by J. P. Comeau
Another option was for the three of us to go to Hollywood together for the two weeks. Granted, Asia would miss the first two days of school, but it wasn’t as if she’d be missing an entire week or something like that. Then, I wouldn’t have to worry about my daughter being alone with Eva for so long, I’d be able to keep “coming home” to them, and we’d all be able to scout out houses together—after talking about it, of course.
It’s not fair of you to ask her to uproot her life after only knowing you a couple of weeks.
Instead of pressing more conversation with Eva, I relegated myself to dinner in silence. I’d had plenty of them while I was still married to Marissa, and I figured one wouldn’t hurt us. At least, I hoped it didn’t. While I wanted to poke around inside Eva’s brain and figure out what had her so preoccupied, it wasn’t as if I weren’t in the same boat with her or anything.
Maybe we just needed a bit of comfortable silence.
You don’t want another situation like your ex-wife, either.
When my mind wanted to back me into a corner, it sure as hell was good at it. And the voice in my head had a point. Marissa and I moved much too quickly with things between us, and that was how we had ended up in the situation we created. The last thing I wanted was for Eva and myself to travel the same path and meet the same destructive end because we didn’t do shit right the first time around. I was over the broken hearts and the manipulation. I knew falling for another woman wasn’t going to solve all of my problems. If anything—with what I went through with Marissa—I knew falling in love would only create yet another delicate dynamic in my life that I’d have to treat with care.
I also knew my choice of career didn’t always afford me that kind of luxury.
“I should go check on Asia just to make sure she’s still sleeping,” Eva said.
Her voice pulled me from the recesses of my mind, and I watched her get up. I didn’t try to stop her because I heard the determination in her voice twinged with a worry that matched my own. Silently, I watched as she crossed over toward the stairs, disappearing beneath the boat without another word spoken.
And at that moment, I knew I’d never find another woman as good to my daughter and myself as her. Because dammit, she was a better mother to Asia than Marissa could ever be.
20
Eva
“Yes, up the stairs and down that middle hallway, all the way at the end. Thank you.”
“Yep, that goes up there, too.”
“Oh, no, no! I’ll take that, thank you. That’s going down here in one of the closets.”
“You got it! I can do that.”
“This is supposed to be in storage. You can take that back out to the truck. Thank you so much.”
I pointed the men hauling my stuff into Gavin’s place on where things went and what needed to be taken back to the storage facility. I had so many more things than I ever imagined, and even after donating some of my junk to the local thrift stores, I still had an entire storage container filled to the brim. Granted, most of it was furniture I wanted to keep, but some of it was of value to me. Mementos from my childhood and things I kept from my teenage years that held significance to my development. Journals I scratched my emotions into and a lockbox I kept under my bed that housed my “prized possessions” as a sixteen-year-old.
And yes, I picked the guest bedroom with the best bathroom attached to it.
Not only that, but the guest bedroom I picked out for myself had its own little second-story balcony just for me to use. Gavin had two chairs and a table set out there, as well as a little coffee machine set up in the corner so I could brew whatever I wanted and enjoy it right there on my private porch. The idea seemed nice if I could stomach the idea of coffee.
But here lately, coffee seemed to turn up my nose rather than make my mouth salivate.
“No, no, no! That goes in storage as well. Guys!”
I turned around and halted all of the movers coming through the front door. “Guys, please check the colors on the tops of the boxes. The red-topped boxes go into storage; they don’t come inside. Thank you.”
After our weekend away on the beach, I had come to two very stark conclusions. One, there was a good chance that I wasn’t a permanent thing in Gavin’s life, and I was okay with that. But, two, I had also come to terms with the fact that he and I would have regular sex while I worked for him. And I was also very much okay with it.
I mean, it was nice to daydream about playing house with some big Hollywood star, but I didn’t really see him that way any longer. He was just Gavin to me—a single dad who was trying to figure out his way in life and provide the best he could for his daughter. That was it. That was the lens I saw him through, and it suited him well.
Plus, I didn’t need to get attached to someone who was about to broaden a career, which meant he’d never be around.
At least it makes sense as to why he wanted me to move in.
Why I allowed myself to think that he wanted me to move in for other reasons, I’d never know. I chalked it up to being a naïve, idiotic little girl, and it was time for me to grow up. The days of playing house were gone, and this was the real world. I was the full-time nanny to a Hollywood A-lister, and that was that.
Nothing more, nothing less.
However, with those realizations also came a very important appointment—a doctor’s appointment to get on birth control. While I’d been spending way too much money on Plan B pills after our encounters, I couldn’t keep doing that shit to my body chemistry. Every time I took those damned things, they made me feel worse. And if Gavin and I were going to be sleeping with one another regularly, I needed to get my ass on birth control. It was the only responsible thing to do. I needed to start treating this less like a “coming home” situation and more like a “hook-up” situation.
So, after the movers got my stuff inside and left to put the rest of my things in storage, I headed straight for my doctor’s appointment.
Thank fuck, Gavin’s got the day off today.
I hadn’t seen much of him since we had gotten back from our yacht trip, and that pretty much solidified my thoughts. We had gotten over the idea of playing house together, and we were finally coming to terms with what our relationship was really going to be like. And while I didn’t want to admit how much that hurt, I knew I’d get over it. I’d been through worse in my life. A little bit of heartache over a man that was never truly mine would wash away with the ebbing and flowing of life’s tides soon enough. Then, I could focus all of my attention on raising Asia to be the best version of herself she could possibly be.
I pulled into the parking lot of my doctor’s office and started inside. I hadn’t had a check-up in a while, so I braced myself for all sorts of things. Poking and prodding. A pap-smear and a breast exam. I bounced from room to room, giving urine samples and letting them draw blood. The doctor swabbed the inside of my cheek and checked my pupil dilation before taking my blood pressure.
But, when a nurse quickly rapped her knuckles against the door, I watched them exchange folders and glances. And it had me worried.
“Something wrong?” I asked.
Dr. Lucy flipped open the folder before she smiled. “How have you been feeling lately?”
I blinked. “I feel fine. Why?”
She snapped the folder closed. “Have you been experiencing any nausea?”
I furrowed my brow. “Uh, no?”
“Any tiredness not associated with your sleeping schedule?”
“I’m a nanny. I’m always tired.”
She giggled. “What about food aversions? Turning your nose up to food or drinks you like as of late?”
I paused. “Well, I’m not really a fan of coffee anymore.”
She opened the folder and scribbled something down. “Anything else?”
I racked my brain for other things. “Come to think of it, I haven’t been hungry lately at all.”
She peered at me from beyond the rims of her glasses. “Wha
t have you eaten in the past twenty-four hours?”
I thought back on the last day or so. “Uh, peanut butter toast. I had some chocolate milk, though that’s not technically food. I, uh… oh! I had a slice of pizza last night. But, I had to pick the pepperonis off. Just smelling them gave… me…”
The doctor grinned. “Heartburn?”
My eyes slowly found hers. “No.”
A smile slowly crept across her face. “Yes.”
I swallowed hard. “But, that’s not—that’s not possible.”
Am I really pregnant?
Another knock came at the door, and Dr. Lucy opened it. And when she did, that same nurse came jogging in with a smile on her face before she thrust a baggie into my lap. And I felt the world tilt around me as nausea rumbled my stomach.
“Congratulations, Eva! You’re pregnant!”
My doctor’s voice sounded so far off as the words tumbled from her lips. I picked up the baggie and opened it, gazing into the dark expanse. There was a folder filled with pamphlets and pieces of paper. There were two bottles of pills down at the bottom of the bag. There was a small booklet entitled “What To Expect Now That You Know.” There was even an appointment sheet for doctors to fill out to keep me accountable for every appointment I’d need between now and the next nine months.
“I’m pregnant,” I whispered.
Dr. Lucy pulled up and chair and sat in front of me. “This is so exciting.” Her eyes were alight with joy, but I couldn’t help but wonder how she couldn’t see the dismay written all over my face. Her bright smile didn’t make this a happy occasion.
My eyes slowly raised to hers as tears lined my eyes. “Can you not read a room?”
The doctor blinked. “I’m so sorry. I thought—you just, every time I see you, you’re always talking about—”
I drew in a deep breath. “I’ve been sleeping with someone, yes. But, every time after sex, I cruise into the pharmacy, pluck that Plan B pill right off the shelf, and I down it in the store with some water before I even pay for the stuff! How am I pregnant?”
Dr. Lucy sighed. “The Plan B pill isn’t one hundred percent effective. No form of contraception is. And the longer you wait after unprotected sex to take it, the less effective it is. On the back of the box, it says to take within twelve hours for maximum protection. Did you take it within those twelve hours?”
I blinked. “I mean, not all the time. But, it even says if you take it within a twenty-four-hour window, you’re good.”
“Eighty-two percent good. Not one-hundred percent good.”
My God, I’m pregnant.
Holy shit, I was carrying Gavin’s child. I felt the bag slip from my hands and fall to the floor, and I watched it crumple in silence. The entire world stilled around me as my mind flooded with so many things. I had been so broken-hearted and so preoccupied with shit going on between myself and Gavin that I hadn’t even stopped to consider the fact that I hadn’t had my damn period yet.
“Oh my God, I’m pregnant,” I whispered.
I felt Dr. Lucy’s hands on my knees. “Look up at me and breathe. You have to breathe, Eva.”
I shook my head. “I can’t be pregnant. Not with him. H-H-He’s about to—to go and—”
“Eva, listen to me. Can you hear me?”
“I can’t do this. I can’t be pregnant. I can’t be a single mother. I can’t—I have to get out of here.”
I jumped to my feet, but my knees gave way. I felt my doctor catch me before she started yelling for help, but I scrambled to try to escape. I had to get out of there. I felt the walls closing in on me. My vision started tunneling as another pair of arms wrap around my waist, and tears streaked my cheeks.
“I need to get out of here!” I exclaimed.
And the next thing I knew, the entire world became nothing but darkness.
21
Gavin
The doorbell rang, and I rushed to open it. And when I saw Jorge standing on the other side, I embraced him in a massive hug.
“You sounded pretty rough on the phone. You good?” he asked.
I squeezed him one last time before letting him go. “I’ve got beers out for us. I really need to talk with someone.”
He nodded. “Where’s Asia?”
I pointed. “Upstairs, playing. She’s waiting for Eva to get back from a doctor’s appointment.”
Jorge crooked an eyebrow. “Everything okay with her?”
I raked my hand through my hair. “Honestly? I’ve got no fucking clue. That’s why I need to talk.”
He closed the door behind him. “Lead the way, then.”
We walked into my kitchen and snatched up our beers before going to sit on the couch. I heard Asia pitter-pattering above our heads, and it made me smile, but dammit, I figured Eva would’ve been back from her doctor’s appointment by now. She told me she was just going to get a check-up, and that was two hours ago.
Then again, I gave her the day off to get moved in and everything. So, for all I knew, she was running errands.
“All right, lover-boy. Spit it out. What’s going on in that head of yours?” Jorge asked.
I cracked open my beer and chugged it back, swallowing the damned thing whole. I set the empty can on the coffee table in front of us before I leaned back into the couch cushions, and I felt Jorge staring at me with wide eyes.
“Well, guess I gotta catch up,” he said.
Then, he downed his entire beer before getting up to get us more. And I didn’t start talking until I had another open can in my hand.
“I have a flight I have to take in a few days to Hollywood,” I said.
“For a job?” Jorge asked.
I nodded slowly. “Yep. They’ve got a movie that’ll be filmed in their studios there, but the interview and setup alone will take me away for two weeks.”
“Oh, shit. That means it’s a very serious role they’re considering you for.”
I licked my lips. “Yep. And then the project itself will take me away for… months. You know how those jobs are.”
He nudged me. “Isn’t this why you hired a full-time nanny in the first place?”
I took a long pull from my beer. “You’d think, huh?”
He chuckled. “What? Don’t you trust her? Or, you don’t want to leave her?”
I shrugged as I stared off at the wall. “Why can’t it be a little bit of both?”
“You like this girl, don’t you?”
“I mean, she’s a good girl. She’s smart. Very pretty. Absolutely wonderful with Asia. She’s a good addition to the house.”
“How does Marissa feel about her?”
I scoffed. “Marissa’s currently preoccupied with battling my request for full custody. So, I don’t think she gives a rat’s ass right now.”
He cocked his body to face me. “Whoa-ho-ho! Finally taking my advice there, huh? I’ve been telling you for years to challenge that custody agreement. That woman has no right to being the custodial parent. Not with that attitude she’s got all the time.”
I groaned. “Trust me, I know. A lot happened during our weekend at sea that we took, but that was the first of many wrenches thrown into my plan.”
“And what’s this big, grand plan of yours?”
I snickered. “Is it weird that I don’t actually know?”
He patted my shoulder. “I think you do know, but you’re simply afraid to say it out loud.”
I slowly looked over at him. “You think?”
“I know. Gavin, you’ve been a completely different person ever since Eva came into the picture. You’ve been more…alive. You’ve had more pep in your step. You’ve smiled more in these past couple of weeks than I’ve seen you smile in months. Years, even.”
I blinked. “It’s only been a couple of weeks?”
He grinned. “Sometimes, life moves quickly. But, if you don’t move with it, you might lose it. Get what I’m saying?”
I threw back the rest of my second beer. “Yeah, I think so.”
<
br /> He nudged me again. “So, start by admitting it. Say the words out loud. I swear you’ll feel better once you do.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. What if I fuck this up like I fucked it up with Marissa?”
“Hey, look at me.”
I peered over at him before his hand cupped the back of my head, forcing me to pay attention. “Yeah?” I asked.
He glared at me. “Marissa fucked shit up. Not you. You tried to do right by her. She’s the one that dragged you through the mud. Don’t ever get that shit twisted, got it?”
I nodded. “Got it.”
He patted my cheek. “Good. Now, say it out loud. I want to hear you admit it.”
I cracked my neck. “All right, here goes. You ready?”
He smiled. “Hit me with it.”
I drew in a deep breath. “I’ve fallen in love with Eva.”
His jaw hit the floor. “Uh, say what now?”
I paused. “What?”
“Did you just say you loved the woman?”
I cocked my head. “What the hell did you think I was going to say?”
“That you wanted to sleep with her!”
I waved my hand in the air. “Oh, that ship has already sailed.”
He balked. “Oh, you’ve been fucking holding out on me, man. I’m hurt, Gavin. Genuinely hurt.”
“Do you talk about you and your woman’s sex life to me?”
“Oh, hell no. That shit’s sacred.”
“Well, that’s how I feel about Eva.”
He licked his lips. “Shit, you really do love her, don’t you?”
I set my empty can on the coffee table. “Yeah, I do. But I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t want another Marissa situation on my hands. I don’t want another broken heart, and I certainly don’t want another woman that Asia already loves as well to up and leave because of bullshit I pull. I didn’t think this through, Jorge. I figured we’d fuck around a bit, get it out of our systems, and go on with our lives.”
“But, that’s not what happened?”
