Morally Blasphemous (Morally Questionable Book 2)

by Veronica Lancet

  "Mamma..." Claudia whispers and tugs at my dress. I quickly shake myself.

  "Let's go."

  Amelia takes us to the second floor.

  "Signor Marcello told me to prepare two rooms." She opens one door first, and my mouth drops slightly as I take in the decor. It's... luxurious.

  "This is my room?" I ask her, trying to make sure there hasn't been a mistake.

  The room is enormous... bigger than anything I've ever seen, in fact. My parents probably had a room like this, but I'd never seen it, so I have nothing to compare it to. There is a king-sized bed in the middle, but given the size of the room, it doesn't seem to take that much space. I tentatively step inside, letting go of Claudia's hand.

  "Wow, mamma," she also exclaims, and unlike me, she runs towards the bed and throws herself on it.

  I look around, noting the massive closets — surely he didn't expect me to have that many clothes – and there's also a bathroom. I open the door, and I have to pinch my arm to convince myself this isn't a dream. The bathroom is decorated with a combination of white and gold. There is a bathtub in the middle, while in the far east corner, there's also a shower. Both in the same bathroom? That seems awfully extravagant. Amelia must have noticed the awe in my expression as she continues.

  "Signor Marcello wanted to make sure you have all the comforts."

  "This... this is all wonderful. Thank you." I say, and she nods.

  "Now for the second room..." Amelia turns to exit, but I interject.

  "We don't need a second room. I mean... this is too big. Claudia and I can both stay here."

  "Mamma..." Claudia pouts, and I frown.

  "You want to see the other room?" She immediately nods.

  "But..."

  "If they're offering us another room, then I'd like to have my own space." Claudia says and immediately looks down, almost ashamed.

  "Baby, don't be embarrassed..." I start, but then I try to put myself in her shoes. She's never had her own room. We've always shared a space at Sacre Coeur.

  I sigh.

  Although I'll miss sleeping with my little troublemaker, I have to agree that maybe she needs her privacy. She's growing up too fast.

  "Fine." I say. "Let's see the other room."

  Amelia leads us across the hall. Somehow I'd thought our rooms would be next to each other.

  She opens the door and we step inside.

  "Wow..." Claudia says and takes a step forward. "This is incredible."

  The room is smaller than mine, but it's decorated specifically for a pre-teen. The wallpaper is pink, with different illustrations in glittery gold.

  The bed is also pink. Actually... the whole room is so pink, it's almost blinding.

  "Signor Marcello made sure the room would be ready for Signorina Claudia. He wanted everything to be perfect." Amelia mentions with a half-smile.

  Truth to be told, the effort is visible. I wouldn't have thought he would bother with something like this... in three days, no less.

  "I love it, mamma!" Claudia declares from the middle of the room.

  "I'm glad you like it." I smile at her affectionately.

  "Your luggage will be brought in shortly."

  "What about Marcello's sister? He mentioned a sister." I turn to Amelia.

  "She... she's on this floor too. A few doors down. I must apologize that she wasn't there to greet you. She's been rather indisposed lately..." She explains.

  "I'd like to meet her."

  "I'll tell her."

  I DON'T KNOW WHAT I expected from this marriage, or from moving to this house, but it certainly wasn't being this ignored.

  I'd met Venezia right before dinner, and she'd been... unpleasant would be an understatement. She'd been downright rude to me. After a tense first meeting, we'd gone on to the dining room, where she'd continued to drop hints about her displeasure, until she outrightly insulted me.

  "Couldn't you have found another wife... you know, one without a child?" She impudently asked Marcello. I'd immediately turned to Claudia, trying to gauge her reaction. I didn't want her to be ashamed of our situation...

  Damnation!

  She looked just as stunned as I felt, as she turned her hopeful gaze towards Marcello. Their eyes met, and I could see a twitch in his upper lip.

  "Venezia, Catalina is my wife, and you'd do well to respect her." He'd said in a stern tone.

  Venezia had huffed and immediately left the table, but not before violently throwing her cutlery at her plate.

  After the incident, Marcello had offered a short excuse for his sister's behavior, and we'd continued to eat in silence. I'd tried to initiate conversation a few times, only to be shut down. I wasn't sure that he wanted to interact with anyone, so I'd just taken to talking to Claudia. After dinner, Claudia had gone to her room, and I'd stayed a little behind, trying to engage Marcello in conversation, but it had backfired again.

  He'd nodded at me, as usual, then he'd turned and left.

  And so, here I am, hours later, about to knock on the door of his room. After a couple hours of deliberation, I'd decided that I needed to see where we stand.

  I know he's put in place some boundaries, but surely he doesn't plan on ignoring me for the rest of our lives. We still have so many things to talk about... like schooling for Claudia, booking her therapy. Also about me... What am I supposed to do with myself? I'm not used to lying around doing nothing, and it's pretty clear my basic cooking or cleaning skills aren't required here as Marcello has an army of staff. That simply leaves me with nothing to do.

  I take a deep breath and closing my eyes, I knock. There's some noise on the other side of the door before a voice says.

  "I told you, Amelia..." The door opens suddenly, and my eyes go wide as I take in Marcello's casual appearance.

  It's the first time I've seen him like this. He has a white t-shirt on and a pair of black sweatpants. His hair is disheveled. It's totally unlike the Marcello I'd met before.

  "Catalina." He seems taken aback to see me, and I have to steel myself. Yes, I need to go through this.

  "Can we talk, please?" I ask, and he narrows his eyes at me.

  "Is it urgent?" He asks, keeping the door only slightly ajar so I can't see anything inside.

  "Yes, I think so." It's not, but if this is the only way I can get him to talk to me, then maybe it is.

  He nods slowly, as if pondering my words.

  "Go to the study and I'll meet you there in a few minutes. It's the second door on the right." I don't even have time to reply before he closes the door. At least he didn't say no... right?

  I find the study, and I take a seat. True to his word, Marcello appears a couple of minutes later. He takes a seat across from me.

  "So? What did you want to talk about?" The intense way he's looking at me is almost enough to make me squirm in my seat.

  "My daughter, Claudia. I wanted to talk about her." I blurt out. I need to be smart about this and make him take me seriously. It doesn't help that he's so good looking, especially dressed like that. I wonder how his hair feels... would it be soft if I ran my hands through it?

  Marcello clears his throat and my cheeks turn red.

  Shit... was I staring? I hope I wasn't staring too much!

  I straighten my spine and continue. "She will need a teacher. There was a grammar school at Sacre Coeur, but it was more like Bible study. I'm afraid she's already missed a lot in terms of a more traditional education."

  "I see. You have no reason to worry on that account." Marcello responds. "I've been trying to find a governess for Venezia too, since she is a little behind on her schooling as well." He grimaces slightly. "If you'd like, we can interview potential governesses together, and decide on the best for the both of them."

  "Really?" My tone is perhaps too enthusiastic, and I notice I unconsciously bend forward. I try to lean back a little before continuing. "That would be great, thank you. I want to make sure she gets the best education, but also in a safe environment.
"

  "I agree." He gives a brisk nod.

  "I also want to find a therapist for her. The sooner, the better. I wouldn't like for what happened to her to scar her."

  Marcello tilts his head as he regards me.

  "How bad was it?" He suddenly asks.

  "What do you mean?" I frown at his question.

  "What exactly happened with Father Guerra? Did he..." From the corner of my eye, I notice him clenching his fist.

  "It didn't go too far, thankfully. When I came across them, he had his hands up her skirt." I shudder, remembering the events of that night. "But he could have... Lord, he could have done so much worse..." I take a deep breath, trying to compose myself. Just the thought of that man doing something to my baby girl...

  "You did well, Catalina. You did very well." He praises me, even though what I'd done had been murder.

  "I killed him..." I whisper, and close my eyes shut, trying to block the memory of the spilled blood.

  "He deserved it. He was a vile human being, and you protected your daughter. What you did was very brave." He adds, and I look up to see his expression. His eyes are almost warm.

  "He wanted to kill me." I confess. Would I have killed him if he hadn't attacked me? Maybe...

  "Stop blaming yourself. It's over."

  "It's not... I keep remembering..." I shake my head.

  Marcello stands up and starts pacing around the room.

  "The first time is certainly the worst."

  I whip my head around to regard him. Does he mean...?

  "You've killed someone before?" I dare to ask.

  He gives a dry laugh.

  "Someone..." He muses before chuckling again. "Yes. I've killed someone." He pauses before saying. "I've killed many someone."

  I'm stunned at his admission, more so because I thought that maybe he was different. I know that my family was... is involved in that type of shady business. But considering what I'd heard from Sisi about him, I thought he might be different.

  With one last look, he turns to leave.

  "Wait." I call out.

  I'm not finished. Why is he always so ready to ignore me? Am I so contemptible?

  "I'll have Amelia compile a list of therapists – female therapists. She'll bring it to you. If that's all..." He turns once more and opens the door to leave, and if I wasn't so anxious I might have rolled my eyes.

  "There's something else."

  He pauses, closes the door and leans against it.

  "I'm listening."

  "What am I supposed to do?"

  Marcello frowns at me. "What do you mean?"

  I bring my hands in my lap and I start fidgeting. Marcello doesn't exactly make it easy for me to talk to him.

  "What should I do all day? I mean..." I trail off, trying to find the right words. "Venezia and Claudia will have their lessons, but what about me? Is there anything I can do around the house?"

  "No. There's not." He replies.

  "Then?"

  "What do you want to do?" He asks me and I still. What do I want to do? I have no clue.

  "I don't know." I answer honestly. "At the convent, I did my share of chores and that was that."

  "Then let me ask you differently. What do you like?" His eyes glint in the dimly lit room, and I find myself lost in them.

  You.

  I quickly shake myself when I realize my train of thought. Surely not... no, of course not. That was just a rogue thought.

  "Me?" He asks, his tone half-amused and half in wonder.

  Damnation!

  Did I say that out loud?

  My eyes go wide at the realization.

  I fake cough. "What do you like, is what I meant." I internally cringe.

  "That's not what I asked." He raises an eyebrow at me challengingly.

  "Well, I don't know what I like." I shrug, trying to immerse myself in this subject and forget my earlier blunder.

  Lord, I bet my cheeks must be flaming still.

  Focus!

  "There wasn't much I could do at Sacre Coeur, I'm sure you realize that."

  "What about before?"

  Before? That's a strange thought... Can I even remember what I was like before?

  I shrug again. "I used to sew sometimes."

  "And you couldn't continue at Sacre Coeur?"

  "I mended a few of our clothes, nothing creative. I didn't have the materials..."

  "That solves it then." Marcello says, sounding almost eager to get rid of me. "Start sewing again." He brings his hand up to check his watch. "Goodnight then."

  This time he actually leaves.

  What?

  When I reach my room, I'm still stunned by Marcello's sudden departure. I don't think he enjoys being in my presence. It's a sobering thought, really. With a sigh, I take off my dress and go to the bathroom to take a shower. I see that there are already a few sets of clean towels laid out for me, so I take a couple with me. In the bathroom, I keep eyeing the bathtub, and after a long deliberation, I decide to opt for a warm bath. Maybe it will help me relax... clear my head.

  I drop my towel and head to the wall-length mirror on the other side of the bathroom. I try to look at myself as someone else would. As Marcello would. What does he see that disgusts him so much? I'm not ugly, that I know. And yet, every time I see Marcello making a conscious effort to avoid looking at me, that's exactly how I feel. I guess I'm not much to look at either. My pale skin is riddled with a myriad of freckles. The only notable feature I have is the color of my eyes – a bright green that Claudia inherited too.

  But then I turn slightly, and the biggest imperfection is glaring at me.

  When was the last time I looked at my own body? When was the last time I came face to face with the repercussions from that night? The more I turn, the more I can see the bumpy white scar tissue on my back. The last time I'd dared to look it had been an angry red. I may not remember much from that night, but I do remember the pain of my back being carved out... The knife slashing into my skin; deeper and deeper. The pain had been so unbearable I'd passed out.

  I shake myself from those memories.

  What would Marcello say if he saw me?

  What would he say if he knew that I bear some man's initials imprinted on my back? The coldness of the air assaults my skin, causing goosebumps. I look at the tub to see it's half-filled already. I submerge myself, closing my eyes and relishing the feel of the warm water. I raise my droplet covered hand and I trace it up my thigh.

  What would it feel?

  To be touched by him...

  To be loved...

  Desired...

  I hold my breath and lower myself beneath the surface.

  And I try to convince myself that I'll be fine.

  Even if that will never happen.

  Chapter Twelve

  I'M BACK IN MY ROOM before I can even register what happened. I close my eyes and focus on my breathing. When I agreed to this marriage, I didn't think I'd have such a hard time controlling myself. My body had been dormant for so long that I thought Catalina's proximity wouldn't be able to move me at all..

  And yet, here I am. Heart thumping. Pulse racing.

  Hard.

  I groan out loud at that.

  Fuck!

  She probably has no idea what she does to me... what seeing her and being so close to her does to my body.

  I've been in control for so long. But just seeing her across from me was enough to get my mind going, imagining all sorts of scenarios I know fully well I can't act on. Since the ceremony, I'd done my best to stay away from her. She'd looked so beautiful... so pure.

  Shit!

  Just knowing she's near makes me want to break all of my rules. I shake my head at the thought and take another deep breath. I'll just have to continue to avoid her. It's for the best.

  Grasping the hem of my shirt, I pull it over my head and throw it in the laundry basket. I take off my pants and boxer briefs and head into the shower.

  I'd always though
t there was a special place in hell with my name on it. A place in the 7th circle where my punishment would be carried out for an eternity to come. I had come to terms to that, oddly enough. It was what I deserved, after all, and I made no excuses for myself.

  But this...

  Having Catalina near me is a form of anguish that not even hell could contrive. But of course, a soul so pure like hers would never step foot near that inferno.

  I laugh at that, a cynical laugh that almost makes me choke.

  That's it, isn't it?

  What other punishment could I receive to rival this one? None...

  It seems it's hell on earth then...

  The realization that Catalina's presence here is the price I must pay for all my sins doesn't stop me from thinking about her... yearning to be with her.

  My breath catches at that thought. Droplets from the shower dampen my hair until it sticks to my face.

  Ten years and my body feels alive again. I feel alive again.

  The image of Catalina peering up at me from beneath her lashes, saying she likes me, even though I know she didn't mean it...

  My cock is already straining against the plane of my stomach, and I grow even harder the more I picture her lips... I take myself in hand, stroking my shaft from base to tip, almost groaning at the sensation.

  It's been too long.

  The skin at the top of my cock is so sensitive that I shudder when my thumb touches the head and skims the underside.

  I close my eyes and I continue to visualize, all the while pumping my cock faster and faster. What would she look like on her knees? Her tongue stretched out, waiting for my seed?

  My breathing picks up.

  Would she spit or swallow?

  The moment I imagine her swallowing my cum, licking her lips as if it's desert, I lose it. I feel my balls contracting, and I shoot my load all over the shower stall.

  "Fuck!" I mutter, barely able to hold myself still as the intensity of the orgasm hits me. I need to put a hand on the wall to steady myself, all the while dizzy and breathing hard.

  It's not long before the euphoria disappears, though, and a deep sense of shame envelops me.

  Fuck... how could I do that? How...