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list of seventy-one nations: “Compare your Country,” OECD, Employment Protection Legislation, compareyourcountry.org/employment-protection-legislation.
women who cry at work: Niels van de Ven, Maartje H. J. Meijs, Ad Vingerhoets, “What emotional tears convey: Tearful individuals are seen as warmer, but also as less competent,” British Journal of Social Psychology, Volume 56, Issue 1, March 16, 2017, pp. 146–160, bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1111/bjso.12162.
THIRTEEN: IN FLAGRANTE DELICTO
before Tinder fully entered: Jennifer Booton, “Dating app Tinder set to explode to $1 billion,” MarketWatch, September 5, 2014, marketwatch.com/story/tinder-valuation-to-explode-to-1-billion-2014-09-04.
subsequent release of oxytocin: Valerie C. Robinson, “Support for the hypothesis that sexual breast stimulation is an ancestral practice and a key to understanding women’s health,” Medical Hypotheses, Volume 85, Issue 6, December 2015, pp. 976–985, pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26386486/.
can actually be detrimental: Ibid.
FOURTEEN: YOU WON THE LOTTERY!
one old study from 1994: P. Cassoni, A. Sapino, F. Negro, G. Bussolati, “Oxytocin inhibits proliferation of human breast cancer cell lines,” Virchows Archiv, Volume 425, Issue 5, December 1994, pp. 467–472, pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/7850070/.
reduction of the non-lactating breast: Huiping Liu, Christian W. Gruber, Paul F. Alewood, et al., “The oxytocin receptor signalling system and breast cancer: a critical review,” Oncogene, Volume 39, Issue 37, August 11, 2020, nature.com/articles/s41388-020-01415-8.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN: INWOOD
PVCs—premature ventricular contractions: “Premature ventricular contractions (PVCs),” Mayo Clinic, mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/premature-ventricular-contractions/symptoms-causes/syc-20376757.
“last affordable neighborhood”: Matthew Haag, “It’s Manhattan’s Last Affordable Neighborhood. But for How Long?,” The New York Times, September 27, 2019, nytimes.com/2019/09/27/nyregion/inwood-manhattan-affordable-housing.html.
“powerfully intersects with sexism”: Jessica Bennett, “I Am (an Older) Woman. Hear Me Roar,” The New York Times, January 8, 2019, nytimes.com/2019/01/08/style/women-age-glenn-close.html.
Irene Zisblatt, née Zegelstein: Irene Zisblatt, The Fifth Diamond (UK: Ithaca Press, 2008).
SIXTEEN: MONEY
rise by more than 25 percent: Rupert Neate, “Billionaires’ wealth rises to $10.2 trillion amid Covid crisis,” The Guardian, October 6, 2020, theguardian.com/business/2020/oct/07/covid-19-crisis-boosts-the-fortunes-of-worlds-billionaires.
“impossible to spend”: Ibid.
he brags about these wages: Jeff Bezos, “2019 Letter to Shareholders,” About Amazon, April 16, 2020, aboutamazon.com/news/company-news/2019-letter-to-shareholders.
faces a loss of 41 percent: United States Government Accountability Office, “Retirement Security: Women Still Face Challenges,” Highlights of GAO-12-699, a report to the Chairman, Special Committee on Aging, U.S. Senate, July 2012, aging.senate.gov/imo/media/doc/hr250gao.pdf.
bought the film rights: Deborah Copaken, “The Last Time She Saw Paris: In her twenties, she was an intrepid war photographer. Now Deborah Copaken Kogan’s memoir, Shutterbabe, is being made into a movie by Sex and the City’s Darren Star. So she went to France to walk him through her snappy past…,” O, The Oprah Magazine, August 2002.
“below 200 percent of poverty”: “An Overview of America’s Working Poor,” PolicyLink, policylink.org/data-in-action/overview-america-working-poor.
SEVENTEEN: AT THE STILL POINT OF THE TURNING WORLD
“At the still point”: T.S. Eliot, “Burnt Norton,” Collected Poems, 1909-1962 (New York: Harcourt, 1991).
“psychological and physical disintegration”: Debra Umberson, Jennifer Karas Montez, “Social Relationships and Health: A Flashpoint for Health Policy,” Journal of Health and Social Behavior, August 4, 2011, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3150158/.
“emotionally sustaining qualities”: Ibid.
dating app called Hinge: Kristin Tice Studeman, “Hinge, a Dating App, Introduces Friends of Friends,” The New York Times, March 28, 2014, nytimes.com/2014/03/30/fashion/hinge-a-dating-app-introduces-friends-of-friends.html.
“giant ten-foot vagina”: Alison Herman, “Kara Walker Knew People Would Take Dumb Selfies With ‘A Subtlety,’ and That Shouldn’t Surprise Us,” Flavorwire, October 14, 2014, flavorwire.com/482585/kara-walker-knew-people-would-take-dumb-selfies-with-a-subtlety-and-that-shouldnt-surprise-us.
EIGHTEEN: BAD JUDGMENT
Forbes asks to reprint: Deborah Copaken, “Harvard Grad, 48, Loses Job And Insurance, Gets Rejected By Container Store,” Forbes, November 4, 2014, forbes.com/sites/nextavenue/2014/11/04/harvard-grad-48-loses-job-and-insurance-gets-rejected-by-container-store/?sh=10ffe0c4132a.
TV comes calling: Nicole Duignan, “Good enough for an Emmy, but not The Container Store,” Yahoo! Finance, November 7, 2014, finance.yahoo.com/news/bestselling-author--rejected--by-the-container-store-201526323.html.
MIT’s living wage calculator: “Living Wage Calculation for New York-Newark-Jersey City, NY,” Massachusetts Institute of Technology, livingwage.mit.edu/metros/35620.
“It’s easy to imagine”: KJ Dell’Antonia, “Writer, Rejected for a Retail Job, Is Embraced and Vilified on Facebook,” The New York Times, November 3, 2014, parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/11/03/writer-rejected-for-a-retail-job-is-embraced-and-vilified-on-facebook/.
“ ‘Maybe no one liked her’”: “An ex-photojournalist who brags about screwing half the foreign press corps is no feminist hero—she’s just an opportunist,” Janet Reitman, “Bang-bang girl,” Salon, January 30, 2001, salon.com/2001/01/29/shutterbabe/.
countless other examples: Rebecca Johnson, “Shutterbabe: A photojournalist chronicles love and death around the globe,” Talk, January 2001; “Could there possibly be something about [Copaken] that invites these abuses?” Deborah Solomon, “Shooting star,” Women’s Review of Books, April 2001.
“Sexism wears a lab coat”: Kate Manne, Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny (Oxford University Press, 2017).
“do you identify with her”: Dell’Antonia, “Writer, Rejected.”
hurting us, our kids: Ayelet Waldman, “Truly, Madly, Guiltily,” The New York Times, March 27, 2005, nytimes.com/2005/03/27/fashion/truly-madly-guiltily.html.
Seventy-one out of ninety-four: Kieran Snyder, “The abrasiveness trap: High-achieving men and women are described differently in reviews,” Fortune, August 26, 2014, fortune.com/2014/08/26/performance-review-gender-bias/.
five times as many: Emily Khazan, Jesse Brooks Borden, Steve Johnson, Laura Greenshaw, “Examining Gender Bias in Student Evaluations of Teaching for Graduate Teaching Assistants,” North American Colleges and Teachers of Agriculture Journal, Volume 64, November 2019–October 2020, researchgate.net/publication/345178456_Examining_Gender_Bias_in_Student_Evaluations_of_Teaching_for_Graduate_Teaching_Assistants.
NINETEEN: UNREQUITED
Unrequited, one might: Lisa A. Phillips, Unrequited: Women and Romantic Obsession (New York: HarperCollins, 2015).
“She was needy”: Deborah Copaken, “Book review: ‘Unrequited: Women and Romantic Obsession,’ by Lisa A. Phillips,” The Washington Post, February 6, 2015, washingtonpost.com/opinions/book-review-unrequited-women-and-romantic-obsession-by-lisa-a-phillips/2015/02/05/2294c112-8091-11e4-81fd-8c4814dfa9d7_story.html.
TWENTY: THE CHURCH FOR WAYWARD HEARTS
“You up for being”: Deborah Copaken, “After the Divorce: Returning to Paris, the Place W
e Fell In Love,” Glamour, November 30, 2015, glamour.com/story/divorce-trip.
launch of Rebecca Solnit’s: Rebecca Solnit, Men Explain Things to Me (Chicago: Haymarket Books, 2014).
TWENTY-ONE: LUNCH WITH KEN
“The assumption is that”: Clyde W. Summers, “Employment At Will in the United States: The Divine Right of Employers,” University of Pennsylvania Journal of Business Law, Volume 3, Issue 1, 2000, pp. 65–86, law.upenn.edu/journals/jbl/articles/volume3/issue1/Summers3U.Pa.J.Lab.&Emp.L.65(2000).pdf.
“the monarchy still survives”: Ibid.
full Amanda Palmer: Amanda Palmer, “The art of asking,” TED talk, February 2013, ted.com/talks/amanda_palmer_the_art_of_asking.
TWENTY-TWO: KIND OF A TINDER DATE AND KIND OF NOT
publicly slut-shamed again: Deborah Copaken, “How to Write an Anti-Feminist Profile in Six Easy Steps,” Medium, February 23, 2016, medium.com/athena-talks/how-to-write-an-anti-feminist-profile-in-six-easy-steps-14ca9b885f39.
“viewed as internalized oppression”: Elizabeth A. Armstrong, Laura T. Hamilton, Elizabeth M. Armstrong, J. Lotus Seeley, “ ‘Good Girls’: Gender, Social Class, and Slut Discourse on Campus,” Social Psychology Quarterly, Volume 77, Issue 2, 2014, pp. 100–122, asanet.org/sites/default/files/savvy/journals/SPQ/Jun14SPQFeature.pdf?hc_location=ufi.
“High-status women”: Ibid.
Two in five: “The ‘Loneliness Epidemic’,” Health Resources & Services Administration, last reviewed January 2019, hrsa.gov/enews/past-issues/2019/january-17/loneliness-epidemic.
as lethal as smoking: Ibid.
Alzheimer’s disease: Sarvada Chandra Tiwari, “Loneliness: A disease?,” Indian Journal of Psychiatry, Volume 55, Issue 4, October–December 2013, pp. 320–322, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3890922/.
TWENTY-THREE: DURKHEIM
“expressly mislead” creditors: Michelle Singletary, “Consumer agency’s $25 million settlement with Freedom Debt Relief shows the risks of such programs,” The Washington Post, July 12, 2019, washingtonpost.com/business/get-there/consumer-agency-reaches-25-million-settlement-with-freedom-debt-relief/2019/07/11/cce920a4-a3f0-11e9-b8c8-75dae2607e60_story.html.
my first column: Deborah Copaken, “The Best Part of Middle Age: Letting Go of Shame,” Observer, July 16, 2015, observer.com/2015/07/the-best-part-of-middle-age-letting-go-of-shame/.
vagaries of dating: Deborah Copaken, “Uncharted Territory: A Mother of Three Navigates the World of the Newly Single,” Observer, September 18, 2015, observer.com/2015/09/uncharted-territory-a-mother-of-three-navigates-the-world-of-the-newly-single/.
TWENTY-FOUR: PUBLIC RELATIONS
several years earlier: Deborah Copaken, “La Vie En Rose, the Takeout Version,” The New York Times, April 15, 2007, nytimes.com/2007/04/15/fashion/15love.html.
“When Cupid Is”: Deborah Copaken, “When Cupid Is a Prying Journalist,” The New York Times, November 26, 2015, nytimes.com/2015/11/29/style/modern-love-when-cupid-is-a-prying-journalist.html.
illness whose primary risk factor: Anne G. Wheaton, PhD; Yong Liu, MD; Janet B. Croft, PhD; et al., “Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease and Smoking Status—United States, 2017,” Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, June 21, 2019, cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/68/wr/mm6824a1.htm.
TWENTY-FIVE: PRIVATE RELATIONS
“desk-clerk law”: Elizabeth F. Emens, “Changing Name Changing: Framing Rules and the Future of Marital Names,” University of Chicago Law Review, Volume 74, Issue 3, Summer 2007, papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=940449.
“All the Young Dudes”: Deborah Copaken, “All the Young Dudes,” Observer, June 2, 2016, observer.com/2016/06/all-the-young-dudes/.
TWENTY-SIX: ON-RAMP
74 percent of those: Sylvia Ann Hewlett, Carolyn Buck Luce, “Off-Ramps and On-Ramps: Keeping Talented Women on the Road to Success,” Harvard Business Review, March 2005, hbr.org/2005/03/off-ramps-and-on-ramps-keeping-talented-women-on-the-road-to-success.
“Off-ramps are around”: Ibid.
TWENTY-SEVEN: YOUNGER
Ann Bauer, in an essay: Ann Bauer, “ ‘Sponsored’ by my husband: Why it’s a problem that writers never talk about where their money comes from,” Salon, January 25, 2015, salon.com/control/2015/01/25/sponsored_by_my_husband_why_its_a_problem_that_writers_never_talk_about_where_their_money_comes_from/.
TWENTY-EIGHT: ENFP
“an elaborate Chinese fortune cookie”: Robert Hogan, Personality and the Fate of Organizations (New York: Psychology Press, 2015).
“no scientific basis whatsoever”: Annie Murphy Paul, The Cult of Personality Testing: How Personality Tests Are Leading Us to Miseducate Our Children, Mismanage Our Companies, and Misunderstand Ourselves (New York: Free Press, 2005).
sue Facebook for age discrimination: Wendy Lee, “Former Facebook employee sues, says he faced age discrimination,” San Francisco Chronicle, September 23, 2017, sfchronicle.com/business/article/Former-Facebook-employee-sues-claims-he-faced-12222267.php.
“Young people are just smarter”: Steven Kotler, “Is Silicon Valley Ageist Or Just Smart?,” Forbes, February 14, 2015, forbes.com/sites/stevenkotler/2015/02/14/is-silicon-valley-ageist-or-just-smart/.
published an op-ed: Meg Halverson, “360 Reviews Often Lead to Cruel, Not Constructive, Criticism,” The New York Times, February 26, 2016, nytimes.com/2016/02/28/jobs/360-reviews-often-lead-to-cruel-not-constructive-criticism.html.
“at best, a waste”: Marcus Buckingham, “The Fatal Flaw with 360 Surveys,” Harvard Business Review, October 17, 2011, hbr.org/2011/10/the-fatal-flaw-with-360-survey.
THIRTY: BLOODY MOTHER’S DAY
listed at $28.5 million: “30 E 85th St #PH30A, New York, NY 10028,” Zillow, zillow.com/homedetails/30-E-85th-St-PH30A-New-York-NY-10028/2082639466_zpid/.
80 percent of all cervical cancers: “Should I get the HPV vaccine?,” Planned Parenthood, plannedparenthood.org/learn/stds-hiv-safer-sex/hpv/should-i-get-hpv-vaccine.
THIRTY-ONE: HOSPITALS ARE NOT MY THING
“deaths of despair”: Anne Case, Sir Angus Deaton, “Mortality and morbidity in the 21st century,” Brookings Papers on Economic Activity, Spring 2017, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5640267/.
“a marked increase”: Anne Case, Sir Angus Deaton, “Rising morbidity and mortality in midlife among white non-Hispanic Americans in the 21st century,” PNAS, Volume 112, Issue 49, December 8, 2015, pnas.org/content/112/49/15078.
wasn’t even a clinical diagnosis: Jean Endicott, “History, evolution, and diagnosis of premenstrual dysphoric disorder,” The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 2000, pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11041378/.
THIRTY-TWO: MY DAY IN COURT (MY AFTERNOON IN HOSPITAL)
pro se divorce: Deborah Copaken, “The DIY Divorce: How I got divorced without hiring a lawyer,” The Atlantic, February 12, 2019, theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/02/how-i-got-divorced-without-hiring-lawyer/582508/.
“potted plant” parent: Leanne Lester, Jacinth Watson, Stacey Waters, Donna Cross, “The Association of Fly-in Fly-out Employment, Family Connectedness, Parental Presence and Adolescent Wellbeing,” Journal of Child and Family Studies, Volume 25, 2016, link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10826-016-0512-8; Suniya S. Luthar, Shawn J. Latendresse, “Comparable ‘risks’ at the socioeconomic status extremes: Preadolescents’ perceptions of parenting,” Development and Psychopathology, Volume 17, Issue 1, Winter 2005, pp. 207–230, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4373649/; Lisa Damour, “What Do Teenagers Want? Potted Plant Parents,” The New York Times, December 14, 2016, nyti
mes.com/2016/12/14/well/family/what-do-teenagers-want-potted-plant-parents.html.
still earn 80.5 cents: National Committee on Pay Equity fact sheet, pay-equity.org/info-time.html.
THIRTY-THREE: EMPTY BRAIN
the resulting stories: Deborah Copaken, “How One Woman Found Healing in the Himalayas,” Oprah.com, November 29, 2017, oprah.com/inspiration/deborah-copaken-how-one-woman-found-healing-in-the-himalayas; Deborah Copaken, “I fled to Nepal to heal after a near-death experience, and found it to be surprisingly spiritual,” Business Insider, March 13, 2018, insider.com/spiritual-healing-trip-to-kathmandu-nepal-2018-3.
any number beyond two: Peter Schumer, “When did humans first learn to count?,” The Conversation, June 5, 2018, theconversation.com/when-did-humans-first-learn-to-count-97511.
Weinstein’s multiple assaults: Jodi Kantor and Megan Twohey, “Harvey Weinstein Paid Off Sexual Harassment Accusers for Decades,” The New York Times, October 5, 2017, nytimes.com/2017/10/05/us/harvey-weinstein-harassment-allegations.html.
“Vaginal cuff dehiscence”: Myung Ji Kim, Seongmin Kim, Hyo Sook Bae, et al., “Evaluation of risk factors of vaginal cuff dehiscence after hysterectomy,” Obstetrics & Gynecology Science, Volume 57, Issue 2, March 2014, pp. 136–143, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3965697/.