Following the Sparrows

by Karen Malley

  Having so many people at the table this year allowed Kathryn to sit far enough away from Adam to pretend he wasn’t there. She busied herself with Emma, feeding her little pieces of turkey and watching her squash cranberry sauce all over the tray of her high chair.

  Ben was sitting next to Adam, proud of being able to sit at the table with all the grown-ups. He’d sneaked some sort of action figure to the table and was demonstrating its skills to his Sunday school teacher.

  Kathryn checked herself. She shouldn’t be studying Adam. He was only someone to meet for coffee. She told herself that, but it was a lie. Much as she hated to admit it, Adam was quickly finding a place in her heart that wouldn’t belong to a friend.

  She reluctantly turned her attention back to Emma, who by now had mashed potatoes in her hair. After cleaning her up, she stole a quick glance down the table, feeling proud, and depressed at the same time, that Adam was piling seconds of her sweet potato casserole onto his plate.

  After the meal, she joined Anne in the kitchen and didn’t leave it until every single dish was clean and put away. It was better to do dishes than face Adam again.

  ~*~

  Saturday morning, Kathryn didn’t go to the coffee shop. She couldn’t face the pity she would see Adam’s face. She fixed a quick bowl of cereal and headed into work. It was the first Saturday morning she’d gone there in over a month. She was glad they hadn’t exchanged phone numbers. Adam would figure it out soon enough they shouldn’t see each other anymore.

  Why would he want to date a widow anyway? Of course, maybe he never wanted to date her in the first place. Maybe he was in on it too, praying with Anne and Mark she would get saved. Well good for them.

  She walked into the lab, checked on the reaction she ran the day before and leaned against the lab bench, frowning. She couldn’t focus today. Her heart was back at the coffee shop. It took every ounce of her energy not to go meet him. She checked her phone. 10:30. He would’ve come and gone by now. How long would he have waited?

  13

  Adam hurried into the coffee shop, anxious to talk to Kathryn. She’d disappeared into the kitchen after Thanksgiving dinner, and before he knew it, he was caught up in the football game, and she was gone. He’d managed to sneak a few glances at her during dinner. She was a natural with her niece, even when Emma managed to fling cranberry sauce all over Kathryn’s white sweater. He smiled at the memory.

  He ordered his coffee and a corn muffin and chose a table facing the door. Two cups of coffee and another corn muffin later, he faced the facts. She wasn’t coming. If only he had her number. He’d tried, but she always countered with “I’ll see you next Saturday.” He considered getting her number from Mark but figured that would upset her. Maybe something came up. Much as he hated to do it, he decided to let her be, and prayed that she would meet him next week.

  ~*~

  Kathryn stayed at work exactly two hours and thirteen minutes. Of that time, she spent approximately twenty minutes doing actual work, and the remaining time agonizing over her decision to miss her meeting with Adam. After coming to terms with the fact that there was no point in her being there, she decided to go for a drive.

  She soon found herself in Mark and Anne’s neighborhood. She hadn’t talked to Anne one-on-one in weeks. There was too much commotion on Thanksgiving, and she was so preoccupied with Adam’s presence that she didn’t visit much with anyone.

  Maybe it was long enough ago that Mark wouldn’t bring up their last talk. Since nothing out of the ordinary had happened since the accident, it must not have had anything to do with Charlie. Logically, it made sense that she was safe. There was no reason to come after her. If she hadn’t squealed yet, why would she start now? Maybe she was free from Charlie and those “friends” of his, but she’d never be free from what she’d done.

  She pulled into the Campbells’ driveway, hoping for a distraction.

  She knocked on the front door, and Eileen answered it. “Katie!” I’m so glad you’re here. I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to visit much on Thursday.” She opened the door wide. “Come on in. Mark and Anne went to lunch. They haven’t gotten out much since Robert passed. He was their main babysitter.” She reached to take Kathryn’s coat. “I should get here more often, but with still working full time, and volunteering at the church, I don’t make the drive as often as I should. I thought I’d take advantage of the long weekend and spend it with my family.”

  Kathryn dropped her gaze to her shoes. She hadn’t even considered offering to watch the kids for Anne and Mark. She’d try to make a point of it.

  Eileen got right to the heart of the matter. “What brings you here unannounced? Do you need to talk? I know what it’s like to lose a husband, so I’m all ears if you need me. Now come on in, I’m feeding the kids lunch.”

  Kathryn followed Eileen into the kitchen and Emma and Ben squealed with delight.

  “Auntie Katie, eat pena butta with us!” Emma called.

  Kathryn chuckled and pulled a chair to the table. Yes, this was the medicine she needed. After a lunch of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, grapes, and goldfish crackers, life regained some normalcy.

  She and Eileen took the kids upstairs for their nap, and she soon found herself in the midst of a heart-to-heart with her former mother-in-law.

  “Anne tells me you’re spending all your time at work these days.” Eileen patted Kathryn’s hand. “Running away from the pain doesn’t make it go away. When I lost my David, I thought my world was over. I worked oodles of extra jobs to make ends meet. Poor Robert grew up fast. He was only 12, but he was such a help with his little sister. I don’t know what I would’ve done without him. Now he’s gone, too.” Eileen wiped a tear from her eye before continuing. “So, I understand your grief. But don’t you worry, David and Robert are having a wonderful time up there having the best reunion you can imagine.” Her gaze lifted upward, as if imagining the scene.

  Kathryn followed her gaze. Was there actually something there?

  Eileen continued. “I couldn’t have made it through that time on my own. It was only having the Lord with me every step of the way that kept me going. I don’t know how you can possibly be dealing with this without that comfort. Honey, don’t you forget. There’s only one way to fill that empty place in your heart, and that’s with the Lord. He’s patient, but He’s waiting for you.”

  Kathryn stared at her hands. “I wish I could believe, Eileen, but I’m not ready yet.”

  Eileen turned toward the picture window, her hand over her eyes. “There they are, back from their date. He’s opening the car door for her. His mama raised him right.” She turned back to Kathryn. “You think about what I said.”

  Kathryn stood with Eileen. “Thank you for your advice.”

  Anne and Mark came in, looking surprised and pleased to see her. Mark checked his watch.

  “The kids should be asleep for another 45 minutes or so. Are you up for a board game?”

  Kathryn swallowed a lump in her throat. She and Robert played board games with Anne and Mark many times, always enjoying the friendly competition.

  Anne, always the observant one, glanced her way. “It’s OK, Katie. Robert would be happy that we were enjoying the time together.”

  After winning decisively, Kathryn grinned at Eileen. “You’re quite the partner. Robert and I never beat these two at this game.”

  Eileen grinned back. “Who do you think taught Robert and Anne how to play? I may be old, but I’ve still got it.”

  Noise from upstairs told them the adult time was over. After spending time building blocks with Ben, Kathryn made her way home, grateful she was still part of a family, even if Robert no longer connected her to them.

  ~*~

  Adam made sure he got to church on time. The message was what he needed, and the worship songs spoke to his heart. After the service, he headed to the preschool classroom, ready to spend time with the little ones. As Anne brought Ben to his room, he brought up the subject
of Kathryn. “Have you talked to your sister-in-law since Thanksgiving? How is she doing?”

  “It’ll take time,” Anne answered, “but she stopped by unexpectedly on Saturday. My mom said she seemed upset when she got there, but by the time she left, it was as if she was her old self.”

  “You guys must be good for her.” Adam was relieved Kathryn was doing better but bothered by the fact she’d missed their date. No. Not a date. A friend God brought into his life to help through a rough time. But why is she shutting me out now?

  Adam cut his thoughts short when a cry of “Johnny pushed me!” sounded behind him. He set to the task of trying to instill order in the chaos.

  14

  The following Saturday morning, Adam whistled as he showered, gladder than ever for the weekend. Mac’s constant criticism of him was wearing him down. Adam did his best to turn the other cheek, but he was seething inside. He was glad to hang up the tools for the week, but more importantly, he was still on a high from the Bible study the previous evening. It was helpful having the group to pray with and to share with. It was such a contrast to the rest of the week.

  He was drawing closer to all the members, but especially Derek Lin. He connected with the young man who seemed to be struggling with God’s will the same way he was.

  Adam only wished he could count on Kathryn meeting him at the coffee shop. He couldn’t tell what was going on in her head, only that she’d seemed upset to run into him at the Campbells’. Well, maybe she was over it by now. Only one way to find out.

  ~*~

  In the shower, Kathryn thought again about whether she should try to meet Adam. She’d been thinking about him all week, much as she tried not to. She couldn’t go. Her feelings for him were becoming stronger. She didn’t need to be dating, and he was far too good for her anyway. She’d end up in the same situation she’d been in with Robert. Another Christian guy trying to make her into something she wasn’t. She let the hot water wash over her, wishing it could wash all her problems down the drain with the suds.

  With her major deadline at work past, she didn’t need to go in on the weekends anymore. It was time to find something else to fill her life.

  She went online and decided to sign up for a cooking class. She was pleased to find somewhere she could go to meet other people where she wasn’t branded “the widow,” where people didn’t stop their conversations in the hallway when she walked past. Maybe there would be more people like Adam there. Besides, it was high time she learned how to cook. Even that one simple task lifted her spirits. She was ready to tackle the rest of the house.

  Several hours later, after cleaning the spare bedroom of all Robert’s things, she finished her task of cleaning the house, all except for Robert’s desk. It was too personal. She was afraid of what she might find there, after her previous encounter with Robert’s Bible. She wasn’t ready to get into that again. Since the day she’d laid the Bible on the nightstand, she didn’t have the courage to open it again. Some days she was tempted to pack it away in a drawer, but still, there it sat.

  The phone rang. Glancing at it, Kathryn steeled herself for a conversation with her mother. She hadn’t seen her since the funeral. Once Kathryn moved out of the house, Doris moved to Florida and they only got together a couple times a year. One of those times was coming up. “So, Mom, what are we doing for Christmas this year?” Kathryn asked.

  “I’d like to spend Christmas at your place this year. I have some extra days of vacation, and I want to see you, some family, and some of my old friends.”

  Kathryn scratched her head. “OK…”

  “This is your first Christmas without Robert, and I thought you’d like some company.”

  “It would be good to have someone else in the house for a change. Thanks, Mom.”

  After hanging up with her mom and having a dinner of noodles and jarred spaghetti sauce, Kathryn was doubly convinced the cooking classes were a smart idea. Weary and dirty from her cleaning spree, she hopped in the shower. Afterwards, she checked her phone, and noticed a voicemail message.

  Anne sounded frantic. “Kathryn, something’s wrong with Mark. He’s in a lot of pain. If you get this, could you please come over as soon as possible? I want to drive him to the hospital, but I need someone to watch the kids. If I can’t get someone, I’ll send for an ambulance.”

  Kathryn immediately called back. No answer. She rubbed her hair with a towel, threw on a coat, and rushed over to Anne and Mark’s place.

  When she got to their house, she knocked and entered at the same time. The kids came running to her. “Mommy took Daddy to the hospital. His tummy hurt.”

  Kathryn bent down to the children. “But who’s here with you?”

  Adam walked out of the kitchen. “Anne called me when she couldn’t get in touch with you. I can go, if you’d rather me not be here, but please keep me posted.” He moved toward the door.

  Ben held him back. His voice quavered. “Mr. Adam, don’t leave. You and Auntie Katie got to take care of us until Mommy and Daddy get home.”

  Adam knelt down and met his eyes. “If it’s OK with your aunt, I’ll stay.”

  Ben’s pleading eyes met Kathryn’s. “Please, Auntie Katie?”

  Kathryn couldn’t say no to the child, especially when he was already worried about his daddy. She’d manage until they put the kids to bed. She scooped Emma into her arms and told Ben that Mr. Adam could stay. She couldn’t meet Adam’s eyes. This was the second week in a row she’d stood him up for coffee, without giving him an explanation. She supposed she’d deal with that later, but for now, she focused on the children.

  “Ben,” Adam said. “Let’s pray for your daddy. Would you like that?”

  Tears glistening in his eyes, Ben nodded and bowed his head.

  “Dear God, please be with Ben and Emma’s daddy right now. He is your child and you love him. We are worried about him right now, but You’re in control of all things. Please heal him and bring him home soon. Please also be with Ben and Emma, their mommy and Aunt Katie right now, Lord. Comfort them all with Your peace. Thank you for always hearing our prayers. Amen.”

  Emma was too young to understand and squirmed in Kathryn’s arms, but Ben was clearly comforted. The tension released from his little shoulders.

  Adam had that effect on her too. Having Adam here made the worry easier to handle. Maybe he really could talk to God. He made it all seem easy.

  “OK, now,” Adam said as he got to his feet. “Let’s get some milk and cookies!”

  “Yay!” shouted both kids in unison.

  Emma wriggled out of Kathryn’s arms and padded after Ben into the kitchen.

  “That sounds perfect,” Kathryn agreed as she followed, too.

  Several cookies, lots of debate about the proper way to dunk them and a few glasses of milk later, Adam’s phone rang. He grabbed it on the first ring.

  “Anne, hi. How’s Mark?”

  Kathryn straightened, trying to read Adam’s expression. The worried lines on his forehead released.

  “OK, that’s good. How long do they expect to keep him?”

  He gave Ben a thumbs up signal. “No, no problem at all. Kathryn’s here too. We’ve got things under control.” He paused for a moment. “Ok, hold on.” He surveyed the kitchen, and finding a pen, he grabbed a napkin and scribbled down a number. “Got it. I’ll give him a call. Is there anything you need, anything we can bring for you?” Another pause, then, “Take care, Anne. God’s got it covered. You take care of Mark, and we’ll take care of the little ones. Here they are.” He passed the phone to Ben, holding it by his ear.

  Ben grinned. “Goodnight, Mommy. I love you too. Tell Daddy I love him. Come home soon.”

  Then it was Emma’s turn. “Ni-night, Mommy. Mista Adam and Auntie Katie tuck me in.”

  Kathryn waited patiently for the news, grateful at least that it didn’t sound serious.

  Adam hung up. “Mark has a kidney stone. He’s on IV fluids and some pain medication until it p
asses. He’ll be uncomfortable, but he’ll recover. Anne expects they’ll be there overnight and wanted to know if one of us could stay. Are you OK with that?”

  Kathryn nodded, afraid to speak. She was so relieved Mark was OK that she almost cried. His family needed him. Still, that didn’t stop God from letting her own father leave, or from taking away Robert and Anne’s dad, or Robert.

  Adam broke her train of thought. “I need to call someone at church to fill in for Mark tomorrow morning. Can you get the kids upstairs and I’ll be there to help you in a minute?”

  Kathryn cleared the plates and glasses into the sink and herded the kids upstairs.

  “You heard Mr. Adam. It’s time for bed!” She helped the kids brush their teeth, changed Emma’s diaper, and got them into their pajamas.

  Adam came up to join them.

  “Tell us a bedtime story, Mr. Adam,” Ben pleaded. “Daddy always tells us a Bible story before bed.”

  “I guess I need to do the same thing.” Adam pulled a children’s Bible off the bookshelf and sat on the end of Ben’s bed.

  Kathryn sat in a nearby chair with Emma, who was sucking her thumb contentedly.

  Adam began. “This is from the book of Matthew, and it’s a story that Jesus told. ‘If a man has one hundred sheep, but one of the sheep becomes lost, the man will leave the other ninety-nine sheep on the hill. He will go to look for the lost sheep. Right?”

  He paused and Ben answered happily “right!”

  Adam continued. “And if the man finds the lost sheep, the man is happier about that one sheep than the ninety-nine sheep that were never lost. I tell you the truth. In the same way, your Father in heaven does not want any of these little children to be lost.” Adam looked at Ben. “That’s because God loves everyone. It doesn’t matter who you are and whether or not you’ve made bad choices. God wants everyone to come to Him. That’s why God came to earth as Jesus. He left the safety and the comfort of heaven to come find us. God is happy about the people who follow Him, but He doesn’t love them more than the people who don’t. He wants everyone to come to Him.”