unvamped

by Elizabeth Stevens

  “I doubt it. Like I told Amber, I’ll be lucky to shift one night this month.”

  He and Ben headed back to the car park to get their bags. The boys always shared a room.

  “After you’ve shifted all three nights, don’t blame me for saying I told you so,” Ben said. Lee took the smaller boy in a head lock and ruffled his hair.

  “And, after I don’t even shift once, don’t blame me for telling you I told you so!” he laughed.

  “Ben!” Lee’s mum hugged the boy. “It’s wonderful to see you, dear. How’s…everything going?” She waggled her head, an indication that she was asking him more than just what she was asking him.

  “Still not so great,” Ben laughed as he shook hands with Lee’s dad. “We’ll see what this month brings!”

  ****

  The next morning, Lee sat between Jack and Ben in one of their day classes. ‘Knowing your Wolf’ was an integral part of a young wolf’s life. There was only so much parents could do for their cubs. It was a bit like having a parent try to teach you Maths. It was all well and good if that parent knew how to teach Maths but, if they were just showing you what they know, then there’s not a lot of learning going on.

  Their counsellor, Conall, was an old wolf – not that you’d know by looking at him. He was still handsome enough to get the older female cubs going. It was his job to teach the unregulated what to expect, and how they should behave when they shift. He was also the one in charge of telling them about their opportunities after they’d finished human school. Lee couldn’t say he was riveted by the subject matter; it tended to be the same every camp. But, Conall had a way of keeping a cub’s attention.

  “Now, remember, as you get older your wolf will present itself in different ways,” Conall was saying, pointing to a list on the blackboard. “Your senses will heighten, not just around and during a full moon, but all month round. Your smell, sight, hearing, touch and taste will all magnify and you’ll find that your usual medium or well-done steak just doesn’t taste so good. You male cubs will notice, or perhaps you may not,” general giggling by the class, “that your body has more testosterone. You will feel a heightened sense of protection for your female, if you have one, or for females in heat,” Conall smiled at the awkward coughing, “I know…touchy subject. The females will feel a surge in their femininity, another touchy subject for you cubs, but one that must be addressed! Sexual arousal and jealousies will increase and you must, I cannot stress this enough, you must be careful.”

  Lee felt the blood rush to his cheeks and was fairly sure he wasn’t the only one in the room. There would be a few cubs who felt proud by all of this, but they were the knobs who would strut around like gods’ gift to female wolves, regulated about five years ahead of schedule and beat up the unregulated wolves to show how ‘manly’ they were.

  “It is most likely that you will not be able to regulate properly without getting a handle on your emotions, positive or negative. You can’t regulate healthily if you allow your lust or anger or anticipation or your trepidation to get the better of you,” Conall went on and then pointed at another cub. “Tiff?”

  Lee looked around to see a newish cub whom he’d only seen once, maybe twice. “How do we do that if the wolf is in control?” she asked as she flipped her hair over her shoulder. Lee sighed and turned around again. A young female cub on the prowl for a ‘manly’ wolf was not something he wanted to get involved with.

  Conall smiled. “That is a very good question, Tiff! Can anyone answer her question?” Lee watched him look around the room, when no one answered he resumed talking. “No? All right. Well, that is exactly why we come to Wolf Camp; to learn what we can so we know what to expect. When I was a young cub, I had to learn all of this…but, I learned the hard way.”

  Lee, along with most of the class, groaned teasingly. Conall smiled, knowing as well as anyone who’d been in his class more than twice what was about to come; he’d told the story many times. That didn’t mean it wasn’t a good story; Lee enjoyed hearing about Conall’s life growing up. When Conall said he was old, he meant it. Conall was one of the oldest living wolves. At over five hundred, he was more than eligible to take his place on the Council of Elders, but he said he enjoyed teaching too much.

  “I know, I know. But, it does serve a useful lesson.” Conall sat in the only armchair not in use. It was the only time in a lesson when he wasn’t on the move. “I grew up over five hundred years ago. You cubs would not recognise that slow moving, peaceful world, just as I find it hard to accustom myself to this fast-paced, ever changing world. Nevertheless, a wolf makes do. Back then, there were few organised meeting of wolves, especially for the created, shunned by the packs until they’d proven themselves. Once you were bitten, it was a lonely existence and you usually did not last long. Imagine the changes you are undergoing. From the time you are born until you regulate, now picture that. That is what happens to a bitten wolf in one month, from the time they are bitten on one full moon until the next full moon. You were lucky if you saw out the first year.

  “If you were born, you stood a much better chance. The changes happen over a spread of time and you usually have family or your pack there to help you.” Lee watched as Conall relaxed deeper into his story-telling mode. “As many if not all of you know, I was bitten and I am very lucky to be here. Like many bitten wolves, I was lucky to make it past one year, and then the next, and then the next. I was sloppy and driven by my emotions. My wolf and its rage took over every month and I easily killed up to a hundred people each year in the first century or so. Never forget that the wolf is ravenous. Just because you are human for most days of the year, do not assume your wolf will not be the animal it wants to be. Having said that, your wolf is still intrinsically you. What drives you will only be magnified in your wolf.

  “Take me for example…” Conall petered off as there was a knock on the door. The whole room turned to see who it was.

  “You going to let these poor cubs off for morning tea, Conall?” A young regulated wolf, Ethan, poked his head into the room, smiling largely.

  “What? It’s that time already?” Conall asked, looking at his watch. “All right, I will see you all tomorrow. We have some important ground to cover before tomorrow night. First night of the full moon and all,” he chuckled.

  As Lee stood up and followed Ben and Jack outside, Conall called to him. “Lee, can I have a quick word with you?”

  “Sure, Conall…” Lee said as he sat back down again.

  “How are things going?” Conall sat forward and leaned on his knees.

  Lee scratched his arm and looked around. “They’re…going…”

  Conall laughed as he shook his head. “I have never met a more reluctant wolf. Can I do anything for you? Do you need to talk?”

  Lee looked directly at the wolf in front of him. This close, Conall’s scars were more obvious, but so was the tenderness in his eyes. Lee sighed deeply. “I…it’s just all a little bit scary, Conall…” Lee looked at his hands as they wriggled around in his lap.

  “Explain to me what’s worrying you.”

  “We’ve been through this, Conall.”

  “I know, Lee, but I honestly think it will help you.”

  Lee sighed and stretched his neck before replying. “It’s the changes…you know that,” he grumbled. “I don’t like this…this thing inside me that I can’t control and I can’t stop coming out.”

  “You can control it, Lee. That’s why you come to camp.” Conall’s eyebrows were furrowed and Lee knew he was probably worrying the older wolf. But, if Conall wanted him to talk, he’d talk. He was, after all, Lee’s dad’s uncle – going back a few generations.

  “I can’t though. I can’t remember everything that happens when I’m a wolf. There are huge black moments when who knows what it did. I’m getting all hot and flustered around the full moon, but I don’t always shift. Being around Amber drives the wolf nuts-”

  “What about y
ou?” Conall interrupted.

  “What about me, what?”

  “What do you feel when you’re around Amber?”

  “Amber…I…” Lee growled and shook his head.

  Conall smiled. “Welcome to puberty. Does she know you like her?”

  “I don’t like her!” Even Lee knew the quickness of his answer belied the truth.

  “Lee…come on, son. This is all natural; you know that.”

  “I know…but…but… It’s horrible. Will I even be…me after I regulate?” Lee said quietly. It was something he had only voiced aloud once or twice before, and certainly not when he was within hearing distance of anyone else.

  “What do you mean?”

  “It’s just… I feel myself changing. I’ve changed since I started regulating, or at least shifting more regularly-”

  “You’ve grown up a lot, Lee. What did you expect to happen? Human’s change when they go through puberty, it isn’t just a wolf thing.”

  “But, the rage and the…lust…” Lee looked at Conall again.

  Conall moved to kneel on the floor. “Lee, I promise it isn’t that different from a human existence. I know you’ve always hated the idea of being a wolf… But, it is who you are and even if you could change it…I would try to talk you out of it.” He put his hand on Lee’s shoulder. “Is there anything else I can do? I know you know all this stuff and I know you know how to put it into practise… Do you want to take tomorrow morning off?”

  “I…I’ll think about it… I’m sorry.”

  “What for?”

  “For not wanting to be a wolf…”

  “No, never apologise for that. All you can do is find your place in all this. I’ll be here to help you any way I can. You know that, don’t you?”

  Lee nodded.

  “What do you have this afternoon? Are you doing ‘Survival’ or ‘Studies’?”

  “‘Survival’.”

  “Okay, I’ll find James and tell him you’re having the afternoon off too. Take Ben if you want. I’d offer to get Jack out, but we all know how much he likes ‘Survival’. I’ll take responsibility for you with the counsellors and parents.” Conall stood up.

  “Thanks.” Lee smiled at Conall.

  “You will find your place in the world.”

  All Lee could do was smile. He couldn’t tell Conall that he highly doubted that. He couldn’t voice his hesitation to someone who only wanted the best for him and who, truth be told, was a bit biased as to what he wanted Lee to think and feel. He appreciated the advice Conall and the other counsellors had to give, and deep down he knew it all back to front, but that didn’t make any of it easier to swallow or accept.

  “I’ll see you tonight then,” Conall said as Lee walked out the door.

  “Yup.”

  “And, Lee?” Conall added. “Trust yourself, and accept yourself.”

  Lee wished it was that simple.

  Chapter Eight

  L

  ater that night, Lee sat around the bonfire with all the other wolves. It was a typical night at Wolf Camp, there was food and music and dancing. The last few camps, Lee felt a bit awkward dancing. Lately, the other wolves his age went from the innocent bopping around of children to a slightly more sensual dancing, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to be a part of it. It’s not that there wasn’t anyone he would dance with, exactly, but he wasn’t convinced any of the female wolves would be interested in dancing with him. He was glad that he had Ben.

  He looked over at his friend and Ben smiled back at him. Ben had never been much for dancing around the bonfire. He had always sat and watched the others, for as long as Lee could remember.

  He watched as the dancing couples swayed and jumped around the fire. Girl and boy, young woman and young man, woman and man. And, as they went around, one man and man. Lee smiled and heard his dad called out as James and Ethan whirled around the fire.

  James and Ethan were the only gay wolf couple Lee had ever heard of and James was his dad’s best friend. James was an older wolf and Ethan a younger, but when they were together, anyone could see that they belonged together. Lee had always known them like that, but he heard the stories about how hard it was for the rest of the pack to accept them. Now, it was a different story though; James and Ethan were both camp counsellors and James was up for election to the Council of Elders.

  A burst of sweetness blew over Lee as Amber sat down next to him, laughing breathlessly. “Ah, I love camp,” she giggled.

  “You’re having a good time then?” Ben smiled past Lee.

  “As always.” She looked at him seriously for a moment. “I do wish you’d dance with me one night, Ben,” she sighed exaggeratedly.

  “I know Amber, but I’m sure there are plenty of other wolves who would like to dance with you,” Ben replied. Lee felt Ben nudge him and he hoped Amber hadn’t seen in the firelight.

  “There just isn’t enough time in the night boys.” She winked.

  “Amber, why would you want to hang out with these two when you could be dancing with me?” Lee frowned as the douche bag, unofficially regulated Paul sauntered up to them.

  “Because a girl needs to rest sometimes, Paul, and there is never a better place to rest than next to a lifelong friend,” Amber said. Even so, Lee noted how quickly she jumped up and danced away with him. “I’ll talk to you later, Lee!” She called as she went.

  “Well, I think we know where I stand there,” Lee said grumpily.

  “Cheer up, mate.” Ben nudged him again. “You have known her forever, just give it time.”

  “While I give it time, she’s off with…” he shuddered, “…Paul.”

  Ben laughed. “Yes, well you could get up the courage and make a move.”

  “If I wanted her and the whole pack to laugh at me, then yes, I would. Or, I could be happy with her friendship and continue assuming she could never want anything more from me.” He looked up as her scent came towards him and watched her whirl past them. Her red hair blew around her head and her bare feet barely touched the ground. He watched as Paul’s hand hovered around her waist and his face came close to hers.

  “Lee!” Ben reprimanded him and he realised he’d growled.

  “I hate full moon week,” Lee grumbled.

  “Yes, it could only be the fact that it’s full moon week. It has nothing to do with the fact that you have been crushing on that girl since the two of you wore diapers.” Lee spun around to face his mum.

  “Jeepers, Mum. What is the matter with you?” Lee asked, but his tone of voice said he wasn’t all that angry with her.

  “Oh, I don’t know, dear; it must be the full moon!” she giggled.

  “Or, it’s all the wine you’ve been drinking,” his father said as he grabbed her around the waist and spun her off to the fire.

  “You boys should get yourselves into the booze.” Dwight flopped down next to them and passed them a bottle each.

  “Thanks.” Ben smiled. “Having a good time?”

  “Definitely am.” Dwight smiled.

  “Where’s Claire?” Lee asked, taking a sip out of the bottle. As expected, it was some of Conall’s homebrew, and it was possibly stronger than the last time Lee had tasted it.

  “She’s dancing with Maisie.” He cocked his head in the direction of the fire and Lee saw Claire with Amber’s little sister.

  Lee couldn’t help but smile at the look on his older brother’s face. Dwight pretended he was tough, but Claire made him ridiculously soft on the inside.

  ****

  Four homebrews later, Lee and Ben were joined by Jack, who had just been showing off to a bunch of females. Not one of the three were able to sit up straight. Ben, in fact, was lying down on his back and waving his hands around in the air in time to the music. Jack, having done a fairly good job up until then, gave up all pretence and was lying face down on the ground humming.

  “Well, aren’t you three a bunch of fun?” Amber plopped
down next to Lee again and, as she sat, she settles right up close and came to rest on Lee’s shoulder.

  “Well, we are now,” Jack giggled, and Ben giggled too.

  Lee laughed as Ben hummed along with Jack.

  “How’s it going?” Lee asked Amber. His heart raced again and fluttered with every second beat. His senses heightened as he breathed in her scent. She smelled like earth and sweat now but he still found it beautiful. She looked up at him, smiling.

  “Goood!” she sang and sat up abruptly. “We should dance!”

  “Well, off you go then.” Lee smiled at her exuberance.

  “No, no! You should dance with me.” She took his hand and tried to pull him.

  “You know how well I dance.”

  “Yes, I do,” Amber laughed. “You haven’t danced with me in at least five years, though!”

  Lee scoffed. “Oh, I’m sure that’s not true!”

  “It is! It is! Remember, it was that year when we both shifted on the same night for about an hour or so.”

  Lee laughed, remembering the time well. They’d slept under the stars with Conall and Lee surprised himself by shifting. Amber shifted soon after and they’d gambolled around until his human body had popped out of his wolf body. Then he’d watched transfixed while she did the same thing. They both sat, naked, and laughed.

  He shivered slightly as he remembered how carefree he was then and how unfazed he had been by their shared nakedness. Just thinking about the same thing happening now made the blood rush to his cheeks…and other parts.

  He coughed and tried to smile. “Yeah, I remember.”

  “So? Dance with me?” She took his face in her hands and stuck her face in his. “Please!”