Crossed by the Stars: A Second-chance, Slow-burn Romance

by LJ Evans

  It was the truth, but it sounded harsh when it was spoken out loud. The remorse in his voice was almost a scream through the quiet room.

  “I wouldn’t change any of it,” I said quietly. “I found Violet. I found Dawson. And now we have this amazing company we’ve made that brings healthy skincare and natural antimicrobials to the world. Our products may not be curing cancer, but we’re preventing it because we aren’t using chemicals that, ten years from now, will be linked to the disease.”

  He chuckled. “Now you sound like Violet—or maybe Business Jada.”

  “Business Jada?” I pushed away and glared at him.

  “So many different versions of you, mon bijou. And I love every one of them.”

  His hand stroked my cheek.

  “Not Druggy Jada, or Sex Addict Jada, or Unhinged Jada.”

  “I love all the versions of you because I can see, underneath them, the stargazer struggling to find her way back to the surface. I see the bravery it took to not give up completely. The strength it took to join forces with Dawson and the FBI.”

  I waved my hand. “That was just another way for me to strike at my father. It wasn’t that I really cared about the right or wrong of what he was doing.”

  “I think you like telling yourself that, but you were brought up to believe in honor, and then your father tried to destroy it. You fought back, knowing it could end your life. It was brave.”

  “It was stupid. And now I’m still paying for it. Dawson and Violet and you are paying for it.”

  He didn’t deny it, but after a long moment, he said, “I think you did more damage than you thought. He’s fighting for his kingdom. You brought him to his knees.”

  “More like I made him bend his head. He’s a long way from his knees. And you know what they say about angering the serpent. It will always strike back.”

  Dax didn’t say anything for so long I wondered if he’d fallen asleep, but then he took the bracelet from my hand and clasped it around my wrist.

  “All the more reason to wear this,” he said quietly.

  I wanted to laugh bitterly because Dax truly didn’t know my father at all if he thought a GPS tracker would prevent him from getting to me. Nothing would. He always got what he wanted…which had me back to wondering if it was him that was coming after me through Kaida. If he always got what he wanted, and he wanted me safe, then I should be. Only he could put out the hit on me and make it stick…right?

  But I couldn’t seem to make the thoughts linger tonight.

  My stomach was full, the medicine was loosening the tightness in my muscles, and Dax’s arms were warm and comforting around me. It lulled me back into a dreamless sleep, the first in many, many days where there was nothing but empty skies.

  Dax

  SAY YOU’LL BE THERE

  “I gotta make you understand,

  I'm giving you everything.

  All that joy can bring,

  This I swear.”

  Performed by MØ

  Written by Chisholm / Brown / Ema Bunton /

  Kennedy / Halliwell / Buck / Aadams

  We spent the next five days pretty much in bed.

  I’d thought Jada would grow restless as her body healed and her mind returned to the work she’d left behind, but instead, I saw her relax in a way I’d never seen before. Soft smiles littered her face whenever she glanced my way as I continued to read Shinji and Hatsue’s love story out loud to her, as if the stargazer was emerging once more while the tiger lily rested.

  We distracted each other with our bodies tangled together, with lips and hands on silky skin. The aching desire to have her that had been with me for twelve years had not been quelched even the tiniest bit by actually having made love to her. In fact, it grew, proving my words to her from the other night. I would never tire of her. I would always want us tied together.

  In between our lovemaking, we cooked together in the kitchen, read books, and played childish games that I’d found in a cupboard near the kitchen. Sometimes, the security team joined in the games, resulting in one or more of the hulk-shaped men throwing tantrums because Jada almost always won. It was a bubble, like she’d said it was, and even though I knew it was going to burst, I did everything to prevent it from happening.

  Each day, she got a new threat delivered to the Violette offices or my apartment. It counted down the days as if—like she’d said—she couldn’t do the simple math. Cillian and I had, by some unspoken agreement, stopped showing them to her after that first one that she’d insisted was from Ito-san. Nothing would be solved by us continuing to rub the threats in her face. I knew that if she found out I was keeping them from her, she’d be pissed. And in truth, she had a right to know, but I couldn’t do it, not when I saw her eyes sparkle and laughter trickle from her lips.

  That fifth morning, we woke up, lost ourselves in each other again, and then curled together to finish the last few pages of The Sound of the Waves. When I was done, I set it down, thinking about how Shinji and Hatsue had been able to make their love permanent. Shinji had proven his character and strength. Hatsue had proven her loyalty. Her father had seen both. In many ways, our roles were reversed. It was my father who needed to see Jada’s character and strength and me who needed to prove my loyalty.

  “I forgot how unsatisfying that ending was,” Jada said.

  “What do you mean?” I asked, looking down at her, still lost in my comparison of the story to our lives.

  “It just…ends. We don’t get to see their marriage. We never get to see them fulfill the longing they have for each other. A few chaste, childish kisses.”

  I smiled, raising my chin in the direction of the romance novel that was on the other bedside table, the one Jada was reading when she was awake and I was still asleep. “Definitely not that.”

  She grinned. “No. But it didn’t have to be all clit and cock to be satisfying. It just felt like it was missing something.”

  My body heated at the words. It was stupid for someone my age, who’d had plenty of sexual experiences, to let two small words turn me on. I rose from the bed, heading for the shower.

  “Are you running away, Armaud?” she demanded.

  I turned back to her. “I thought we were past this. No more Armaud.”

  She got up, meeting me in the middle.

  “What was it that made you pull away?”

  I shook my head. “Nothing. I’m here.” But I made the mistake of letting my eyes travel to her book.

  She laughed. “Was it my words? Clit and cock?”

  I flushed even when I shouldn’t have. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  She closed the remaining distance between us and pushed my chest, backing me up against the dresser, hands strolling down the length of my naked body. I’d gratefully returned to sleeping without clothes on.

  “Maybe we should read a scene from it. Give you some ideas?”

  I growled, flipping us around and lifting so that she was on the dresser. Her legs went around me. “I don’t need any ideas, mon bijou.”

  I flicked my hand between her legs, and her eyes fluttered, a sexy smile on her lips. “Then let go of your slow and methodical. Screw me on this dresser right now. Fast and furious.”

  I bit her lip as I took her mouth. She pushed against me, and the length of me pushed against her heat. Her nails scraped into my back, and she lined us up, my tip sliding into her. She was so wet and ready for me. So enticing. I pulled back.

  “Let me go get a condom.”

  “No. I’m on birth control. I’m clean. I’m assuming your clean. Right now, Dax. Right now. Prove to me that you are more than your control. Prove to me that you’re willing to step outside your norm for me.”

  She wanted me to prove that I would keep her.

  Fine. I could do that.

  I slid into her, and she sighed, eyes closing again, and a smile took over her face that was so wide and stunning that it stopped me from mov
ing altogether for several seconds. I’d never be able to get this vision out of my head. I didn’t want to. Then, I was moving again, thrusting into her on the dresser, picking her up and finding a wall, landing on the settee at the foot of the bed. Our lovemaking was wild, free, chaotic, just like Jada. Just like the piece of me that always reached out to find her.

  Her walls clenched around me in a violent orgasm that shook us both, and I lost myself. I came inside her—the first time I’d ever done so bare in a woman. I’d never been stupid enough to do it before. But Jada had made me stupid and smart all at the same time. And I wanted this piece of me inside her. I wanted her to absorb these bits of me just like she was absorbing my heart and soul.

  We lay there, breathing hard, trying to regain ourselves from the fast and furious lovemaking. Jada’s way. I enjoyed the slow pace that I set when making love to a woman. I’d thoroughly lost myself to it over the last few days with her, enjoying the sweet torture of drawing it out. But this was beautiful, too. Because it was with Jada. Because it was her.

  A knock on the door had me groaning and burying my head in her chest.

  We both ignored it.

  The knock came again, and Cillian’s voice followed it. “Dax?”

  “Just a second,” I called back, knowing he’d never come to the room and risk interrupting us if it wasn’t important.

  I raised myself, lifting her up and looking around for the silk robe that she’d been putting on in the mornings. I found it in a pile on the floor and handed it to her while I pulled on my sweats.

  I opened the door, but he didn’t step in. He just handed me the phone. It was another note in Japanese. I raised an eyebrow at him in silence, wondering what was different about this one that he suddenly felt the need to show it to me with her there.

  “It mentions some kind of tea ceremony. Was she due at one? Whose was it?” he asked quietly.

  “What?” Jada asked, coming up next to me and reaching for the phone.

  She took it before I could prevent her. She ground her teeth as she read, her jaw getting stiff, all the ease and joy I’d seen moments before slipping away.

  “What does it say?” I asked.

  “Basically, I don’t deserve to be the honored first guest at Akari Matsuda’s tea ceremony tomorrow. That I deserve no honor. That I can redeem myself by killing myself before the ceremony takes place.” She looked from me to Cillian and back down to the phone. “It reads as if whoever this is has been sending notes all along. Have there been more?”

  She looked up in time to see Cillian and me exchange a look.

  “Goddamn it, Dax. You didn’t tell me?”

  “What would have been the point?” I asked, growling.

  “I could have found a clue in them.”

  “Dax is right. It was pointless to show them to you,” Cillian said.

  She shoved the phone into his chest. “You do not get to make those choices for me. Either of you!”

  She stalked away, slammed the bathroom door, and for the first time all week, I heard the lock click.

  “That went well,” Cillian said dryly.

  Our bubble had burst, and it was raining down around us.

  “There’s something else,” Cillian said, hesitating.

  “What?” I demanded.

  “This note… It was attached to a seashell.”

  My heart fell to my stomach. “They know we’re here? There are eight of you and Reinard who know. That’s all. You haven’t told Rana or her team, right?”

  “Rana has gone off the grid. We can’t find her.”

  “What the fuck?”

  His face was grim. “Jada only has one more day, according to them, so we need to stay alert. No more games in the kitchen. Everyone needs to keep their heads on. That means…” His eyes went to the bed and the tangled sheets. “You too.”

  I knew what he was saying. Don’t lose myself in her skin. Stay focused.

  I gave him a curt nod. “You’re going to look into the tea ceremony thing, right? I don’t understand why the Matsudas would want anything to do with her…not after Ken’Ichi’s death.”

  “I agree. Just them giving her an invitation is suspicious, and yet this last note seems angry that she’d even consider going. It’s confusing. I’ll convey it to folks in the city, and we’ll see what we can come up with.”

  He turned and went back down the hall toward the stairs.

  I trusted Cillian. I thought I trusted Reinard, but someone was giving them information. It had to be someone here. My skin prickled.

  The shower was on in the bathroom, and I tried not to think about all the ways we’d used the shower since we’d been here. Instead, I lay on the bed, waiting for her to emerge.

  When she did, she was fully dressed—dark skinny jeans and a vibrant purple top that showed her belly button ring. I swallowed hard, fighting off the desire to tug it into my mouth as I slowly removed every article of clothing she’d just put on.

  Her face was dark still. The time alone had only increased her anger instead of lowering it.

  “This is exactly why I don’t do relationships. Why I don’t want to be married.” Her hands were on her hips.

  “This wasn’t me trying to control you or your life,” I insisted, heart hammering at her words and the wall she was trying to rebuild.

  “But you did.”

  “This was me protecting you from something that would do nothing but bring you pain.” I begged her to understand my desire to keep even a moment of heartache from her when she’d known so much of it.

  “I get to be the one to accept or reject the pain directed at me. Not you. Not my father. Not anyone. It’s my life!”

  I nodded. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

  My remorse was heartfelt. Would I do things differently? Maybe, maybe not. I liked the fact that she’d been able to unwind, to become the Jada of her childhood for a few hours…a handful of days. If I could give her that every now and again, what was wrong with that? But I did hate that it had caused her walls to come up after I’d finally broken them down.

  She crossed her arms over her chest and headed for the door.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I just need some time on my own, without your dopey eyes and sexy smile interfering with my thoughts.”

  I couldn’t help the soft chuckle that escaped.

  “I repeat, where are you going?” Because she couldn’t leave the house alone. I’d prefer her to not leave the house at all for the next day or so.

  “I’ll be in the library. But I’d prefer it if you left me alone until I’m ready to see you.”

  I could do that as long as it meant she was in the house―safe.

  I nodded, and she left.

  My heart clenched, thinking of ways to make it right, to show her that if we were together, I wouldn’t need to control her. That I wasn’t her father or Ken’Ichi or any of the men who’d tried to bend her will to theirs.

  I showered and then paced the room.

  I finally used the burner phone to call the one person who normally gave me advice when I was in need of it the most.

  “Bonjour, Dax,” my father said. His voice was deep with a sea of mixed emotions. I wasn’t sure which ones were the strongest, the happiness or the disappointment.

  “Bonjour, Papa,” I returned.

  “I’ve been worried about you,” he continued in French, and that clenched my heart in a different way than Jada had been tugging at it all morning.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make you worry,” I said quietly.

  “Where are you?” he asked.

  “I can’t tell you. But we’re safe.”

  He swore under his breath. “You’re still with her.”

  “Yes.”

  Silence filled the space between us. Silence that tore at me, but I knew would only grow bigger. I inhaled and told him the truth. “I’ve made a decision, Papa.” />
  “I know,” he said, cutting me off, voice sad.

  “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but even if it wasn’t for Jada, I don’t think life at Éclair is for me. You have people much better at running your company than I will ever be.”

  “I am disappointed,” he said, “but not in you, Dax. I could never be disappointed in you. You live your life with grace and honor and loyalty. You care deeply for the people in your life. That can never be a disappointment.”

  It brought tears to my eyes. I clenched my teeth, determined not to shed them even though my father would never think less of me for showing them.

  “I’d like to continue to be on the board of directors and help advise when needed,” I told him the truth. I still cared about the company he’d built. I didn’t want to see anything happen to it if he stepped away or when―God forbid―he passed away.

  “Of course!” he said as if it was never a question. “So, you will continue with the boat business?”

  “Yes,” I said, inhaling and exhaling one more time to rip off the last bandage. “But more importantly, I want to continue my life with Jada.”

  Silence filled the air, and I filled it.

  “I wish you would get to know her. She’s…kind and fierce. Loyal and brave. She’s been wounded by his world since childhood and wants nothing to do with it. She’s been alone for so long, Papa.” My voice cracked, thinking of Jada and the solitary life she’d led surrounded by people, none of whom truly loved her, saw her. Maybe her grandmother. But even she’d closed her eyes when the shit hit the fan, telling Jada to do the same.

  After a long moment, he spoke. “You love her.”

  It shouldn’t have been a surprise to him as I’d said it multiple times to him in the past.

  “I do,” I told him.

  He sighed. “But what kind of life would this be for either of you? On the run? In hiding?”

  “This will not be forever. It’s just until we find whoever is threatening her.” I spoke with an assuredness I wasn’t sure I could reinforce, but I felt him softening. I felt him leaning into the idea of Jada and me. I needed that because I wanted them both in my world.