service had expired, but what did that matter when a man was enjoying himself? That he had stayed on to fill the ranks had caused another fight between them, which he, of course, won, and she, of course, forgave him for. The lout simply loved a challenge, any challenge, and she would perforce have to get used to that aspect of her life with him. It would become easier as the years passed. There would be times when he would be home so much she was like to wish him gone. And there would be times when he was late again in returning and she would worry herself sick. There would also be the times of loving to make up for it all.

  Verily, what did she have to complain about? That

  Ranulf was not there for the birthing of his first son, who arrived on time and without undue complication? Aye, she would not let him hear the end of that. And yet 'twas forgotten when he entered their chamber a mere hour after the ordeal was over, and came di­rectly to the bed to take her in his arms.

  He was contrite and elated all at once, and how could she scold him when he showered her with love? His excuse for being late was a good one. Lord Guy had finally returned to England and had summoned Ranulf to Shefford for their first meeting, which had gone very well. He had even insinuated that he would not take it amiss were he asked to be godfather to this first child of theirs. Reina could only laugh. "Iwas not like her overlord to be subtle about his wishes. Ranulf must have duly impressed him, which meant she had naught else to worry about on that score. Her father's little deception for her sake would never come to light, and his last wish was fulfilled. She had mar­ried the man of her choice, as he had wanted.

  Theodric hummed softly as he rocked Guy in his arms. The three-month-old infant was fast asleep, but he was in no hurry to put him down in his bed. Wenda was combing Reina's hair, still slightly damp from her bath. Theo no longer complained that the girl had usurped his duties, not since he had taken over the care of Guy, whom he adored. He was worse than any mother when it came to fretting over the baby. Reina sometimes thought that he envied her the nurs­ing of him, and would do that, too, if he could.

  Lady Ella preened herself in the center of Reina's bed. Her most recent batch of kittens cavorted on the floor, making Wenda giggle every so often. Reina was amused by them, too. She had not liked it when her nemesis had decided to have this litter under her bed, sneaking into the room to do so. Reina had tried mov­ing them at least into the antechamber, but Lady Ella would cry and scratch at the door until it was opened, then pick up the kitten she had carried there and rush into the room with it. Ranulf had said not a word, leaving the decision to Reina. What decision? The cat had made up its mind and there was naught anyone could do about it.

  When the door opened and Ranulf walked in, Reina was delighted. She had thought with Lord Hugh's ar­rival this afternoon that Ranulf would not retire until much later. But one look at him staring aghast at Theo holding Guy and she groaned inwardly. That he had not discovered ere now that Theo had taken charge of Guy was due only to Theo's clever timing.

  Ranulf did not mince words; he simply bellowed, "Out!"

  Theo was no longer frightened to death by Ranulf s roars. He gently laid Guy down in his basket and walked stiffly from the room. Reina gave a nod to Wenda to fetch the basket and leave them. The ar­gument she was about to commence would probably get loud enough to disturb Guy's sleep.

  "You have offended Theo," she began quietly enough.

  "I will do more than that do I find that catamite near my son again, lady. I will not have Guy influ­enced—"

  "Do not use that excuse, Ranulf," she interrupted sharply. "The only one like to influence your son is you, and well you know it. You would have it no other way, and that we both know. As for Theo, he has lived here his whole life. In that time he has had the care of two babies a
nd three children, myself in­cluded, and I might add that I was the only female he has attended. He has not influenced any of us ad­versely, nor is he ever like to." Then, on a softer note when she saw he was actually listening to her and no longer frowning quite so sternly: "He loves Guy as if he were his own. He would never do aught to hurt him. Now which is more important? That your son receives the best care? Or that you continue to hold a grudge because Theo admires your magnificent body?"

  That caught him off guard. "Magnificent?"

  "Aye." Her smile broke through.

  "I did not know you thought so."

  Was he embarrassed? Sweet Jesii, how she loved this man, with all his quirks and faults and endearing qualities.

  "Have I not told you, my lord?"

  "Nay."

  "I must have shown you."

  He really was embarrassed. Reina grinned and slowly crossed the room to him. Deliberately, she let her bedrobe slip down one shoulder, and saw his eyes ignite. He might have been disconcerted for the mo­ment, but 'twould not last long, and in fact, lasted no longer than it took her to reach him. She was lifted off her feet to dangle in the air. This was how they had met, the only difference being the passion that smoldered in his eyes now was not anger.

  "Christ's toes, woman, when you look at me like that . . ."

  "What are you waiting for?" she asked thickly, and wrapped her arms around him until there was not a breath of space between them. "Want me to drag you to bed for a change?" She did not have to ask twice.