Leo: A More Than Series Spin-Off

by McLean, Jay

  I suggest we order food to be delivered. Mia insists she orders ingredients to cook. I don’t stop her. While we wait for the delivery, we sit on the couch, and we continue the question game, back and forth, back and forth. The questions start light, reminiscent of old friends merely catching up on the years they’ve been apart... until she asks about college. “I got into NC State,” I tell her, and her smile is so broad and so unrestrained that, for a moment, I wish I could capture it and keep it forever.

  “That’s what you wanted, right?”

  I nod, drop my gaze.

  “So did you graduate early, or…?”

  “I dropped out midway through junior year.” I meet her eyes again. “There was some stuff that went on at home, and so I had to go back.” I shake my head. “I mean, I didn’t have to. I chose to.”

  Her gaze searches mine. “Is everything okay?” she asks, and it’s the same look she gave me when I told her about Laney.

  “Uh-huh.” I force a smile. “It will be.” I won’t tell her about Logan. It’s not my story to tell.

  The food arrives, and Mia busies herself in the kitchen, refusing any of my help. We keep playing the game, only now, I’m asking all the questions. And she answers every one.

  She tells me that she learned to cook by taking classes when cabin fever became too much after Benny was born. Tammy was the one who recommended she do it, and even though it was hard for her to be away from Benny after four months of being with him twenty-four-seven, it was a much-needed break. She enjoys cooking, especially since she has a mouth to feed other than hers. She hesitates to disclose that it also helps her mentally—being able to control what goes in her body, not just what comes out.

  At the time, Tammy was somewhat living with them. When Mia was eight months pregnant, she started to panic about the actual labor and delivery, and she reached out to Tammy for help. Mia and her dad were already in New York at the time, living in his condo above a hotel. His girlfriend that she mentioned—the one who hated her—bailed on her dad when he finally put his daughter first.

  For the few months after her grandpa died, her dad stayed with her at the farm and worked from there. “It wasn’t until…” Mia says, plating up a chicken and mushroom with a red sauce dish. “Until…” She looks up at me, sitting on the other side of the counter, my ears and eyes trained on her. I’ve consumed every word she’s said so far, and I don’t want her to stop. This—filling this gap in time is what I need from her, and now she’s locked up.

  “Until what?” I urge. “You realized you were pregnant?”

  Her eyes glaze with tears, and she blinks them away, setting my plate in front of me. I ignore the food and get off the stool to make my way over to her. Settling a hand on her shoulder, I bend down a little, so I can meet her eyes. “Until what, Mia? What happened?”

  She looks up now, her eyes distant, empty. “My dad kicked down the bathroom door and found me passed out on the floor, lying in a pool of my own vomit,” she murmurs, voice straining with agony. “He called an ambulance, and they rushed me to the hospital. That’s how I found out.” Her entire body is tense, her breaths sharp like the edges of a knife piercing into my heart, making me weak. I try not to picture her in that state, physically and emotionally. Bile rises up my throat, and I swallow it down.

  “Mia…” It’s all I can get out.

  She steps back, away from my touch, and blinks hard. Just once. “There’s nothing wrong with him,” she states, finding strength from within.

  “I’m not—”

  “I know I made mistakes, Leo, and my biggest one was not taking care of myself when he was inside me, but I swear, there’s nothing wrong with him.” A single tear escapes, and she’s quick to wipe it away. “His delivery was quick and relatively painless, and he was the perfect baby. He rarely cried, and he slept through the night within weeks. He was crawling by eight months, walking at thirteen. His first word was ball, even though I really hoped it would be mama. He eats like a champ—whatever I put in front of him. And he’s polite. He smiles at everyone and everything, and when he laughs—like, really laughs—his entire body laughs with him.” She takes a breath, and before I get a chance to speak, she’s saying, “Please don’t be mad at me. I have proof. Pictures and videos. So many videos. And he loves watching himself. His favorite one to watch is from his first haircut. He didn’t move once. Barely even blinked. He thinks it’s hilarious, like he was a robot or something. And he’s smart, Leo. Like, really smart, and he likes science experiments. We do them all the time. And he’s—”

  “Perfect,” I cut in, my heart heavy. “He’s perfect, Mia,” I whisper, pulling her into me. With her face pressed to my chest, she releases sob after sob, and I mindlessly stroke her hair, my gaze lost, full of images of the past, the present, the future. I kiss the top of her head. “And so are you.” Her breaths stall, and then she’s pulling away, looking up at me, her eyes filled with liquid hope. I press another kiss to her forehead. “When can I meet him?”

  Chapter Sixty-Four

  Mia

  I can feel his eyes on me as my fingers tremble, trying to fight the nerves swarming through me. So far, I’ve managed to hide it well enough, keeping my hands busy and the conversation light, and then trigger.

  Dang it!

  It came out of nowhere, and I wasn’t prepared. I guess the one good thing about being in that emotional state is that I don’t have time to overthink my responses. I lay it all out there, bare and exposed, and if there’s anyone and any subject I should be like that with, it’s Leo and Benny.

  We sit side by side at the kitchen counter now—Leo forcing me to eat before the food gets cold—while I go through the calendar in my phone searching for the next chance to bring Benny down. Being on my phone while stuffing my face has given my mind something else to focus on other than my meltdown. “Crud,” I mutter, and Leo chuckles.

  “Still with the no-swearing thing, huh?” I narrow my eyes at him, and he’s smirking, motioning his head toward my phone. “When?”

  “I have a project that’s due late next week, so I’ll be slammed with work until then. I can bring him that weekend, though.”

  Leo nods, thinking, and then a slow smile spreads across his lips. “That works well for me. I have to go to—” He breaks off. “Just… a thing… with Logan, so…” He focuses on his meal. “Not that Logan’s a priority over—”

  “I get it,” I cut in. “You don’t have to explain.”

  We fall silent, my mind circling. Leo’s the first to speak. “What do you do? For work, I mean.”

  “I work for my dad,” I tell him, holding back an eye-roll, because of course I do. I don’t think Dad would be happy for me to do anything else. “I work in the graphics and digital marketing departments. Most of it I can do remotely, so I’m not in the office a lot. I spend my days with Benny, and when he’s asleep, I work.” I shrug. “It works well, because I can submit my work as part of my course load—”

  Leo’s head swivels, eyes scrutinizing. “You study, too?”

  I nod, suddenly anxious. “It’s distance learning, so it’s 100 percent online. Double degree so I’ll probably graduate the same time Benny does.” I release a nervous giggle, then add lamely, “I don’t miss out on time with Benny. I promise.”

  Leo’s sigh is short, sharp. He uses a paper napkin to wipe his mouth, and then dumps it in his now-empty bowl. Pushing it aside, he turns his entire body to me. “So you graduated high school.” It’s not a question.

  With a smile and a nod, I say, “Yep. After I found out I was pregnant, Dad moved us back to New York so I could get the best treatment—for my pregnancy and my disease and my grief.” Whoa. That was a lot to reveal in literally once sentence, but I don’t backtrack. And I can see his mind working, processing. “I didn’t board at the school, though, and I think they may have had a few pregnant students before because my being there in that state didn’t seem all that scandalous.”

  “Huh,” is all
he says.

  I smile, recalling the memory. “I walked the stage to get my diploma with an eight-week-old Benny in my arms.”

  “Shut up,” he says. “Pic or it didn’t happen.”

  A giggle forms in my chest. “I don’t have one in my phone, but I’ll send it to you when I get home.”

  He grins, motioning his head toward my food. “Eat,” he orders. And so I do, and he sits and he watches me, and he doesn’t ask anything more.

  * * *

  After dinner, he grabs a beer from the fridge and offers me one. I accept, and we move from the kitchen counter to the couch. I catch him watching my every move as I slip off my shoes and bring my legs up under me. His mouth parts, ready to say something, but my phone alerts me to an incoming video call. “It’s Benny,” I say. “I have to take it.”

  “Of course.”

  “Um…” I look around for somewhere private, and Leo must sense what I need, so he points to a large window off the small living room, which I now realize is a sliding door leading out to a narrow balcony. I make my way there, closing the door behind me.

  The video call has Benny and me saying goodnight, followed by dozens of blown kisses. Dad’s the one to end the call because he knows I’d be there for hours just looking at my son. Before he hangs up, he cracks, winking, “Be safe.”

  When I get back in the apartment, Leo’s just finishing up the dishes. He grabs a dish towel and starts to dry, and so I make my way around the counter and take the cloth from him. “You washed, I dry,” I tell him.

  “You cooked, I clean,” he retorts, his voice low, a somewhat sadness in his tone that has me looking up at him, my gaze questioning.

  “You don’t want him to know you’re here… with me?” he asks, but he’s not looking at me. He’s digging through the drawers for another dish towel. He picks up the pan I’d used to make dinner and starts wiping it down, staring at the now-empty sink.

  I focus on the bowl in my hand. It’s dry, but I keep drying it anyway. “He doesn’t know that you’re his… I haven’t told him,” I admit. “It’s just… I want to be sure, you know?” He remains silent. I add, quietly, “And I want you to be sure, Leo.”

  “Yeah,” he says through a heavy breath. “I guess.”

  I hesitate before asking, knowing that his answer could cause me to stumble on my so-called growth, “Have you told your family?”

  A single puff of air falls from his lips. “What answer would be best for you?”

  The truth, I want to say. Which is this: “This has all been really confusing and… hard,” I confess. “And I know it will be just as hard on you, if not more so, but knowing that your brothers know and that they’re judging me for not telling you, it’s just—”

  “I haven’t told them,” he cuts in, and when I look up at him, his eyes are right on mine. After sucking in a breath, he adds, “I told Lucy because I needed to tell someone, but she knows not to breathe a word of it to anyone until…”

  “Until?”

  He shrugs. “Until we’re both sure, I guess.”

  I nod, relieved. “Good.”

  “But, Mia…” he says, and he’s suddenly towering over me. I clasp the bowl tighter. He takes it from my hands and sets it on the counter. “My brothers…” he starts, eyes squinting just a tad, “they’re not the same people they were back then.” He says this with a determination in his eyes, as if trying to convince me with that look alone to trust him. I do trust him; I just… don’t trust my strength when it comes to his brothers. Before I can explain this, Leo says, “And when I say that I’m waiting until we’re both sure, it’s not about me and my wanting to stick around. I’m here, Mia. For you and for Benny—” His lips curve as he says Benny’s name. “I’m not going anywhere. I know I’ve not had the best track record when it comes to dealing with crisis, but this is… this is different, and I need you to know that. I need you to trust that I’m not the same person I was back then.”

  Ever since the moment Leo stood in the kitchen of the farmhouse and Benny walked in, my chest has been tight. I don’t think I realized just how much pressure I’d been putting on myself until this very moment. At Leo’s words, his declaration almost, I feel my lungs physically expand, feel the weight on my shoulders lessen with every second he looks at me.

  I’m here, Mia. For you and for Benny. My therapist would tell me that this is one of those moments that I just need to stop, think, and assess. Which is what I do. And what I get out of it is this: all the nerves and the anxiety and hesitation and questions of the unknown… I’m not alone.

  I smile at Leo, and as much as I want to hug him, I don’t. I ask, leaning back against the counter. “So… did you have questions about Benny?”

  Leo nods, his shoulders deflating a couple of inches. “His birthday?”

  “April first.”

  He blesses me with a crooked grin. “That’s two days before Katie’s.”

  “I know.”

  “Full name?”

  “Bennett János Kovács.”

  Leo’s grin is gone, replaced with a frown.

  I let out a sigh. “When he was born, I considered giving him your last name, but…” I don’t elaborate. I can’t. Saying “it hurt too much” seems so fickle now that we’re here—at a place I never thought we would be.

  Leo licks his lips. “So, your mom—”

  “Oh, god,” I mutter through a short laugh and an eye-roll.

  Leo’s smile returns. “It’s just, my aunt Leslee? She’s a gossip, and she would’ve mentioned if your mom had said something about Benny.”

  My shoulders lift, and I make my way back to the living room, saying over my shoulder, “She doesn’t know.” I sit on the couch, beer back in my hand, and wait for Leo to do the same. He sits down beside me, his arm outstretched on the back of the couch. I press my back to the armrest, facing him. Once we’re settled, I tell him, “When Papa died, I reached out to her with the funeral plans. She said that—” I scoff, bring the beer bottle to my lips and gulp down half the liquid. “She said that she wouldn’t be there, that Papa played no significant role in her life.”

  Leo’s eyes flare with anger. “Besides raising her daughter?”

  I nod. “She did say to call her if she was in his will.”

  “I hate her, Mia. I mean… you taught me long ago that hatred is useless, but with her…”

  “Oh, she’s a toxic b-word,” I agree. “Hence why I don’t want Benny anywhere near her.”

  “Smart choice,” he says, clinking my beer with his.

  I can’t help smiling at him, or looking at him. Appreciating him. It should be a crime to look as good as he does. I watched him go from a boy, to a teen, to a man, and Leo Preston is all man. Chewing my lip, I force my eyes away from his and lower my beer to the coffee table. That’s enough for tonight, I think, even though the alcohol has nothing to do with my thoughts. It’s been a while since I’ve had the type of pleasure only he—

  I shake those thoughts out of my mind—physically shake my head like an idiot—and feel the blush creep to my neck as he smirks over at me.

  I realize neither of us has said anything the entire time I’ve been lost in those thoughts, and I wonder how much time has actually passed. Crap. “Anything else?” I rush out. “Questions, I mean. About Benny?” Lord, help me.

  “No.” He shakes his head, nose scrunched. “Is it weird that I kind of want to get to know him on my own?”

  My heart just melted. For real. “No, it’s sweet.”

  “I do have a question though,” he says, placing his beer down next to mine. “And I don’t know if it’s inappropriate.”

  “You’re going to ask it anyway, aren’t you?”

  “I know you’re not seeing anyone now, but in the past?”

  “Um…” I pull my hair to one side and work my bottom lip. “I’ve dated a little,” I confess. “It’s hard, you know, with a kid and all. Not everyone wants to date a single mother.”

  “So noth
ing serious?” he asks.

  “There was one.”

  His lashes lower. “What happened?”

  “He got a job offer in Seattle.”

  “And he took it?”

  I nod. “He asked me and Benny to join him, but I said no.”

  “Why?” His eyes are hard as they watch my every reaction, soak in my every word.

  “Because I didn’t love him enough to change my world for him. After that, there was no point in continuing, especially long distance.”

  Leo doesn’t respond to that, but I can sense that he’s deep in thought, and I know exactly what he’s thinking. “We dated for a year. It took five months for me to feel comfortable enough to bring Benny around him, and he and Benny got along really well.”

  His throat bobs with his swallow. “Did Benny love him?”

  Benny adored Jase, and after the split, he would often ask about him. Luckily, he was too young to truly comprehend what was happening. I don’t respond, which is answer enough. “Are you okay?” I ask, noticing the frown marring his lips.

  “I’m not going to lie,” he says through a heavy exhale. “It’s a little painful knowing that some other guy was a father figure—”

  “No,” I cut in. “He was never that. The only father figures Benny has are my dad and Holden.”

  Leo’s head throws back, landing on the back of the couch. “How much does Holden hate me?”

  “He doesn’t,” I assure. “Not even a little bit.”

  “Bullshit,” Leo mumbles.

  “Holden was your biggest supporter, Leo. From the beginning. He’s who pushed me to trust myself enough to be with you in the first place. And when I told him I was pregnant, he urged me to tell you. But, he understood why I couldn’t…”

  Leo blows out a breath.

  I look down at my lap. “You have every right to be mad at me,” I murmur.

  He cracks his knuckles, one by one, and I can feel his eyes on me, so I gather my courage, look up at him. His eyes are clear, resolute. “Earlier, when you were talking about school, you were quick to say that you’re not missing out on time with Benny. And before that when you were talking about how you found out you were pregnant, you kept saying that there’s nothing wrong with him, like you’re scared I’m judging you or something.”