The State of Us

by Shaun David Hutchinson

  “I don’t know.”

  “That’s not good enough,” Mom said.

  “Is that why you didn’t want me going with you when I offered?” Dad asked, though I was sure he knew the answer.

  Unable to speak, I just hung my head and let them yell. They called me irresponsible, and Mom lectured me about how dangerous it was and how there were people out there who might have recognized me and kidnapped me. Mostly, Dad just glared at me with a look that bore all the disappointment in me he felt, and that was the worst thing of all.

  “Obviously, you’re grounded,” Dad finally said when my parents had run out of other things to say. “It’s clear you aren’t mature enough for this. You’ll go back to school. No more events, no more traveling, and no more phone.”

  No more Dean. That’s all I heard. “Dad, you can’t—”

  “Enough,” he said. “Give me your phone and go to your room. I can’t look at you right now.”

  This couldn’t be happening, but it was. I’d messed up and I was never going to get to see Dean again. I could feel the tears coming, and I threw my phone on the counter and ran out of the room before letting my parents see me cry.

  Dean

  DAD KEPT PACE beside me easily as we jogged through the neighborhood. He waved at the neighbors out working in their yards, taking advantage of the slightly cooler early evening, and kept up a conversation with me that let me know this was nothing for him. My father competed in triathlons, only giving them up recently when his travel schedule made it too difficult for him to train. But he still enjoyed showing off in front of me, especially since we were only on our fourth mile and I was already getting winded.

  “We leave for Las Vegas tomorrow,” my father said. “Are you ready?”

  I was crawling out of my skin to see Dre, though I hadn’t heard from him since the day before, which was slightly strange. But I assumed he was helping his father with debate prep and hadn’t found time to write me. My mother had been holed up with her advisors, preparing every free second she had.

  “Did you know Mom invited Mindy Maguire to the debate?”

  “She mentioned something about it.”

  “Do you know why?”

  “A favor to the Maguires, I think,” he said.

  Ever since my conversation with my mother in the kitchen, I hadn’t been able to stop wondering how she would react if she knew about my feelings for Dre. She had always said she’d believed in me and that she would love me no matter what, but it seemed that my mother’s unconditional love might come with conditions after all. I could become whoever I wanted, so long as I became someone of whom she approved. I could do anything, so long as I didn’t embarrass her. Or maybe I was reading too much into the situation. It was possible Dre had gotten into my head and I was scared for no reason. My mother deserved the benefit of the doubt, she deserved the chance to prove Dre wrong, but she could only do that if I told her, and I kept coming up with reasons not to.

  “Do you think Mom wants people to believe Mindy is my girlfriend?”

  “Are you and Mindy dating?” Dad asked.

  “No.”

  “Then I doubt that’s why your mom invited her.”

  “Are you sure?”

  Dad chuckled. “I’m never sure of anything with your mom, but I think she’s got more important things to worry about than the love life of her teenage son.”

  I might have agreed with my father before, but my mother had flat-out told me it was about the optics. “Do you think I’m weird, Dad?”

  “What? Of course not.”

  I couldn’t keep up talking and jogging at the same time, and I stopped as we passed a park and took a detour to the water fountain. I lapped up the water and splashed some on my face and neck. The sun might have been setting, but it was still brutal, and the humidity made it feel like I was breathing underwater.

  “I think Mom’s worried because I’ve never had a girlfriend,” I said. “I think that’s why she invited Mindy. I think she’s hoping we get together, or that if we don’t, the press at least thinks we’re a couple.”

  Dad was using a nearby bench to stretch his legs. “You know I didn’t have a girlfriend until I was twenty-one.”

  “Mom?”

  Dad shook his head. “Your mom was still in the army at the time. Her name was Tori . . .” He frowned out of one side of his mouth. “Johnston, I think. We met in college; it didn’t last.”

  “Why did you wait so long?”

  “Because I wasn’t ready,” he said. “I was interested in everything—classical guitar, classical languages, computers, ancient history—but I lacked the focus to concentrate on anything. Learning took up all my time, and dating didn’t cross my mind.”

  I’d seen pictures of my father in college, and his description of himself as a distracted dilettante didn’t match the preppy young man with the easy smile and serious eyes. “Well, now I know where my ADD came from.”

  “Sorry about that.”

  “So you didn’t feel weird being different?” I asked. “Weren’t your friends dating?”

  Dad came to stand by me and rested his hand on my shoulder. “There’s nothing wrong with being different, Dean, and it doesn’t make you weird.”

  “I don’t think Mom would agree.”

  “Future President Janice Arnault might not agree,” Dad said with a bit of cheek in his tone. “But that’s because she’s got to answer to voters and donors and people with agendas. Your mom, however, loves you more than anyone in the world, and that includes me.”

  I wanted to believe my father, but I was having a difficult time separating my parent from the politician. “Sometimes, I feel like she’s already decided my entire life, and that I’m going to disappoint her if I deviate from her plan. If I don’t go to college, get married, go to law school, have a couple of children, run for office, and become president by forty-five.”

  “Your mom’s always had high hopes for you, but she primarily wants you to be happy.”

  “What if I want to become a teacher instead of study law?”

  “She would support you.”

  “And if I don’t want kids?”

  Dad grimaced. “She’s really looking forward to being called ‘Granny’ one day, but she would adjust.”

  “What if I married someone she didn’t like or—”

  My father cut me off. “Whatever it is, your mom will get used to it. She’ll love you and support you like she always has, and so will I. And if this is really bothering you, I’ll ask Nora to disinvite Mindy. We’ll call it a security issue and apologize.”

  The offer was tempting, but I didn’t want to make a fuss. “It’s okay,” I said. “Don’t worry about it.”

  As sweaty as we both were, Dad hugged me tight, and I felt a little better knowing I had at least one ally. I wasn’t sure if I believed my mother would be okay with my relationship with Dre, but I believed I could count on my father, and that was enough for now.

  “Why don’t you invite Tamal to come along too?” Dad asked. “That way it will look like you invited a couple of friends instead of a date?”

  “Really?” I asked, surprised by my dad’s offer.

  “Sure. I’ll call the Grovers and make sure it’s okay if you want.”

  “Thanks, Dad.” I wasn’t sure how my mother was going to react to Dad subverting her plan, but that was his problem to deal with. I was just grateful I wouldn’t have to spend my whole evening entertaining Mindy alone.

  “Come on,” my father said. “Race you home? Loser has to sit with Nora on the plane tomorrow.”

  “No way,” I said. “Last time she spent the entire flight critiquing my debate performances.”

  “On three, then.” Dad got ready. “One—” and then he took off sprinting toward the house. All I could do was try to catch up.

  Dre

  LIFE WASN’T FAIR.

  My life wasn’t fair.

  I’d been in my room all day waiting for my parents to kn
ock on my door and tell me they were sorry and that they weren’t going to send me back to school, but they hadn’t. The irony is that, before I’d met Dean, I hadn’t wanted to take a leave from school. I’d wanted to stay with Mel and my friends and pretend the whole stupid election didn’t exist. Now that I had Dean, I couldn’t see him, and I was being sent back to school, where Mel wouldn’t want to talk to me and had probably turned the others against me too.

  And the worst part was that, without my phone, I had no way to let Dean know what was going on. He was probably wondering why he hadn’t heard from me, inconsolable without my rambling messages to keep him entertained. The longer I went without talking to him, the more likely it was he was gonna think I hated him, and by the time I was able to tell him the truth about what was going on, it’d be too late.

  I screamed into my pillow until my throat was raw, and when I sat up to breathe, my mom was standing in my doorway with her arms crossed in front of her. “By all means, mijo, give it another good scream. Get it out of your system.”

  I threw my pillow to the side and turned my back to her. “Leave me alone.”

  “So it’s still like that?”

  “Yes. It’s still like that.”

  “Don’t be mad at me,” she said. “I’m not the one who lied to his parents, took advantage of their trust, and then was too much a fool to use cash instead of the credit card his parents gave him for emergencies. You’ve only got yourself to blame for this mess.”

  I kept my back to my mom and didn’t say anything, hoping she’d leave. It’s not like she was wrong. Using my credit card had been an amateur mistake, and I should’ve known better. But I didn’t regret seeing Dean. If I had it to do over, I would’ve done it and not thought twice.

  “Did you meet Mel in Boston?”

  I shook my head. “No. Mel was probably in school. Besides, I’m not talking to her.”

  “Was it a boy?” Mom asked.

  “No!”

  “Are you sure? Eight dollars is a lot of money for one coffee.”

  “There’s no boy.”

  “You think I don’t remember what it’s like being seventeen and feeling impatient for your life to start, but I do.”

  “Sure, Mom. Whatever.”

  Mom was so quiet for a minute that I thought I’d finally gotten rid of her, but I heard the squeak of my desk chair and knew, instead, that she was just settling in. “Your grandma hated my first boyfriend. I snuck out to see him, she locked me in my room. I climbed out the window, she nailed my window shut.”

  “Let me guess,” I said. “He turned out to be a creep and you realized Grandma was just trying to protect you and you wished you’d listened to her all along.”

  “No, Dre. I married him.”

  I turned around so fast I nearly fell off the bed. “Wait, so it’s okay for you to sneak around and whatever, but I’m being punished for it?”

  “It wasn’t okay when I did it,” she said. “And it’s not okay for you either. But I do understand.”

  “Look, I’m sorry I skipped the college tour, but Boston’s only, like, thirty minutes away, and it’s not like I stayed the night or anything.”

  “I certainly hope not.”

  “Besides, I’m old enough to go places on my own.”

  Mom nodded. “I thought you were. That’s why your dad and I allowed you to go. We trusted you to be responsible, and you weren’t.”

  I wanted to tell my mom about Dean because I thought if I did, she would understand. I’d already known Grandma had taken a long time to warm up to Dad, so I thought she’d understand why Dean and I had snuck around. But it was too risky. She might tell Dean’s mom, and I couldn’t betray him like that.

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “But it was important to me. You know I’m telling the truth.”

  It felt like Mom was looking into my soul in the way that only a mother could. “I want to believe you, Dre, but I can’t trust you if you keep lying to me.”

  “I won’t lie anymore.”

  “We’ll see.”

  I hung my head, trying to look contrite. “Dad’s pretty pissed, isn’t he?”

  “I’ve always been a little jealous of how close you boys are,” Mom said. “I’m glad, but sometimes, especially when you were younger, it was like the pair of you lived in a world I wasn’t a part of.”

  “How come you never said anything?”

  “Because how could I? I love you both, and I wasn’t going to make either of you feel bad for being each other’s best friend. But the bond you have with your dad means he’s a lot easier for you to hurt.”

  “Do you think he’ll get over it?”

  “Eventually,” she said. “Though he thinks you did it to punish him for not being around enough.”

  “It wasn’t that.”

  Mom was nodding like she’d already figured that part out. “Make sure you tell him that.”

  “I will.” I waited for my mom to say something else, but it seemed like she’d run out of things to say. “Am I still grounded?”

  Mom laughed. “Oh, absolutely.”

  “Do I really have to go back to school?”

  “We’re not sure,” she said. “We both think it might be for the best, but we’d have to find someone to stay with you since you obviously can’t be trusted alone.” The look on her face dared me to argue with her. I didn’t. “So, we’ll see.”

  “What about the debate tomorrow?”

  Mom held up her hands. “You’re coming to that, but you had better be on your best behavior, understand?”

  “I do,” I said. “I will.”

  “Good.” Mom finally got up to leave, but she stopped at the door. “So you’re really not going to tell me who the boy is?”

  “There’s no boy, Mom!”

  “If you say so,” she said. “But I’m not your grandma, Dre. Whoever this boy is, I’m sure we’ll like him.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because if you like him enough that you’d cross state lines and risk my wrath to see him, he must be pretty special.”

  I wanted to tell her he was. I wanted to tell her everything. Instead, I just said, “Good to know.”

  Dean

  TAMAL AND MINDY hadn’t stopped arguing since we’d gotten on the plane, and I was beginning to think it had been a bad idea to invite them. Judging by the look my mother had been giving the pair, I assumed she would have agreed. She had, however, taken Tamal’s addition to the group in stride, though I wouldn’t have wanted to be in my father’s position the next time he and my mother were alone. After the plane landed and we were driven to the stadium where the debate was being held, my father found himself talking to the veterans that my mother had invited to sit with us in the front row, while my mother was huddled with Nora and her staff going over last-minute debate prep. That left Mindy, Tamal, and me alone in our greenroom.

  “Dude,” Tamal said. “Your girlfriend’s got issues.”

  “She’s not my girlfriend,” I said at the same time as Mindy said, “Definitely not his girlfriend.”

  Tamal turned back to Mindy. “You really think basketball should get rid of the three-pointer?”

  “That’s not even close to what I said.” Mindy was right when she’d said she didn’t think she and Tamal would get along. Except, their arguing at least meant I didn’t have to keep them entertained. “I said teams that build their entire offenses around three-point shooters make the game boring, and that they should move the line back or find some other way to fix it.”

  “Which is bananas!”

  I tuned them out and unlocked my phone again, hoping to see a message on Promethean from Dre. I had sent him a couple of messages asking if there was a way we could meet up before or after the debate, but he hadn’t replied and I was beginning to worry.

  “Dean,” Tamal said. “Gimme your phone.”

  “Why?”

  “I promise I won’t swipe through your pictures. Just hand it over.”


  “That’s not . . . whatever.” I handed Tamal my phone, curious what he was doing.

  Tamal flipped through my apps before holding it out to show Mindy. “See, like, most of these are free apps.” I didn’t know when they’d moved off basketball, and I had no idea what they were discussing now.

  Mindy was scowling at Tamal like she wanted to stab him repeatedly with a fork. “What’s wrong with free?”

  “Uh, if an app’s not serving you ads and they’re not selling you access, then they’re just selling you.”

  Oh. I’d heard this particular rant from Tamal before. All about personal privacy and how we were the product and tech companies were selling all of our data. He could get pretty worked up about it. He also made a lot of excellent points.

  “Dude,” Tamal said, turning my phone’s screen to me. “Promethean?”

  “It’s just—”

  “Doesn’t Jackson McMann own the company that created it?” Mindy asked.

  Tamal nodded. “Yeah. So I wouldn’t let your mom catch you using it if I were you.”

  “I don’t really use it,” I said. But, of course, Dre chose that moment to send me a message, and the notification badge bloomed at the corner of the app’s icon.

  “Sure.” Tamal tossed me my phone.

  Mindy was watching me with a secret smirk. I hadn’t told her anything except that I’d kissed someone and didn’t want anyone else to know, but I was beginning to regret even sharing that much with her.

  I wanted to check the message immediately, but I couldn’t with Tamal and Mindy watching me. Not tapping the app icon and reading Dre’s message was like being covered in poison ivy and not being able to scratch.

  “So are you going to debate the Rosario kid or what?” Tamal asked.

  “Excuse me?”

  “Didn’t you see? Rosario challenged you to a debate in Teen Vogue.”

  Mindy fired off a laugh that sounded totally cracked. “You read Teen Vogue?”

  Tamal didn’t even look embarrassed. “Yeah. That a problem?”

  Mindy held up her hands. “Nope.”

  Before they could start arguing again, I wanted to know what Tamal was talking about, so I snapped my fingers in front of his face. “Focus. What article?”